You've Got (Hate) Mail
Summary: Set just after he cuts ties w/ Cerberus, Shepard Decides To Share The Illusive Man's Contact Details To The Rest Of The Galaxy As A Form Of Payback For All The Grief He Has Caused. And The Results…. Are Certainly Not Pretty To Say The Least. Disclaimer: I Don't Own Mass Effect Or Any Of Their Characters, Ok?
Chapter 1:
Fr: CmdrShepard
Subject: Have Fun
Hiya.
I just want you to know what a real PRIVILEGE it has been working with you (I'm being sarcastic here if you haven't noticed).
I enjoyed doing your dirty work so much that I decided to share choice details of your illustrious organization (courtesy of the lovely Miss Lawson who sends her WARMEST regards) and your extranet email address to anyone interested.
And by anyone, I meant the ENTIRE galaxy at large. So goodluck with the expected influx of mail from all sorts of people and everything it entails. Teehee!
Well gotta go. Still have to come up with plans to save the galaxy and maybe in the process, throw a couple of HUGE monkey wrench in yours…. But then again, with the problems you've got coming your way, maybe I don't need to
Ciao
Commander John Shepard
Alliance N7 Marine & Citadel Council Spectre
Fr: JokersWild
Subject: SUCKERS!
Guess this is it.
I'd like to say it's been a blast working with you guys but I'd be lying.
Thanks for giving us the sweet ride though. And EDI. Can't forget about EDI.
Later SUCKERS! Hahahaha!
Lt. Jeff "Joker" Moreau
Alliance Pilot
Fr: LittleMsPoet
Subject: Let Loose The Dogs Of War
Dear Illusive Bastard
You pretty much get the idea of the header, right?
Now that the Skipper is out of the line of fire, there's NOTHING to stop me from going full bore N7 marine on your collective asses.
I KNOW your organization had something to do with the attack on the original Norrmandy. And if I know Shepard, you're prime suspects in his mind too.
When the time comes, we WILL find you in whatever rathole you're hiding in and when we do, expect it to hurt…. A whole lot.
Lt. Commander Ashley Williams
Alliance N7 Marine.
Fr: LTAlenkoBio
Subject: Aspirins?
Listen.
I'm not gonna waste my time arguing semantics with you coz I KNOW you're not going to listen and frankly speaking, it's not worth the headache.
I get enough of that from my implants, thank you very much.
But it will never be as bad as the fallout from Shepard's little revelation about your organization and it couldn't happen to a nicer group of guys. Hehehe.
Hope you stocked up on aspirins. You'ee gonna need it.
Lt. Commander Kaiden Alenko
Alliance N7 marine
Fr: TyrantWrex
Subject: The Void Awaits
Dear Pyjak
I believe the proper human term is 'You done goofed son'.
Not only did you decide to voluntarily bring back the very instrument of your destruction from the void, you also thought it'd be a good idea to strenthen him to the point that he is ALMOST as powerful as ME!
And you thought you could control him?! Hahahaha! That's hilarious! As if somebody whom Urdnot Wrex considers to be an equal could be so weak willed. And that was BEFORE you revived him.
I already asked Shepard if I could be there when he decides to go after you. I'm gonna enjoy watching you squirm like the worm you are so you better make it entertaining or else I might just get in on the action myself.
Hell…. I might just do that anyways just so you don't squirm your way out of it.
Urdnot Wrex
Krogan Overlord
Fr: TzorahVNormandy
Subject: Payback
Payback is a bitch Illusive Man.
And that bitch is carrying a shotgun and an omnitool full of dirty tricks.
Watch your back bosh'tet.
Admiral Tali Zorah Vas Normandy
Fr: Archangel
Subject: Second Chances
Hi. You may not know who I am so let me introduce myself. My name is Garrus Vakarian. Former C-Sec officer, former Spectre candidate and the vigilante formerly known as Arkangel.
Now I know what you're thinking. Why doesn't a xenophobic terrorist organization like yours know of Archangel's true identity? The answer? It's because you assumed he'd be human. And as we all know, to assume is to make an ASS out of U and ME…. Well maybe just you and your evil little minions rather then me.
But I digress. I wrote to you to say that despite all the atrocities you and your organization have done, I'm still very much willing to give you a chance. After all, you DID bring back my best friend from the dead and that act alone merits some consideration. Maybe a little head start when we get around to chasing you and your sycophants down.
By the way, do you know what's the maximum effective range of the Thanix cannon?
Garrus Vakarian AKA Archangel
Fr: SBroker
Subject: Power
To Mr. Jack Harper (Yes I know who you are)
They say that information is power.
And considering what I do these days, I've got quite a bit of it as you well know. All Shepard has to do is say the word and every resource at my disposal will be focused on you.
So may the goddess have mercy on your black soul because we certainly will not considering everything you and your organization have done.
Doctor Liara T'Soni AKA Shadow Broker
Author's Notes: Inspired from TenyumeKasumi's 'You've Got Mail', Something new for everybody. Enjoy