Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of its affiliates. Anything that you recognise is property of its respective owners. Any relations to persons living or dead are purely coincidental.
Base/s: Bleach
Title: One of the Boys
Summary: Captain Toshiro Hitsugaya is usually cold, grumpy and generally unsociable. But really, is a teenage genius with all the authority of a Gotai 13th Captain going to sit in his office every night with his paperwork? Pfft, get real Rangiku. Tiny hints of HitsuMatsu
Music used for inspiration: Burn it to the Ground, Animals, Next Go Round, Next Contestant – Nickelback,
Rangiku Matsumoto huffed as she left Squad 4 and walked toward her own division. A rather nasty incident with a hollow that had poisoned claws left her at the mercy of Unohana who had banned her from anything stressful and certain substances. Unfortunately, one of those substances was alcohol. Rangiku growled and as she stepped into the Squad 10 office. Her Captain looked up for a second before bowing his head and returning to the pile of paperwork before him. She pouted and threw herself into her favourite sofa sitting with her arms crossed under her sizable chest. She coughed. Her Captain paid no notice. She frowned, she needed sympathy dammit! She coughed again, this time adding a sniffle. Not a thing. Growling in a manner usually reserved for Haineko, she brought out the big guns. Hitching her breath and letting out a barely audible whimper she discreetly eyed her Captain. Why wasn't he doing anything? She needed someone to complain at!
She coughed again, loudly. Hitsugaya sighed and looked up, irritation etched onto his features.
"Matsumoto, do you need a cough drop? I'm sure Unohana can supply you with some." He said, apparently oblivious to her mood.
She glared.
"Oh no," she said, "I'm not going near that devil woman! You know what she did?"
The tenth division Captain closed his eyes and sighed again.
"No Matsumoto. Do tell."
Ignoring his tone, she continued.
"Guess." She said angrily, boring a hole into the wall she was glaring at.
Her Captains eyebrow twitched.
"Did she perchance, ban you from something?" he said knowingly.
She whipped her head around and gave him a penetrating stare.
"How do you know that?" she demanded.
"Unohana gave me a message to confiscate all your sake. The office, for once, is a sake free area." He said, the barest hint of smugness in his voice.
Rangiku had her jaw on the floor.
"But, but..." she attempted.
"Work. It'll take your mind off your terrible situation." He said, pointing to a large pile of paper sitting on her desk.
Once again ignoring his sarcasm, she huffed and sat down figuring he was right.
Toshiro was getting annoyed at the frustrated noises coming from his Lieutenants corner of the office. Evidently she was still angry.
He broke at the not so silent muttering about evil women and beloved sake.
"Matsumoto," he said tersely, "It's not that bad. You shouldn't drink so much anyway."
She glared at him. He shrugged and turned back to his work.
Rangiku narrowed her eyes. Asshole.
Just to annoy, she continued her muttering. She upped the volume and threw in some complaints about 10th Division Captains who didn't care about their Lieutenants.
The room got slightly colder after every minute of muttering and it dropped below freezing at one comment about 'All that hair must have taken up all the energy used to grow taller than a six year old'.
"Mastumoto!" Hitsugaya snapped. She looked up innocently, smug that she was pissing off her captain. Admittedly, he didn't look like a six year old. If you looked at him and ignored his height, he was like an adult. Only smaller. He narrowed his eyes at her, apparently having caught her smugness. "If you don't shut up, you will be spending the rest of the day defrosting!" he all but snarled at her.
Okay, she may have pushed a little too far. Oh well, she could just escape and go to the bar with- damn.
Toshiro resisted the urge to grin nastily when he saw her wince and then look depressed. Ha, served her right.
Rangiku was confused. And a confused Rangiku was an unhappy Rangiku. Her Captain was nowhere to be found on Tuesday and Friday evenings. She had no idea where he went. Usually she wouldn't have noticed, but being banned from alcohol made sure she couldn't escape to a bar every night like she usually did. So, she was now confused.
She had bumped into Ichigo Kurosaki earlier that day, he had been visiting Seireitei for some reason she couldn't fathom and was avoiding Kenpachi who was chasing him, bellowing about a re-match.
She had waved as he sped past and had caught a faint greeting that was flung her way.
She had asked Renji is he was free to spend the evening with her doing something non-alcohol related, but he had declined, not telling her why.
The same thing had had happened with Ikkaku and Yumichika. She had gone to Shunsui too but he was also unavailable. Shunsui was never unavailable to spend time with a pretty woman! The 8th Division Captain was notorious!
Rangiku growled. She had found Nanao who was just as puzzled as she was.
"We will find out what's going on, right Nanao?" she said.
The stern Lieutenant nodded.
"If Captain Kyoraku is involved, it's no doubt a bad thing. Or at least embarrassing." Nanao said with a sigh on her lips at her Captain.
"Yeah, but my Captain is involved as well!" Rangiku said.
Nanao frowned. "Captain Hitsugaya isn't the sort to do anything... like what my Captain would do."
Rangiku nodded enthusiastically.
"Yeah, he's a cold, grumpy, work obsessed, unsociable asshole." She said firmly.
Nanao blinked.
"Oh. Why? Usually he's only a 'grumpy, though cute, work obsessive Captain'" she said, mimicking what her friend had said previously about her Captain.
Rangiku frowned at the memory.
"A few days ago Unohana banned me from alcohol. He didn't even have the decency to care! Honestly, I needed some sympathy! There I was, falling apart and he just gets sarcastic with me and tells me to shut up!" she ranted.
Nanao raised an eyebrow. Yes, that did sound like Captain Hitsugaya.
"Alright then. How do we find out what they're doing?" Rangiku asked.
"Well, have you noticed any odd behaviour?" Nanao asked her fellow Lieutenant.
"Yeah, I didn't see it before because I was always out but my Captain is always missing on Tuesdays and Friday evenings, I waited once and I fell asleep before he came in!"
Nanao frowned.
"Yes, now that you mention it, Captain Kyoraku does disappear then too. I though he just went out to pick up a woman." She wrinkled her nose at her Captains antics.
"Possible but now unlikely. Ikkaku, Yumichika and Kurosaki are all in on it." Rangiku said certainly.
"Right. Have you checked his office?" Nanao asked in a businesslike manner.
Rangiku gawked.
"What? I never thought you of all people would condone combing a Captains office. He'd kill me if he caught me snooping! I'd be a shinigami icicle!"
"So what did you find?"
"Not a thing."
Nanao huffed.
They were both silent for a few minutes, both concocting various plans to figure out their Captains activities.
"I've got it!" Rangiku exclaimed, causing Nanao to jump slightly, she adjusted her glasses.
"We'll just follow them!"
Nanao shook her head.
"No, they'd spot us instantly!" she disagreed.
"Not if we hide our reiatsu!" Rangiku said deviously, a grin on her face.
Slowly, Nanao nodded.
"Perfect, we each follow our Captains."
"Right." Nanao said firmly.
The two women hook hands determinedly.
They would figure their Captains secret out even if it killed them. And if Hitsugaya found out, it just might.
Having hidden her reiatsu, Rangiku took a deep breath. Hitsugaya would freeze her for this if he ever found out. Spotting her target leaving the office she focussed on the task at hand.
Hitsugaya walked along the main street, tuning a corner every so often and occasionally looking around.
Rangiku swore as she ducked behind a handily protruding bit of wall. Paranoid bastard.
She realised that they were coming up on the residential area of the Seireitei. Feeling surprised at herself for never having wondered where her Captain lived, she continued to follow him.
Coming up on a house that looked completely average, she watched him let himself in. The house was nice, he did get paid on a Captains salary after all.
She huffed. Was this it? Was his huge secret that he went home early(er)? She saw a light turn on in one of one of the upstairs windows. She watched his shadow move around for a bit before he disappeared from the window. She hunkered down and waited. And waited. After about half an hour, she was stirred by activity. The door opened and her Captain stepped out. Rangiku felt her mouth hang open. Her Captain was casual! It was... frightening. Okay, he was hardly the joggers and big t-shirt type but she'd never even thought he'd wear jeans and a shirt. They fit him quite nicely too, she thought before she whacked herself and concentrated on the route.
Hands in his pockets, she watched Toshiro walk back the way he had come earlier. After a while she realised that they were in a rather familiar area. Narrowing her eyes as they passed her regular drinking spot, she continued to follow the small Captain. She gawked when he suddenly turned and entered a bar. Squinting, she could just make out the name in the dim light. The Blue Devil. She raised an eyebrow. Suddenly, a hand grabbed her arm. She spun around ready to deliver a knee to the orchestra stalls and a punch to the face when she recognised Nanao. The other woman was dressed in what could only be described as a ninja outfit.
"I see you're here too." She whispered.
Rangiku nodded.
"Yeah, he went in just now. But, Captain Hitsugaya was... he was..." she stuttered.
Nanao tugged on her arm urgently.
"He was what?" she asked.
"Casual!" Rangiku cried.
Nanao had a calculating look on her face.
"Hmm, Captain Kyoraku went in not ten minutes ago. He wasn't wearing uniform either." She said.
"There's a window! And it's open!" Rangiku squealed in delight, pointing to it. They shuffled over and peeked through.
Toshiro Hitsugaya made his way into the bar and located Shunsui without too much trouble. The man was wearing a lurid pink shirt after all. His fellow Captain waved him over, a drink already in his hand.
Toshiro ambled over, nodding in greeting to the bartender who gave him a grin and a nod.
Sliding into his seat, he finally relaxed. Blowing a breath out through pursed lips he spotted Abarai and Kurosaki entering. They spotted him and Shunsui and joined them. Not five minutes later, Yumichika and Ikkaku flopped into seats around their table.
Various 'hello's, 'hey's and 'glad you could make it's were passed around and Yumichika was sent off to the bar to get the first round of drinks.
"Finally, I thought I'd never be able to escape Kenpachi!" Ichigo moaned as they got settled.
Toshiro snorted softly.
"I know what you mean, the man's insane." He said.
"Not as bad as Captain Byakuya!" Renji argued. "He told me to 'stop making a fool of myself in the living world.'" He complained, mimicking his Captains voice horribly.
Ichigo sniggered.
"You can't blame him really, I mean that time-" he was prevented from speaking by Renji slapping a hand over his mouth with some force. The tattooed man let out a girly cry as Ichigo bit his hand and glared at him. He returned the dark look. Lightning bolt could amost be seen between the two. Shunsui and Toshiro looked amused. Ikkaku was watching in interest.
"Knock it off. You've only been here five minutes." Toshiro said, a small smile on his lips.
They reluctantly did as they were told.
"So what's this Renji's done to embarrass himself now?" Shunsui asked.
Ichigo smiled nastily as Renji looked betrayed.
"There were these glasses and-" Thankfully for his health, as Renji wasn't looking particularly friendly, Yumichika came back with drinks. They clinked glasses and each took a sip.
"Oooh, are we complaining about our Captains?" he asked.
"I hope not. There's no one to talk about me or Hitsugaya though, we're safe." He added, nudging the smaller Captain with an elbow. Said Captain gave a slight chuckle and took another drink from his glass.
"I suppose we could get Lieutenant Ise in..." Renji mused, a mischievous glint in his eye.
Ikkaku objected. Loudly.
"No way! This is a guys night out! We're not getting women involved!" he cried.
Toshiro agreed.
"I dread to think what Matsumoto would say about me."
Shunsui sighed.
"You're the luckiest guy here and you don't even know it." He said, the others nodded.
"What do you mean?"
"You, my good Captain, are in constant contact with that vision of loveliness every day. Not to mention all those hugs!" Renji explained, looking wistful.
"Such beauty." Yumichika agreed.
"I get that bit. I'm not completely impervious you know. But seriously, she's... a bit of a handful." He said.
"I'll say!" they chorused, and Toshiro allowed himself a smirk of agreement.
"But Shunsui! Aren't you going to stay faithful to the lovely Lieutenant Ise?" Ichigo asked.
Shunsui laughed.
"Ahh my boys, I'm playing the long game!"
The group laughed and sent the next person for another round. Ichigo was the next victim to the pounding of his wallet and he walked over to the bar, grumbling.
Renji cracked a smirk and beckoned them to lean in.
"Ichigo is having girl problems."
Ikkaku cackled and the other three looked interested in the blackmail opportunities.
"Orihime is chasing him but her scary friend Tatsuki; you know the one." He said to Toshiro who nodded. "Yeah her, she's threatening him every time he gets close. The big pansy gets whooped by a human girl!" he sniggered along with Ikkaku who looked positively evil and Yumichika covered his giggle with a delicate hand. Shunsui and Toshiro shared a look. They knew about scary women.
Ichigo returned with the next round and was nonplussed by all the funny looks he was getting from his friends.
"What?" he asked warily.
"Nothing!" came an innocent reply. He looked suspicious for a moment before dropping it.
"I bet I can drink three pints faster than you!" Ikkaku challenged him.
Ichigo narrowed his eyes.
"You're on. Prepare to lose." He said dangerously.
The night degenerated from there.
"You're an idiot." Ichigo slurred.
"No, you're an idiot." Renji replied in the same way.
"Nah, you're the idiot cause I said it first." Ichigo looked proud of himself.
Toshiro rolled his eyes.
"Drunk logic," he said to Shunsui, "It never ceases to amaze me."
The older man chuckled.
"Nah, 'shiro's an idiot 'cause he don't appreciate Matsumotos sexiness enough." Ikkaku interjected, lifting his head off the table for a moment before dropping it back with a thunk.
Toshiro looked offended.
"Oi, I'll have you know I appreciate Matsumoto just fine. Shunsui is an idiot for not moving on Ise." He said, sipping his drink again and giving Ikkaku a glare.
"You can't not appreciate that." Renji pointed out, making a rude gesture with his hands, indicating breasts.
Toshiro raised an eyebrow.
"She's hot. I just want to-"
Toshiros stare got just a little bit more dangerous. Renji, in his inebriated state didn't notice.
"Are you perving on my Lieutenant?" he asked.
"Uhhh..." the red head appeared to have to think for a moment. "Yeah."
"I'm buying the next round." Toshiro stated, standing. He eyed Renji.
He went to the bar and ordered their drinks. He set the drinks down and took a sip of his own. Renji did as well. Or he tried to. Renji looked at his glass strangely.
He picked it up and turned it upside down. Nothing happened. The liquid was completely frozen solid.
"What the hell is this?" he loudly asked Toshiro who was smirking widely, more than a little tipsy.
The rest of the group roared with laughter. Ikkaku was the loudest with his maniacal cackling. Ichigo snorted, sounding like a pig in his drunken state. His head rested on his arms and his shoulders shook with his almost hysterical laughter.
"That's what you get for perving on my Lieutenant." He said smugly. "Drink up." He mocked.
Renji glared unsteadily at him.
"You're an asshole, you know that?"
"I've been informed on numerous occasions."
Shunsui downed more of his drink and slapped Toshiro on the back, almost sending him into the table.
"What do you think Matsumoto and Nanao would say if they saw us here?" he asked, giving the younger Captain a wink and a knowing look with a slightly unsteady grin.
Toshiro pretended to be thoughtful.
"I don't know... why don't we ask them? They're at the window after all."
Rangiku and Nanao both had their jaws on the floor. Nanao expected her Captains behaviour but Captain Hitsugaya? What. The. Hell?
Nanao was blushing when they talked about her. She expected Rangiku but her?
Rangiku gawked when her Captain talked about her like that. This was Captain Hitsugaya! All small and cute and- grown up. She realised with a little shock. Hmm... grown up...
She had to stuff her fist into her mouth when Toshiro had tricked Renji. Her silent giggling lasted a full minute, she resurface just in time to hear the tail end of their conversation.
"I don't know... why don't we ask them? They're at the window after all."
The two women looked at each other with wide eyes.
"Shit!" Rangiku swore. They ran as fast as they could away from the bar.
Shunsui chuckled. Toshiro was grinning.
"We got 'em." The pink clad man said smugly.
Toshiro grinned wider.
"We did."
A snore from their table drew their attention back.
Ichigo was lying with his head on the table and his arms hanging down, dead to the world. Renji was sniggering as he and Yumichika drew on the orange haired shinigami's face. Ichigo twitched and slapped himself to get the tickle of the pen and they erupted into furiously hushed laughter. Ikkaku was looking at his hands in wonder, apparently counting his fingers. After a few seconds, he joined Ichigo is unconsciousness.
They shared a look. As the only two even slightly sober ones left, it was their duty to be responsible. They nodded firmly.
Each grabbing a pen, they both set to work on the perfect canvas of Ikkaku's hairless scalp.
End
A/N: Orchestra Stalls is cockney slang for balls. I had the strangest urge to use the phrase so, here you go! Toshiro is obviously OOC, but hey, we've never seen him tipsy before now have we? Please review, although I know no one will bother!