War Induced Drugs...
written by Suzi Katherine AKA KatsyKat
This fic is my first posted fanfiction from… oh so long ago now, slightly revised. All the good stuff is still there with a little more attention to spelling and grammar. :please note I said "a little" I don't claim to be an English whiz:
Credit where credits due: This bit of fanfiction was written with the help of my brother Dony and his friend Travis in much simplier times. Ah – innocence.
Also I don't own Gundam Wing, any of the fabulous drugs featured in this fic, or Papa Roach or any of their songs. I especially do not own the Norwegian accent, nor do I do it well. So please don't sue me – court sucks!
It starts...
In a random apartment, located on a random colony at a random point in time after the MarieMia ordeal, the infamous Duo Maxwell was awaiting the arrival of his comrades to celebrate the end of all war. As Duo had put it, "How many times will we get the chance to re-celebrate something like this?"
Duo glanced down at his watch and pondered the time until his friends were due. Realizing how late it had gotten, he reached under his couch and pulled out his treasure chest 'o super strength weed, clearly labeled by his sweet housekeeper, "This box that needs to be hidden if the cops come over". Sadly, he realized that he only had two joints left from his last purchase.
"Damn." he cursed... as his rather simplistic brain quickly computed the number of joints versus the number of Gundam pilots…
… ... ... ... ... ...
... two hours later Duo realized that there was not enough to share and still catch a decent buzz. He debated cutting them into smaller pieces for the less-conditioned pilots... but instead, began singing to his newly-obtained oldie Papa Roach CD. "Cut my life into pieces." This caused him to become extremely selfish and suicidal – as it was believed music from the late 90's could cause this effect.
After smoking both joints in under a minute using his power hitting steamroller... he stumbled into the bathroom and grabbed a razor. Not caring about the mess and wanting a warmer floor to die on than the bathroom tile he had just reached the soft Berber of the living room when all of the sudden the front door burst open and in ran someone screaming...
"DDUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOO-CCCCHHHHHHAAAAAAAAANNNNNN!
Hey, man I missed you! I'm sooo glad that this stupid war is over so we can all finally have some time to get to know each other! It'll be so much fun!"
Duo looked up and was terrified to see none other than the perfect soldier, Heero Yuy, standing there, grinning a smile that completely lacked his typical death threat accompaniment.
Duo was so startled, in fact, that before he could even formulate a response – he had accidentally thrown the razor at what he assumed was an intruder, imbedding the sharp straight-edge directly into Heero's forehead.
Duo's over-dilated pupils tried to register why the hell there was blood all over the place when Heero bust out laughing.
"Ha HA, Duo... this is sooo Great! You tried to kill Me this time!" He soon dissolved into a fit of girlish giggles and passed out from either loss of blood or lack of oxygen. (I'm not sure which he ran out of first) as Duo stood staring at the scene still trying to figure out what the hell just happened...
… … … … … …
… … … … …
Minutes later, he said in a slow drawn-out voice. "W-h-o-aaa, H-e-e-r-o. Y-o-u-'-r-e h-e-r-e..."
He slapped his knee, "T-h-a-t-'-s g-r-e-a-t m-a-n."
Suddenly (because I like things happen suddenly) the door was flung open again.
A now-massive and way over-muscular Quatre Rababa Winner, slid sideways into the door.
Why?...
Because, currently, his shoulders were too massive to fit through the doorframe. He now spoke in a seemingly-random deep Norwegian accent. "Duo, Vat the 'ell, did ya do ta Heero?"
Duo's unblinking eyes now tried to focus on the huge mass in front of him, as a string of drool dangled haphazardly out of the corner of his mouth just above the carpet ... ... ...
crickets chirp and a random toilet flushes (have you caught onto the random theme?)
Finally Duo blinked.. but it came out as more of a wink as he cannot control his major motor skills as a result of his selfish overdose of super-strength weed.
Quatre picks him up with his pinkie finger and thumb around Duo's neck and asks, "Vat the 'ell are yo' on?.. Vye, are you vinking at me, you scrawney little wussie man?"
Duo continued to stare at Quatre, unblinking, until Quatre spoke.
"Now, Aye vill hav ta pump," he struck a very nice pose then slammed his fist into his chest and pointed at Duo, "yo' up!"
It would have been a very nice display of muscle and macho manliness, except for the fact that Quatre, having increased his mass with the aid of mega-strength steroids, also decreased his brain-mass (this was one of many very unfortunate side-effects). So he forgot (due to his lack of usable brain cells that contribute to short-term memory) that he was still holding Duo when he slammed his fist into his chest and pointed.
The basic rundown is: he ended up pounding Duo against his chest and throwing him across the room.
Duo managed a grin and a wave, before he slammed into the opposite wall.
When his skull contacted the plaster with a dull thud, Duo giggled and said in his drawn out voice.. "W-h-o-a, Q-u-a-t-r-e, h-a-v-e y-o-u b-e-e-n w-o-r-k-i-n-g o-u-t?" Then he began to laugh but promptly lost consciousness.
At this point, Quatre was scratching his oversized-ass, tried to figure out who was flying across the room, and why he was here with a man who was bleeding to death on the floor.
… … … … … … … …
… … … … … … … …
… … … … … … … …
time passes...(insert random jeopardy music)
Enter Wufei.
yeah, that's it.
Enter Wufei. Just like that. Yeah so it's a little, how-shall-we-say, bland. So what?
…
…
… Fine.
The truth is...
Wufei had just finished busting up a local drug dealer (no problem considering he was a weakling... according to Wufei's report filed with the Preventors almost 3 days later).
Unfortunately as he was leaving the scene he happened to stumble upon a syringe of smack... (also known as heroin – also missing from Wufei's official report) sitting on a table cooked and ready to go. Seeing it as a sign from Nataku, because he was defiantly NOT looking forward to going to Maxwell's, he asked Nataku for strength... tied off his arm... and shot himself up.
A few minutes later, he tried to pass the empty needle to Nataku himself, who had materialized in front of Wufei wearing a tie-dye tutu and a pair of tap shoes.
so now are you happy?
… …
Enter Wufei.
Wufei walked into our apartment of mass-murder… I mean confusion. Yes! Our apartment of mass-confusion, innocently conversing with the tutu-clad Nataku to find the now-massive Quatre standing just inside the door staring off into space and the two bodies of his comrades sprawled out on the blood-soaked carpet.
Wufei stopped, looking from Quatre, to the obviously bleeding Heero and unconscious Duo.
When he blinked, he no long saw Quatre standing there, but…
"Merian?" he asked. "Oh, Merian. I thought you... but you were...
but…
you...
you… want some of this shit... It's gRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrreAT!" (by the way... I don't own Tony the Tiger or Frosted Flakes or any of their affiliations, either... big surprise... I know you're all shocked).
Wufei then proceeded to grab his long dead wife and attempted to kiss her… ...um... I mean him (cause it's actually Quatre nosebleed).
Quatre pried Wufei off of himself, using Wufei's trademark pony-tail as the lever to peel him off... "oh da 'ell r yo', yo' little girlly veakling?"
Wufei's eye's filled with tears as he flopped himself to the blood-soaked carpet. "But, Merian, why? Why, do you forsake me? Even after all this time…surrounded by the blood of my comrades!... How must I repent?… Why?..." He began beating the carpet, and it squished under his fist, because by now it was saturated with Heero's blood.
From across the room, Duo stirred, and managed to prop himself up, using his Venetian blinds to pull himself up. Unfortunately they were not meant to be used for that purpose, and they were promptly ripped from their position, knocking Duo on the head, once again, rendering him unconscious...
Wufei, had fallen face first to the carpet and sobbed for what seemed like eons. All the happy effects of the drug turned into a prison of guilt and unworthiness and he sobbed himself into a troubled sleep over his rejected love. Unfortunately, he was now choking on the blood and tears that covered the floor.
However, as luck would have it, a few minutes later he was casually kicked aside by Quatre who was galloping in circles trying to find the leak in the pipes where the red water was coming from and thus Wufei's head rolled, turning his face upward away from danger. Shortly after Quatre forgot what he was looking for and sat down on the couch to… "Think think think…" he mumbled over and over to himself like a certain trademarked fat-honey-bear with only fluff for a brain."
Tap… tap… tap…
Softly at first, through the almost-silence... we can hear the quiet footsteps of one, Trowa Barton.
Trowa stepped into the open apartment and looked over his fallen comrades with a grim acceptance. He jumped into hyper-alert-soldier- mode, setting his long legs in a wide defensive base and pulling up his fists as he scanned the rest of the apartment. Finally his eye rested on the massive Quatre. His eye blinked and then widened. "Quatre, what happened?"
Quatre blinked back.
"Quatre?... Iz dat my name?" he promptly got a silly happy look on his face and began dancing around the room singing the Barney song... Trowa ignored him as the least of his worries and began to try to revive the fallen Gundam pilots.
He started with Heero, because he looked the worse off. He ran to the bathroom and returned to the living room with a first-aid kit to begin carefully extracting the razor blade from Heero's skull...
Ok... so he really just grabbed and pulled as hard as he could, but the way he concentrated on doing it, it might as well had been a surgical procedure.
After removing the blade, Trowa bandaged Heero's head and propped him up on the couch. As he stepped back, Trowa noticed a little bottle of pills that fell out of Heero's pocket. It was a prescription bottle marked 'Prozac... Take ONE every day with breakfast'. Trowa noted that the bottle was only prescribed three days ago, and yet was almost empty. Returning the bottle and turning to more pressing matters, Trowa began his cleanup.
After lifting both Duo and Wufei onto the couch and cleaning the blood and tear soaked pilots as well as the carpet, Trowa noticed the now-buff Quatre, standing next to him with tears in his eyes.
Trowa looked at him oddly...
Quatre sniffed... "I can't remember my NAME!" He was so distraught, he forgot to use his accent, and spoke in a whiny girl's voice. (Yet another unfortunate side-effect of the steroids.)
Trowa's eye widened, and instead of answering mumbled something about needing a drink and wandered off to Duo's liquor cabinet.
… … … … … … … …
Six beers, nine shots of Yagermiester, and a bottle of champagne later Trowa was explaining to the unconscious pilots why their current situation was a mere representation of the causalities of war.
"You see, Heero is over-dosing on anti-depressants." he spoke as he downed another shot, "Heero doesn't want to take anti-depressants, it's because of thiss DAMN war! Wufei, was crying, for PETE'S SAKE. I don't even know what he's on... And Duo… Dou's got another frickin' box of Weed in his Living Room... And poor Quatre." He looked at Quatre who was now drooling in the corner, trying to suck his thumb, but unfortunately for him, he kept missing and stabbing himself in the eye.
"Nevah mind Quatre..." He began slurring his phrases as he slammed yet another shot followed closely by half a beer, before continuing.
"Itsssssss the warzzz fault. Ya'sssee, guys, This woorld issssototally hic fucked up. Da war eint, over, I tell ya, it Aint OVER!" He raised, the last half of his beer and took a sip. However, he had reached his limit as his eye rolled back into his head and he passed out.
…The beer bottle rolled out of his now limp hand toward Quatre.
Quatre, at this point, had stopped stabbing himself in the eye and had picked up the bottle. Taking a swig, his body went into horrible convolutions as the mix of steroids and alcohol caused a horrible thing to happen... Quatre's muscles began to shrink and the effects of the steroids were almost totally reversed. However, because of the strain to his mental and physical being, he fell into a semi-comatose state.
time passes (CUE: sound of ticking clock)
night passes (CUE: owl hoot)
day arrives (CUE: songbirds and random rooster)
day passes (CUE: sound of rushing traffic)
night comes again... ... (Ah blessed silence)
The Gundam pilots slowly began to regain consciousness, all at the same time. (why? cause it's my fic and I said so!)
Trowa got up, and promptly ran to the bathroom.
Heero stood, reaching for the pills in his pocket. He looked at them, unblinking and then threw them in the trash, grabbing his bandaged head. "Damn." he said. "I'm not dead... mission failure."
He spotted the razor blade on the floor (now rusty because of sitting in all of the blood and tears and being the one thing Trowa didn't scrub clean) and attempted to slit his wrists.
Unfortunately, the blade snaps in two, and doesn't give him so much as a paper cut, for his trouble.
"Mission failure." He spoke deadpan. He ran into Duo's kitchen and tried to smash his head, by slamming it in the refrigerator door repeatedly.
Wufei tried to figure out the odd vision that Nataku had given him last night, as he sat on Duo's couch in suspended animation trying to speak with his beloved. "Tye-dye tutus?" he mumbled in confusion as he drifted off to the world of little-to-no breathing.
Quatre woke up on the floor, in jeans that were entirely too big for him, and a wife-beater shirt, that may as well have been a nightgown. He stood up and looked down. The pants slipped down, but his shirt was more than enough to cover him.
Unfortunately he noticed that he wasn't the only one that got up this morning... And oddly enough, it seems that all effects of the steroids were completely reversed with the exception of one that seemed to be… how-do-you-say much larger than before. He tried to hide it, but both his hands couldn't even cover it up. He attempted to sneak out the door, but his blinking red face gave him away as Duo stopped him by speaking.
"You ain't leaving so soon, Quatre?.. Ya just got here." Duo grinned, and then continued. "You won't believe the dream I had." he laughed. Not noticing Quatre's ... ahem uncomfortable look he continued. "It was horrible, I ran out of weed!" He stared, waiting for the others reactions.
Sadly they were not surprised or amused, so Duo felt inclined to continue. "And Quatre, you were buff!" he snickered.
Quatre blushed and grabbed a couch cushion to better cover himself. But Duo was still too caught up in rambling about his dream to notice so he continued to try and get a reaction from Wufei. "And Heero LAUGHED!"
At this news Quatre stared in open-mouthed wonder from Duo to the kitchen and Wufei cracked an eye to glance towards the doorway, from which they could still hear the refrigerator door slamming.
After a second the slamming stopped and the silence was broken only by the sound someone barfing and then eventually that stopped and the toilet flushed.
… … … …
Quatre looked with worry to Duo and the oblivious Wufei, "Do you think Heero actually killed himself?" he asked as his chin quivered...
At just that moment Trowa came in, followed by Heero; who's ears were red as he sported a huge lump on his head.
Heero was the first to speak, "I had that dream too... only in it.." he paused, as if in thought... "Trowa... TALKED!"
This time the others stared from Heero to Trowa (including Wufei, who had magically come fully out of his never-never land of meditation.
Trowa blushed and made sure that his hair was covering his eye. "Uh... I had that dream too."
Four jaws dropped, as the Gundam pilots realized that they all had the same, 'dream.'
"That's it!" Screamed Duo, "NO MORE WEED FOR ME!"
The others laughed as Wufei commented.
"Yeah right, you weakling. The day you give up pot for good is the day... the day.. that Heero starts taking anti-depressants!" Duo and Quatre laughed politely with Wufei, but Trowa looked oddly at Heero who had only lifted his left eyebrow to display that he was not amused.
That one look was more than enough for Wufei to 'realize' that he had to attend 'something.'
And for Quatre to 'remember' that he had a meeting that night.
Trowa stayed silent, but he also looked eager to leave.
And Duo shifted uncomfortably on the couch.
So the boys decided to call it a night, although they didn't really know which night it was, and they all went their separate ways, each vowing never to touch the particular substance that lead to such an unprecedented evening, EVER again.
The End
Okie dokie that does it. I know this was written a long time ago and hope you will enjoy it, as much as me and my cohorts enjoyed writing it! Any comments/questions/suggestions are always welcome!
A note to those who may remember me from years ago (gasp has it really been so long?) and are looking at updates on my previous stories – they're on the way! I'm finally in a position in life where I can spend a little more time doing the things I enjoy and one of the first things on my list is getting "Alone" finished! So you don't worry – I plan on finishing the story before I give it the huge grammatical/spelling/sequence of events audit, because believe me – I know it needs it!
Sequel ideas welcome! I was thinking about doing a similar one-hit-wonder with the girls and their possible drug tendencies… any suggestions are welcome!
Thanks for reading!