Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me.
There are many types of words in this world and all of them have many different meanings. Yet, the even worst words in this crazy mixed up life of mine can be summed up into three words. Those are the words I want to forget and leave behind. Those are the words that I want to erase from existence. Those are the words I never want to hear again, let alone actually believe them. Those three words are without a doubt life changing and heart breaking. And no matter how much I tried, I knew that everything was true.
My mother was the first to say them. The moment she started saying those words, I wanted to shut her up. I was so angry with her. My heart hurt already and she has to go and make it worse. I thought mothers were supposed to comfort their children, not put them in more agony and suffering. Still, she had to go and talk. I truly wish I were adopted. I want a better mom, one that won't utter such complete nonsense to me. Didn't she know what she was doing to me by saying those words? How could she not? I was already feeling pain of which I could not escape no matter how much I tried.
Sean was next in line, my dear husband. He could be so silly sometimes, especially when he lies to me. You know, I've lost count of exactly how many times he has lied to me. I've forgiven him for each of those fibs, but this one I'm not so sure that I can find the strength in me. I know I'm going to have to forgive him eventually, but I don't feel up to it right now. Mr. Cameron has to learn that it's not very nice to misinform the woman he says that he loves so much and would never want to hurt. Maybe I should just give him the silent treatment for the next couple of years. If he loves me so much, Sean will be able to deal with it.
So, I've heard it twice; from my mom and then Sean. Those traitors! I was hoping that Manny would be able to set them straight, but alas, she didn't. In fact, she never showed up to set them straight. It's like she just abandoned me when I needed her the most. I hate her the most now, because she wasn't even there for me. Manny just up and left me all alone. Some best friend she is. I thought she was my best friend, but I guess not. Still, I wonder why she left me so soon, without any words to say to me. It's like she vanished into thin air or something and she didn't even think about how I would feel. Manny didn't even say goodbye. I guess she's out of my life for good now. No words could ever begin to describe how much I loathe her now. Why must she always be so afraid when the world stands against her? Can't she just ever face the truth and stick with me just for once in her life? I guess not.
But, nothing boiled my blood more when everybody kept saying it. Craig, Ashley, Ellie, Marco, Toby, Liberty, Mia, Damien, Spinner, and Darcy. Just one at a time, they kept saying those stupid words. Some of them were my friends and others were practically just strangers to me. It hurt the most when Craig said it, though. I trusted him not to say it. It seemed like so long ago when I thought I was in love with him and only to find out that he liked Manny. I then thought he loved Manny. I thought that they had a love worth fighting for, despite all the evil things that they had done together. Craig had risked a lot for Manny, but in the end, something just stopped the both of them from loving. Maybe it was Craig's skill for getting himself into mischief, or perhaps the fire between them had burned out. Whatever it was, Manny wasn't the only one who was heartbroken after the break-up.
Surprising, Jay agreed with me. He refused to listen to what all the others tried to tell him. I figured he'd be the first to say it and get it over with. I was wrong about him. Once upon a time, I thought Jay was the most disgusting, pathetic excuse for a man that God put on this Earth. But since the ravine incident, the boy that wore a cap backwards on his head had come a long way. I knew that he wasn't that bad when Alex dumped him and he had been so sad about it. He always had this evil smirk on his face that sent tingles down my spine, but something about him changed when I first saw him with Manny. He loved her, I knew that much. I knew that the actual smile couldn't be all Manny's doing, or maybe it was. I'm going to have to ask him one day.
Today the grass is tall and green. Just the way that I like it. There were flowers by the stone. I gave you a new addition of sun flowers. I know how much you adored white roses, but I was also aware how much you fawned over sun flowers. Every time I see those types of flowers, I think of your smile and how contagious it was, even when I was mad at you. But you're still not of the hook quite yet.
Jay is standing next to me and I wonder what he's thinking. He's frowning and he must be remembering something. But then we look at each other and I speak those three words that I hate so much, "Manny is gone."
Jay shakes his head and smiles, "No, Emma. You're wrong. They're all wrong about that. Manny is with us both whether we can se her or not." I know that Jay is right, and maybe that's what I've been thinking all along, but everything still hurts. I still miss her. She was best friend and she was gone. I didn't even get to say goodbye. "I'll see you in my dreams, Manny." With that, he leaves the graveyard, but I stay.
A can feel my eyes burning with tears as I kneel down. "Why, Manny? Why did you have to leave me? You just left me all alone in this world. I thought we had a friendship that was greater than this, but I was wrong to think so. It's not fair."
"Silly Emma. You know I'm here for you, don't you? I always have been and what makes you think death will stop us from being friends? Have a little more faith in me from now on. I will not abandon you."
"Manny is gone," they all said, but Emma knew better than to believe anything that they thought.
"She's with me. I'll keep her safe in my heart until the day comes that I'm with her again." I feel a smile cross my lips. Manny was like a sister to me and sometimes I thought I thought we could never be separated, and I was right. "Manny isn't gone."