Crazy

Summary: Pregnant. Yuuki was pregnant. And she feared the knowledge coupled with her grief might had been too much as she comes unhinged. Written for snowywarriors.

Disclaimer: Vampire Knight belongs to Matsuri Hino.

Pregnant.

Pregnant.

The word had done nothing but repeat in her head ever since Zero told her of the second heartbeat he could hear inside of her. She had finally convinced him to, at least, step outside for a moment. Yuuki was fool enough to believe he had actually left her. After all, he had been coming every day since Kaname was enclosed, just to ensure she was still here. Oh, yes, she knew why he kept coming. She knew he feared she would take her own life.

That should have been the least of his worries with the thoughts she had entertained. What would he think, she wondered, if he knew she had thought of genocide? Once upon a time, he might have even agreed with her; but he would have condemned her reasons.

Kaname. Hmm. Kaname would have likely been heartbroken, just as she had been when she found out about his murder spree. Her lover was a hypocrite.

How dare he take himself away from her! After all of the times he swore the world without her in it was darker; after all of the times he told her he wouldn't be able to continue on without her, he removed himself from her. Did he think her stronger than him? Did he think her less in love with him?!

Her stomach gave an uncomfortable flutter, as if the heartbeat had quickened inside of her. Her brows furrowed. How dare he, huh?

He had ensured she wouldn't allow herself to waste away; he had ensured that she wouldn't do anything reckless just to bring him back. He had given her a piece of him that night. She couldn't pin point when…it could have been the first time, but it also could have been the ten or so times after. They had occupied the bed, and other pieces of furniture, quite a bit that night. Somewhere in their coupling, he had given her a child.

A bitter laugh escaped her. "I suppose you knew I would react this way, hmm?" Her voice was hoarse and broken from disuse, but the thirst no longer felt like knives. After her brutal attack on Zero, she was almost satisfied. She would have to make it up to him somehow. Yuuki could almost hear Kaname's response. He would tease her for thinking he would deliberately get her pregnant; he would sidestep her accusation when an airy comment meant to derail her. God, how she wished she could hear him now instead of imagining him in her mind. She folded her arms tighter around her waist.

She was so angry with him. Yet, so in awe.

A baby. She was going to have a baby. Kaname's baby.

A part of her whispered that this meant he wasn't really gone, but it drove home all the ways he was. He wouldn't be there to comfort her through the pains and trials of birth; he wouldn't be there to hear her first words, see her first steps. He was going to miss out on so much.

She glared up at him inside the ice casing. "If you think this is going to stop me from bringing you back, you are wrong. By giving me this gift, you have only delayed me. Your win here will only be temporary…" She vowed. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a promise to keep."

Yuuki wanted to spin on her heel and stomp away. The dramatic part of her said she had given herself the perfect leave. But looking up at him, she found her feet frozen.

Why had she thought leaving him would be easy? She was starving still. She had been in here for so long, abstaining blood and plotting. Leaving should be easy. She knew she needed too. More now than ever with this little life growing inside of her, demanding blood by the minute.

If she didn't keep her promise, Zero would come in and drag her out. Yuuki had only asked for a few minutes; she had wasted three just trying to figure out how to process the news. But she was so scared the moment she left, something would happen to him. His ice would crack, or it would melt. Or…

No.

Hanabusa wouldn't let that happen. The moment the slightest change in temperature happened, Aidou would adjust his ice accordingly. He was constantly adding a new layer, she knew. Each time her nails would leave a scratch, it would be painted over with a new sheet of ice. How much of her blood had he already washed away? Kaname would be safe.

Yuuki just…had to force her feet to move. Her legs tensed as they responded to her command, but her feet refused to shift away from where she stood. It was as if the same ice that surrounded Kaname bound her feet to this spot. A small smile came to her lips as she recalled a time Aidou had literally done such a thing. He had wanted to take her to Kaname.

She raised her hand to his coffin; her fingers rested right over where his heart should be.

How much time would they have saved if she had offered him her blood back then? He wouldn't have taken it, of course; but what if she had forced him? What if she had declared her love to him as bravely as he constantly did? If she had promised him her for the rest of their lives, would things have been different?

If she had been able to give him the peace he sought, the answers he needed, would he have stayed?

Oh, what a mess she was. One minute she was grieving his decision; the next she was blisteringly angry with him; then she was right back to grieving and not being able to leave him. How many times had Yuuki repeated this very process? Getting angry and spewing abuse at his sleeping form and then apologizing, crying, and begging him to come back?

A sob climbed up her throat. She wasn't going to be able to leave on her own, was she? Zero really was going to have to come and drag her out.

Why on earth had she thought a baby would change it?

Why had she thought that this discovery would give her the strength to finally leave this place?

She lowered her hand from the ice and bowed her head.

Yuuki was such a mess. How was she going to raise a child?

"Well," she heard in her head, "you can start by leaving me." She closed her eyes. It was almost as if she could feel him with her as he had been. If she pretended hard enough, the chill from the ice in front of her felt warm.

"How can I leave you?" She whispered, though she meant something else. How could she move on? What if she forgot? She could almost feel his hands cupping her cheeks; could almost feel his thumbs pressing against her jaw in a plea for her to look up at him.

"Leaving doesn't mean forgetting. You will carry me in your heart, just as I carry you in mine; but, please, don't put your life on hold any longer." Yuuki knew the truth behind his words. It wasn't just her own life she was in charge of anymore. He had always felt that her life was precious, that it meant more than his. They had never been able to agree that his meant just as much. Just one time, while he was here, she wanted to tell him. She wanted to tell him everything she kept inside of her as she should have before. Her lips parted and she raised her hands to grasp his. Her heart cried out when she only met her skin. Yuuki opened her eyes. The anguish threatened to swallow her as she realized she was alone.

He had never really been here.

God, she was going crazy. Her knees fell out from underneath her as a raw sound filled with pain escaped her lips. It could have been a scream or a sob, but she wasn't sure. Her grief was too overpowering for such thoughts.

"Oh, Yuuki," she heard a quiet whisper from the door. It was filled with pain, but it was only half of what she felt in this moment. She wanted to scream at him to go away. If it hadn't been for him….if it hadn't been for him…But she couldn't. She couldn't even finish the cruel thought. Yuuki didn't even think she could breathe.

She felt Zero lift her into his arms. NO! He was going to make her leave! What if Kaname came back!? What if he saw she was missing?! Zero grunted as she struggled in his arms. She felt a sharp pain as her elbow connected with his jaw.

"Yuuki, please." He begged. His voice raw as he tried to subdue her. He held her tighter. His hands bruising her legs and arms. Yuuki felt her heart cry out harder. She was hurting him. But he was hurting her! He was taking her away! Did he know?! Kaname was here! He had… "Please, Yuuki." Zero all but sobbed. "Kaname wasn't here. I'm so sorry, but he wasn't here."

"No…" She moaned, but the fight seemed to have gone out of her. She slumped lifelessly in Zero's arms. Her eyes were unfocused as they stared at the ice coffin. Zero carried her out; his heart crying with every step he took away. In this moment, he had never hated Kaname Kuran more. Whenever Zero was passed the door, Yuuki's eyes slid closed and tears made tracks down her cheeks.

"I'm so sorry…" He choked again, but he doubted she could hear him. She didn't seem to hear anything. She was unresponsive in his arms. She didn't even sob aloud anymore. He held her closer to him.

Zero knew he shouldn't have left her alone. He should have gone in earlier when he heard nothing but silence. He sighed. He could do nothing but there for her now.

Be there….and hope that that child in her womb and he would be enough to help her heal.