Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight...I only wish!

Author's note: I've posted this chapter earlier but wasn't quite satisfied with its contents so I've rewritten it. The story continues right after James' attack on Bella. Edward is tormented with thoughts he couldn't keep his beloved Bella safe. Bella wants nothing more than to be changed into a vampire. Will Edward grant Bella's biggest wish?

Please enjoy this first chapter and don't forget to comment. I highly appreciate your opinions!

Wishing you all a nice weekend,

McJinx

U N D I S C L O S E D D E S I R E S

Chapter 1 'Playing With Fire'

B E L L A

It all had happened so incredibly fast, my mind was kind of in a blur. Before I even realized I had almost died or turned into a vampire (which wouldn't have been so bad…at least in my opinion), I was lying in Carlisle's car, being driven to the hospital by a very worried Edward. I leaned against the window with a blood covered towel over the gash in my leg while Carlisle applied the right amount of pressure to it.

"We're almost there…Hold on Bella!" I heard him whisper while he drew the towel a bit tighter. I took a deep breath and nodded with more confidence than I actually felt.

"Is she OK?" I heard Edward ask. His voice sounded worried, soft, caressing my inner core. I turned my head to look at him but nausea hit me so hard, I turned away again quickly.

"Stay with me Bella…please, stay with me." Edward begged, sounding hurt and pained. I sighed and opened my mouth to assure him, I would be alright but my eyes drifted close and to be honest; the blackness was kind of welcoming…

…

I took a deep breath as one awful memory after another besieged me. James' attack had happened months ago but thinking about it, still gave me the chills.

"Hey Bells…where are you?" Charlie's hand gently waved itself in front of my face as I found reality again and the flashback of James' attack faded into the crevices of my memory.

"Bells? Billy and I are going fishing. We won't be back until tonight…you think you can manage by yourself?"

"Sure dad…have much fun!" I mumbled absently as Charlie pulled on his jacket and took his fishing equipment. I watched how Billy picked up Charlie and waved them goodbye before walking back into the kitchen to clean up. When I was done, I went upstairs because Edward would pick me up in an hour or so.

E D W A R D

I clenched my hands into tight fists as rage slowly developed me. "I am the reason Bella almost got killed," I muttered as anger boiled inside me. "We really have to think about leaving Forks," I yelled, letting venom slowly seep into my mouth.

"Bella is fine Edward! She healed remarkably fast and freaking out will do nothing. If you want us to leave Forks…that's fine but you have to realize, we can never come back" Carlisle said calmly. Esmé put a hand on my shoulder, while she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Carlisle is right Edward. If you want us to leave Forks, you have to realize you'll lose Bella forever!"

My chest immediately squeezed painfully because I knew losing Bella wasn't really an option. I needed her. As much as I hated to admit it, I needed her to live through my dark existence.

"I just want her to be safe," I said, a little calmer now. Esmé smiled and squeezed my hand. "You know there's a way to keep her safe…forever," she softly said pulling me into a hug. "Just think about it Edward. You're my son and I know you. I've never seen you have feelings towards a girl like you have feelings towards Bella. You need her and she needs you! And Bella doesn't mind to be turned into one of us," she concluded. I nodded and smiled ever so slightly to myself. Esmé and Carlisle were right but was I ready to turn Bella into a vampire?

B E L L A

I closed the bathroom door, leaning against it for a minute. I slowly pulled off my shirt and hung it on the door handle. I finished undressing and tossed my underwear into the hamper before reaching down to take off my watch. As I pulled at the strap I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and walked over to it to take a closer look. I kept going over my features again and again; the way my eyes were set, the way my eyebrows moved, and the way my thoughts were projected through every motion of my face. I sighed, wishing I could somehow carry this image with me for the rest of my life. I wanted to stay like this; 17 years old; the same age as Edward. I grimaced to my reflection and stepped away from the mirror, finishing taking off my watch. I ignored the mirror as I dropped it next to the sink. Then I stepped into the shower and slid the glass door closed behind me. I tested the water before turning it up to full pressure, letting the liquid spray into my hands for a moment before stepping forward. The water coated my hair and ran down my body. It felt great. I stood still, letting the water flow over me. I reached for the shampoo and started lathering my hair. I closed my eyes, concentrating on the feel of the water and then I thought back of a dream I'd had a few days ago…a dream about me and Edward. We were lying in our meadow, my arms hanging gently around his neck, smiling. Edward whispered things to me I had never heard a guy say to me. Later in the dream we were in my bedroom. Edward stood before me, naked but it didn't seem strange at all. I didn't even really notice it. I was more concentrating on my own sense of awkwardness. Edward smiled at me and his hands reached out, undoing the top button of my shirt. He moved his way down, quickly and efficiently and the next thing I knew, I was naked too. I smiled up at him and he took me in his arms and I've never felt a happier moment in my entire life. I laid my head against his rock hard chest and smiled against his deliciously smelling skin

…

I opened my eyes and sighed, whishing there was some way I could go back to that dream and stay there, away from everyone who couldn't understand the thing I wanted most of all; becoming like Edward…becoming a vampire!

E D W A R D

I sat on the ledge of Bella's bedroom window and grabbed hold of the pipe before swinging inside but then I caught sight of her and my breath actually caught in my throat. I sat motionless and just stared at her. Bella's hair was wet and she had a towel wrapped around her waist. She hadn't bothered to properly dry herself and the afternoon light gave her skin almost a glow. Her beautiful eyes stared straight ahead and gave her an absent almost melancholic expression. I wondered what she was thinking about She closed her eyes and slowly pulled the towel off. She raised her arms and absently started rubbing lotion onto her body. I could see the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed and I clenched my teeth, feeling a bit strange. I had never been aroused or attracted by a girl before but seeing Bella naked, caused unfamiliar feelings burning low in the pit of my stomach. My pants were getting tighter fast and I swallowed hard. Quickly I got up, my erection rather prominent through my pants as I swung inside Bella's room.

"What…Edward?"

Automatically Bella reached for her towel but I was quicker, tearing the garment into shreds in my frantic haste to be close to her. Bella stiffened and the sensations in my body became a hot flash that surged up my body into my face. What was I doing?

"Oh Bella…I'm sorry," I managed to bring out in a barely audible voice. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply as I turned away from her.

B E L L A

Edward and I sat in silence on my bed as I watched him slowly drift into thoughts. The glazed look in his eyes brought out the gold in his eyes and I was mesmerized by it.

"What happened just then?" I tried softly.

An unnatural grin contorted Edward's handsome face as he looked up, "When I saw you…I nearly lost control." He hugged himself around his stomach and looked away to compose himself. He stared down at the floor hiding his eyes from me.

I felt a twinge between my legs as I realized Edward had been turned on by me. I took in a deep breath before kneeling down in front of him. Edward's face was paler than pale and he nervously twisted his fingers as he met my gaze. I bit my lower lip as I reached out and softly touched the bulge in his pants. Edward cringed and his expression was intense; a mixture of fear and desire. I realized he was frightened of the growing excitement in his body as I touched him.

"Bella…don't get me wrong. I want to know what it feels like to be with you," Edward managed to bring out, "…but I…we can't. I am too strong and I'm afraid I'll hurt you!"

Edward pushed away my hand and rose abruptly, struggling for composure.

"You're not leaving," I gasped but it wasn't really a question. Edward's hands quivered even more when he saw me arise and step in front of him. I positioned myself before him, gazing deeply into the golden pools that I loved so much. Edward cowered back in apprehension, trying vainly to put as much space between us as possible, which, thanks to my small bedroom, was not much.

"Why don't you want this Edward? I'd love to make the deepest, darkest part of your soul visible."

"I don't have a soul!" Edward's whole body was quivering now.

"Yes, you do," I whispered, but Edward wasn't really listening. He was gazing at the window, considering some kind of escape path but I closed the distance between us and looked up at him, slowly pulling off my shirt. A deep growl emanated from Edward's throat but he didn't stop me when I started unbuttoning his shirt and slid it down his smooth shoulders. I knew it was wrong what I was doing because Edward could simply destroy me but there was something about him tonight that I couldn't ignore. Silently, I longed for his kiss. Slowly, I pulled his head close and softly melded his lips to mine. He kissed me hard…but only for a second and then he pulled away. I closed my eyes and wanted him to take me in his arms, simply ignoring the danger of our intimacy. At that moment, I was ready to ignore everything. I rose up on my toes and started kissing him. I kissed his lips lightly, then his chin and his jaw line.

"You're playing with fire, Bella Swan," Edward whispered in a quiet voice as I moved my lips to his neck.

"I know, "I whispered in his ear. "…but I don't care."

"I'm a vampire!" Edward's voice was full of bitterness. "If we make love…," he slowly shook his head.

I pulled my head back to look into his eyes and smiled. I knew what he was thinking. He was afraid to loose control and would hurt me in some way.

"You won't hurt me," I whispered.

Edward still hesitated. "I would rather die…"

"Shhh," I cut in, "I'm not afraid of you." I could see the excitement in his anxious eyes as he sighed deeply. His fingers smoothed over my face and ran through my hair, "I'm sorry…but I can't!"

E D W A R D

Bella stepped back and immediately my eyes were drawn to the curves of her slender body, "you're so beautiful," I whispered before I reached for my shirt. Before I even realized what was happening Bella stood in front of me and ran her hands softly over the muscles of my chest.

"Edward, Please…don't push me away," she begged. Quickly, she reached to unbuckle my belt and my hands trembled when I closed them over hers to stop her. I buried my head in her hair and the scent was intoxicating; overwhelming.

"Bella…stop trying to seduce me!" I wrapped my hands around her waist to push her away before she could further explore my body but she cuddled closer to me, encircling my neck with her arms, moving against me to let me feel the warmth of her body. Shivers ran down my spine when her bare flesh touched mine; cold against warm. And almost instantly, passion burned in every inch of me. A low growl escaped from my throat but Bella continued wrapping herself around me, her neck dangerously close to my mouth. I closed my eyes at the smell of her sweet blood. Unfamiliar warmth quickly built inside me and I panicked, "Bella…back off," I commanded her with anger. Smacking the flat of my hand to her chest I forced her back.

With the force of my push, Bella had stumbled backwards and I shut my eyes in shame. When I opened them again she tangled her hands in my hair as she kissed me again, "No Edward," she simply said as she extended her hand toward me, "I want you to make love to me!"

"You're such a stubborn girl. I want to love you but I will never forgive myself if I hurt –-"

Bella cut off my sentence by suddenly folding herself around me and nestling her head into my chest. I felt her body shudder with each tear that fell. Not angry sobs, just sadness. If I had a heart, it would have broken instantly at that moment but instead, all her emotions seemed to set me free. Tenderly, I placed my hands on her back as she sank against me. I held her and then after some minutes, her crying stopped. I ran my hands through her hair and felt like I could have stayed like that forever.

Bella pulled back a little and I looked directly into her eyes. Something in her gaze took charge of me, driving me toward her. Closing my eyes, I slowly shook my head. The yearning was too strong and I needed to be closer to her. I grasped Bella's chin in my hand and simply nodded. "OK…We will give it a try."

B E L L A

I sagged onto the bed as Edward smiled down at me. He took off his pants and my stomach fluttered in nervous anticipation. Would our first time be special? My eyes were automatically drawn to Edward's lower body. His manhood was enormous and throbbing and I swallowed hard as I got my first feel of the cold- and thickness of it as he pushed me back onto the bed, crawling on top of me. We turned our heads to look at each other at the same time and Edward's eyes sparkled with excitement. I reached out and traced the line of his jaw. I saw him clench his teeth as soon as I touched him, his eyes filling up with darkness.

"Don't be afraid," I mumbled.

Edward's mouth hovered over mine, our lips touching delicate as butterflies blown by a warm summer wind at first, but then his hand grabbed the back of my neck and he used his tongue and lips to force my mouth open. I obeyed and his tongue slowly slid inside. He explored my mouth with his tongue while his hand relaxed and caressed the back of my neck. I lost all sense of place and time in his kiss and then…my breath hitched in my throat as he rested his free hand on my stomach. His caress sent a red wave through me and it started where he touched me and surged through my body to end between my legs. Edward's hand travelled over my hips, forward onto my lower body and I held my breath while his hand moved over my skin. They started a fire in me, I simply couldn't resist. Briefly I wondered if his hand would go upwards or downwards but to be honest, I felt slightly disappointed when it went upwards. He softly stroked my belly and I gasped when he reached my breast. I heard how he inhaled sharply while his hand gently massaged it. I closed my eyes and noticed how my breathing became hard and ragged. I was entirely naked and vulnerable, "Please Edward…make love to me," I begged, reaching towards him.

E D W A R D

Bright light from the afternoon streamed in through Bella's bedroom window and I couldn't tear my gaze away from her. I reached out and cupped her small, firm breasts. They were soft and fit my hands perfectly. I rubbed my thumbs over the nipples and I heard Bella sigh softly in response. She closed her eyes, and had an expression on her face I'd never seen before. Mesmerized, I bend over her and our lips met in another slow kiss. She shivered when she pressed her breasts against my ice-cold chest.

"You are so…beautiful," I whispered in her ear.

Bella responded by kissing me again. I smiled and brushed her tousled hair behind her ear then I leaned over and softly kissed her breast. Bella moaned deep in her throat and the sound urged me on to take a nipple in my mouth and then…there was the taste of her skin; oh so sweet. I sensed how her pulse quickened and her nipple instantly puckered to a tight, little pebble. She squirmed underneath me, pressing her chest upward to my mouth. I knew what I was doing was extremely dangerous but I simply couldn't stop. The smell of Bella's blood mixed with our joint excitement was overwhelming.

"Oh, Edward, "Bella moaned. "…that feels good!"

Her passionate moans urged me further on and I let my hand slowly travel down her belly to her pubic hair where I found her most intimate place. For a moment, I stilled myself, closing my eyes and drawing in a gulp of air, allowing the intake of air to calm me. I concentrated on the fact that Bella trusted me completely. I knew I would never hurt her but our joining would be dangerous and control was what I desperately needed to keep her safe. I returned my mouth to her sweet breasts, slowly tasting my way down her body and she writhed wildly beneath me and I reveled in the way her body reacted; her hips moving against my hands; her belly shifting against my dangerous mouth. I slowly ran my hands down her legs, stopping at her toned calves. I grasped her behind the knees, lifting her to me and placing her legs over my shoulders as I took in the most amazing sight. Bella's most intimate place was breathtaking and my control was lost partially when I moved forward to kiss her there. The taste was incredible. I could taste her essence. I heart Bella's heart pound in her chest as I slowly swirled my tongue around, continuing the long kiss, taking in her scent and taste. I ran my tongue up to the centered bundle of nerves, slowly swirling it around. Bella cried out my name as she pulled forcefully at my hair pressing her hips forward as hard as she could. Never had I heard such an amazing sound as Bella cried out my name in ecstasy, pleading for me not to stop. I could feel her tremble as I swirled my tongue slowly against her. When I finally withdrew, Bella looked up at me with a look of trust, love and adoration. There wasn't an ounce of fear in her gaze; only desire. I was captivated by her entrancing, lust filled, brown eyes and again, she cupped my face, leaning in with such passion that it consumed me completely, making me forget everything but the feel of her body against mine.

"Edward," she softly whispered. "I'm ready." I nodded and she lay down on the bed. Taking in a deep breath, I wedged myself between her legs. Swallowing hard, I slowly pushed my hips forward. The sensations were overwhelming when I entered her and delightful flashes of tingles coursed through my body; my attention focused on the warm, wet feeling of Bella around me. Her soft folds slowly gave way and I felt her moisture as it spread along my shaft.

Almost instantly, I hit her hymen. It bowed inwards under my slow assault, creating an intense sensation. The feeling caused me to hesitate though and I reared up on my arms, looking down on Bella. She had a frown of concentration; a distant inward gaze in her eyes as she seemed to concentrate on the feeling of making love for the very first time. She met my gaze and nodded, "Do it…but do it quickly."

I nodded and thrust forward sharply and then there it was…I was fully one with the women I loved but Bella grunted with the sharp burst of pain. I stilled, deep within her, whispering in her ear, "I'm sorry…we can stop if you want?"

Bella's breathing was fast and shallow as I felt her inner walls absorbing my thick, throbbing shaft.

"No…no, please don't stop!"

I could feel Bella's entire body beneath me, her legs wide to accept me, her breasts pressed against my chest, her flat stomach against mine and her pubic hair blending with mine. She held her arms tightly around my waist and I felt amazing

I slowly pulled back, my gaze concentrated on her face, looking for any signs of pain but there weren't any. The sensations of sliding in again were amazing; so freely into the tight warm and wet sheath she provided. The desire to slide in again and again was impossible to fight. I started thrusting deep in efforts to spew my seed into her. Bella wrapped her slender legs around my waist, clutching me tightly as I sank into her over and over again, meeting every one of my movements with her own. Bella watched me as our bodies moved together as a tidal wave of new sensations washed over me. Tangling her fingers into my hair, she pulled me toward her gently, asking me to come closer to her and I obliged, kissing her passionately. She moaned into my mouth as our tongues met and her sounds of lust and satisfaction only became louder as I kissed my way to her neck. After a while I felt her slowly clenching around me as she drew closer to her release and the feeling of her inner walls clenching around my erection were truly electrifying. My breaths became heavier and a growl emanated from low in my chest.

B E L L A

Edward growled and he seemed close to his peak when he suddenly stopped and looked into my eyes. There was something beside desire and love in them and that something, kind of frightened me. His eyes became darker and it seemed as if the monster inside him snapped. He pinned my arms into the mattress and began to kiss me harshly in my neck. I felt the sharp points of his teeth touching my throat and I jerked my head away, starting to struggle.

"Edward?" My voice sounded hoarse as I tried to squirm out of the tight grasp he had on my arms but he didn't release me. His face began to change as he covered me with his strong body, still thrusting into me with his heaviness.

"Edward," I whispered again as my breathing accelerated; a mixture of fear and desire.

"You're mine!" His voice was throaty and hollow.

He bent his head lower. "Edward…please," I begged. I closed my eyes and waited for several moments but nothing happened; no sharp teeth pierced my skin. Edward just kept hammering into me and despite my fear; my climax hit me like a tidal wave. There was a slight tremor in Edward as he groaned and I felt his warmth spreading through my lower body. He sank down on me and I could feel his cold breath on my throat. Hesitantly, I opened my eyes.

"I'm sorry," he whispered with his forehead leaned against my temple. He swallowed nervously and sat up freeing me at the same time.

"Please, forgive me."

His face was still the same; his beautiful eyes resting on me.

"There's nothing to forgive," I said. "I wanted this too…remember?"

There was a frown on Edward's face as he stretched out and picked up his clothes. Putting on his pants, he rose to his feet. When he turned to me, I saw the painful expression in his eyes.

"I didn't mean to hurt you…but I could have…easily. I thought making love to you was possible but I was wrong." There was frustration in his voice as he continued, "There is a monster inside of me that doesn't care Bella. This can never happen again!"

"I'm sorry too," I whispered. I knew Edward had been close to killing me and I was not entirely blameless for that.
Edward threw on his shirt and took his boots in his hand. He walked to the door and a twinge of pain coursed through my chest. I jumped out of the bed and closed the distance between us, hugging myself against his back, wrapping my arms around his waist.

"Don't leave…not like this."

Edward turned around, his face white and his lips pulled askew. I didn't recognize his gaze upon me and the expanse of his chest was heaving with each breath he took.

"Edward, I'm so sorry," I managed to bring out. "Please…don't hate me."

Edward weakly shook his head and kissed my forehead, "I could never hate you Bella. You're my life!"

Tears started rolling down my face as he wrapped his arms around me and I held him tighter, afraid he would disappear right in front of me.

"Why haven't you taken my blood?" I whispered softly.

Edward pulled my face towards his as he kissed me; softly, tenderly. "Because I suddenly realized, I'm too selfish to let you go through the agony of being changed," he said softly.

I rested my head against Edward's chest and closed my eyes.

"I love you." I whispered.

"I love you too!"

To be continued in the next chapter...