I intended to publish this on heat haze day, but time and school conspired against me, so instead you have it now. Because I like to publish stories on my birthday. Happy birthday to me...oh, and a weird thing occurred. I published this at like one in the morning on the 19th, but I think that it shows the 18th...so if any of you are planning to give me things, then you should send them on the 19th XD
So many jumps away from canon, & I think I created Seto incorrectly because he's portrayed at about 1% in almost everything and I don't understand him. Hell, everyone's OOC at times. And this is such a long oneshot, too...Ah, well, who cares? It sounded a lot better on paper, I'll admit that much, and now I'm looking at it again and it's so awkward to me. But hey, I spent all this time on it, and it'd be a waste to just delete the doc. So enough of my insecurities, on with the show!
tw: self-harm, if that's a sensitive subject for you
Review! :D
At night, the lying boy sat in his room with the door locked behind him, guarding his thoughts and opening his skin. Too-vivid memories rampaged through his mind, lashing out wildly and triking decaying struts, and he hated the turbulence within.
I miss you, Mother.
Angry words combated the kindnesses she'd bestowed upon him, and the pleasure of living with the madder red girl had done nothing to erase old scars.
A strike to the cheek, jerking his head to the side. Who'd done it? Had the saint in his memory extended a hand through time to reach him, or did the boy alone in the moonlight find his hand moving of its own volition? He could lie hard. He'd had to learn how to deceive himself through the pain, and he frequently did, unbeknownst to his companions. A lie on top of a lie on top of a lie, layers encircling layers like a Chinese puzzle ball. On the inside, a snake smiled with red eyes, and in the gullet of the snake was a crying figure, curled into himself to hide from the harsh world.
And deceiving hand or not, it was definitely his mother's hand that struck him, and even love expressed as roughly as that was love given to him from her. He smiled and struck once more, savoring the explosion on his nerves, before finding the cool handle of the knife and slicing a new gash into his skin. The glassy hard pain exhilarated him, and he rinsed the knife and bound up the new line and deceived it all away, as was his ritual.
I love you, Mother.
It was an accident, Seto told himself, sitting on the couch and brushing Mary's hair for her. The little medusa child had always had a hard time taming her abundant mane with the brush, and he'd offered to help try and straighten it into some semblance of order. Only an accident.
He'd passed Kano in the hallway, and his old friend hadn't seemed quite himself. His jokes fell flat, his smile was false. And to top it off, Seto's eyes activated without his permission, and he wasn't sure if the deceiver had noticed or not before he was able to lower them and hurry on his way.
A few fragments of tattered, volatile memories, a hand reaching out and the fall of blond hair over one shoulder and something - a bowl, maybe- shattering on the ground, and then dim blood on one arm, and a knife in the other hand, and a feeling of overarching rightness, Mother knows best.
That's what he'd gleaned; it was a confusing jumble, to be sure, and he wasn't even sure of what he'd seen, if it was true or not. Best not to meddle, he whispered to himself. Kano is capable of dealing with himself. And if I'm wrong, well, he'll be angry at me for meddling. And for using this curse of mine, but that was out of my control.
It wasn't just that, either; recently, Kano (and it felt like Kido had done the same) had seemed to estrange himself from the brave boy. He was terribly afraid that it was because of him, because his mind-reading ability had been switching on and off of its own will for the past month or so, and he had absolutely no way to control it but to let the seizure (of a sort) pass, and hope he didn't pick up anything too awful.
Shame welled up in him (why must I have such a terrible ability, that everyone must be on guard around me lest I slip up and catch their thoughts?), and he must've slowed in the brushing of Mary's hair, for she turned around and gave him a curious, searching look. "What is it?"
"Nothing," he reassured her, and thus calmed, she turned back to her book, humming happily.
Seto's mind was still turning, though, and he was unable to keep from prodding at the bundle of thoughts like a rotten tooth.
The atmosphere in their headquarters had been off-kilter for some time, and Kido was determined to find the source of it. Someone, somehow, was acting subliminally different, and it was throwing the whole balance off, like a puzzle with one of the pieces fitting wrong.
She began to observe, sliding from the one who motivated them to the one who watched in the shadows. Fitting, really. The invisible girl turns into the watcher. In no time at all, from analyzing the movements and speech and general personality of her friends, she pinned the discrepancy to Seto. He was somewhat more withdrawn, his brilliant smiles less frequent. Though he made a good show of being cheerful and the same exuberant Seto she'd known for most of her life, he didn't have the same skill that the deceiver wielded in smoothing over the flaws and the things that troubled him.
She cornered him in the living room, where he was straightening the pile of books Mary liked to read, and asked him straight out; "What's up?"
Seto dropped the book he was holding but managed to catch it again before it hit the ground. "What do you mean, what's up? Well, the ceiling is up...or do you mean what's wrong? Ah, nothing's wrong, nothing's wrong," he chattered.
Kido shot him a skeptical look. "Really."
"Really really!" Seto looked as if he were about to burst.
Kido considered pressing him, but it was best to let him stew for a little before trying to wrangle information out of him. With all the secrets he sometimes snapped up, he was loyal to a fault. The loyalty was admirable, but also, very occasionally, a bad thing. If something was wrong, she should be allowed to help him. That's what a family is for. A little crease of irritation sprouted between her brows. Seeing this, the brave boy dithered, placed the book down, and hightailed it out of the room.
The next day, Seto made the mistake of wandering into the kitchen while Kido was washing the dishes, and she whipped around and pinned him to the spot with a glare. Not literally, of course; only Mary could do that, but there was definitely something to be said for the paralyzing property of the glower of an irritated Kido. "So, how are things?" she said in a deceptively sweet voice. "Anything troubling you?"
Seto was saved by the sudden entrance of Hibiya, who had an empty glass to deliver to be washed. Upon seeing their standoff, he raised an eyebrow, passed a glance back and forth, and remarked, "The sink is overflowing."
Kido cursed and shut off the faucet, reaching for a washcloth to mop up the sudsy water. When she turned around again, Seto was gone.
Later that evening, she decided to take initiative and become invasive with her relentless search for information, slipping into his bedroom after him, and shutting the door. It was almost amusing, counting off the seconds until he noticed her.
Seto, who'd been by the window, adopted a comical pose of shock upon seeing her there. "Aah! What...what are you doing here?"
"You're going to tell me what's wrong." Her voice held no room for compromise.
"Who even says something's wrong?"
"Seto, you're not fooling anymore, least of all me."
All the air went out of his lungs, and he seemed a foot smaller then, as if he'd deflated. "Jeez, you always know these things..."
She detached herself from the wall and came over to him. "I take care of you all. I'm supposed to know these things." She patted the bed next to her. "Sit, and tell me all about your problems."
Coming out of anyone else's mouth, that would've been amusing, but from Kido, it was dead serious. Seto sat, sighed, ran his hands through his hair, sighed again. The green-haired girl waited patiently, and Seto finally broke.
"I kinda don't want to tell you this-" I figured, thought Kido wryly. "- but you know how my power's been acting up lately, right? Well, it was definitely an accident, and I might've seen into Kano's head-"
"Might."
"Ah, fine, I did see into his head." Seto closed his eyes, as if the memory pained him. "He's been thinking a lot about his mother lately, and I'm afraid he's been hurting himself."
"That's what's on your mind?" Kido was now worried, and the familiar line formed between her brows. "If you don't mind telling me, what exactly did you see?"
Seto looked glum, and she hated to put him in a position where he was uncomfortable. Having him divulge the contents of Kano's mind felt like trespassing, but it was absolutely necessary. Maybe this is what Seto feels like as he steals the eyes... Not for the first time, she felt a stab of pity for her friend. Impulsively, she put an arm around the taller boy, and for a moment, it was as if they'd been transported back in time to a certain room in a certain orphanage, where three demon children waited for better times.
Now, Seto's shock wasn't quite as comical. Kido suddenly wished that she didn't dole out her affection as sparingly, so that when she did apply it, those around her didn't cringe in anticipation of a blow. "If it makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to say," she said gently, and found to her horror that Seto's face was shining with tears. He was such an empath, always feeling for everyone, and if the state Kano was in reduced Seto to tears, then-?
"Ah, I'm sorry," said the brave boy, bringing an arm across his face hastily. "I didn't mean-"
"Seto, you don't have to apologize for having emotions."
That, at least, made him crack a smile. "Kido, you seem unnaturally affectionate today."
She shrugged. "I worry about all of us." We seem to be drifting apart, Kano and Seto and I, and if I could at least come out of this confrontation with one bond mended, wouldn't that be a single good thing for the bad?
Her wandering attention was drawn back to Seto when he started to speak. "I saw his mother, and I saw something breaking, and then I saw a knife, and then blood." He turned to her, solemn, eyes shining. "I worry too."
"I'll fix it," said Kido. "Promise."
And if Seto's eyes flared red (an accident, of course it would be an accident), he would see how much she meant it.
It was an easy thing to sneak into Kano's room at night and watch invisibly by the door as the deceiver dropped all pretenses and whispered and sobbed and wielded the knife with a savage familiarity that hurt her heart. How long? she wanted to ask, to run to him and take the knife from his hand and dry his tears, because that's what friends do for each other. How long have you let yourself suffer?
But interrupting right now would only push him further away. He would undoubtedly wrap himself up in further layers, more and more until he was swaddled in a big web of lies. Either that, or he would take...drastic measures to reunite with the woman who'd ruined his childhood, and that was definitely not the desired outcome.
What she and Seto both needed was just plain Kano, without the scars, and without the distance, and without the cancerous growth of love for his mother darkening his heart. Barging in on him now would not improve any situations, and with too much regret, Kido exhaled and started for the door, intending to squeeze through the crack between the frame and the wall.
Half a second later, she regretted exhaling, as Kano jerked upright. In a trice, the marks were erased from his skin, and that easy smile of his once more graced his features. Only now did she know how much of a lie it was, but as Kano padded towards her, that wasn't the foremost thing on her mind.
Shh...shh...Her power would be ineffective if he drew much closer, and he showed no sign of stopping. Kido flattened herself against the wall, shut her eyes, and thought of the little, useless feeling she'd been the embodiment of for the first few years of her life. Shunted aside, useless girl...It was not a reservoir of memory she'd ever wanted to tap again, but it was unavoidable.
She'd never known quite the extent of her invisibility, never really having or wanting a reason to press it. Now she did. The fog of invisibility grew thicker, and she drew it around herself like a dense shroud. Kano was right in front of her, and if she didn't know better, she would've thought he was staring straight at her. His breath was warm on her face, though his eyes focused on a point behind her.
After the longest time, the illusions slid down his features like water, and he returned to the window. His head made a dull thunk as he leaned it against the glass.
Kido quietly made her escape.
"Oi, Kido," said a familiar voice behind her as she cooked eggs. "What's for breakfast?"
"Your head, if you keep bothering me," she tossed back, though her voice lacked her usual bite.
Kano picked up on this, and tilted his head to the side. "Eh? What do you mean with that tone of voice?"
"I'm just tired, and I've got less patience than usual."
"A-"
"If you want these pancakes on your face, then just keep on talking."
"But Kido hasn't hit me yet today!" warbled the deceiver, grinning. "This must be a sign her affection for me is growing! Ah, Kido," Kano leaned against her and batted his eyes, "how radiant your skin appears today! Like the reflection of the sun in the sea, your eyes are shimmering, and - oof."
A purple-clad elbow buried itself firmly in his ribs, a few inches to the left of the most recent injury. Game face, poker face, that's nothing of pain. The illusion did not wane. Instead, he clapped his hands and crowed, "I was wondering if you would treat me like glass!"
By a complete accident, he let more of his inner layers out in that sentence, and the mocking tone he was aiming for wasn't pulled off well. Kido, alerted by the strange flatness of his voice, turned, and perhaps caught a smidgen of seriousness deep inside before he tugged up his tangled mass of layers. "Kano, is there a problem?"
"None at all, unless Kido wants there to be a problem." He leaned close and raised his eyebrows suggestively, though his quickly beating heart was in his mouth. Am I to be found out? Will they strip me from the only thing that keeps me sane?
In response to his flippant statement, her fist buried itself in his stomach, and he was glad.
Sometimes, at night, instead of reaching for the knives and the old memories, he glanced quickly around and clambered through the window. Kido only managed to catch him doing this by accident, joining him invisibly to watch and think and turn over the problem Kano presented in her mind, and lo and behold she saw him crouching outside on the roof and closing the window. A shadow flitted past, and then he was on the ground, walking quickly away.
Without another thought, she followed.
It was misting lightly outside, little pearls of water catching the light as they materialized on Kano's shirt, his hair. The concealer studied them intently, committing them to memory with a sort of dutiful stubbornness. If I fail in this endeavor, if it's too late to bring him back, I want to have something good to remember him by.
He walked with a cocky swagger and the sort of air that dissuaded others from talking to him, with Kido tailing him at a discreet distance. No one approached him, and the few others that were on the street made no eye contact, a favor he reciprocated. Stepping into the light of a streetlamp, he jammed his hands into his pockets, looked up at the moths dancing around the light, and exhaled in a slightly wavering tone.
Kido was close enough to hear him say to himself, "Where shall I go today?"
He flung his arms out in an expansive gesture, and shouted, "What grand adventure waits for me around the corner?" The people in the streets put their head down and hurried past the madman dancing in the spotlight, and Kano gave them his very best sneer. "Yes, run, hide from the truth! The world's an ugly place, and don't we all know it, don't you see it?"
His voice was smooth, lyrical, but the words were flowing out at an amazing pace. He didn't appear to take a breath. "Do I need to disillusion you? But you live here, don't you? Or do I need to move down from place to place-"
"Could you shut up?" A voice Kido had never heard before seethed with anger, and then shock. "Hey, it's the kid!"
Several people materialized out of the darkness, and Kido shrank back slightly, nerves standing on end. They were coming too close, but more importantly, why did they recognize Kano? What has he been doing this entire time?
"I thought I told you never to come back, or was the beating we gave you not enough?"
To the liar's credit, he didn't flinch, or if he did, it was stifled under the layers and layers. "Well, you know me, I'm notoriously bad at following rules."
"I suppose we'll have to drum them through your thick head again."
One of the others laughed, a high sound, and Kido realized under all the rags she wore, this thug was a female. "Because you know that would really work. Remember the time he ended up concussed?"
Concussed? When was this? Kido's mind raced wildly, trying to recall any memory of that sort of circumstance. Well, last month he was complaining of a headache and stayed in his room a lot. Why didn't he tell us? That's what family is for.
To her horror, she found that while she'd been lost in thought, someone had procured a board with nails sticking out of it, and another wielded a battered golf club that was stained with some foreign substance, and yet another brandished nothing but their meaty fists.
Kano's face remained in a smirk, but Kido could tell from his mannerisms that he was distinctly uneasy. He kept shifting his weight from foot to foot. "Now, now, friends, there's no need to be drastic. It was only a small bit of thievery, that's all-"
There are four of them, Kido realized belatedly. Four on one, or two, if I get involved-
The one that was a girl swung the board, and Kano sprang out of the way. "That was my mother's scarf that you stole, asshole! And you never gave it back, either! If she was alive, then I wouldn't be so mad. But it was her last! Gift! To me!" She punctuated each word with another swing, and on the last managed to catch his hoodie and tear a jagged line in it.
Kano froze, and the girl cackled with laughter at having elicited a reaction. "Not so happy now, pretty boy?" Kano didn't seem to hear her, fingering the jagged edges of the jacket Ayano had given him, and then seemed to ripple for a moment. Deceive away the tears, eh? Just keep lying to us, Kano, Kido thought bitterly.
"Now, that wasn't very nice." Kano's voice was almost normal as he ducked under the golf club, swung clumsily at his head. "You can't decapitate me with something like that."
Kido was still indecisive, and the time to act (or not act) was rushing closer. If I start to help him now, it would destroy any semblance of friendship we have left, as I was watching him, and he doesn't know for how long. But if I don't... She agonized over the choice, putting thought into all the possible consequences. It was an irritating habit that occasionally useful, but not now. She was never one for making snap decisions.
In the end, Kano had to make the choice for her. As the four thugs advanced, he fired off one last cocky retort - "Catch me if you can!" and turned tail and fled.
The four gave hot pursuit, and Kido upped and ran after them.
From the ziggs and zaggs the chase took, it was clear Kano knew this area well - much better than she'd ever believed. She hoped with all her heart that the deceiver would escape these four and an untimely death, hoped that this night would end well.
She caught up with the four following Kano, but didn't pull ahead of them, preferring instead to lope behind them. One was flagging, the cause no doubt the cigarette hanging from his lips. He slowed, called "I've gotta take a breather!" and ground to a halt, leaning both forearms against the wall. From her position at the mouth of this alley, she studied him, committing those features to memory, as she always did when she met someone new. He's so young, Kido thought, with guilt. He doesn't deserve this. Except he'd been part of the group, they'd concussed her childhood friend, and yes, he did deserve it.
Taking a deep drag on the cigarette, he didn't realize hear Kido's approaching footsteps until she wrapped her elbow around his throat and dragged him to the ground, hissing, "You want to invite an early death? Be my guest, but at least do it in a sensible manner." His mouth opened and closed like a stupid fish, and out of patience, Kido slammed his head into the ground. Once. Twice. Blood spurted, and Kido bashed one more time, in a final sort of "and stay down" gesture. Concuss my friend, will you? This is what you deserve.
Her rage guttered out almost an instant later. The young man wasn't moving, didn't look like he was breathing, and she stared at him in horror, and then at her bloodstained hands. A moment later, she emptied the contents of her stomach onto the ground, and then she was fumbling for a pulse.
Her victim moaned, moved his head a little, and she nearly collapsed in relief. Oh thank god I'm not a murderer...And then there was a shout from further down. She leaped to her feet and had hardly gone ten feet when she had to scramble to a stop behind.
Kano had come to a dead end, and the three thugs blocked off the only exit. Brick walls reached over him, and the hope in Kido's heart burst into flames and died.
"Now we've got you," said the girl, who was apparently the leader. "There's no escaping us."
Kido could only close her eyes as the three goons rushed in, wielding their makeshift yet still very deadly weapons, and howling like wolves on the hunt. Kano's screams tore at her ears, and above her, shutters were tightened, doors were locked.
As humans, what are we worth? A melancholy feeling diffused her thoughts, and she covered her ears tighter to drown out the screams. Right now, I am needed, and I cower here alone. Pathetic. Still, she wasn't spurred to movement until she felt the thugs brush past her, and once she was absolutely sure they were gone, she walked into the alley, dreading what she'd see.
Kano lay on his back, his hoodie stripped off him, and his shirt ripped and torn. Visible bruises patterned his body, as well as a few puncture wounds from those nails, two or three bloody holes on his back. His blond hair was mussed, matted, and for once, he wasn't deceiving anyone.
Kido rushed to his side, trying and failing to force back the tears misting her vision, and said thickly, "Idiot." But even as she spoke, he rippled slightly, and the worst of the injuries disappeared, then reappeared, ranging back and forth. When did he learn to do this? To hide even further than the point of obscurity, where nothing will bring him back?
Kano didn't seem to have heard. His eyelids fluttered, and his mouth curled into a bloody grin. "Are you happy, Mother?" he whispered, voice raspy from attempted strangulation. "Do you love me now? I'm sorry, I made a mistake again..."
"Oh, Kano..." Her voice choked off in her throat, and she wept hot tears over her hopeless, defeated friend, who lapsed back into unconsciousness. Illusions danced under his skin and subsided. It was worse than she'd thought. She had to fix this, and soon.
I will not break my promise.
With a groan, Kido gingerly lifted Kano into her arms, and he made an inarticulate sound in the back of his throat, a naked whimper/whine of pain. "Why are you so stupid?" she chastened, and bent and swept her friend's hoodie over her shoulder. She closed her eyes and focused her thoughts, and a moment later, they disappeared from view.
When she arrived home at no later than two in the morning, Seto was asleep. She hesitated by his door, still carrying the unconscious Kano, and almost knocked before pulling back. It is not my place to pull him into this. And though she didn't know it, that was another sign of the drawing away that had slowly engulfed their relationship.
Kido sighed in a businesslike fashion and carried Kano past Seto's room to his own, laying him gently on his bed, and, after a moment, folding his hoodie at the foot of his bed. As much as I want to fix this for him, I can't. He'll probably already be wondering how he got home, no sense in alerting him any more to this...
When he came to the kitchen for breakfast, late, as usual, he had a slight limp. and when he spoke, his voice was just a little scratchy, as if he'd swallowed sandpaper, though he still had his typical smile. Kido herself was exhausted, with no patience for his jibes, and the general breakfast camaraderie was missing. Seto immediately noticed that as well, and his usual cheeriness was subdued.
Between Kido glaring at her food, Kano not meeting anyone's eyes and collecting cut-up bits of toast on his fork, and Seto straining to bring life back into the kitchen, their morning meal was not enjoyable.
It was another habit of Kano's to go venturing out during the day and not return for a span of several days, and during that time, Kido felt obligated to follow him out, so it would just be Seto, Mary, and whoever else was in the apartment and not their normal house. Shintaro spent a lot of time at his own place, and Momo had her idol duties. Hibiya walked in and out at his whims, Konoha spent most of his life sleeping, and Ene would occasionally pop onto the TV screen and start up conversations.
On this particular day, a week after the terrible breakfast, Kano was out (had been out for two days now), Kido probably tailing him, and everyone seemed to be unavailable. Even Mary was napping, curled up catlike in a patch of sunlight on the couch. It was completely quiet within the house. Seto felt like a ghost, drifting aimlessly through the halls. Since today was a sort of holiday, all of his part-time jobs were giving him a day or so of vacation.
Normally, he would appreciate these types of things and use it to spend time with his friends (family). But now, with this distance stretching between them, even trying to leap the chasm would end in a wreck and a waste, and he was afraid, yes. Of what? Brave boy afraid of his friends rejecting him and leaving him behind?
It's a stupid fear, he told himself. We've grown up together. We're best friends.
But the chilly silence from the other day haunted him still, and he got up from his seat in his room to resume wandering directionless through the house. He'd walked these halls so many times that he felt as if he'd memorized each and every feature. He narrated them to himself as if he were a tour guide.
Here's my room. A few feet down and across the hall is Kido's room. Once Kano tried to go in there and she broke his arm, and I had to take him to the hospital. Here's a little table with some paper flowers in a vase on it. Now here is Kano's room, and then further away is Mary's room. Between their rooms is the stairs to the roof. There's Konoha's room - if you listen closely, you can hear him snoring. After his room are a few guest rooms, and if I turn here, I enter the bathroom. Kano liked this bathroom a lot for some reason. On the wall over there is a picture of a cat that Momo was proud of, though I feel like it's watching me every time I use the toilet. If I go in the other direction, it's a closet, the washing room, and then the kitchen. There's the dent in the table where Kido punched Kano so hard he smacked his head into it. There's the soot marks on the wall from the time Kano and I tried to cook Kido dinner and failed. Here's the crack in the window from the unfortunate incident with the noodles. The microwave and stove are next to the fridge, and if I turn this way it's the living room. There's the TV Ene likes to sit in, and here's the stain in the carpet from the time Mary spilled the tea. There's Mary now, doesn't she look cute? Now, there's the front door.
Seto stopped and stared at the door, imagining Kano and Kido walking back through it, smiling and happy and even joking a little until Kano says something stupid or insensitive, and Kido hits him, and they stop smiling and glare daggers at each other and there's a shouting match that makes Mary wake up and flee to her room -
He shook the image out of his head. Haha, that's not likely, is it? Even to himself, his thought was wavering and doubtful, and he hated that now, this is what life felt like. Is that how it's going to be? whispered a small, secret voice from the depths of his mind. That's the norm, and would it be so wrong to expect any different? Don't bother to hope for a better life, right?
"Aaand on with the tour," said Seto quickly, banishing those thoughts to the back of his mind, where they lurked in the silence, waiting for nightfall so they could torment him even more.
In a handful of minutes, he came full circle and was back at his room again. Now what? His gaze was drawn irrevocably towards Kano's door. If he is hurting himself, wouldn't it be best to stop it? breathed the little voice. It's been a little less than a month, and Kido doesn't seem to have changed anything. What's she waiting for? Is she afraid? Take initiative, Seto, take it and you can fix this.
His hand was on the doorknob and turning it, inside Kano's room before he could even think twice about the invasion. You steal their eyes all the time, this is just another form of stealing, is it not?
Then he was in Kano's room. He'd not been in there since the surprise party a few months ago. It seemed about as he remembered it, bed and desk and bookshelf and abstract picture on the wall. There was a feminine scarf in a delicate pink shade wrapped around the bedpost, and the window was unlatched, but those were minor differences. Somehow, he'd been expecting a complete overhaul, black walls and everything.
It was all so...normal.
Feeling guiltier by the moment, he shuffled to the bookshelf and skimmed the titles idly, pulling on a book spine or two in the half-hearted hope of finding a secret room. Alas, that was not to be, and he moved onto the desk. It was still clean wood, looking as if it had just been polished yesterday. A framed photo of the three of them lay on its side, knocked over - he assumed (hoped)- by clumsy hands. The drawers were full of assorted random items, nothing suspicious, and Seto allowed himself to believe that it was all normal. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I sent Kido off on a wild goose chase.
But then he noticed the way the mattress lay bumpy on the frame, and his fear rose again. Slowly, reluctantly, he knelt and lifted it, and there his fears were recognized. A little parcel, a manila envelope. Untitled. As if in a dream, he watched himself reach out, unpin the clasp, and pour the contents into his hand.
First was a knife. He recognized it from the vision he'd picked up from Kano's mind. Even the bloodstains were almost in the same spot, and he blanched and put it down. Second was a photo of a woman he didn't recognize, beat up and tattered around the edges. She's sort of pretty, Seto thought absently. And she looks like -
Duh. The realization was so obvious it almost bowled him over. Of course it's his mother. I even said as much when Kido confronted me. Idiot. He moved on. The third and final thing was a scrap of cloth that might've once been white, but time and constant unfolding and refolding had worn it away and stained it an almost ivory shade. If he leaned close, there was the hint of a faint flowery scent. Now, to fix this...
He returned objects to their envelope and set the mattress back in its place. If Kano continues to do this, it won't end well. That's why I have to be brave, I have to get rid of these relics, so he can move on from the past.
Outside, he stood in front of the dumpster with the envelope and its contents, staring into its depths. The sunshine from earlier had faded away, leaving his surroundings drained and colorless. "It's not that hard. Just take the envelope and throw it out, and the garbage team will come and pick it up later. Kano won't have these things to look back at anymore."
If it's so easy, then why am I just standing here with hands shaking and looking stupid and not letting go?
Locked in a silent battle with his better nature, Seto trembled violently, envelope pushing back and forth in the air until, with a disgusted sigh, he flung it to the ground. Not so brave after all. A moment passed, and he picked it up, trotted around to the garden at the front of the complex, and stuck it firmly inside the third rosebush from the left.
When he returned upstairs, Mary was awake, looking near tears. An expression of relief spread across her features as soon as she lit her red eyes on him. "I woke up and you were gone...I was afraid you'd left me alone."
Seto smiled, but the expression felt uncomfortable on his features. "I'm sorry, I had an errand. You know I'd never leave you." The knives and the photograph and the cloth chewed at his mind, and he stowed those with the other negative thoughts and focused only on Mary's smile.
Kido was beginning to notice a pattern in the places Kano went when he left. Most times, he'd walk through the streets, seemingly without destination, and she spent hours following him from location to location. It was those locations that the pattern was centered around; a small, run-down park with no distinguishable feature but monkey bars, a ratty convenience store with a decidedly suspicious looking manager, in front of an apartment room with the number scratched off, Ayano's grave, where he would invariably crouch and whisper things, and Kido would keep her distance, allowing him some small measure of privacy.
He tended to orbit through those regions, moving from one to the next with an ease borne of routine, but that routine was flexible. Once, he'd spent a good twenty minutes on a bridge staring at the water rushing beneath. Another time, he went to a park and sat on the swings, occasionally scuffing the dirt with his shoe for a tiny burst of momentum. During that time, she'd sat invisibly on the swing next to him, black eyes drinking in his every movement, trying to see through his masks, trying to find the flaw that made him this way. To fix him. To return things back to the way they were, the Mekakushi Dan against the world.
Among his apparent chaos was a rhythm she was this close to touching, but knowing how he walked through the city brought her no closer to understanding the mechanisms of his mind, and if she couldn't find the malfunction (or at least a way to repair it) then what the the point?
On the day that Seto explored Kano's room, Kano had just returned from a long walk in the woods. Following him then had been painstakingly slow, as one step on the wrong thing would lead to a noise that would alert the deceiver to her presence, and the crumbling card tower she'd been building up would collapse as surely as a dandelion blowing away in the wind.
From across the street, she watched him mount the stairs and go inside. Good. However, now she needed an alibi, and they needed more groceries anyway. I swear Konoha's a bottomless pit, the concealer thought as she browsed the items, picking things here and there. She hadn't been home in almost three days, and she had no idea the state of their supplies. As she paid, she considered the problem of Kano. A month had passed, and she was no closer to unlocking his secrets.
Kido arrived, reached for the doorknob, and thought better of it, instead choosing to peer through the tall windows on either side of the door..Seto was smiling and clapping Kano heartily on the back, and Mary was clinging to his arm. "Glad to have you back," Seto was saying, too happily. Kido took a note of how hard he tried and felt a rush of affection for her childhood friend. Even when things are as bleak as this, I'm glad he still tries to be the same old Seto we know and love. It was taking a toll on him, though. He was pale, exhausted. The strain showed on his features.
"I'm back," said Kido gruffly, elbowing the front door open, and Seto immediately rushed over to ease the burden of the bags. "Kano's back! Please don't yell at h-"
"Ah, Kano." She turned a flat gaze to him, and Kano's grin faltered. "What, are you mad at me?"
"Where have you been?" She stabbed an accusatory finger at him, full of righteous rage. I know where you've been, but you still have no excuse for walking away from Seto or Mary or whoever else lives here now. They worry. Even though I've followed you, I worry.
Kano shrugged. "Around," he said glibly.
"That's not enough!" She was vaguely aware of Seto shrinking back, his smile dropping like that of a child with his dreams crushed, and felt bad before her anger snatched her up again. "I was worried! I went out looking for you! Do you want to make me worry about you all the time? I don't have the energy to worry about you 24/7. Can't you even try to take care of yourself?"
The blond put his head on one shoulder, then the other. "I'm sorry for making Kido angry," he said at last, looking at her slant-wise. "I like to explore and do exciting things. It's like an adventure for me, since this group does nothing-"
"Ayano, our sister, founded this group! Don't brush it off like it's nothing!"
"I never said that it was nothing!" Kano retorted, his voice rising. "I just said that we don't do anything here! Am I not allowed to be bored?"
"Listen, Kano-"
His eyes glinted maliciously. "Perhaps we need a new leader, one that actually leads instead of blending into the background. We could at least do something... Come on, where's the fire of motivation? Or are you afraid to get burnt?"
Kido didn't really recall the next few seconds, except that suddenly her hands were around Kano's throat on old half-healed bruises she shouldn't know existed and Seto was yelling and the front door opened again to reveal Momo, whose jaw dropped and Mary's tears were like a shrill whining sound piercing her eardrums, and she was shouting into Kano's face "You want to reconsider that, asshole? Do you want to think that phrase over again or should I end your worthless life?" And Kano was gagging, but he still had that infuriating smirk on his face-
With Momo's help, Seto was able to wrestle the two away from each other, where they stood and glared. Tension crackled between them like static electricity. Mary's sobs quieted into little whimpers.
"What are you doing?" Seto sounded mad. His voice was raised and had an edge. This was serious. "Kano's back, and you come in, and-" He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. When he spoke again, his voice was markedly softer, though his eyes were still cold. "Can we have at least one night that's normal?" Can we go back to the way we were?
Bit by bit, Kido's fury drained away to be replaced with remorse. I'm supposed to be helping fix Kano, not to destroy him. A great person I am; nearly strangling my friend to death.
She brushed Momo's restraining hands off of her and sighed. "I admit freely that I made a mistake," she said in a low voice. "But Kano too is to blame."
"Oh, yeah, sure!" The laughing cadence of his voice had returned. "Everyone wants to kill me at some point or other, and I do agree my comment was out of line. So, Kido, I forgive you, if you will forgive me?"
Kido nodded curtly. The motion rippled down her hair.
"Now hug!" blurted out Momo, and when everyone turned to stare at her, she added, "To make sure you truly forgive each other." Kido was pretty pissed at Kano's comments, but one look at Momo's hopeful face and she relented. It would do no good for the others to see the leader fighting. Ha. Right.
Kano's expression was unreadable as he held his arms out, and she stiffly walked into them and embraced him. The top of his head was just about the level of her eyebrows. He was warm.
"There, see? You feel better now?" Momo's voice was too peppy for the agitated atmosphere, and they released each other and stepped back.
"Oh, I absolutely feel better. Thanks a ton, Momo." There was just enough sarcasm in Kano's voice for the orange-haired idol to notice, and she frowned at him.
Kido turned on her heel and strode away. Behind her, the deceiver was laughing.
"Hey, have any of you seen a manila envelope?"
Seto nearly choked on his lunch, but managed to swallow it without bringing notice to himself. Kano was standing by the refrigerator, all his weight on one leg. The other was folded, and he was tapping his bare foot against his lower calf.
Kido looked up at him - their relationship was still tense from the fight last night - and said, dully, "No."
"Well, it can't have just disappeared from my room," the blond snarked.
Kido started to rise from her seat, her fist clenched tight around her glass, but an anxious glance from Seto quelled her. "I suppose it could have. Seto, you know anything about it?"
"Nope, nothing." Seto shook his head. "Did you clean your room recently?"
"I don't think so." Tap. Tap. Tap.
"Maybe it got thrown out," said Seto, staring at his plate. "It wasn't anything important, was it?"
There was a pause, the air felt still.
"No," said Kano at last, "nothing too important. I can buy more. I guess if my stuff keeps disappearing-" Kido growled. "I can replace it."
He left, and there were a few seconds of silence before Kido said heavily, "You don't think I took his stupid folder, do you?"
And Seto, having done what he had, shook his head. "Of course not."
Kido did not spend all her time watching Kano. Some days, she returned home early and slept, or cooked, or read, or lay back and listened to music, or interacted with the other members of the Dan.
She continued to notice how Seto kept the conversations buoyant, practically dousing everyone in cheerful feeling. He was literally the life of the party. He was the one that kept everyone in line, kept things happy and fun. Somewhat like a camp counselor, she thought with a wry twist of her lips. I appreciate what he's doing, though he must be bothered as well by Kano's situation. He's doing better than I am regarding keeping things together.
So a day after the envelope incident, she managed to track him down. He was taking a break from one of his many jobs, absently eating a sandwich at a little table by a café. He startled when she appeared in front of him, and his distant gaze snapped onto her. "Aha, Kido! I didn't see you there. Why are you here?"
Kido felt a little coldness under his warm front, but put it down to the surprise of meeting her here. "I wanted to thank you."
Seto put his head to the side. "Why? What have I done recently to deserve to be commended?" His voice was a little stiff, and she thought she'd hear him emphasize the I of the sentence for no discernible reason. The brave boy sat rigidly in his chair, almost like a mannequin, and Kido wanted to frown but suppressed it. She'd been frowning too much for the past month or so.
"You've been keeping us afloat," she said kindly. "Without you, we'd be all silent, sulking in our respective corners. It's kind of like you hold us out of a quagmire. Sort of like saving us, eh?"
Seto took a large bite of his sandwich and chewed it thoroughly to avoid having to respond quickly. He swallowed, brushed his mouth with a napkin, and then turned to her. She saw, to her surprise, that his eyes held none of the animation he'd shown to the other members of the dan. Without that, she almost didn't recognize him.
"Saving us, eh?" he said, almost mockingly. "Like the way you saved Kano?" Both of them knew he was talking about the time she'd nearly strangled him when he'd finally returned home. Kido suddenly remembered the crushed-little-boy expression she'd seen on her friend's face, and felt another pang of guilt. It looks like I've gone astray here as well. Is it my fate to distance everyone who ever cared about me?
Seto's eyes flared against his will, and he picked up the tail end of that thought. Be quiet, he thought viciously to the snake in his mind. I need to stay composed for this, breaking down is not acceptable. His eyes gently cooled back to brown, and he smiled a little in satisfaction at the control before resuming his rant.
"Because then, you did a superb job. I'm sure that coming home to a person trying to kill him-" Kido winced. A person? A plain 'person'? Is that how far I've fallen? "- will do wonders for whatever's troubling him." Suddenly, Seto's eyes were blazing again, and this time he couldn't shut them up. He stared at a point past Kido, letting them unfocus, suddenly more worried about this mind-reading of his than ever. I don't want to know what sort of things she thinks about me now that I've gone against her.
Unaware of this, Kido countered him. "If I interfere too early, then I'll push him away and we'll never see him again. He may even go to drastic measures to-"
Seto slammed his fist down on the table. "I don't care. You're taking too long, and he keeps getting worse." He met her eyes, saw in her head the guilt and the twisting molten feelings inside as she watched Kano cut himself in the moonlight, and said nothing about it. Ignored it entirely, in fact. "I saw into him a few times recently. It's getting dark in there, and what's taking so goddamn long?"
Kido blinked. Seto...swearing? The world must've gone mad. "I already told you," she said in as calm of a voice she could manage. "I don't want to force him into-"
"I don't care! Fix him! You promised me that you'd help me put the pieces back together again, and it looks like you're doing nothing. Even I could do nothing better than you." The challenge hung in the warm afternoon air, a breeze pushing at it then and again. After a short, furious silence, Kido took it.
"Do you want to become the leader, then, Seto? I'm more than willing to step down and be Mekakushidan member #3." She pushed her chair back. "Have fun explaining to Konoha and Hibiya and Momo and Shintaro and Ene and, oh, Mary, why you believe you can do a better job than your commander."
Seto blanched as she flung Mary's name at him, but retaliated in an instant. "Perhaps they're afraid that you'll take this idea of yours into consideration, and ponder it for the rest of eternity."
Kido clenched her fists around the back of the chair, tense, prepared to whip forwards and smack him in the face. "Just because I think about things doesn't mean it should be a rare commodity."
"Sure, you think. You can think all you like, as long as you don't hide when you're done. Is that how you escaped the haze? Hid and waited for your sister to drag you out, and out of the goodness of her heart, did she permit you to go? Face it, you still follow orders, whether from your sister or from onee-chan, and you only pretend to be independent. You're no better than Kano!"
Kido, who'd already turned away, turned back at that, her expression thunderous. Immediately, Seto realized he'd gone too far. Insulting her, her sister, Ayano, and even Kano in the same breath? I'm done for.
After a pregnant pause, Kido sighed, a weary expression too old for her sixteen years settling over her features. "So the very person we are trying to save becomes an insult, is that right? We're the most pitiful heroes the world has ever seen. Ayano would be ashamed of us." She abruptly turned and strode into the crowd jostling before the crosswalk, flipping her hood up. In moments, she was virtually indistinguishable.
How low have we fallen, Seto thought morosely, that even when we're trying to save someone, we end up condemning each other and falling further and further apart? What we need is oil for our gears, so to speak. Like a machine whose mechanisms have rusted to uselessness, all we need is just a tune-up...right?
He tore at the corner of his sandwich, sprinkling pieces on the ground for the birds. On second thought, maybe cut out the similes and metaphors. Those just make it worse.
"I'm not very hungry," said Seto to the waitress when she returned, and left the rest of his sandwich on the table.
Kano was staring into the mirror on his desk. Mask dropped, eyes searching the face he saw as if it were all new to him.
In fact, he'd been doing that for the past ten minutes, and Kido, despite her stubborn vigilance, was getting a little tired. It had been a long day, and the argument with Seto had not improved her mood. Just when she was starting to nod off, Kano spoke, in a low rough voice she'd rarely heard him use.
"That's it, I'll do it. I'll tell them what the snake told me tomorrow. They deserve to know."
Kido perked up almost immediately. This is what that's all about? There was something a snake told him, something he hadn't told us, and is that what's causing this problem? Since the incident about the envelope, he'd spoken about his mother less and less during his midnight sessions, and focused more and more on a problem he'd never quite had the courage to mention. Now he did.
Those thoughts were banished almost immediately as the deceiver she'd been following for the past month or so leaned his head against the mirror and whispered, "And then I'll come to meet you, Mother." It looked like his cheeks were damp, but that could've just been a reflection, light from the street onto the mirror and then onto his face.
I'll come to meet you, Mother.
I thought his mother was dead, Kido thought abstractly. How's he going to- And then ice was flowing in her veins instead of blood, and it took all her strength not to run forwards, or to make a sound.
He's going to kill himself.
The realization was like a punch to the gut, and even the mystery of what the snake told him was pushed to the back of her mind. He's going to get up, walk out of your lives, and kill himself. Kano. Is. Going. To. Kill. Himself.
It was surprising that all this time, the thought had never occurred to her. She'd been spending late nights watching the blade meet skin, again and again, following this idiot, and never once did she even guess that Kano had this sort of thing in his mind. It was just this bland assumption of you wouldn't dare. Not after Ayano...not...no...You wouldn't deprive us of you, because you're family, and we do care. Not after Ayano.
Her mind seemed incapable of processing this fact, sticking on it like a skipping record. It sharpened itself with outrage, and then dulled into guilt. I was aware of this. Perhaps if I had done something differently...maybe confronted him, he wouldn't feel like that's the only option left. Seto was right about me; I'm too indecisive, useless.
"Even I could do nothing better than you." The words crashed in her ears as if for the first time, and her face grew hot."Dammit, Kano..." Her voice wasn't audible, lips barely shaping the words. "Why...why did you choose this?"
Tomorrow, then, when he spills this secret of his, I'll stop him. He'll tell us, and then I will go up to him and say "Don't. Don't you dare." And it will evolve from there. But I can't break into his moonlit solitude. This is his time alone, and being here is betraying his trust. If I appear to him now, some apparition out of the dark, his trust will be irrevocably shattered. I have to give him something he can live for.
Tomorrow.
Kido tiptoed out of the room, batting at tickling wet streaks on her cheeks. I'm not crying, she told herself fiercely. Not for him. I'll convince him to live, as soon as he opens his mouth. I know I can do it.
She was afraid to sleep, that Kano might take the knife and end his life with it, and she would miss it.
Kido waited all day, hovering near Kano, waiting for some grand announcement. Her friend seemed a little less stressed, a little more open, and it was a pleasant lapse back into his normal personality. However, knowing what she did, she couldn't help but scrutinize his actions, trying to find a chink in his protective layers.
He said nothing of snakes. Even when, daring greatly, Kido asked "Is there anything you want to tell us?" while he was scraping his plate clean, he cocked his head, swallowed the last bite, and grinned and said, "Why do you ask?"
"Nothing," she said, a little too quickly. "You seem happier today, is all."
In his room, Kano curled up on his bed and beat his fists against his skull. "Ah, I'm such a coward, I can't tell them something they need to know like this. It's for the better if I go, then. Seto and Kido are nowhere near this cowardly. I'm a disgrace. Even when Kido asked, I couldn't say anything...if I can't even tell her how I feel, then I certainly don't deserve to live."
The knife made its appearance, and Kido was past caring about the lines it carved. In fact, she was mere feet away from him, ready to snatch up the knife if he tried anything drastic. (Ah, if this sort of occurrence is now commonplace, then I have indeed taken too long.) However, this part of the ritual remained the same, and Kido was just beginning to think he'd been bluffing when he did a new thing; headed up to the roof.
The night was pleasantly crisp. Autumn would be here in a matter of weeks, and Kano was sitting with his legs dangling over the side of the roof, bending far too far over to look over the edge. "Here goes, then-" he began, and that was when she finally made her move.
"Stop!" Her voice was laden with far too many emotions, and she berated herself even as he turned, face the picture of shock.
I have to be calm, calm and controlled. Acting desperate and unhinged would scare him almost as much as his actions scared me.
But shouldn't I show him? The stress, the strain? He deserves a bit of a scare, doesn't he?
I am not going to manipulate him. He's my friend.
What I'm doing is gambling. Here, I say that being cold and logical will bring him back to his senses. If anything, it'll do better than hysterical, sobbing Kido.
(This bet, this round, and oh, the dice are out!)
(You're betting your friend's life?)
(Those are awfully high stakes. If you're wrong, then he is forfeit.)
(Are you really willing to risk it?)
"What are you doing here, Kido?" Kano's voice was unsteady, not as composed as it could have been. The illusions on his skin didn't shine true, but at least he was standing, moving away from the edge, and that was what she wanted.
"A month. That's how long I've been watching you. Seto was reluctant to share, but I coerced him into spilling the beans."
"W-what?"
"Don't be mad at Seto. It was an accident on his part." She approached him. "But are you really this much of a coward?" The words felt like poison leaving her mouth. Cold. Logical. Gambling too much. I don't want to have bet wrong, to make him jump. And even as she thought that, she indicated the fall dismissively. "Are you really going to leave us right when we're on the verge of understanding this mess we've found ourselves in."
Kano's face - the deception hiding it, to be exact - wavered. "I-"
"You nothing." Now they were close enough to touch. "If you miss your mother that much, then go ahead. If the woman who abused you for the first six years of your life is worth more to you than this family, then go." Her voice lost some of its resolute coolness on the second sentence, but she managed to keep herself composed, and waited.
Kano seemed bewildered, but composed himself. "You know nothing-"
"At this moment, I don't plan to. Do whatever you want. But, however, I do want to know this; how long?" How long have you been doing this to yourself? Perhaps some of her desperation shone through in that final word, and in answer, Kano peeled off his hoodie, looking almost naked without it. And then he went further, loosening the lacings of his shirt and pulling that over his head. For a moment, his skin was smooth, and she felt embarassed, heat settling in her cheeks.
And he dropped the mask.
His torso had a ladder marked in cris-crossing white lines, and more scars were matted across his arms. It was a camouflage pattern of thin lines and scabs, old and new, and the cuts he'd inflicted not even five minutes ago were still glinting darkly in the moonlight.
"Are you happy now?" His quiet voice was like broken glass, and she couldn't fathom his expression.
"Why do you do this to yourself?" Kido's voice was nothing much more than an exhale, hardly even more than a thought. I already know, don't I?
She took a moment to appreciate this boy with all his defenses down, vulnerable, shivering slightly. Her mind flashed the memory of Kano on the street with dew like diamonds in his hair, and she felt warm despite the breeze.
"You have too many of those, but they're superficial compared to the damage done in here," she said matter-of-factly, tapping the skin over his heart. "What you need is to be fixed there. Your mother is gone, and so is onee-chan, and we can't get them back." She hated to be so harsh, hated the role she'd put herself in, but it was too late to back out now. "And they seem like they're the only sort of bandage that will fit over the cracks in your heart, to fix you, and I don't know what else I can do!"
She was pacing. Kano was watching her pace with a sort of stunned, muted look, like one of a small child. Nothing of his personality was in that look.
"How can I help you? I have to take care of everyone. Ayano told me to. You've had your own burden for far too long!" She subsided almost at once, frustration a dying flicker, and then finally gave into her curiosity, reaching out to trace the nearest scars, counting them. Analyzed like this, they almost make a pattern.
Kido lightly ran her fingers along the length of a long rough shape that crossed from his left shoulder to the bottom of his ribcage, and Kano's breath hitched and became ragged. He lifted his arms for her to further observe.
The concealer lost count at sixty and feels a slow wave of pity for him. There was a particularly nasty cut just bellow the line of his shirt collar (she'd watched him inflict it just a few days ago), and she impulsively leaned in and kissed it, nothing more than a brush of her lips against the skin, the way a mother would soothe a child with scraped knees.
Maybe something in that act spoke to him, for Kano meekly, almost fearfully indicated another scar, this one located a few inches below his right ear, and she hesitated before thinking of her duty to fix him. She felt very warm as her lips met the tender skin. Another light, phantom kiss, and Kano trembled, sighed, his exhalation turbulent.
Kido was directly in front of his face now, and, unable to resist the urge (as if possessed), the deceiver slowly tapped his lips.
At that, Kido recoiled (out of shock, not revulsion), but Kano leaned forwards and caught her, and their kiss was violent and passionate and Kano said with the embrace what he couldn't say in words. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for making you worry. I was stupid. I still am stupid. I'm sorry.
Kano let her go, and Kido backed away, needing distance between the two of them so she could think straight. Her cheeks were burning. "What was that? Another trick? Right, pretend to be weakened, and steal a kiss from me?" She wasn't sure whether to be angry or something else.
"You said it yourself," said Kano, the first words he'd spoken since she'd asked him how long he'd hurt himself. "I need to fix this overused heart of mine, so that I may not break myself. To borrow your own words, you're as good a bandage as any. Better, actually." Some of the old flavor was back in his voice, and she rejoiced to hear it, never mind the sort of things he was saying-
And Kano took the her flustered silence as an agreement, and almost tenderly met her lips again, and Kido was sure her face was going to burn right off. And Kano stepped away again, pulling his shirt over his head in a smooth movement, and heading for the stairs.
(I gambled right, after all...)
"Wait." Barely even aware that she'd said it, Kido continued. "I-I'm not very good at this sort of thing, but...any time you need me, instead of reverting to your old habits, I promise I will always make time for you." She took another step forwards, close enough for her to reach out one arm and run her fingers lightly over the freshest scabs. (And felt a tiny thrill of pleasure as his breathing sped up.) "This method of coping is obsolete. And this-" she pulled him into a quick kiss, taking him by surprise. The warm blush of happiness this brought her was beyond her expectations, light rain like precious jewels in his hair, and she thought, quietly, I could get used to this.
"-this is the new way." Kido leaned her forehead against his, and Kano's smile was real for the first time in months, radiant like the sun. (Were those tears of gratitude in his eyes?)
(like precious gems)
Kano insisted that she stay with him that night, and she couldn't refuse him. "Though if you try anything-" she warned him, and he merely batted at a strand of her hair, catlike, and smiled.
There was a scarf knotted around his bedpost that had a flowery scent, and Kido raised an eyebrow at it. Noticing her look of disapproval, he sighed. "I know...it's a little weird. I'll get rid of it." He deftly untied it and threw it in the trash, while Kido was remembering the enraged shouts of a girl and her friends, ganging up on the thief. "It reminded me a little of my mother, is all."
He fell asleep almost instantly, balled up next to her and cutting all the circulation out of her arm. She was reluctant to move it, though, as his fingers were loosely folded around her hand, touching as lightly as butterfly footsteps. This is probably the first good sleep he's had in months...
Presently, she too slept, a weight taken off her shoulders.
When the dawn light was just starting to glitter through the closed shades, Kido awoke, briefly confused as to her location, but the weight squashing her arm reminded her. She smiled at Kano next to her and carefully extricated herself to go make breakfast, as she usually did.
"Where are you going?" She turned to see Kano looking up at her, sleepy-eyed. Despite his smile, his eyes were worried. Are you leaving me? Did I do something wrong?
"I'm making breakfast," Kido replied, business-like, and his smile gains a tier of relief. "What, did you think I would leave you already?" She rolled off the bed and onto her feet, but remained crouching at eye level. "Anything particular you want?"
"You," she thought she heard him mutter into the pillows, and the familiar sweet warmth rose in her cheeks. Before she could comment, though, Kano turned his head to meet her eyes. "Surprise me."
She nipped in for a quick kiss (I'll have to get used to this, won't I?), and Kano reciprocated before shooing her away. "Now go. Away, slave, make me a delicious meal, and let get some peace and quiet in here."
In response, she lightly flicked the back of his head and tiptoed out, closing the door behind her. Kano looked as if he'd already fallen asleep. The gray morning light flattered his features, and that warm feeling uncurled again. I don't think last night was as spur-of-the-moment as I'd originally thought.
More of the dawn pallor was poking through the windows in the hall as she padded down it to the kitchen. It looks like today's going to be a cloudy one.
"Let's see...bacon and eggs or waffles?" A quick glance in the refrigerator confirmed that they were absolutely out of eggs, and she scrawled a note to herself on the grocery list. "Waffles it is." For a few minutes, Kido was able to lose herself in the routine movements of baking, moving around the kitchen in a small whirlwind of activity. The coffee machine beeped at her, and she slapped her forehead and poured in water. How do I even forget that?
A footstep scuffing at the doorway knocked her out of her reverie. "Good morning," she said absently, sprinkling an extra touch of sugar into the batter.
"Uh, Kido, I..." It was Seto speaking. The bitter words and leftovers from yesterday flooded to the forefront of her mind, and a cutting retort was on the tip of her tongue. I don't want to hear it. I don't care. Don't talk to me. Leave me alone.
Forestalling any of those things was the bubbling of the coffee machine, telling her that the coffee was finished, and if you'd be so kind to drink it now, that'd be great. "Hold on a moment, Seto. Coffee first, so we all can feel more civilized at this horrible hour of morning. Sit."
He sat. Kido whisked over to the machine and grabbed two mugs, filling one and then the other without spilling a drop. "Sugar?"
"Yes, please," replied Seto meekly. "And milk, too, if you'd be so kind."
She added the requested ingredients, and then brought the sweetened coffee to him. She frequently took hers black. The heat was like fire through her veins, and it greatly helped her mood, washing away the sour feeling. "Now, what were you going to say?"
"What I wanted to say was, um...I mean, I was wrong to say those sorts of things, and I...I'd like to apologize. For earlier. At the café. When I, you know, was a giant jerk. I was speaking out of hand." He was looking away and twisting his fingers together, clearly nervous. "Will you accept my apology?"
Kido leaned forwards across the table, pressing her hands flat. "You're not the only one that was in the wrong. You were right about me, too. I was taking entirely too long to make a move, because I was afraid. Terrified, really, that I was going to screw up and be the one who knocks Kano into the abyss. So I accept your apology." She decided to refrain from telling Seto that he'd on the verge of suicide, though if she wasn't mistaken, his eyes were red for the fraction of a second.
"Really?" Seto's face lit up. "Oh, thank god, I was so worried I'd made you hate me...we're already getting too far away." Lowering his voice a little, he asked, "How's Kano? Is he still-"
"Am I still what?" The deceiver in question was standing in the doorway, hair tousled from sleep. Though he didn't look particularly alert, it was hard to tell with him, or to try and figure out how long he'd been standing there.
"You're up early," Kido observed, eluding his question.
"Yeah, well, I smelled coffee. I hope that's for me," he said, making a beeline for her cup and pouring half the contents into his mouth. "You know, that was actually mine," Kido remarked dryly, and smiled a little at his face of disgust. "Ugh, it's bitter! Let me fix this." Kano spooned sugar into the fluid rapidly, and then stirred it.
"It's a good thing there's still stuff for me, then," Kido sighed, and got out a third mug.
"Now, what am I still?" Kano's voice was deceptively cheerful, and Kido's heart was in her mouth. Her thoughts were something like oh shit oh shit oh shit he knows, he knows! He's going to be so mad, and our solution won't have worked after all-
"Still alive," said Seto cheerfully. "You know, you've been sleeping pretty heavily lately, and we were joking about it. You sleep like the dead, you know."
Nice cover, Kido thought at him, though Seto's eyes weren't red.
"You think so?" Kano laced his hands behind his head to cover a small shudder. A little too close to home, that... "You'd be surprised, then."
"Hm? What, do you need tranquilizers?" Seto offered, feigning sweetness.
Kano rolled his eyes. "Ha, ha, very funny." He took a sip of his coffee. "But I think my insomnia is over with."
"And is that a lie?" Kido was at the counter, pouring the batter into the waffle machine. Her tone suggested nothing but indifference, though both boys knew her well enough to tell that all her attention was focused on his reply.
In answer, Kano sauntered up to her and bent until he could see her eyes, though she refused to look at him. "I don't know, Kido, what do you think?" His tone was playful, belying his sincerity. "Did I fail to prove myself last night? Or were you lying when you said you'd always make time for me?"
Seto was watching them with wide eyes, coffee cup in midair. The brief, tiny glimpse of Kido's thoughts he'd gleaned earlier did not provide him with enough background to understand their current conversation.
"I wouldn't lie to you," said Kido, inaudible.
Kano exhaled in relief, nuzzling his face into the curve of her neck. The tip of his nose was cold, and she smiled a little but pushed his head away anyway. He shot her a mock-wounded look. "I'd hate to have to break up our friendship after we'd reformed it."
"You don't need to worry about that," Kido replied, and flipped switch the machine on. A little red light went on, and almost on cue, Kano yawned. "Ah, I think I'll go back to sleep while the waffles are cooking. We should get a new one; these take like ten minutes." He closed his eyes and inhaled the warm batter scent.
"But you just got here. And what about your coffee?" Seto broke into their conversation, peering into Kano's over-sweetened coffee. "You're the only one, besides Mary and Momo, that take it that way."
"It's gross," piped up Kido tonelessly, struggling to suppress a smile.
Kano smiled his typical snarky grin. "Well, you'll wake me up in time for waffles, right?" He strolled into the hallway, and presently they heard his door closing. It was a little too good to be true: now that she had Seto paying attention to her actions, Kano moved away enough for her to explain. They spoke back and forth in hushed whispers. Kido kept most of the story to herself; she didn't feel like Seto needed to know every single street the deceiver had turned down in his walking days. But Seto, in turn, used his power in carefully controlled bursts, and through that method, most of the story ended up being spilled out in silent letters between them.
When Kido finished, there was a silence. Seto looked into the bottom of his mug, waiting for his red eyes to burn out. At length, he said, "Well, that explains a lot. I also-"
"Tell me about it." Cutting him off, Kido leaned forwards and rested her head on her hands. "But I cut it too close - he was right there - just on the brink of the rooftop, Seto, and if I'd waited for half a second longer - I...I screwed up. This time I gambled right. But It was so close, he was right there - "
And finally, the burden Kido carried melted away completely, and with the easing of the pressure came tears. Horrified at her show of emotion, she wiped ineffectually at her face, cheeks flaring red, before mumbling "Excuse me" and choosing to push away from the table and burst out the front door. Cool, bright morning sunlight flooded in, and the pounding of Kido's footsteps quickly shrank out of earshot. Distantly, the waffle machine beeped.
For a good ten seconds Seto simply stared at the door. Dreamlike, he stood and closed it, turning back to the kitchen to find Kano at the doorframe. The sleepiness was gone from his face, if it'd ever been there at all. If Kano had even gone back to bed at all.
"So, Seto, you want to tell me what that was about?"
And the brave boy, overwhelmed, stuttered out, "Th-The waffles are ready."
Why the hell am I crying? Kido thought, blindly sprinting through tracks and alleys she only remembered narrowly. Kano had come this way before, but she'd always busied herself with him instead of her surroundings. I shouldn't feel sad. I did it; Kano's all right now, and...
Because you were too close. Too close.
Ah, and now I've made Seto worry again, just as I promised that things would be better. What hypocrisy.
Presently, she slowed to a jog, then a walk, sneakered feet slowly dragging to a halt in the middle of a road she'd never seen before. The streets were sparsely populated, and the few early risers walking their dogs paid her little attention. Gazing about herself with a sort of mute dismay, she briefly considered turning back to try and meander her way home, but no. I need to calm down, first. Running out of the house like that was a terrible idea. Stupid.
The sun rose a little higher, and it was burning away the grayish slivers of fog that still clung stubbornly to blue shadows, and it was at that time that Kido started to recognize her surroundings. Hey, there's that bridge that Kano liked to watch the water under. I don't know how to get home from here, so maybe if I sit out here and wait, they'll eventually find me.
It wasn't much of a bridge; perhaps ten feet long, wooden, curving up in the middle, and festooned with locks. A secret-keeping bridge. The river it crossed was more of a creek, and she probably could jump over it if she got a running start. However, it was a quaint little place, nicely shaded, and not too popular, by the looks of it. Graffiti was mysteriously absent from the scene. Yes...I hope they find me here.
With that her only plan, she settled on a convenient bench, and after a few frantic cycles, her thoughts switched back to the boy who'd been on her mind more than anything else for the past month. What are they doing right now? Is Seto telling Kano about what we've done? Should we tell Kano? We went to all this effort to save him, but perhaps it's better not to tell him how terrified we were.
(You're gambling again.)
Yes, she was gambling, but she had to get used to this new relationship between her and Kano, and she had to get used to the feeling of freedom that his safety gave her, had to find a normal order of things again - and dammit, she was tired. I have every right to be tired. I don't want to make decisions right now. I just want to relax. I need to be alone. I...
And with her selfish wish clutched to her chest, she sat in the cool morning shade and waited.
"What do you mean, you can't tell me now? I want to know why you were talking about me." Kano folded his arms, his face cold.
"We have to find Kido first." Seto looked away guiltily, unwilling to spill secrets behind Kido's back. He'd glimpsed the vestiges of a relationship in the warm thoughts budding in her mind, and he didn't want to shove a wedge where it didn't belong. "Kido knows..."
"Kido knows what?" Kano blocked him as he tried to sidestep around the counter and break for the door. "How come you're lying to me?"
"I'm not the one who was lying," Seto said, voice firm, not meeting his eyes. And that tone, the words coming out of his mouth - Kano was taken aback, briefly, and the brave boy took control of the situation. "C'mon. I'll tell you when we find Kido. Do you know which direction she went?"
Kano pointed, face unreadable and secluded in silence, and Seto worried that he'd undone all they'd worked for him with. "You start, I'll catch up with you in a minute." He wasn't expecting his friend to obey, but the furious silence that seemed to emanate off him in waves (i don't even need these eyes to see) was more terrifying than his obedience. Kano started up the street, and Seto made a quick dash around the side to a certain area. Third rosebush from the left.
With a small flourish, he withdrew a somewhat weather-beaten manila envelope. He unfolded the flap and took a quick peek inside to make sure that the contents were still there, then tucked it into his hoodie and speedwalked to catch up to Kano. "How do you know where she is?" Seto asked. Better to cut directly to the point.
"Because she texted me not even a minute ago," he replied dully, holding up his phone for Seto to see. "Oh," said the dark-haired boy lamely, and the rest of the walk passed in a tension-filled silence. The brave boy felt on the verge of tears. We could pretend to be normal for the space of ten minutes at most before we're falling apart at the seams again. What kind of world is this?
"Why are you angry?" Seto said at length, and Kano turned those feline irises on him.
"Why am I angry?" Kano mused, rolling the words around in his mouth like stones. "I'm not angry."
"You're not?" Seto was flabbergasted. "But I thought - "
"Just because Kido's wrapping up my heart doesn't mean I'll stop deceiving." To Seto's shock, he offered a weary wink. "I've not changed that much yet. I just..." He let his voice trail off, staring off at the horizon. "I kinda wish you'd trust me more. Going behind my back all sneaky-like to inspect me and go through my stuff... I had a feeling I was being watched, though I'd put it beneath you to do that sort of stuff. I can take care of myself, you know."
They reached a happy little creek in one of the city parks. It was spanned by an antique little bridge, and Kano frowned. "Kido said she'd be around here- "
"If you think you can take care of yourself, then why were you preparing to jump off the roof?" Seto blurted out. Kano opened his mouth, but Kido's voice cut in crisply.
"Right, like the way you kept cutting and cutting and cutting until I was surprised you weren't dead." The concealer materialized out of the shadows under a tree. "You lied to us, told us you were fine. And the sickening part is, we believed you! The two of us, your family, the ones supposedly the most immune to your lies, you pulled the wool over our eyes! We fell for it, and all the while you were hurting! We're your family, you're supposed to tell us this stuff." The hot tears threatened again, but she held them back behind her eyes.
"But no, you just kept secrets and secrets and secrets, and now that they've all come to light, you're mad at us for snooping. Of course we snooped! We're worried about you. If I was too late, if I made a mess of things, you'd be nothing but a pancake on the sidewalk that we'd have found this morning. And you say you can take care of yourself." Kido lifted her chin defiantly, daring him to reply.
"Well - I - You see here, though, I wasn't worried about that. What I suspected is that I was being watched; there were a few small discrepancies within my life that didn't add up. For example, arriving home after the gang bang with no memory of how I'd gotten there, hoodie folded up neatly, was a big one. Plus, sometimes, it sounded like the walls were breathing. That was you, Kido, wasn't it?"
The concealer averted her eyes. "Maybe..."
"Well, I knew I was being watched, though I didn't know you knew the extent of it. So good for you there." His voice was choked, wounded. "But you could've told me about this. I would've listened to you, too. Sometimes, all I need is for someone to stretch out and remind me that I'm valuable."
Kido reached out and took his hand, awkwardly but surely. "I think you're valuable." And the smile Kano gave her warmed her to her toes.
"Er...here, I forgot to mention this earlier, but you'd probably want it back." A blushing, abashed Seto fumbled in his hoodie and withdrew a manila envelope. Kano's eyes flashed. "This! So this is where this went, hm? And to think that I'd been blaming Kido when the truth thief was right next to her." His voice was neutral, but his eyes crinkled a little in a smile as he dumped the contents into his hand. There was a knife, rusty, matted, reeking of metal, and without a second though, the deceiver flipped it over his shoulder into the stream. Both Kido and Seto breathed a silent sigh of relief.
Done with that now. The only other object was a faded and worn picture. Seto had already seen it, but Kido hadn't, and she looked on the young woman in the image with interest. "Is that-?"
"Yes."
"It's nice," offered Kido thoughtfully, and then startled when Kano started to fold the ancient paper. "Hey! What're you doing?"
He didn't respond, merely bent his solemn gaze on the paper. Gold hair swung around his ears, and Seto watched them, feeling remarkably un-third-wheel-like. Kido turned her attention back to what Kano was doing with the paper. "There." A crane, pattered with old film image, sat on the side of the little bridge. "Done. Nee-chan taught me."
"One down, nine hundred ninety-nine to go," she teased lightly, and moved her hand so she was slipping one arm through his. Seto ended up looping his arm through one of Kano's as well. "Let's go get breakfast?" Seto suggested after a moment, and the three of them laughed together, a beautiful harmony.
The discarded manila envelope flipped once, twice. The wind tickled it, but it remained stubborn, flat against the ground until the enterprising wind managed to flip it over the side.
The crane, however, despite being denser, took flight on the first gust.