There is a place in my head. That I often go to, when I'm feeling too overwhelmed. It feels safe, I'm in my mother's arms. And she strokes my head. In that space I feel unstoppable. Like nothing can break me. By the time I'm done there. I emerge feeling okay, not perfect, or in high spirits. But just okay enough I can move on.
Lately I've been there too much.
It's no longer safe.
Instead I am shutting down.
Everyone has noticed I am no exception.

My room is unkempt, my hair hasn't been cut in quite some time. It's starting to get too long.
And I don't even have the energy, to borrow a hair tie from anyone.
Endeavor that fucking cunt keeps threatening to cut it himself. I would tell him to just do it. But it all seems so pointless. Instead I curl up in my bedroom daily. School, train station, home that's the routine now. And days off are abysmal.
I used to visit my mother on my days off.
I've been unable to it feels like it's been too long.

'She's too sick, I'm really sorry but she can't have any visitors.'
"Why not I'm her son? Let me see my mother please?!"
'I-I can't do that..sorry...it was an order. S-Surely you know she's refusing all treatment?'
No.
I didn't know any such thing.
What the fuck has he done to her now?
I'm sorry mother, I'm very sorry I'll see you soon.
I have to fix things first.

That was four weeks ago. I barreled out of the hospital at full speed. Angry so angry I can feel heat emanating from me. However I repress it refusing to make the same kind of scene he does. When things don't work in his favor. I'm better than that. Repress it. Repress it please! Well at least I can say I tried. The very same night my whole futon went up in flames.

It's been four weeks and I still haven't replaced it. Instead sleeping on piles of blankets, with a few throw pillows. Endeavor doesn't care as long as I wake up at the crack of dawn. To see his reprehensible face for quirk training. Oh and he's pissed, because again I'm refusing to use my flames. I should have never broken my vow in the first place. I got caught up in a certain person's babbling. I can't let people drag me along. That's how I always end up fucked up. I'm astonished at my own stupidity. When will I ever learn? Speaking of quirk training that's all I've been doing. Apparently incorrectly at that, there's a gap in my memory. From now to the last time I completed a classwork or homework assignment. The last time I ate a meal with my family.

"Err..some family they are. They're more like vultures than anything else." Hugging a pillow to my chest I sigh. Legs pulled in towards me while I glance at the clock. 19:00 hours on the dot. Without even meaning to. My ears strain and I can hear the sounds of chairs moving. Because of course it's dinner time. Later I'll take some prepackaged crap and shove it down my throat. I can't bear to look at any of their faces. Natsuo is worthless, pretends to be upset we can't visit mother. But then turns right back around, not saying a word about it. As if his thoughts won't help change the outcome. So sure of it but won't even try anyways? His silence is cowardice.

Fuyumi is rubbing me the wrong way. The same way she always does. Never holding anything against Endeavor. Speaking very little of mother. As if whatever happens to her, won't effect her life at all. Then still getting in my face. Trying to be friendly with me. When she won't even help. If there's anyone that disgusting man child vaguely listens to it's her. And instead of being useful, it's like she doesn't care?...I'm confused. Will nobody help me?
"I hate this place."

A knock rattles my door. Rather the desk I have in front of it. That prevents people from coming in while I'm here. Endeavor won't let us have locks. The control freak wants freedom to come in and out. Because it's his home, things have to be as he likes. Seriously I could throw cold water in his face. Or hold his neck down underneath the ocean. Until the bubbles stop floating to the surface.
And it still wouldn't be enough.
There's another knock this time louder.
"Shou-chan please open up? I know you're in there."
…..She has the audacity to try my door. If you know I'm in here, why try to force your way in?

"What?"
"Please eat Shou-chan, I've brought you a plate to your room. I understand if you won't sit with us. You must be pretty upset right now. But four granola bars a day isn't a meal. Enj- Father doesn't care if you don't eat. He thinks you're being a brat. I c-can't agree with that, my heart doesn't sit well at night. It hasn't for the last four weeks you've been doing this. So please open the door?"
My head snaps up, I feel the crease in my eyebrows. Before I can get a grip on myself. Gather my bearings logically, And at least attempt to use it. I'm throwing my desk away from the door. Yanking it open and knocking the food out of her hands onto the floor.
Her face distorts in horror, seeing her effort wasted against the hardwood floor. Or maybe she's just in shock I'm angry? No..unlikely I've thrown fits before. It's definitely over the food I wasted.

"First off it's Shouto. I'm not a baby Fuyumi. Secondly if you truly understood, why I won't sit with any of you. You wouldn't even have bothered coming here. Stop putting on airs it's annoying."
My hands are gripping the door frame. It feels like pins and needles are stabbing me. As frost comes out of my mouth. With each new breath that I draw. The floor underneath us is even being overridden with ice. There's a tightness in my chest, as I grip the frame harder.
"Don't clock my food intake it's disturbing!"
I hate that I feel this! The overwhelming urge to hit her! I won't do it! I will never be like him!
"And if it didn't sit right with you! Why'd you let it go on this long?! Get out of my sight!"

I slam the door shut again. It's all I can do. Put some distance between us before I do something, I'll never forgive myself for. I grit my teeth, stomping over to my bookshelf. Shoving it in front of the door. I refuse to go unguarded tonight. Especially after what just happened. Endeavor might be on my ass later. Because god forbid anyone break anything in the house that's not him.
There is no peace even solitude does not provide it.
I just want to see my mother.
Is that too much to ask?

My world is out of focus without her. Even when I was distorted the thought of her kept me grounded. Now I live in a static haze, after finally reconnecting with her. I'm being forced away again. I don't want to be without my mother anymore. The world is out of focus. I make a grab for anything. But there's nothing around I go down. Onto the hard floor, what feels like a mile away from my blankets and pillows.
Even my hearing goes out, my vision goes black. What the fuck is happening?
However for one moment there's peace.

Blacking out
Losing consciousness
Fainting
Whatever people like to call it. It has just happened to me.
And now I know, Fuyumi wasn't kidding granola bars are not a meal.
I questioned myself immediately upon awakening.
Do I go get something to eat now?
Should I apologize to my sister?

Even though the decision is hard, I find my selfish pride nagging me.
Yes I will eat what she's cooked. And I definitely will apologize to her. It wasn't feigned concern she had for me. It was genuine and I was blinded by my anger. Sometimes it takes her a while to do things. She isn't a very straight forward person. I should know this by now, even if it's hard to accept. I need to accept it that's who Fuyumi is.

With a groan I climb off the floor. Every limb in my body is aching. It takes a hefty amount of energy to take down my barricade in the room. But once I do I find myself leaning against the wall. Catching my breath, trying to steady the world. Yes I certainly need food, living like this isn't an option.
It was before, when I was trying to avoid people?
Now that I feel sick it's different.
My brain is a mess I despise it.
Wait does what I'm doing even qualify as living?
I can't answer my own questions. I just let my body auto pilot as I head towards the kitchen.

Inside of the refrigerator there's a full course meal. All wrapped up and tucked away. It's easy to tell how hard she works on dinner every night. Breakfast in the morning long before I'm even awake.
Then somehow I still end up taking a lunch to school everyday.
Fuyumi puts her love into her food. Feeding our family the way she does. I just wish...sometimes it didn't feel so corrupted
Well enough with that train of thought. I have to be responsible here. Apologies are in order so rather than sitting down. And eating my food right away. Like some kind of ungrateful brat. I take a set of chopsticks, carrying it along with me. I'll tell her sorry first.

The halls are long, dark, and winding. Floorboards creak as I move across them. My destination is approaching there's a lump in my throat. I can't seem to swallow down. Right there past father's room is Fuyumi's I need to say sorry. But realistically saying that one word isn't always easy. It's admitting you've done something wrong. Even though at the time, you felt you were in the right. It's going back on your word. But still I push forward taking one step in front of his room.
When a streak of dim light hits my face.

He's awake?
Father is basically never awake this late. And when he is, then I find him in the office working.
Never in his bedroom. I wonder what's gone wrong?
"D-Daddy?"
My voice is much like an inhale. If he's angry or upset, I don't think it's wise to startle him. Full volume isn't required right now. I peek into the room. Horror, agony, dread, and death sink into my core. I pull away fast enough to give myself whiplash. And yes it hurts but not as much, as what I've just seen.

History doesn't repeat itself. But more often than not. If you look through time. You will figure out for yourself that everything rhymes. Fuyumi's food slips from my hands down onto the floor. My eyes are staring through the cracked open door. I should have closed it back slowly but I didn't. Logic doesn't catch up fast enough because he's on top of her, and it doesn't look right.
"F-Fuyumi…" My voice is lower than a whisper. There's no way she heard me. But I know they must have heard the plate fall. It's glass there's no way, it wasn't loud enough. I can't storm in there. My feet are rooted to the floor. So I look, listen, and wring my hands compulsively.

Her arms are up around his neck. As he pulls away she's in his lap. There's no denying the fact they're connected. But she's smiling…why is she smiling? There's no way that feels good it's rape.
I need to help her! It's incest I should help her!
"Enji if you're serious, about me having another baby. Then we should go more than once.~" She drawls out to him. Her head rested against his chest. Hips rocking slowly onto his cock. As he thrust up into her. I can view the semen leaking out from her pussy. With each thrust inside her.

It's horrifying.
Why is she so comfortable?
How can she beg for this? Oh no…Fuyumi what's wrong?
What has he done to you? Is it because this isn't the first time?
..…
….
Wait just a second.
Another baby….but Fuyumi you don't have any kids? Unless…he's been making you hide all of them. After all you're not that much older than me.

"Of course I'm serious. Shouto isn't working out. We failed so we have to correct our problem." His hands are tightly gripping her waist. He'd be throwing her onto his cock. If she wasn't already so eagerly riding him. I feel like….I can't process this.
What the fuck is this?
"I-I must be dreaming can I w-wake up now?"
Low. My voice is still too low.

They kiss and it's lips, tongues, saliva, and sin. The sound of the bed creaking. Headboard hitting the wall, her thighs slapping his. Over and over again gasp, moans, and her muttered apologies.
"I'm sorry ah~ I t-tried doing it right…the first time. I wanted to be g-good for you. M-Make our first child t…the best. B..Because Rei couldn't do that. I'm sorry Shou-chan is s-so difficult." A hand in her hair, a kiss to her throat. A hug from his arms. That shouldn't be wound around her in the first place.
"It's alright we'll do better this time."

And now I can't ignore it.
The things that I've uncovered.
I can't pretend I don't hear. My breathing is going haywire as I stand outside the door. Biting my lip so hard, It's started to go numb.
This created me.
They did.
I sink down onto the floor.
I watch them have sex. And the longer I sit there.
The more I have to say.
To them
'My parents.'

Who knows how long I stay in place. Time doesn't exist just the number of orgasms. I count them or at least, the ones I've been present for.
Two, three,
four, five,
six, seven, eight
Finally they were laid side by side.
I feel like I was forced to witnessed my own death.

Like an embedded reflex. I jump to my feet though I wobble still, my face feels hot am I crying? No I can't be. Not at a time like. Stepping around the food, I shove the door open the rest of the way. Slamming it shut behind me as my mouth moves against my will.
Walking halfway towards the bed in the room. Any closer and I might lose my mind.
"You're a monster who rapes a little girl?!"
The yell sounds foreign to my own ears.
She was seven only seven. There's no way that's okay!
My heart shakes with anger...or is it fear?
I can't tell the difference right now. My head is far too clouded.

I'm regarded in a very forward manner. Their eyes are on me. I'm being addressed but I feel invisible. Neither of them flinch from the sound of my voice. They knew I was still there. And waited for me to come in. "Rape? It was nothing of the sort. Fuyumi came to me of her own will. I would never hurt my only daughter. So of course I made sure she felt good too. Don't accuse me of a crime I didn't commit." His words were spoken with such god like conviction. I can barely find the words to reply. In fact what the hell am I even supposed to say to that?
Do I believe it?

Then again she's crawling out of bed. One foot in front of the other. Semen dripping down from between her thighs. Wearing her normal cheery expression. She isn't in pain, no bruises, tears, and she's smiling. Is it possible that it's true. She comes to him on her own merits.
And if that's the case... Is it still actually rape?
Do I really need to help her?
I don't know.

Nobody's ever explained this to me.
School teaches me many things about life. But nothing like this, never anything to help me deal with my own fucked up family. I take two steps back. I'm starting to feel cornered, while she met me halfway in the room. My skin is crawling even though it's only Fuyumi touching me. She pulls me forward into a hug the exact opposite of what I wanted. There's shuffling in my ears father is moving. And I can't see him that's the last thing I need.

"Shou-chan it's okay it's all true. When I found out Rei couldn't have anymore children. I was ecstatic felt blessed in every way. Because now I had a chance to make Enji happy. In a way she was incapable of. I finally had my own value. You wouldn't understand what it means to have and be nothing. Since you were born valuable in the first place. Though I'm proud of who you are nonetheless. I gave birth to you. And I've never been so elated. You're such a good boy.

So utterly talented Enji and I have such a nice genes when mixed together. But recently you've been a disappointment Shou-chan. We're tired of waiting for you to grow up. To perform better, to do your god given job. So this is the result. I have to make a better you. One more obedient and less traumatized. One Rei will never get to put her hands on. Really I think she's the whole reason you failed. That's why I didn't think, you should see her anymore."

You did this! This is your fault! You bitch you took her away from me! First he shoves her in the asylum. And now you bar the windows shut tint them dark as possible. I was trying to become her sunlight. To let her bloom, since her life thus far has been a rainy day. Now I can't even get in. You've locked the room doors and filled the vents with a poisonous gas.
My mother didn't deserve this...to wilt this way and die.
She is a victim.
And I can't even help her.
There's a choke at the revelation. My legs quiver underneath me.
I want to curl up and cry.

"I-I can't accept this...any of it." Fuyumi speaking his name feels like a new language. One that I've been banned from because of my position. And I don't envy it in the slightest. I push her away creating a little distance. Turn on my heel only to go face first into father's chest. From head to toe he is naked. My mouth opens and closes a squeak pushing through. Eyes forcing shut for a moment cheeks burning with shame. Where the hell am I meant to look? And now my back is to Fuyumi. It's starting to feel dangerous...I can't trust her anymore either.
"If you can't find a way to be of use. Then we have no choice but to replace you. That's just how this family works. Now if you're done interrupting us Shouto go away."

Voice monotone and exasperated as if I had asked him, what time it was during a meeting. When I shouldn't have been there in the first place. But I was because I'm clingy, I can admit that much. It feels like the old days. This is absolutely not what should be occurring. Endeavor isn't taking me seriously. He's treating me like a nosy toddler. I know their secret, surely he can go to jail for this. I think...maybe but if Fuyumi is willing then what happens? My brain can't fill in the blanks. It's all knowledge I don't have. I need to go somewhere far away. A place this madness has no control. Somewhere peaceful because the life I live is devoid of it.

"T-That's still rape." I'm not going to change my mind on it. I've already said what I thought. If I'm technically wrong then. I'll figure it out later. But this can't be okay it feels so wrong.

"Oh he doesn't understand? I think we should educate our child." It's right there her voice in my ear. Lips grazing the bottom of my earlobe. I feel a shiver run through me. Immediately the thought is to ignite. Give her a reason to back up off me. But I can't do that not in front of him.
"Agreed so Shouto let us explain rape is forceful, painful, and you don't get a choice." It's sudden the way her hands grab me from behind, shoving me down onto my knees. I wish I had eaten. I wish that I hadn't had any semblance of life stolen from me. I wish I wasn't teetering on the brink of a meltdown. Then I could fight back. What am I saying? Now is the time I have to fight back. I'm really done with these two controlling my life. My mother would have never done this.

I've had enough, I'm just going to use my quirk to..
...do what exactly?
Will I use this curse they gave me? This incestuous sinful masterpiece, they had woven together and implanted in my being. I can't use it, I would rather die than to use it again. My teeth are grit together harshly anger and sadness fighting for control. I am powerless against the two of them. In all sorts of ways. Only in this moment, is reality force fed to me.

"Fuyu-"
"That's mommy to you Shouto. I'm tired of you addressing me incorrectly. It's been fifteen years I've had to deal with that." I wouldn't address her that way, even if she tied me up and stabbed me.
I will never betray my mother the way they have.
"W-What are you doing!?"
I can hardly finish my words before they become garbled. Her index fingers shoved into my mouth. Slotted between my gums and cheeks. It's painful if I try to close my mouth.

My eyes are wide as the floor creaks underneath me. Father is stepping forward towards me.
No he can't be serious?!
I shift on my knees uncomfortably. I feel small again and this is no good. He overshadows my entire body. Eyes feeling pierced open, as if he's taken a knife and shredded off my eyelids. Discarding them, deeming them useless, I can no longer hide.
There's nowhere to look except at his cock.
He can't be serious...right?
It's heavy and hard in front of my face.
I can feel my stomach churning.
The twisting tighter than usual being empty has nothing but draw backs.

I don't have to look over my shoulder. To know Fuyumi is smiling about this. Now on the same level as me. On her knees before him, as I imagine she must have been many times before. Her lips are on the back of my neck, down onto my collar bone. Licking, biting, and kissing I want to suffocate.
Pull the plastic over my head. Zip tie my neck as far as it can go.
Duct tape my nose and mouth. Throw me into a shallow grave.
Because they can't be serious right?!
Please realize I'm out cold again, this is some type of distorted dream.

Tears start to well up in my eyes.
"What are you crying for? This is what happens when you spout nonsense. About things you know nothing of. Ignorance is not tolerated in this home. We have to teach you."
"S-Stop p..please!"
It's a yell that's hardly audible. I hear a disappointed tsk from behind me. Along with her breast on my back. As she yanks me towards her. And digs her nails into my cheek.
I choke on my own blood as it pools in.
'It hurts! Fuyumi it hurts!'
"You've bitten me Shou-chan that's not nice. You threw my food on the floor. You yelled at me again. All these years I've had to deal with you. Acting out being a spoiled brat. And unable to punish you properly. That ends right now. You will learn to behave, and accept the truths we tell you."

There's the stark contrasting imagery, of my biological parents throwing me off a building. I'm slammed onto pavement after taking a swan dive over and over. Blood is everywhere and yet. There's still no peace. No darkness, nothing to take me away from this moment.
I'm wide awake and alive.
I wish that I wasn't.
Because all at once. Endeavor's cock is in my mouth.
I. Can't. Breathe.
It doesn't seem to end. Even though I struggle her fingers are still in there. Making the space in my mouth even more narrow. My nose is pressed flush up against his pelvis. Only then does the pushing and shoving on me cease momentarily.

In those two seconds I organize my thoughts.
One puzzle piece at a time.
It's nasty I don't want this!
This was inside her!
This made me why would I want this?!
How could she want this!?
Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!

My throat is raw and yet not the least bit dry. His semen, her natural lube, my own saliva it's all soaking into my nightshirt. Trailing down from the sides of my mouth. My eyes they hurt they're unfocused. I try to shut them. Block out the horror engulfing me. But they roll into the back of my head instead. If there was ever a good time to black out. Now would be optimal, instead I'm forced back into focus. A scorching hot hand is in my hair giving a rough pull. Humiliation seeps into my entire being, my cheeks are tingling from blushing and damp with tears. That cling to my eyelashes they're heavy I blink and blink but more gather. Streaming down my face as my mouth is stuffed full.

Why is this happening to me?
Ah...it's because I disappointed them. They're punishing me for my failure.
It's due to me not believing them or trusting them.
I haven't been a good child.
So I probably deserve this.

His shaft is heavy as it drags along my tongue. The head of his cock constantly shoving into my uvula. I gag consistently but can't even vomit. I don't know if I'm glad about that or not.
He smells of smoke, sweat, and worse of all her.
And when I thought it couldn't get any more disturbing.
I feel her hands inside the waistband of my pants. I damn near screech but there's a cock lodged in my throat. Here I was thinking she'd given me some relief. Because she'd finally stopped scratching me but no! It was a lie! I was lied to again...and again.

"Wow Shouto, you must really like your father's cock. For you to be so hard when he's only feeding you. If this is all it took, to get you to eat. We should have done this sooner."
She's touching me too it's awful. It doesn't matter if she's my sister or my mother. This doesn't feel correct. Her hands are cold and sweaty, I can still feel some of my saliva on her fingers. While they curl around my length. It's pulsating the foreskin pulled tightly. Moving up and down she's pumping me slowly taking her time. Index finger rubbing at my slit every once in a while. I need to rip my hair out. I can't be aroused from this from t-them!

Please make it stop!
"You should try sucking, just a little don't be shy. You're already blushing so much. Move your tongue from side to side. Lick at the veins, hallow your cheeks, tighten your lips. Daddy would love if you did that. In fact I think he'd forgive you."
Shut up Fuyumi! Shut up I won't do that! I-I don't want to do that!
Even as the hand in my hair softens. Pats me gently and through all this craziness, I feel some form of love from him. It's charred and twisted but it's still love. I don't know what to do.
I want his forgiveness I do! But I definitely don't want to do that...
I just can't!
"Shouto my pretty little boy. I-I wish you were good for me. T..Then I wouldn't have to do this."

I'm sorry...
Please daddy I'm so sorry. I'll shut up. Just please stop my throat is killing me. You keep looking down on me like this. I know you don't hate me. And I can't even turn away.
My hands fumble and push at his thighs. But he grabs them with ease. Holds them above my head. Fucks my face mercilessly until he pulls out. And shoots his cum all over my face. Strip after strip lands on me. I'm surprised I can still blink. Without getting any in my eyes. It's sticky, thick, and I want it gone. But even then that doesn't stop my traitorous body. I cum into her hands.
Body convulsing, head reeling, shaking oh god I'm shaking so badly.
My vision is blurry just like before.
"Uwah... mnn~"
What's that sound?...
Oh it's me...crying aloud now that there's nothing stopping me.

"So Fuyumi did it feel like that for you?"
"No not at all. Shou-chan looks so sad even though his body was happy. It's a shame I'm pretty sure I smiled all the way through. See this is rape, you told us to stop. And we didn't this is the difference."
"Do you understand now Shouto?" He ask me and just this once I nod my head. No back talking not the slightest hint of a yell.
I force my own cries down into nothingness.
Because I promised if he stopped, I would shut up.
I wipe my face it won't go away. My hands are coated in it. I sniffle and I swear, I can smell it so much. I taste it in my throat.

The desire to get away flares through me.
I subject myself to it, an absolute surrender. After all there's no reason to stay. They taught me what they wanted to. They're going to replace me, I'm just in the way. I crawl towards the door of the bedroom. Eventually I stagger out awkwardly, making my way around the food. And drag myself to my feet in the halls. I run out the front door. Body fueled by adrenaline and nothing more. Because I'm empty and I know it. Only sheer force and endless thoughts power me. With no clue where I'm going. I just go. Because I can't look at her or him. My stomach coils with disgust. For every foot I put one in front of the other. I consider chopping them off. They made these limbs.
It's wrong!
It's all wrong I'm completely overwhelmed!

There's an attempt I can't stop. To lay in my mother's arms. To allow her to stroke my hair. I can visualize it clearly. And for the first time I feel relieve. Not just okay there's complete and utter peace. Just when I thought, this wasn't a safe place anymore. I was proven wrong. I'm always safe with mother always. My body knows and understands routines. Better than I can ever vocalize or take the time to execute. That's why I find myself at the train station.
Because the train station is where I go, before I go home.
And I'm out awful late aren't I?
I just want to go home.

The whistle blows in the distance.
I guess it's time to board.
I jump on.
The emergency brakes screech too late.
My world goes white.
It's not quiet, there's a light hum and many giggles. They aren't mine but I know who they belong to. It is very peaceful. Little by little light starts to filter in. Between the cracks in familiar cold soft fingers. Until they've fallen from my face and there's only mother and I.

"Welcome home Shouto, I've missed you so much."