A/N: Hello everyone! :) This fic has been bouncing around my head for a while, and I finally decided to write it down. I hope you all enjoy it!
Maggie was, by nature, a protector. Growing up as the big sister, it was hard not to be. Beth had always been her responsibility (and to a lesser extent, Shawn's), so it was only natural that she was reacting like this. At least, that's what she told herself.
"I'm only looking out for you!" she says in exasperation to her little sister. "You're acting like I'm the bad guy."
Blue eyes narrow at her in defiance. "You don't trust me to make my own decisions. You still act like I'm a gosh-darn child!"
The corner of Maggie's lips twitches upward in amusement. Even while furious, Beth was ever the lady.
"Look, I know what you think you feel for him. But you're just confused. Daryl looks out for us, he provides for us, and you're just taking that gratitude you're feeling and misinterpreting it as…as…"
Maggie struggles. What exactly does her sister feel for the redneck?
"You're wrong," Beth answers quietly. "I'm not 'confused'. I'm not 'misinterpreting' anything. I care about him."
A memory flashes in Maggie's mind.
/A dirty, half-dead mongrel makes its way to the front door of their old house on the farm. It's starved and has a mean temper, snarling at her through the mesh on the front door. She's frightened, though she'd never admit it, but Beth only stares at the animal in wonder. Looks up at her big sister and asks, "Can we keep it?" her eyes widening in excitement, not for one moment considering the danger the animal might pose. Beth nearly gets her hand bit off when she tries to pet the creature and Maggie barely has enough time to pull her back and save her.
"It wouldn't hurt me," the blonde says petulantly. "It's just had a rough time out there all alone."
Maggie wants to yell at her and berate her for being so goddamn stupid, but she can't seem to find the words. She could have been hurt! She could have gotten sick! So she points at the stairs and Beth takes the hint, dragging her feet up to the top floor where her room is, sighing dramatically and muttering every step of the way./
"It's in your nature to care about broken things," Maggie snaps, the sentence out of her mouth before she can stop herself.
And immediately she regrets it. But it's too late. Beth is angry, her blue eyes burning with a barely contained fire.
"He's not broken," Beth tells her icily. "Not to me."
And with that she's gone, leaving her big sister outside in the cold prison yard to regret her words.
Glenn laughs at her when she tells him about her sister and the redneck, as she paces back and forth in the darkness of their cell. He's looking up at her from their cot with sleepy eyes, a half-grin on his face.
"I think it's cute," he tells her. Maggie sees red.
"Cute?" she sputters. "It's not cute, Glenn. It's anything but."
"I don't get what the big deal is," he says with a shrug. "If she loves him – "
"Oh she loves everyone!" the elder Greene exclaims, exasperated. "Her heart is so big it has room for the entire world."
"That's not a bad thing, Maggie," he tells her softly.
"Yes it is," she answers sharply, her voice breaking with emotion. "You can't let just anyone in. What if he hurts her?"
Glenn reaches out for her hand and takes it in his. "You worry too much, Mags. You have to trust her. Besides," he gives her one of his trademark smiles. "Haven't you ever been in love?"
She stares at the man in front of her, at his soft brown eyes and adorably messy hair, and she feels a warmth seep into her soul. She thinks of his personality, his genuine "Glenn-ness" and how he acts brave even when he isn't, how he works behind the scenes to hold the group together. She knows, just by looking at him, exactly how he's feeling. She knows what he's thinking, usually before he knows it himself and she knows his movements better than he she knows her own. He's not a born leader, not like Rick, nor is he tough like Daryl or the moral compass like her father. But in his own way, he contributes and she knows that without him, they would be lost.
She would be lost.
But she doesn't tell him any of this. Instead, she simply lies down next to him and he wraps his arms around her. She enjoys how he holds her close and causes all that warmth to seep through her mind and body.
"Haven't you, Maggie?" he asks her again, his voice slurring a bit with the beginnings of sleep.
"What, Glenn?" she asks, her voice muffled by the pillow.
"Been in love?" he says with a grin.
She simply smiles and kisses him gently on the lips.
"Shut up, Glenn."
She watches her sister and Daryl as they sit together outside in the courtyard. Beth laughs at something he says, puts her hand on his shoulder, throws her head back, lets her hair down. Daryl just sits next to her with a grin on his face, his hair covering those piercing blue eyes. But despite this obvious hindrance to his vision, he seems to be completely captivated by her movements. Maggie isn't surprised. When Beth is around, it's like the sun never sets and shines only on you. You're captivated, unable to move away.
The pair gets up, and Beth is pointing out towards the tree line. Daryl is shaking his head, he seems reluctant to do whatever it is that she is asking, but one pitiful look from her baby-blues and he caves. Her little sister squeals in delight, takes the hunter's hand and pulls him towards the trees. Daryl lets her pull him by one hand while his crossbow is held tightly in the other, and Maggie finds that she is jealous.
Jealous? That can't be right. But upon closer inspection, she realizes that jealousy is exactly the right word. She used to be so close with her sister. They used to share everything, all of their secrets and hopes and fears. But now, they're growing apart. Sure, it was probably her fault. She had attached herself to Glenn so firmly that she had put aside her sister's needs, and Beth (being Beth) had never said a word. She had understood.
But Maggie cannot do the same. She doesn't think that Daryl is good enough for her sister, believes that he'll hurt her and that Beth will not survive that kind of betrayal.
That night she dreams that the ragged mutt from their childhood succeeds in biting Beth's hand off. She wakes up in a cold sweat.
When their father dies, Maggie's heart cracks. It doesn't break fully in two, like she so desperately wants, because she can't let it. She has to maintain composure, she has responsibilities. Beth is one of those. Glenn is the other.
So she puts aside her heartache and attacks, letting the tears flow freely down her cheeks as she uses her machine-gun to blow away the Governor's henchmen. She tries to displace the pain, to put it away and bury it somewhere deep, where it will never be able to come back. But it's hard to bury feelings. Especially nowadays, when nothing stays buried.
The group gets split up. She sees Glenn, still ill from that damn virus, planning to leave with a bus-load of survivors from the prison. She promises that she'll find him, that no matter what she will find him. And Bethy is gone. Vanished.
Like she never even existed.
And Maggie is alone. Sure, Sasha and Bob are there with her, but they might as well not be. She doesn't feel like herself, feels like she might as well be another one of the Walkers. The large crack in her heart has splintered and two more cracks have appeared. She's barely holding on, and both Sasha and Bob can see it.
So to avoid a total mental break, she compartmentalizes. Instead of focusing and hoping to find both Bethand Glenn, she decides to separate them. And she makes a choice, then and there, to look for Glenn first. She doesn't know why, or rather she refuses to analyze her reasons, but Glenn (whose face and laugh and smile haven't been far from her thoughts since they separated) is her first priority. So she pushes all those years of love for her sister down, deep down, where she buried the memories of her father and leaves them there until she can unearth them once again.
She doesn't realize that by doing this, she runs the risk of never being able to feel them again. Or perhaps she does. Because she fears the worst.
That her sister is already dead.
When the group reunites, albeit in that god-forsaken boxcar, she feels a glimmer of hope for the first time in a long time. It's quickly shattered when she realizes that Beth is not there, and all those feelings that had started to come up get pushed down in a hurry and locked away again.
That first night, when (almost) everyone else is asleep, she sits down quietly next to Daryl, who is sitting with his head in his hands. They sit in complete silence, neither one making the first move, both seemingly content to listen to the sounds of the boxcar creaking and the wind rustling outside. She fears to ask him what's on his mind, too afraid of what the answer might be, but at the same time she needs to know. She feels like she might burst if she doesn't know.
It's as if he reads her mind.
"Me 'n Beth…we were together for a while," he tells her, so softly that at first she thinks she may have imagined it.
"What happened?" she asks, feeling her voice waver, feeling her heart vibrate as the crack that Beth's absence had caused threatens to grow wider.
"I lost 'er," he confesses, the pain in his voice so unexpected to hear that Maggie is taken aback. "She was mine to protect. And I failed 'er."
"How did it – ?"
"A car," he says sharply, finally looking into her eyes. "I thought we'd be safe in that house…but I opened tha door. There were so many of them…I couldn't stop them. I told 'er to run…they got 'er when she stepped outside and I wasn't fast enough."
He's babbling now, talking so fast that she can barely understand him.
"I don't – " she begins but he cuts her off again.
"I wasn't fast enough, Maggie," he repeats and she can see the tears of anger and frustration building in his eyes. "I ran all night but I lost 'er."
At first she doesn't know what to say. What do you say to a man who has so obviously lost everything? And it dawns on her that he really has lost everything. That this man, this man who she had judged so harshly, had done everything for her sister, risked everything and lost. She no longer doubted that Daryl Dixon was worthy of her sister's love.
She doubted that she was.
"At least you tried," she whispered, a single tear dripping down her cheek. "At least you looked for her. I didn't. I chose to look for Glenn first but when I found him…I didn't look any more."
Daryl's silent for a moment as she wipes the tear from her face and he looks down at his own hands before he answers.
"If it came down to a question of goin' to find Beth or Merle…I might've done what you did," he confesses, obviously ashamed of his answer. "But once I found 'er, Merle woulda been next on ma list. I'm sure ya would've done tha same, Maggie. Ya just didn't have time to find 'er before we got stuck in this hellhole."
She appreciates that he thinks so highly of her, appreciates that he thinks that given a second chance to find her sister, she would jump for it.
She fears that this isn't the case. She fears she'll disappoint him.
And she's right.
She's packing the bags onto the truck, getting ready to head out with Abraham's team and Glenn, when he grabs her by the wrist and turns her around, making her drop the bag in her hand. He's furious. His blue eyes are burning, his mouth is set into an angry scowl and his grip is so tight she's scared he'll break her wrist.
"Tha hell do ya think you're doin'?" he hisses, making her flinch. "Beth is out there. We know exactly where she is, we know who has 'er, and you're just gonna bail?"
"I can't leave Glenn," she tells him, her voice cold and devoid of feeling.
"Ya said that if ya had a second chance – "
"No," she interrupts. "You just assumed that. I have a duty to my husband."
"Beth is yer blood," he all but snarls. "She should be yer first goddamn priority. Glenn would understand, he'd wait fer ya."
"There's no time. We have to go to Washington."
Honestly, she's surprised at herself. Where is this coldness coming from? Does she really not care about her little sister? No, that's not it. She realizes that it's fear that has stopping her from going to look for Beth. She knows that if she shows up at that hospital and Beth isn't there (or worse) she won't be able to go on. That would be it for her. Her heart can't take the strain. She'd rather just pretend that Beth is still out there somewhere, still fine, and never know for sure. Because if the answer is that she's something other than all right, Maggie knows that that will be the end for her.
"So that's it, huh?" Daryl growls, watching her with barely contained rage as she continues to load the truck.
"That's it," she confirms. She doesn't disclose her true reasons for not wanting to help.
"You fuckin' bitch," he curses, the venom in his voice stinging her more than she'd like to admit. "How is it that I've known that girl for only a short amount of time and I love 'er more than her own fuckin' sister?"
She's not surprised to hear that he loves her. She's seen it in his eyes, seen it in every move he makes, seen how he's unable to carry himself with that same confident air since Beth's been missing. Daryl's back is more hunched, his gait isn't as strong, and he walks almost as if he has a limp. Like they took a physical piece of him when they took her. She understands. Heart cracks change a person. Especially the big, fissure like ones that Beth's kidnapping has obviously left on his.
"I'm gonna find her, Maggie. And I swear ta fuckin' god when I bring 'er back, yer never gonna see 'er again. I won' let ya hurt 'er. I'd die first."
She understands perfectly. She doesn't say anything as he walks away, just continues getting herself together for Washington and internally packing away the memories of her sister.
She's standing in front of the hospital and her legs are shaking. Michonne said that they'd found her, that Beth was all right, that they had gone to get her. She can't quite believe that this is real. She had given up so much hope, had put so much of Beth's memory away that she doesn't know what will happen to her once she sees her sister.
And then they come out. Rick first, but behind him is Daryl and he's carrying…he's carrying…
Maggie can't stop herself. She starts to scream, feeling all of those feelings at the bottom of her soul rip themselves out of their grave and rise to the surface, threatening to drown her, take away her sanity. Tears cascade down her cheeks and she can vaguely feel Glenn's arms wrap around her from behind as if he were trying to keep her from ripping apart. That's exactly what she feels like is happening. She feels like she's being ripped apart, starting from the cracks in her heart and spreading outwards to her very fingertips. This is what she'd been fearing. Beth dead, covered in blood, not moving. Her sister gone, gone, gone, GONE.
She sees Abraham going up to Daryl, who is strangely calm at this moment, and through her screams she hears Beth's voice saying her name. She fears that madness has already taken hold of her, that she's lost her grip on reality already, but she hears it again, stronger this time.
The screams die in her throat, though she doesn't know if it's from the shock or if she's finally run out of voice to use. Daryl comes up to her, Beth in his arms, and she sees, to her great relief and at the same time disbelief, that the blood on Beth is not from a wound to her head. Her shoulder is bleeding but her sister is alive and looking up at her and smiling. Maggie is sure she's never been so thankful in her life.
"Maggie," Beth repeats gently for the third or possibly thirtieth time, Maggie isn't sure. "Please stop screaming. You're hurting my ears."
The elder Greene bites back a sob and before she can stop herself, she's kissing her sister's cheeks and hugging her tightly, babbling over and over about how sorry she is, how happy she is that Beth is okay. Her little sister only laughs and hugs her back with her one good arm.
Much later, when they are in a safer place and Beth has healed, Maggie confesses everything to her. How she was scared, how she pushed down her feelings, how she chose Glenn over her. She cries, begs for her sister's forgiveness, tells Beth that she understands if she doesn't want anything to do with her. But Beth only smiles and puts her arms around her in a genuine hug.
"It's okay, Maggie," she says gently, her tone conveying nothing but complete understanding and forgiveness. "Glenn is the love of your life. I understand."
"It should have been you first," Maggie tells her. "It should always be you first."
"No," the blonde tells her softly. "It can't be like that anymore."
Beth's eyes glance at Daryl, who is standing not too far away from the girls, talking with Rick. Though he isn't looking directly at her, Maggie knows that eighty-percent of Daryl's attention is on Beth. He's never far from her, not since they got her back from that god-forsaken hospital. He didn't leave her side while they fixed her shoulder, helped her with her recovery and did everything that she needed him to do for her while she was unable to properly move her arm. He was her guard-dog, loyal and kind to Beth and deadly to those he perceived to be her enemies.
Like Maggie.
While Beth was recovering, Daryl forbade the elder Greene to come within six feet of the blonde. One time, when she was pleading her case in front of Beth's door, he nearly drew a knife on her. Glenn had been furious when he found out and nearly went to talk to the hunter, but Maggie stopped him. She knew she deserved his anger, probably more than just that. She told Glenn that this was something she would have to deal with on her own.
He wasn't pleased when Beth had asked to see her sister, and he certainly didn't look too pleased with it now. But Maggie knew that it was his love for Beth that prevented him from saying no to her, no matter what she asked him to do.
"It's not you and me against the world anymore, Mags," Beth continued, giving her sister a small smile. "And I know you didn't think I would survive for long. It's okay," she interrupts, seeing that her sister is about to protest. "I didn't think so either. After the farm, I was sure I was done. But now, I've found something to live for."
Beth looks at Daryl and Maggie can see all of her love for him shine out of her eyes.
And in that moment, her sister's happiness is all that matters. Maggie feels those cracks in her heart begin to mend, feels her heart start to beat properly for the first time in a long time, and she smiles.
She takes Beth's hand in her own and closes her eyes, letting all those feelings and memories that she had pushed down fill her up to the brim. In her mind, she sees Beth standing with that mangy dog, feeding him jerky and laughing as his tongue gently laps at her fingers.
"You see Maggie?" she says, laughing, her blue eyes shining. "I told you he wouldn't hurt me."
A/N: I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter! Please review and let me know if you like it and if I should continue! :) Mucho love to all!