A/N – This little number here is just an exploration of an idea, Veronica losing Logan when she still loves him. I always kind of felt that Veronica depended on Logan a lot more than what was revealed on the show, not necessarily as a love, but as someone that was there when Lilly was alive. Plus Logan was pretty much the only person, well not really in the 3rd season except in a few rare moments that really called her on her shit. Oh, and if you're like me you tend to listen to music to inspire yourself while reading or writing, listen to Patty Loveless, How Can I Help to Say Goodbye. It will make the story a bit more emotional, but you'll feel the depth of Veronica's feelings. Enjoy.
"Can we just, hang on a bit longer?" Veronica asked quietly, watching as he placed shirts in to his luggage. She felt the tears filling her eyes, sniffling softly; she wiped traces of wetness before the tears could slide down her cheeks. "Do we really have to say goodbye?"
He stopped packing, giving her a sad smile, as he pushed the suitcase out of the way, to make room for him to sit down next to her, she looked up at him, her eyes filled with sadness and fear, "it doesn't have to be goodbye Mars you know that."
She let out a shaky breath, feeling the tear fall down her cheek, she wiped it away with the back of her hand, "we could just stay here you know. Hide out from everybody else; no one would have to know."
Logan felt the heaviness in his heart at her words, wrapping an arm around her shoulder, he kissed her temple gently, holding her tight, "You know as well as I do, nothing ever stays hidden for long."
He felt the tears slide down her cheeks, as she gave him a watery smile, "I wish I could keep you here forever." Logan chuckled softly, the tears falling, as he nodded his mouth pressed tightly to her temple, holding her as long as he can. "I'd change it all just for that."
"You know I love you Veronica," he smiled dropping his head trying to catch her gaze, "always have, always will, but life just gets in the way sometimes and you gotta say goodbye." Her bottom lip quivered as she turned to face him, her arms sliding around his waist, resting her head against his collarbone. "I'm gonna miss you so much."
"Me too," she whispered, closing her eyes, shedding more tears no longer worried that he would complain that she soaked his favorite shirt. He kissed the top of her head, running his hand slowly down her back, swaying lightly from side to side.
It all came down to this moment, he figured. Life moved on and whether or not you like it, you have to move with it. Time will fill the spaces between now and the future and despite his own worries and anxieties he's not really sure he's ready to fully accept a life without Veronica Mars.
"I don't want to leave you Veronica like this," Logan whispered as his tears couldn't be stopped despite his efforts, "please don't be sad, I couldn't bear that." She reached to hold his hand, their fingers intertwining for what most likely would be the last time, neither one cared that any moments after this wouldn't quite measure up to what they had meant to each other. You can find someone new to love, but it never quite replaces the one you lost.
"I love you," she lifted her head, her eyes red rimmed, her cheeks tear stained as she gave her best smile despite all the crying, "I should have told you more." He frowned slightly shaking his head, lifting his hand to cup her cheek gently, leaning in close his lips brushed hers. "Don't go," she whimpered keeping her eyes closed tightly as her arm wrapped around his neck, holding him tightly, her face burrowed deep in his neck.
His arms wrapped tight around her body, braced against the wracking sobs, "god Mars, it's not gonna be that bad. You're gonna find the love of your life and you're gonna forget all about me." He closed his own eyes tightly, allowing for the first time, to really feel how much he knew he would desperately miss this girl. How easy it had been to fall in love with her, how it felt to wrap his arms around her tiny frame, to kiss her lips, to touch her skin and he wished that he could stay, that he could make this all work, but he couldn't hang on anymore and neither could she. Maybe they were right, maybe sometimes no matter how much you love someone, there's a moment, where you just, catch fire, and they missed their moment.
Logan sighed, running his hands slowly down her back, waiting until her sobs turned in to sniffles and she pulled away slightly, "I'm sorry."
He smiled warmly, his head tilting to get a better look at her, "nothing to be sorry about, I just want to remember the way you smile. I want to know that the last time I saw you, you were happy."
She nodded, trying to keep from letting the tears come back, "For the record, if I had the moment again, I would have said yes. And I would have known before now how much I want to be with you. You have no idea how lucky I was to get you for as long as I did, I should have done better, I wish I had done better. You deserved better in my hands Logan," she cried softly, giving him a weak smile.
Veronica leaned forward, kissing him for the last time, "oh, god," Logan breathed, "you are a beautiful person Veronica, you just gotta let people in once in awhile, there's nothing to be afraid of," he leaned forward pressing his forehead against hers, giving her a watery smile, "you've always got me okay, if you need me…" He trailed off, knowing she already knew the rest.
They sat silent, side by side, holding hands, watching as the clocked ticked by. Veronica closed her eyes briefly, taking a deep breath, opening them in time to watch helplessly as Logan's hand slipped out of her own, he stood up zipping his luggage closed, setting it on the floor, "alright Mars, time for me to go."
Veronica nodded, allowing the tears to fall again, trying her best to make this easy on Logan. "Don't forget about me," she whispered pulling him into their last hug. He snorted with a laugh, as he held her tight. He pulled away first, heading towards the door, "Logan," she called out, holding out her hand, "if you need me…"
Logan smiled warmly, pulling the strap of his bag over his shoulder, "ditto." And as if she was watching the rest of her life walk out the door, she felt her heart grow heavy with grief for a relationship long past successful. Nothing prepared you for this, she realized. Nothing prepares you to watch the guy that you were supposed to have forever walk out of your life. She sat down on the bed, taking deep breaths, trying desperately to stop crying. The light knock on the door, she turned just as Wallace slipped through and gave her a smile. She nodded as he sat down next to her, wrapping his arm around her shoulder as she sobbed with her head on his shoulder.
"It's gonna be okay," Wallace spoke quietly, holding her tightly, catching her as she fell. He hummed softly, as he held his best friend as she cried on his shoulder.
A/N – As always, thank you for reading, thank you for reviewing. I appreciate all the comments. Just want to put a little note in the middle of my note, the line about catching fire, oh yeah, stole it from the TV show Bones, stole it like a dirty thief, and I gotta tell you, I don't feel bad about it at all. And also, again, I continue to work on other stories, trying to kick writer's block's ass. So far, if you're interested, it's kicking my ass, but alas, I trudge through, waiting to be inspired, forcing myself to write, even though it may suck. Thanks again.
A/N - I know I definitely should have stated something before posting, but of course, I got a little excited and figured it would come across less literally and more about the emotions Veronica was feeling. Well anyways...in my head, it started out that Logan was getting married. There for he and Veronica couldn't be together, but then again, it might not have been that drastic. It could have been them just breaking up, or he was moving out. Or maybe he just, he needed a break. Veronica realizing that she wanted to be with him too late. So Logan was leaving, and bascially they weren't allowed to do the things they used to do that they'd grown comfortable doing, like kiss, hug, sleep in the same bed. I'm hoping that this clears up any confusion. Again, I'm sorry for not being clear from the get go, but I was hoping it was a better description of the feelings that Veronica was feeling.