The Disturbing Discovery of Borace Plughorn
Horace Slughorn stood in the potions chambers, with a look of utter confusion and horror across his wrinkled face. Never in his wildest dreams or disturbing nightmares had he ever imagined he would find himself in this scenario. Before him was a sight that even bleaching his eyeballs couldn't rid his mind of.
But first, let me explain how he came to where he was now. Horace Slughorn taught Potions at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Though really a better name for it would be Hogwarts School of Finding Empty Rooms, Nooks, crannies, and Prefects Bathrooms in Which to Shag In. However that name had been cast out for its atrocious length.
He could not begin to count the number of times he had haplessly entered a hallway or classroom only to cry out in disgust to find another pair of rutting students. He had thought he was done with this, his homage paid until Dumbledore had practically forced him back into teaching again. So here he was.
For whatever reason the potions classroom was a hot spot for these little shag sessions. Just last week he had to run Allie and Draco out, they had detention slips in their hands but smiles on their faces as they walked out of the classroom and floated down the hallway. Not to mention last month when he had stopped short sputtering when entering the Great Hall to find Lyndsay and Ron fully engaged on the Hufflepuff table much to not only Slughorn's mortification, but Minerva and her T.A Danny as well who had stumbled in behind him looking surprisingly rumpled, like they had been trapped in a closet together. Something Slughorn had yet to figure out.
The three of them had escorted the two horned up Gryffindor's out into the entry way to receive a tongue lashing from McGonagall. Slughorn had turned away midway through it and entered the hall to disinfect the table, only to find there was no table there. He scratched his head in puzzlement and looked around to find it folded up and pushed against the wall almost completely concealed by the alcove next to it.
Muttering to himself he moved the table back into it's proper position and began to Scourify the hell out it. This was strange indeed, in fact rumors had been spreading all around the school about disappearing furniture, and the teachers had all just rolled their eyes. The staircases were the most unpredictable furniture in the school, and that was using the term loosely.
He was walking down the hallway muttering to himself about furniture trying to piece together this puzzle that was slowly driving him mad, when suddenly a thought struck him. When he had left his classroom around 45 minutes ago there had been a grouping of four desks pushed to the side. In the moment he had thought nothing of it, but now he wondered how the table had gotten there. He whirled around and began pumping his short legs as fast as he could back to his classroom.
When he arrived, he saw the sight he had aforementioned. Severus Snape had 19 year old Hermione laid across the table that didn't belong slowly kissing each of her knuckles, the witch wore a bored look on her face, that twisted into panic when she saw Slughorn. She screeched, Snape bellowed, and suddenly she fell as a third about filled the room.
"Gods be damned Horace! 45 minutes of kissing! He was about to get to the good stuff!" Hermione, Snape, and Slughorn looked in horror at…Slughorn?
"It's not what you think!" the real Slughorn shouted. "That's not me, it's my evil twin PLUGHORN!" Plughorn grinned maniacally as he sat under the naked witch and wizard who up until this point had been to shocked to move. "Oh don't get up on my account, count on my goody two shoes brother Slughorn to ruin this for me to."
Slughorn looked aghast as he finally figured it out, the disappearing furniture…It had been Plughorn all along! Borace had spent a good chunk of his life in half way houses and asylums where he had been sent in hopes of riding him of his voyeuristic nymphomania that caused him to transform into furniture in high sex areas in hope of being witness to frenzied couplings.
"Borace, for Gods sakes! I thought you checked yourself into rehab!" Plughorn cackled as he stood and straightened his robes, "The funny thing about voluntarily checking yourself into rehab, is you can voluntarily check yourself out. But anyhow," He walked towards the floo nonchalantly, and before anyone could stop him, he stepped into the flames and was gone like a whisper in the night.
Slughorn stood frozen for several moments before he heard a throat clear behind him, he turned to see Snape standing forebodingly before him. "I don't think I need to stress to you that it is imperative that this not go beyond this classroom and this moment, and we will do the same." He didn't wait for an answer. Just disappeared in a swirl of black fabric.
Horace went into his study and poured himself a double shot of fire whiskey. Without warning the man busted out into a fit of giggles he just couldn't seem to contain at the absurdity of the whole situation. Plughorn, Snape, Hermione. At least the last two knew what had been happening.
He wondered for a moment about Draco, Allie, Lyndsay, and Ron, not to mention the countless others that had fallen victim to Plughorn's horny nature. He shook his head and resolved not to think about it any more before retiring to his chambers to take a dreamless sleep potion and put an end to this day.