This little one-shot came from a video that a friend shared with me. I was literally laughing my ass off at it. Thanks for the fun and the inspiration Darlin' ! :-)
SPOV
I am going to kill Lester Miguel Santos! He has pranked me for the last time. Now I need to think of the ultimate payback. Using my last box of Tastey Cakes for target practice is unforgivable!
You don't come between a PMS-ing woman and her chocolate! It just isn't done, not by anyone who wants their balls to remain attached to their body.
Now what to do for my revenge? It has to be a show-stopper. Something that will make him think twice before he tries to prank ME again.
But I can't think about that right now. I need to get to Rangeman. I've been working for Ranger full-time for about 7 months now. Doing my regular background searches for skips and possible clients, and taking care of some of the paperwork that the guys hate so much.
Needless to say, they are extremely happy to see me when I step off of the elevator on 5 and head to my cubby; like now. I step off the elevator and onto the 5th floor amid smiles, waves, and hugs from the Merry Men who can reach me.
When I'm finally able to make it to my desk, I settle in and boot up my computer. My eyes land on my inbox, it is full of searches; mostly from Rodriguez of course. Sometimes I think he does it just to aggravate me. And sometimes it works!
But I'm to busy to hate him at the moment. While my computer is booting up, I try to think of something to get back at Les. Damn, nothing is coming to me yet.
My computer is finally ready for me to begin my day of work. I start up the first 3 names on Rodriguez's list. I'm doing his because, well, he's the only one with any in my inbox. I wonder why Ranger, Tank, or none of the rest of the guys have any for me? Oh well.
While the first 3 searches are going I decide to surf the web a little. Crap, maybe I should check my e-mail first. I open up my personal e-mail and find the usual load of junk. Like I really need my penis enlarged, geez!
I do have one e-mail that is a little strange, it's from Mary-Lou with the subject line ... "This is too funny!" I click to open it out of my undying curiosity. What I find inside is a link to a video on youtube.
After watching the first 45 seconds of the video I am speechless. She was right, it is hilarious! And a devious plan is starting to hatch in my evil mind. The perfect way to get back at Les.
Just as the plot starts to thicken, I hear the ding of two of my searches finishing up. I chuckle to myself, I'll get back to that thought process later. I have to make a few phone calls first to set things up, not to mention I have a "costume" of sorts to try to find. I'll do all of that on my lunch time break.
Three hours later - (lunch time)
First up, I have to call the venue and set up a good time and date to make it happen. As I am talking to the administrator, I learn there is a birthday party planned for this coming up Friday night, that's three days away. I can handle that. I set up to provide the "entertainment" for the evening.
Now to find the costume and other assorted things I will need. Where to go? OMG! I got it! They are sure to have everything I need at "Pleasure Treasures". I try to refrain from speeding in my excitement to get there. I just hope no one from the Burg sees me there. Yikes! Oh well, the look on Les's face at the end of this will be SO worth it!
I walk into the shop with my head held high, hey I can't help it, I'm in a damn good mood. I take my time looking around. Sure enough, they have exactly what I'm looking for. Now it's decision time. Would Les prefer red and white stripes, like a candy cane; or the red, green, and white stripes? I opt for the red, green, and white; the green would match his eyes so nicely. Hehehe!
I mosey around through the rest of the store and pick up the other supplies I need. I head over to the check-out counter. Oh great, old lady Caroline is working. Sigh.
She rings up my purchase with little ribbing, thank goodness. And I am on my merry way. I laugh to myself. "Merry", yes Les is going to look quite festive when I get done with him. Now to talk him into the other part of my plan. But since he is a sucker for a dare, I'll go there if I have to.
I lock my goodies up in the trunk of my Rangeman SUV and head back to the office. Les is waiting for me in my cubby when I get back. 'Good, just the man I want to see.' I think to myself.
"Hey beautiful, where you been?" He asks.
"Just running some errands on my lunch break Les, shopping and such." I reply.
"Well I coulda went with you to keep you company and carry your bags for you. I'm a gentleman like that you know." He says with a wiggle of his eyebrows.
"Face it Les, you woulda spent all your time trying looking through my bags trying to get a peek at any unmentionables I may have bought." I tease him.
"Oh, Beautiful, you wound me so!" Les gasps in mock offense.
"She's right and you know it punk!" I hear Cal mutter on his way by my desk.
"Stuff it man!" Les pouts. "So you know I would have taken you if you would have just asked. You know I would do anything for you Steph, even hazard a trip to the mall with you."
"Thank-you Les, you are my best friend. But I didn't go to the mall this time. I went to "Pleasure Treasures." I tell him. I see a tell-tale twinkle in his green eyes as a response. Then he inquires.
"Really now? Don't tease me. That is a store that I would have thoroughly enjoyed touring with you."
"Yes, really. I needed to pick up some stuff for a friend's birthday party. It's just too bad I can't seem to find a stripper on such short notice. The party is Friday night." I pretend to sulk.
I see the hesitation on Les's face, like he wants to help me out but is skeptical; with good reason. He finally gives me the benefit of the doubt as he tells me.
"What the hell! I'll do it for you. I am always up for a good time and the ladies love the Santos bod!"
"You don't have to do this. Maybe I can find someone else in time." I explain.
"It's ok, I told you I would do anything for you Beautiful. In any case, if you can't find anyone else, I'll be happy to help. You know I love you, right?" He tells me tenderly.
"Yes I know and I love you too, Les. You're such a good friend." I dote on him. But I add to myself. 'And you will learn not to mess with me.'
"Well, I'll talk to you later. I better get back to work now. The Boss is such a hard-ass, you know." He laughs.
"Yea, I know. See you later." I giggle. Then I give him a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek.
So I settle back down and get back to work on my searches, with a grin on my lips and a "merry" song in my heart. I hum to myself to the tune of "It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas".
3 days later ... Friday at work after lunch ...
I just got back from lunch on 7 with the boss, NO I'm not sleeping with the boss or dating him for that matter. Actually I'm dating Michael Evan Ramsey, or Ram. He is the sweetest. He is even helping me get more comfortable with my gun and I'm becoming a much better shot with it, too. I know right! I never thought I would get to be a better shot either. But Ram is such a good teacher; wink, wink, nudge, nudge.
So now I'm daydreaming about Ram's "teaching" techniques when Les strolls up to my desk and brings me out of my musings.
"Hey Beautiful, how's the beefcake hunt going? You're running out of time you know."
"It's not going. I am at a dead end." I say wistfully.
"I told you I would do it for you. And I won't even charge you for the services of my sculpted God-like physique either." He jokes.
I just roll my eyes and sigh at his antics. But I have him just where I want him.
"Looks like I'm gonna have to take you up on your offer Hot Stuff." I laugh.
"No problem, when and where do you need me? And will you be my body guard to keep the hotties from mauling me?" He quips.
"Sure Les, I will protect you from the throngs of blood-thirsty women waiting to attack your gorgeousness." I barely say through my fit of laughter.
When my laughter dies down some and I am able to catch my breath, I relay the party info to him.
"The party starts at 7:00. Be ready by 6:30. I'll pick you up here at your apartment and take you there. You're right, the ladies are just gonna love you!" I finally admit.
"Great. I'll see you then Beautiful. Got to go get the Santos muscles buffed and oiled and ready to make the ladies swoon." Les tells me with his signature eyebrow wiggle.
"Just go you goof-ball."
Les struts away toward his office across from Ranger and Tank's. I laugh to myself and try not to imagine him in his costume. Damn to late, I better go see Ram before I pick Les up later.
4 hours later ... 5:00
I expel a breath as I shut my computer down for the day. I dial Ram's extension on my desk phone. No answer, he must be done for the day too, oh goody!
I try his cell next. He picks up with the standard Rangeman "Yo". I tell him that I need to see him before I leave in a couple of hours. He of course is eager to see me. I have told him of my plan to get back at Les and everything it entails. He can hardly wait to hear about what happens, and made me promise to take pictures.
After some quality one on one time with Ram I make my way down to the garage to retrieve my bag of goodies. Les doesn't know about all of this yet
I hit the elevator back up to the 4th floor after picking up Lester's costume and accessories. I walk down the hall and knock on his apartment door.
He answers wet from the shower and with a towel slung low on his hips. I swallow the lump in my throat and force my eyes to meet his. My God but this man IS gorgeous! 'Think about Ram, think about Ram' I chant to myself over and over.
"Hey Les, you almost ready to go?" I ask.
"Yeah, just about. What's that in your hand?" He wonders.
"Oh, this? Didn't I tell you? I have your attire for this evening." I tell him.
"I was wondering about that. I forgot to ask about it. I can't go commando like I usually do. And I don't own a single pair of underwear anyway." He admits.
"Too much information Les. I didn't need to know that. Here, go put this on. Everything you need is in that bag." I inform him.
I hand him the bag and try to hold back my grin. He opens it up and looks inside.
"You have got to be kidding me! I'm not wearing this!" He gasps.
"Awww, come on tough guy. The ladies will love it. I have to admit myself that elves are HOT!" I say without the slightest hint of teasing in my voice.
Inside the bag was a complete red and green elf costume. Green tights, a red vest, red and green pointy hat (complete with bells on top), green pointed toe shoes, and the most important part; the red, green, and white candy stripped G-string. Oh and some body oil with red glitter.
"Don't worry about the music either, I have it in my SUV; in the form of my CD player. You're gonna love my music selection for the night too."
"Are you sure about the ladies thinking elves are hot?" He questions me. I nod my head to reassure him. "Ok, a promise is a promise. I'll do it. Just be glad I love you so much Beautiful." With that he turns and heads to his bedroom to get ready.
"Don't forget your coat, it's cold out!" I yell at his retreating back.
Ten minutes later Les strolls back out to the living room wearing a tan overcoat. I can see the green tights and shoes showing under the hem. I can't help but ask him.
"Did you put everything on mister?"
"Yes I did, even the red, green, and white G-string. I'm surprised you found one big enough to fit!" He winks.
"Good grief!" I breath as I roll my eyes and shake my head. "Let's go. We have 30 minutes before show time for you."
"Lead the way Beautiful." He agrees without hesitation. 'If he only knew,' I think to myself on the way out the door.
We hit the parking garage and climb in to my SUV and are on our way. In 15 minutes we are pulling up to the VFW hall.
"What are we doing here?" Les asks.
"We rented the hall out for my friend's birthday. She is quite popular." I tell him as we head to the back door. "We have to take the back entrance. You are a surprise for Amanda."
"Sweet." I swear it looks like Lester's head is growing, or would that be his ego?
"Down boy." I chide as we sneak in through the back hallway.
The stage is set up just like I asked. Red velvet curtain blocking the audience from view. I set the radio down to the rear of the stage and turn to Les.
"I'll be right back. I'm just going to make sure everything is set and everyone is ready for you. It's almost showtime stud."
I walk through the curtain, making sure I don't open it too wide. I step out to look at the audience. I am over-the-moon happy. It seems like every lady over the age of 70 in Trenton is in attendance tonight. Grandma really out-did herself this time. I have to remember to get her a special thank-you gift for this.
I walk over to her table. It looks like she brought the ladies from the "Clip and Curl" with her.
"Hi Grandma, glad you could make it. Sorry I can't stay and chat but I have to make sure you-know-who is ready. It's almost show time."
"It's OK baby granddaughter. I am just happy you were able to talk him into this. I hope he's got a decent package and I brought plenty of ones to stuff down his doodle bag if there's enough room." Grandma says as she slides her dentures around.
"Sure Grandma, have fun and I'll see you later after the show." I tell her as I walk back to the stage chuckling. "Oh this is going to be good." I say under my breath.
I walk back through the curtain and onto the stage. Lester doesn't look the least bit nervous, he actually looks smug. Cocky bastard, I'll show you.
"Show time, you ready my friend?" I inquire.
"Bring it on Beautiful!" Yepp, cocky asshole. 'You're going down Santos!' I think to myself.
I reach over to the radio and start my CD up. The rhythmic bass of LMFAO's "I'm Sexy and I Know It" starts up. Les finally drops the overcoat off and I'm rewarded with the sight of his costume in all it's glory.
I pull the curtain open and start the show. I am so giddy I can hardly contain my glee. Les strikes his opening pose, head down, eyes closed, and arms crossed in front of him; with his back to the audience.
First he flings his vest off and over his head. Then he shakes his ass again and rips the tights off, leaving him standing there with his tight ass showing around the string of his thong.
Then he wiggle, wiggle, wiggles his hips, with the same words of that verse of the song. Damn, is he trying to twerk? After a few more wiggles, he turns around to face his audience and freezes mid-wiggle with a horrified look on his face.
By now Grandma and the ladies at her table are hooting and hollering. Grandma yells out. "Don't stop now hot stuff, take it all off!"
Les looks over to me red as a tomato with a pleading look on his face, or is that mortification? I don't have time to find out. Grandma rushes the stage and stuffs a handful of ones down his G-string. At the same time she gropes a handful of Lester's "package".
When I see the muscles in her bony hand flex squeezing him and not gently either, I cannot control my glee anymore. I burst out laughing. Les shrieks like a girl and backs out Grandma's reach. I barely hear Grandma over my giggle fit when she says.
"Hot damn! You picked a good one. What I felt was worth every single dollar I stuffed down his panties. And I was right, there was hardly enough room in his doodle bag for it."
I actually fell down and was rolling on the floor laughing now. When I regained my composure and stood back up, I looked over to Les and said.
"Never come between a woman and her chocolate Santos!"
I think I proved who the better prankster is. I shouldn't have to worry about Les trying to pull one over on me ever again! #############
A/N : Well I hope you all enjoyed my little one-shot. I just couldn't resist having a little fun with Grandma and another one of the Merry Men again, I had too much fun the last time. Please review and let me know what you think of this episode of "Fun With Edna Mazur" Rain (Jackie)