Michael and Fiona Fic: hey I have been lurking and reading all the great fics, and now i have finally gotten the courage to write one and OMG- post it!! I know it's long sorry, but the idea just came to me and believe it or not, I wrote it all at once. When inspiration hits, it well, hits. It's totally Mike and Fi fluff, but we all need a little fluff right?? I don't care, I wear it proud I am a shipper! The italics lines are lines from songs, I'm sure you get it, but just in case. Mike has an inner monologue, and the rest is pretty self explanatory. Language not that bad just warning for anyone young or with delicate sensibilities for like two words literally. Don't get mad at me. Sorry if I send anyone to the dentist with cavities! Please Review!! I would love to know what you think.
Enjoy your jet puff!! This could happen, I pray dear sweet lord!! !!REVIEWS!!
Soundtrack to Your Life
Fiona is sleeping on her sofa in her condo wearing little black and white Emporio Armani boy shorts and a light pink James Purse t-shirt. She has her laptop open in front of her on the coffee table playing music, currently Ryan Adams 'Wonderwall' to be exact, next to her half-full cup of earl grey. Under her arm and in front of her stomach are the latest editions of Guns n' Ammo and Vogue respectively, classic Fiona. She lays on her side, her tan and toned legs, one laying on top the other peek out the side of the sofa. A key enters the lock and the latch is turned. Enter Michael.
"Hey Fi, I...."
Wearing his standard, fitted-striped button-down Hugo Boss, sleeves folded up of course, and black suit pants. She bought it for him. He actually likes the stuff she buys him. He sees her there and assumes that she is just laying there awake, sprawled awaiting his arrival like she does at his loft. When in fact Fi isn't expecting Michael at all. He realizes she is asleep and goes over to take a closer look. Beautiful. Good music, she didn't even finish her tea, and Guns n' Ammo and Vogue. 'Classic Fi,' he thinks to himself with a smile on his face. 'I should wake her so she can go sleep on her bed. It's 12:30 in the morning.
-I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now...
'I could just let her stay here a little while; it's a good song and it says everything and ....'
He says to himself as he plops down on the coffee table next to the computer. He touches her leg, and by now he is far away deep in thoughts of Fiona. He doesn't want to wake her, but he can't help but just feel her skin.
-You're my wonderwall, you're my wonderwall...
He gets up and goes to her bedroom and gets a blanket from her closet for her. He comes back and gently drapes it onto her tiny frame. She looks smaller and even more precious than usual, not that he would ever tell her that.
-This is no ordinary love, no ordinary love... when you came my way you brightened everyday, with your sweet smile...
'First wonderwall, now Sade?' Was the universe reading his mind or was it that Fiona's playlist was everything he ever needed and wanted to say to the woman that he loved. He knew it was the ladder. 'She knows how to get inside my head even in her sleep. Damn.'
He sat in the chair, cross-legged, his chin resting on his hand, and watched her sleep. It was the most peaceful relaxing moment he could ask for.
-And I'm falling... Keep trying for you, keep crying for you, keep lying for you, keep flying and I'm fallin'...
'THAT WAS FOR DAMN SURE!,' he thought. From the beginning, back in Ireland this was how he felt no matter how he denied it to himself and to her. But now he had finally come clean to himself, and... a little to her.
"There is part of me that is like him, but it is just a part, and it gets smaller the longer I'm with you."
She looked shocked when the words came out of his mouth, but he never felt stronger in his life. The words poured out of him and there was never anything in his life he needed to get out more than that. He didn't even care that Sam was sitting there. Two years ago, there is no way in hell he would have said that. He still had feelings for her sure, not that anyone would get to know that piece of intel. As far as any other soul was concerned, including Fiona, she was his ex-girlfriend, and he cared for as a friend. In part to protect her from danger, and the disappointment of things not turning out the way she would want when he inevitably left. The other part being protecting himself from having to get too close no matter how he felt, and of course, any kind of commitment.
'What are you doing? You love her more than anything, and you know it. Anytime you are away from her, even just at the loft, it aches. So what the hell are you doing?!' He was frustrated with himself because he knew there wasn't any more hiding it. He could barely hide it from her anymore.
Every time Sam was in the same room as the two of them lately, he did give Mikey the, "I know your secret!," look. With his signature Sam smirk. Mike would do his best to give his super spy death glare before Fiona ever noticed, which she never did. Even his mom, who he made it one of his specialties to lie to, was starting to get giddy whenever Fi was around. Last week she said to her son, "you just let me know when you get tired of pretending sweetheart," cigarette in hand and know-it-all look on her face as he gave her one of his cheesy fake smiles, all the while starting to sweat. All these years and all the sigs and ak's pointed at his forehead, and non of them caused such a visceral reaction as his mother being on to him.
Only one thing was off. Fiona. She didn't seem to notice the, albeit subtle, change in Michael's disposition, and that made him feel a little off. Fiona was finally getting the message that he had been sending for the past three years. "We are not together," she heard him say to her and others, time and time again. Fi had made her own subtle change in disposition; she had backed off. The difference being that he had noticed.
The music kept playing for itself and she continued to sleep, and he continued to watch her and take her in, all the while lost in thought.
'Why was she pulling away? I can feel it. She isn't being the same Fi with me as she always is. Pressuring me, nagging me, interrogating me. Who would have ever thought that I would miss all that. Sure as hell not me. Sure as hell not her. When I told her that there was a part of me that was like Larry, and that is was fading because of being with her she looked happy, but blindsided. I almost wish she didn't look so surprised. Just like when I told her that I didn't marry Sam because I loved her. She doesn't at all know where I am at, and this is making her slip away from me. I wish she wouldn't be so surprised to hear me say these things. How could I blame her. The only one I could blame was me. I was doing everything in my power to push her away. Sure I had good intentions, I was feeling like my 'good intentions' were about to hit me like a dump truck. We all know that the bad stuff is easier to believe, however untrue they might be. The quote kept running through my head, "Fi do you remember when we were together? We were profoundly unhappy. I still have scars to prove it: Dublin, Germany. I just can't do that again."
The memory made him wince. 'I said that to her. I didn't even mean it. Well, at least not all of it. It was violent for sure, but also, passionate and amazing. Definitely not unhappy. Come to think of it, I have never been unhappy when I am around Fi. We fought, sometimes a lot, and the life we lead was stressful, never ever unhappy. And... and I told her that it was. Every time I remember this I force myself to push it to the back of my mind, and remember what happened after, which was great. But then what do I do a couple days later, while having lunch at her place, I proceed to tell her that there was a reason this didn't work before. And I have to push that one away too. Come on get it together after all that she stayed...BY MY SIDE. I would have left if I were her. I would have left a lot sooner then when she tried to leave. All these thoughts were rushing at me and making my chest tight.
-Graceless lady, you know who I am. You know I can't let you just slide through my hands, and wild horses couldn't drag me away...
'I have never been into music, or what was in now, but I always liked this song. Maybe because it is her favorite. I hear the melody and the words that couldn't be truer, and I am brought back to the present, and Fi still sleeping like she hasn't slept in a hundred years, which with all that I put on her, she probably hasn't.
-Oh I watched you suffer a dull aching pain, and now you've decided just to show me the same. No sweeping exits or off stage lines could make me feel bitter or treat you unkind. And wild horses couldn't drag me away...
'My chest still felt tight, like even though I was sitting here and nothing was happening, I felt like I was losing everything. And by everything I don't mean anything that has to do with my Burn Notice. I mean everything that has to do with Fiona Glenanne. I had this urge to go over and wake her and explain everything before it was too late. I suppressed it. Thank God my calm calculated side got the better of me because that would have done more harm than good. Instead I sat there and kept vigil.
Faith has been broken, tears must be cried, lets do some living after we die...
'After all this time of sitting there, and the music, and opening the door, and everything else, what woke her was me stirring in my chair.'
"Michael?" She spoke barely above a whisper, and then smiled at the recognition of her favorite song playing. It was nearing the end, and when it finished she tapped the key to repeat in one fluid motion from her spot on the sofa. And so from the beginning...
-Childhood living is easy to do...
"How long have you been here?"
"Well, when I walked in, wonderwall was just starting. Its your playlist, so you tell me," he said with the smile on his face that is always only reserved only for her.
"My god, you've been sitting there all that time? Why? You must be tired of staying in the same position." She was finally starting to get up and stretch like a cat. "I have been asleep for a while then."
"You were tired Fi."
"I guess so." She paused for a moment and then, "so what are you doing here," still yawning.
Looking a bit caught off guard by her detached question, "do I need a reason to come over now?"
"No, I didn't mean it like that. It's just that you always have a reason when you come over."
She had a point. "I guess you're right. But no. I don't have a reason for coming over. Sam and I finished listening to the bug in Mitchell's office, and I wasn't tired so I thought I would come by and see what you were up to."
"At midnight?"
"Well, it's 1:56 now, but yeah when I got here is what about 12:30. Kinda late, but that's never stopped you from coming over for a visit."
-When I am weak I draw strength from you, and when your lost I know how to change your mood...
"You have a point, Michael. I just can't believe you didn't wake me, even to tell me to go to bed."
"You looked so peaceful Fi. I didn't want to dis..."
"Disrupt the serenity that comes only when I am asleep and can't badger you!," she exclaimed jokingly.
He couldn't help but laugh, and then he finished, "disturb you. I know you don't get enough rest, and you are nice to be around when you are not harping."
Her laugh made some of the tightness in his chest ease. "So you just sat here?"
"And listened to music, and brought you a blanket the nice soft one. Oh and I had a chance to catch up on some chair-sitting time. Aside from the green chair in my loft, this one's me fave. Didn't want it to get jealous or feel neglected."
"I am glad that you and the chair got in some quality time. Even if it means you avoiding my questions."
"Thanks from the both of us, and I am not avoiding anything Fi."
"You came over for a reason Michael. You stayed hoping for me to wake up so you could tell me, or dare I say, ask me a favor. Hmm?"
-I want you to remember, a love so full it could send us all ways...
'Frustrated, but I couldn't blame her that's usually how it goes.' "No favors Fi. Just came by to be with you." 'Chose my words very carefully. Purposefully.' "When I saw you asleep part of me wanted to wake you and talk to you. But, I also liked the idea of just sitting here with you. So I did."
-The chemicals between us, the walls that lie between us...
"And?"
"And it was nice."
"Because I wasn't harping."
"No. Because you look beautiful and perfect, and... and being around you puts me at ease."
"Why aren't you at ease?"
"Life, Fi." He says stroking the back of his hair. 'Just like her to ignore the rest and pick up only on my unease. She wasn't going to make this easy.' "Mistakes I've made, am making."
"Something go wrong with the job, Michael? I went and saw our client at the motel right before I came back here, and everything was fine."
"No Fiona, it's not the job. Everything is fine. This isn't about that." His tone somewhat elevated, not out of anger, but out of a slight vexation at her obliviousness as to where he was going with all this. 'Since when is Fi oblivious. She is usually a step ahead of my emotions, knowing where they are before I do. Was she doing this on purpose? No, the look on her face was genuine, and she wasn't fishing for anything.'
-Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry, you don't know how lovely you are...
She got up from the sofa she was melted to for the past three hours for the first time. Made her way over to the fridge and grabbed a blueberry yogurt.
"You want one?"
He waved her off. No room in his stomach with all the space the nerves had poached, not even for yogurt. Blueberry yogurt.
"So what's all this about then? And when do you say no to yogurt?"
She made her way back to his side of the apartment and deposited herself back on the sofa, on the side nearest Michael. Curled up with the blanket and offered him a spoon of whatever would be the equivalent of the opposite of kryptonite. (Cause that's what yogurt is to Michael Weston- his anti-kryptonite!) He unwittingly accepted, but again waved off any future offer.
"This is about a lot." Said with a heavy sigh, coming to grips with all he wanted to say.
She looked at him with intense eyes. Trying to read his face, and coming up blank. What always scared her was not knowing who he really was. Time again for him to remind her that they couldn't be together. Dread. But this wasn't what this felt like, and she had let a lot go as of late as far as relationship stuff went.
-Nobody said it was easy, it's such a shame for us to part. Nobody said it was easy no one ever said it would be this hard...
"You're scaring me Michael." She said it quiet. Almost teary eyed. Too calm.
Michael felt her fear, the last thing he ever wanted to make her feel, and shot straight in his chair.
"No Fi, you misunderstand. I mean I don't know exactly what you think I am talking about, but this isn't anything that should scare you." He paused, "I hope."
He leaned forward in his chair, "I am not trying to keep you at the edge of your seat Fi, but before I go on, I have to ask you something,"
He was stating the obvious, as she was sitting on the edge of her seat, "what?"
"Where did you go Fi?"
"What do you mean, 'where did I go Michael?"
"You know exactly what I mean Fi, where did you go?," looking at her with intense conviction as if looking at a target, unwilling to lose eye contact.
She knew that look well. He generally reserved it for anything spy related. Anything he really wanted. This time, there was more exactness in his eyes. This was a man who always knew what he wanted, and now it was all directed at her.
"Where did you go Fi?"
Desperate to break the tension, Fiona cracked a big mischievous smile, "I always knew you liked the chase." She bit back half heartedly. The light bulb went off, and although she knew he would say all he wanted to say, she finally knew where he was going. Half relieved to have pretty much figured it out, half afraid of now having to tell him the truth of the fact emotionally she was on her way out. She couldn't lie her way out of this one; not to him. Considering he was already reading most of this chapter on her face. He waited for a real answer.
"I,... I don't know what you want me to say Michael."
He refused to back down from her or himself. This was all bound to happen. He never thought he would be the one to initiate the inevitable, but there he was, still feeling stronger than he ever had. When she said that they were no good at this, she meant it. They. For all her lecturing Michael, she was just as clueless as he. Michael retained the silent lock for a moment longer before he broke it.
"Looks like we are right back where we were three years ago. Accept now the tables are turned. I believe when I gave you the same response, about not sure what you wanted me to say, you threatened to kick my ass, and then proceeded to try." He folded his arms across his chest and stretched out in his chair crossing his ankles. The familiar arrogant smile crossed his lips as he was sitting quite proud of himself.
Unwilling to back down, Fiona returned, "Well if I remember how that ended, would having sex right now end this little game! I won't even try to hit you Michael, but I can't promise for after." Not angry, but playful like a cat if you took away a puma's favorite toy!
"This isn't about sex. We're... just fine in that department." Now even more proud of himself.
"Just say what you want to say Michael."
"You never answered my question."
Neither of them noticed that the battery on the laptop died ten minutes ago. No more music. They were surrounded by silence. It was deafening.
"This topic was never okay when I wanted to bring it up."
"I know Fi. For that I am sorry."
"You're sorry? Well I am not sure I care Michael. Just when I am right about passed it all yo..."
Michael sat straight in his chair again, "Right about passed it? Passed what? Fi don"t do..."
"Do what Michael? You know I think we have said all we needed to say for tonight Michael. We can finish this tomorrow."
He stood up this time. His body unable to tolerate the impending foiling. "First of all, we haven't even said anything yet. You've been sarcastic for ninety percent of this conversation, and it already is tomorrow."
"Excuse my facetiousness Michael, just trying to keep my head above water! You're right tomorrow's no good. I am gonna need a year to get over the dizziness your one-eighty has caused me! You took seven years, so I figure another six wasted over, oh I don't know, taking a really really long time to paint my toenails and we can call it even! Then you can go right ahead and ask me, 'Where did you go Fi?'" She was on fire. Yelling and then mocking his question back at him, sitting just as he sat when he first asked her, dripping with disdain. After her outburst, she made for her bedroom, putting an end to what had now become an argument. As she brushed past him, he grabbed her right arm, and as always ignited a spark. "Fi wait." A small smile on his face, he couldn't help it, she was funny.
"Let me go." Back to a whisper. 'That was way scarier than the yelling part', he thought.
"No. I started a conversation, that you have always wanted and I have always pushed away, but I am not right now." He turned her towards him, and she let him. They were facing each other now, still holding on to both of her arms for fear of another escape attempt.
"Why must everything be on your terms Michael?"
"I know that is what it seems like, but that is not what I am trying to do. God help me Fi, I am thirty-nine years old and I have only trusted one person completely without reservation in my entire life. For the first time, including the seven years that we were apart because I left you," she gave him an approving look for getting the facts straight, "I have felt like I am losing you. You are distancing yourself because you are tired of my pushing you away and I get that. That's why it needed to be me to fix this. Not my terms Fi. Your terms. You changed the status quo recently that we have grown accustomed to in the past couple of years, and I will admit that it was comfortable for me in the status quo, but I had to get my shit together if I didn't want to lose you forever."
"Michael"
You don't have to say anything Fi. Just as long as you aren't saying that your passed..." He couldn't finish the sentence. He dropped his gaze to his shoes, an tightened his grip on her shoulders.
She raised her left hand to his cheek and he automatically lifted his gaze. He pulled her in close to him and whispered softly in her ear, "I guess that I should also tell you that there was no one-eighty. This is how I have felt always." He pulled back so as to look her in the eye. He repeated, "always. You can ask Sam, he caught on to my little secret a while ago." They smiled at each other and he pulled her in for a passionate kiss. He couldn't pull her closer if he tried, she held on to him as tight as she could.
"I love you Michael." The words that she was just as wary of saying as he for so long, made his chest tight again, but in a very different way. Someone like her loved him. After everything.
"Fiona I love you more than I ever thought I was capable of." He cupped her face in his hands, and pulled her gaze back to him, "I told you once before, you showed me the way." The look on her face said everything. All their moments came back to her.
He let her go and walked towards her bedroom. She stood in the same spot and watched him trying to figure out what he was up to. He turned around, and leaned against the wall.
"Oh and Fiona, the emergency contact card in my wallet, with your info, you know the one I am talking about? Yeah, well I knew that was there." She didn't move. He half turned away, and then looked back at her. "After I left Ireland because my cover was blown, and thus putting you and I both in grave danger, I was assigned to the Middle East. I pretty much stayed there for a while, kind of busy. You on the other hand did not stay in one place sweetheart. Eight months after I left, you started traveling again. Southeast Asia, Japan, and of course all over Europe. Two years later, you moved to New York, which became your new home base. Until you moved to Miami of course. You often went back and forth to Ireland, visiting friends and family no doubt, until Thomas O'Neil resurfaced. That's when you started making your trips back home fewer and farther between. That's my girl even when a 'bloodthirsty hooligan' is after you, you don't let him stand in your way. You still went back. Just like you came back to me." Starting out with his Michael Weston funny charm, and ending on a serious note. "I am a spy Fiona. Everything I do is deliberate. Calculated. Did you honestly think that I forgot that card was there? Did you honestly think that I would just leave and never think about YOU again? For the seven years that we were separated by an unfair circumstance I always ALWAYS knew where you were, and made sure that you were as safe as I could make you. Not for a lack of trying on your part to undue my efforts with as much trouble as you could possibly get into. Now most of that time I was in Afghanistan and Iraq, sometimes Northeastern Africa, and I had a very serious job to do. But by then, I was in a position to demand classified intelligence briefings on you from my handler, Dan, remember him? Anyways not important I had my own people out there from time to time to make sure you were okay. You never needed it, but I did. At least if I was going to get what I needed done."
She was frozen. She never thought. He left, and that was what she thought. She felt her face turning red and getting hot. Hot tears starting to stream down her face. She never moved, or said a word. He didn't take his eyes off of her.
"Fi I almost turned back ten times, even while I was still in the apartment, to wake you up, and drag your ass out of bed to take you with me. It was the best decision I ever made to not come back. Who knows what would have happened to one or both of us if I did. After I left I got a pretty good idea, and that and knowing how you were doing is what got me through those seven years. I wanted to tell you, but you had to think that I just left you. Those who were watching you had to know that you just thought I left, and thank god they did. I would do it all over again because it kept you safe. I made you my emergency contact immediately, which was kept classified. I knew that if something happened to me or I was in trouble, it would bring me back to you. What I didn't know was that it would take seven years. I guess in some sick way I wished a burn notice on myself all those years ago. Obviously the people that burned me knew about you the whole time. Thank god they never came after you. He couldn't hold back the tears as he told her this part of this story. He continued to lean against the wall, he needed the support after letting out all he kept in for all these years. The two barely blinked. They couldn't take their eyes off each other. She broke the minute long silence, not having spoken a word in what seemed to him like forever. It was okay though it allowed him to get all that he needed to get out.
"So when you said always, you meant it."
"With everything I've got Fi."
"Couldn't you come and sneak a visit Michael even once?"
"That was the one rule that Dan had on me. Absolutely no contact. You know they mean business Fi."
She nodded in understanding. She knew he was right, but she had to ask anyway.
"Even the contact with my mom was contrived. Only show for those who were watching."
"Say something Fi."
"That was totally an unexpected plot twist." The most sarcastic comment of the night and she was completely serious.
"The emergency contact card?"
"Yeah?"
"I wanted to tell you about that god damn thing for three years! Talk about torture!"
"That was the best part!"
"I thought so too!"
She rushed over to him where he continued to man his post by the wall. He swept her up in his arms like he had never before. They held each other close and cried. Occasionally they would exchange long looks, like two people who had not seen each other in a long time. Not two people who have pretty much spent everyday together for the past three years, and shared moments these two had shared.
They kissed and kissed and kissed
"Any more secrets Michael Weston?"
"I am not in loooove with yogurt like everyone thinks I am."
She gave him a look that even a woman scorned would be too empathetic to give.
"Fi! I deserve something uncomplicated in my life! That is what yogurt is, uncomplicated. You just pop the top and grab a spoon, and you have a tasty treat in the palm of your hand."
She gave him another look that this time made him fear any nearby explosives she could get her hands on.
"What Fi? It's not like you are ever gonna give me uncomplicated."
"The yogurt was my favorite thing about you." She states as she walks away into her bedroom.
"Really Fi? Not my winning smile? ...Fi?" As he follows...
The End. I hope you liked it. I hope it made you escape into a fantasy land just for a little while!!
!!REVIEWS PLEASE!!