Love Potion
By Ice Queen
Disclaimer: I do not own Slayers, or any other character
mentioned or hinted at here. I'm poor and doing this merely for my own
entertainment.
I should have seen it coming, I mean, I AM a genius
sorcerer, brilliant, beautiful, and perfectly proportioned-ah, hell, who am I
kidding? How was I to know the little
rugrat would blow up something else and I would end up being covered with…
goop?
Perhaps I should start from the beginning, I assume some of
you have figured out who I am, the Great Bandit Killer, Lina Inverse. But at the moment… well, anyways, it all
started this morning. Jellyfish for
brains and I were discussing who would get the last chicken leg, when we
accidentally umm… ended up throwing the aforementioned leg right onto the lap
of the person sitting next to us. Now
really, how were we to know that the Dynast Priest would get irritable at a
harmless little prank like that and take away my magic?
But you get the picture, and somehow I ended up on the road
once more, hoping that the pink haired midget girl could fix me this time…
Stupid me. I shove at the green ooze that seems to cling to my every pore. It smells rancid! Even worse then Gourry after a really long fight, almost as bad
as when he takes his shoes off! "Great, just great…" I mutter.
"Oh dear… I'm so sorry Lina-san! But… That was the special attraction potion I was making for a
customer of mine… I suggest you stay away from males for the next month." The little pink haired creature said, a
slight smile on her face… Yeah, she has something to smile about. And what does she mean… Attraction?
"Li-Lina… Umm…" I
look up through my gooze soaked hair at Gourry.
"What is it, Gourry?
I don't have time for stupid questions right now. I need to figure out-" Right about then I saw what he was staring
at. Both Zelgadiss and Xelloss were
wrapped around my waist, their faces buried into the cloth of my cape. "FIREBALL!!!!"
….. Nothing happened….
Crap… I forgot that I still had no powers… I shrug, almost feeling guilty, then kick each
admirer in the balls, hard. As they
rolled on the ground, moaning in pain I grabbed Gourry by the arm and dragged
him out of there as fast as possible without ray wing.
I stop at the nearest stream, dumping a now panting
jellyfish brains on the ground and jump into the water with a muffled
squeal. "C-C-Cold…." When I finally climbed out, soaked, but
positive that all the green ooze was gone, I plopped down beside him and
scowled at the innocent looking swordsman.
"Alright… Kiera said something about an attraction spell,
and the next thing I knew, both guys were crawling all over me… You're a man,
what's the deal?" I gave him my 'Tell
me now or face the Dragon Slave' glare, which had a little less affect since I
don't actually have any magic at the moment… but worked none-the-less.
"Well… I guess they suddenly found you attractive… even
though you haven't got a chest, talk like a boy and are prone to-" I glared at him, he seemed to get a little
to much entertainment out of pointing that out.
"But if it's that attraction spell that Chibi-er… Kiera was
talking about then why aren't you doing the same thing that they are?" Not that I'm not grateful or anything… I
mean who would want a lummox like him… even if he is good looking, noble, and
willing to die for what he believes? I
think I'll stop there.
"Well, I guess it's different for me." He stated, shoving a piece of fish in his
face. He handed me another stick, the
fish at the end was burnt to a crisp but I wasn't too picky. Soon that obscure comment was completely
forgotten, for the moment that is. We
went to our beds, just as if it were any other night on the road, but the
question still bothered me. Does Gourry
find me so repulsive that not even a love spell could make him like me?
I woke up with a sweaty arm wrapped around my waist… I know
it gets cold out here but Gourry's never-wait… this isn't Gourry's arm! I shove it off of me, jumping off of the
ground and glaring down at the guilty looking fellow. He was eighty if he was a day, his beard and moustache long and
white with a toothless grin peeping out at me from under all his whiskers. His head was bald and shone in the light of
the early morning.
"Hiya, Sweetcakes, how's about you and me go find some place
a lil more private and you can get some sweet Roshi lovin. I can teach you
things you never knew you never knew!"
He stated, his eyebrows moving up and down behind his sunglasses in odd
motions.
"I really don't think so, old man… maybe you better go away
before my friend decides to use that sword of his." He looked behind him, smirking as he saw Gourry still fast asleep
on his pallet. Just as he was about to
turn around again I kicked him from behind, hard. The old guy flew farther then a football at college, cackling all
the way and shouting something about liking 'em spunky… I shrugged, then kicked
Gourry awake.
"Wh-what? Whad I
do?" He muttered, rubbing the sleep
from out of his eyes.
"We gotta find a way to get rid of this stuff… and get my
powers back, fast." I stated, just
about the time we were surrounded by bandits.
Finally, something I know how to handle! I whip out my sword, anticipating a decent work out…
"I-I-I-… huminahuminahumina…" This was getting disgusting.
Even bandits were doing the infatuated thing! I know, I enjoy being drooled over once in a while but this… this
was just plain out of hand. I shove my
hand up to my forehead to show a headache, then motion for Gourry to take
over. It wasn't much work, seeing that
even as they were taken out one by one all they could do was stare, kinda like
a cow after milking time. For L-Sama's
sake! Even Gourry had a more
intelligent look on his face then these guys!
This was getting sad.
The only choice I had left was to go back to the little pink haired girl
and see if she's figured anything out.
Let's just hope Xelloss and Zelgadiss had miraculously disappeared in
the mean time.
I shrug, tossing my cape over my shoulders in a pointless
ward for males. I feel really sorry for
all those popular girls out there, I bet they never get a break from the
stupidity of males. Well… maybe not
stupidity… Just the pure witlessness. I
mean I get away with a lot because I'm cute, but this is just pathetic!
Forget about it.
There seems to be a… tick… feeling up my leg. I look down, seeing a small brown man groping my leg and trying
to verbally guess what color panties I wear.
About the time he started on French cuts was when I drop kicked him for
a mile and a half. At least the first
guy hadn't wondered about my bra size!
At least not to my face… Perhaps I didn't give him enough time… Blech…
I finally stopped at the place I had ran from just the day
before, panting hard from dragging the dead weight Gourry behind me half of the
way. Along the way I had met a creature
with a katana blade in one hand and a dozen roses in the other. He kept trying to fight me for a date. Of course Gourry claimed this one, sending
the kid flying through the air unconscious.
"Ya… pant pant pant… gotta help me…" I wheezed.
Non magic traveling is harder then it looks! The little midget turned towards me with a overly cute
smile. "I can't stand it!" Glomp! Well. Looks like Xelloss and Zelgadis had been counting the hours since
I went away. How sweet… My face begins to turn blue at the strength
of their grasps.
"Oh! Lina-san! Just after you left I remembered the
cure! In order to get rid of the magic
problem you have to drink this!" She
stated, shoving a nasty concoction down my throat. "And the attraction spell…"
Choke, hack wheeze… "Wha-*Cough* What's the cure? Anything I'll do it!" I stated, still slightly green around the
gills and trying to breathe at the same time.
"Well… you have to be kissed by your true love." I look around me. Xelloss, Zelgadis, Gourry all staring at me intensely, and I do
what any normal female being squeezed by a rock and a mazoku would do. I fainted.
********
I came to slowly, seeing four pairs of eyes staring at me
curiously. "I… You aren't going to hug
me, are you?" I asked fearfully,
backing up until back hit something hard.
I was stuck against a rock and a hard space so to say.
"Why, Lina-san, why would we do a silly thing like
that? Unless you want us to that is… I
never knew you were into the kinda thing though…" Xelloss said, smirking at the bright flush that covered my
face. He knew exactly how to get to me
sometimes…
"No Lina, you're cured.
I just thank L-sama that you didn't have your powers when we were
clinging to you…"
"But… I thought the cure was…" I stopped, not quite sure I wanted to know the answer to my
question. If the answer came out wrong
I don't think I would know what to do…
I turn, looking unconsciously for the one person not staring at me. Gourry stood a ways apart, as though he had
no idea what was going on, nor cared.
Stupid jellyfish brains.
*******
As Lina walked away, looking slightly down cast, Kiera
turned to Xelloss, a worried look on her face.
"Do you think we should tell her?" She asked, glancing from the sorceress to the swordsman and back.
"No… I believe this too will be a secret." The mysterious
priest replied.
The end.
