AN: I NEVER KNEW IDENTITY PORN EXISTED UNTIL NOW. I ALWAYS SAW THE TAG AND ASSUMED STUFF BUT NOW IT'S BECOME MY DAMN AESTHETIC.
ALSO, RATED T FOR ONE SWEAR IN HERE. I TRY TO KEEP MY NEWER FICS MOSTLY PG NOW, BUT IT JUST FIT, YOU KNOW?
Also, let's say:
Barry got hit by lightning but didn't turn into the Flash.
Kara is in the same Earth as Barry and Oliver
Also, the age difference between Wally and Barry wouldn't be as big as it is in the show; I want them to be closer in age.
MEANING Barry would be younger when his mother had died; maybe around three years old instead of eleven?
Ugh, these shouldn't really matter 'cause it's a oneshot and a REALLY short one at that but... I like over-explaining?
Anyway, here you go.
Honestly, he doesn't understand how life for him has gotten this good: a stable job as a CSI that gets a pretty hefty paycheck, getting to work with his father, a sister who remembers his pizza preference, a brother that often asks him for help with no hesitation, best friends who saved his life, and—
"Barry!"
He looks up and sees his bespectacled reporter, practically on her toes as she skips her way to him, and his disgruntled Star City mayor in a fancy suit and tie that does not at all belong in a crime lab.
"We came to surprise you!"
He isn't given any time to respond when Kara's arms wrap around his neck, forcing him to bend down to allow her to kiss him on the cheek. He takes the kiss graciously then cranes his head back to look at Oliver.
His expression remains stoic as ever. "She forced me to come."
"Yep!" She exclaims, letting him go. This makes him go off balance and he almost falls forward if he hadn't held on to the table. He pushes back his spectacles against his nose before they have a chance of crashing into the floor... again.
"You forced me to come by barging into my year-end meeting."
"Oh please. Felicity and Thea have it handled. If anything, you should be thanking me for pulling you out because you hated it and now you're here with me and Barry and we can finally have date night."
Honest to God, Oliver's lips twitch up.
—And two people who love him fiercely and would apparently endure a long train ride just to surprise him at work.
Honestly, he doesn't understand how his life just turns for the worst in a matter of milliseconds. No matter how many times he thinks he can have some nice and steady good in his life, something incredibly awry just messes with those plans.
He had gotten his report card back from school with all A's decorating every box; his mom had been murdered and his dad had been arrested for it.
He had gone to live with the Wests, who adopted him a couple months later; Francine West had died just weeks after giving birth to Wally.
He had defended his brother from miserable bullies; he'd basically put a target on his head, letting all the bullies go to him instead and make fun of him for being the kid with the dead set of moms and a dad that went bonkers.
He had met Oliver Queen and had fallen in love; he had met the Green Arrow and had almost died being strangled by the hero.
He had met Kara Danvers and had fallen in love; he had met Supergirl after having been thrown off of a building by some psycho metahuman.
He had gotten a job as an assistant forensic scientist in the same precinct his father's working at; he had gone into a coma for almost a year after being hit by lightning.
He had just hailed a cab from STAR Labs after picking up what he'd asked Caitlin to keep for him to go ahead and meet Kara and Oliver at the restaurant for their date; he had to go on and get himself kidnapped.
Just a great track record of all good things turning sour for him, and that isn't even half of them.
His name... He can hear someone drawl out his name, his last name... He isn't too sure, though. It sounds so far away. He blinks his eyes open and finds himself staring into darkness.
"Mister Allen!" Someone says, he's sure now that he's awake. The dark cloth that's apparently been over his head is roughly taken off; the kidnapper really made sure to pull his hair too.
Harsh lights makes him close his eyes. Oh god, his glasses are gone! No, he can't afford losing another pair! Literally! Not after he's spent so much money on—
His chest comes into contact with more than just a shocking welcome.
"Wakey-wakey, Mister Allen," the man says. He opens his eyes in a panic and finds himself staring into the face of the Devil or, rather, just a mask of it.
There is a taser in the man's hands, holding it up to his face threateningly. He's just been tased, he realizes.
"Tell me the identities of the Green Arrow and Supergirl."
He doesn't mean to, but he laughs. Out loud, he guffaws quite uncontrollably because of course that's what they had to ask.
Here's the thing: he's only been seen once with Supergirl, and that had been when he almost died after her adversary of the month threw him out a window on the twenty-second floor; and the Green Arrow? The hero may or may not have been asking for his help with certain analysis on certain data, but it's not like he goes out and advertises that he has been working with a vigilante that has the moral compass of a rabid dog. That wouldn't exactly bode well for his job as someone who is supposed to be upholding the law.
So yeah, how do those interactions mean that he knows who two of the top two heroes of the world are? He's a nobody, just one of CCPD's CSIs at best; of course he doesn't know.
His unwarranted bursts of mirth are cut short when the man holds the taser against him again, this time with the voltage cranked higher and pressed against his neck. He's been struck by lightning before, but at least then he'd been knocked out pretty quick. This? He's never really thought that electricity could hurt that bad again, but of course he's wrong. The charge rips through him and he thinks his skull is going to come apart, complete with his face melting off. Saliva gathers in his mouth, tears burn his eyes, his breaths are ragged and he's trying his best not to have a damn anxiety attack right there.
"I'm askin' questions, Mr. Allen. Still waitin' for the answers."
For the first time, he's scared for his own mortality. He can't sit there and tell them he doesn't know; he knows these kinds of people, they'll just beat him up because they wouldn't believe him.
There had been so many things he still needs to do in his life like attend his sister's wedding and his brother's graduation, rock climb, run a marathon, get a house, propose, enjoy Christmas—
Jesus, Christmas is just a few days from now and he's going to miss it.
He tries to move his hands, but they're zip cuffed behind the chair. He tries to remember the self-defense training Joe's ingrained in his head since forever ago, but none of them had been about escaping zip cuffs, dammit! He fumbles and maybe he's started to cry from the pain, the nauseating fear and the anger—
The anger, god! Just a couple hours ago, Caitlin had been flustered about forgetting about having them completely but saves herself when she had realized the rings had been in her purse all along. She'd smiled at him, completely happy for him, before hugging him and wishing him luck—
The man's fist connects with his cheek, his nose and his mouth, making him tip back on the chair just a fraction. Pain explodes as he tries to concentrate on not passing out but he apparently isn't allowed to when his left temple is struck, much harder this time.
Maybe this is the universe's way of punishing him. Maybe he isn't meant to be alive. Maybe he had been the kind of person that slipped through the cracks of chance and now fate's trying to off him in all sort of ways to correct itself.
"Still not talkin', huh? Suit yourself, kid. Never pegged you for a masochist."
He braces himself for another painful epiphany, eyes closing shut as he thanks his family for sharing their home, thanks Cisco and Caitlin for saving his life, and thanks Ollie and Kara for sticking by his side...
But nothing comes.
Instead he hears a sort of thwip sound and another sound that vaguely reminds of jet planes.
"Rao..." Jet planes. Of course. He's only met her once but he'd know that voice anywhere, from the dozens of interviews she's dished out on CC News.
He opens his eyes to the size of saucers.
It's Supergirl.
And the Green Arrow.
The latter is already making his way round him, effortlessly cutting the restraints off him. He glances once around his vicinity and realizes the two men that had taken him are out; one with an arrow in his chest and the other with a growing bruise on the right side of his face.
He's been too busy kind of staring at what could have just been the hand to his death to realize Supergirl's right there in front of her, talking to him.
"What?" He asks, not slurred at all.
Green Arrow comes into his line of sight, kneeled right there next to Supergirl, and asks, "What'd they do to you?" And it's the first time he's looking at the hero without his mask and hood, and is it just him or does he look like Oliver? Does he sound like Ollie too?
"We're so sorry we're late, Barry!" Supergirl cries, and she looks a lot like Kara and sounds like her too, now that he thinks about it, and did she just call him Barry? He'd understand if the Green Arrow had called him his name since they already seldom sort of work together, but Supergirl? Supergirl doesn't know him.
How hard did the guy hit him— and whoa why is the Green Arrow trying to kiss him?
Well, now that he ponders over it, Supergirl too had tried to kiss him just short of coming up to him.
"Um," he manages to say as he pulls back a little, which apparently isn't a little since his chair nearly falls backward, causing Supergirl to fret and catch him. "I don't know if you know this, buddy, but I'm in a completely committed relationship so yeah, I'm going to have to pass."
Maybe he sounds a little off, but the two heroes manage to get what he's saying. Supergirl laughs and the Green Arrow can't help but ask, "You're really gonna pass on me?"
"There we go again with your ego, man. Told you you need to work on that. I'm fine not knowing what it's like to kiss you. I already have two of the best people in the world, and you know what? You kinda look like them. Or... is there double of each of you?" Is he dizzy?
Supergirl smiles at him albeit strained. "Barry..." Her hands strokes his hair, the way he likes it and kinda exactly the same way Kara does it—
"Wait a second."
Green Arrow—
No. Oliver.
Holy crap.
—actually looks sheepish, for once in his damn life.
"Sorry, it's a lot to take in but, yeah, we're—"
"I've been dating superheroes?!"
"—them and we've been—"
"I've been dating Supergirl—"
"—wanting to tell you a long time now—"
"—and Green Arrow, holy shit—"
"—and we're just waiting for Christmas—"
"—I was gonna propose to superheroes—"
"—to roll in so we could tell you properly—"
Kara and Barry both stop as they kind of stare at each other long and hard before yelling, "You were gonna do what?"
He's supposed to propose to them; they're supposed to tell him they're heroes.
He doesn't know whether to pin this one as a good turn or the bad continuing.
Lightning and a strong gust of wind enter the warehouse — and wow, he's just noticed he's in some crappy old abandoned warehouse, how embarrassingly typical — and he's staring at the Flash.
"Wally, it's okay, we're good now," Oliver says.
Barry's eyes widen.
"Wally? As in my brother Wally?"
"Uhh... hi, Barry. Don't tell—"
"You're a superhero too?!"
He doesn't realize his eyes are closing and before Kara can catch him, Oliver has his arms full of one passed out Barry Allen.
"You think it'd be too much if we told him we didn't actually take the train and I flew us here?"
"Definitely."
AN: Also... I kinda just realized that I ship Barry with so many other poly ships?
Like:
Barry/Iris/Oliver
Barry/Oliver/Felicity
Barry/Iris/Cisco
Barry/Iris/Leonard
Barry/Iris/Caitlin
Barry/Iris/Eddie
BUT GOSH DARN IT, I STILL LOVE ME MY BARRY/OLIVER/KARA! IT'S STILL MY DAMN FAVORITE SHIP AND I WILL NOT GO DOWN UNTIL SOMEONE DECIDES TO DROWN ME!
also... thank you for reading