Hey it's me...I know I haven't written in a while, so I'm sorry for that. I guess I've just been too busy to sit down and write in some old book. But today, it's something I really need to do. I apologize in advance if I sound numb...or if I ramble...or if my falling tears stain your pages.
Back in the old world, the butterfly effect wasn't something I ever really thought much of, but now, in this life, I thought of it often. There were so many possibilities to dream up, with so many things that could change with just one simple action. My thoughts often wander back to the funeral home, and I thank God everyday that Daryl had taken the time to check outside the door. When he saw the walkers swarming the front porch, he quickly came back and grabbed me so we could sneak out the back door. I'm intrigued though...what could have gone wrong if he hadn't taken the time to check? Instead just assuming it was the dog again, before yanking the front door open? I would never really find out. Knowing I would never know how things could be different didn't really bother me...usually. On most days, it would just be a nagging curiosity lingering in the back of my mind, often wondering if we would have ever found our family. Today was different though. Today I desperately wanted to know how much some silly little action could change everything. Sometimes I'd feel dread when I thought of how disparate my life could be. The dark part of my mind would take over and I'd think of the horrible possibilities that could have come...like getting separated from Daryl, or never having accepted the love we now have. But there was nothing that would ever top the darkness that's actually happening right now. I find myself wishing a butterfly would have come along earlier today, flapping it's wings to change the course of time, changing the way my life had turned out...because even I know, with all the hope and faith gone from my heart, there would be no coming back from this.