Friends: 5 Years Later
(Episode 1-4)
By Michael Nguyen
Friends: 5 Years Later
"The One 5 Years Later"
Plot:
Joey visits New York and stays at Chandler and Monica's house in the suburbs. Joey finds out Chandler and Monica haven't been intimate in months, so he decides to babysit the twins while the couple goes out for dinner and to a hotel room. However, Chandler and Monica find out they have lost their spark, and having sex is just too difficult. Meanwhile, Rachel is afraid that she might be pregnant again, and doesn't know how to tell Ross. Phoebe helps her with finding ways to tell Ross before Rachel takes a pregnancy test to determine the truth.
Opening Scene:
(At the Central Perk Coffee Shop. Ross, Rachel and Phoebe are sitting at the couches drinking coffee. Rachel is on her cell phone finishing up a conversation.)
Rachel: Okay mom, thanks. (To Ross) That was my mother; she says she will pick up Emma from school for us.
Ross: That's nice of your mom. I just hope she doesn't start telling Emma about how she thinks all men are evil, and that we deserve to burn in hell again.
Rachel: Ross that was only one time. Emma didn't kick you in the balls that hard.
Phoebe: What time did Monica say they'll be here?
Ross: Around 5. Why? Do you have somewhere to be?
Phoebe: Oh, no just you know, getting a little annoyed with you two right now.
(Chandler, Monica and Joey walk into the coffee shop.)
Chandler: Hey!
Rachel: Hey you guys!
Phoebe: Hey Joey! (Stands up to give Joey a hug. Rachel does the same. Joey walks over to Ross to give him a hug.)
Ross: Wow, Joey you big Hollywood star, how've you been?
Joey: I've been great. I'm going to have a supporting role in a big movie in a couple of months.
Rachel: We're just so proud of you Joey.
Phoebe: Hey, where are the twins?
Monica: We got a babysitter for them.
Chandler: Wow isn't this great you guys? The six of us all back together.
Phoebe: Yeah but everything seems so different. Joey you're a big movie star, Ross and Rachel are married, Monica and Chandler are living the American dream and I'm an assassin.
Monica: Um. Pheebs?
Phoebe: Oh, right sorry, that's a different universe. Sometimes I get them mixed up.
Ross: Things have changed though.
Rachel: Well our lives might be different, but I think we're all still the same.
Chandler: (Jokingly) actually, ever since I got my stomach stapled, I never felt the same.
Monica: Can you guys believe it has been 5 years since we've all been together here, drinking coffee?
Joey: Hasn't it been 4?
Phoebe: No it's been 5.
Joey: Oh, right I forgot I'm still on L.A time.
Chandler: (Sarcastically) Yeah 'cause that will affect the years…
Ross: Wow, 5 years…
(End of Scene)
Scene 1:
(At Chandler and Monica's house. Joey is sitting on the couch watching television. Chandler enters the room, hands Joey a bottle of beer, and sits down next to Joey. Monica enters the room and sits down next to Joey.)
Monica: I just put the twins to bed.
Joey: They are just adorable. You two have raised them well.
Chandler: Yeah well it's a hard job. With all the lessons we have to teach them, and punishments.
Monica: (Yelling) We haven't had sex in 4 months! (Joey and Chandler are shocked.) Oh, I hoped I didn't wake them up!
Chandler: I'm sure the neighbors heard you!
Joey: You two haven't had sex in 4 months?
Monica: Well we tried but Chandler ended up slipping in the shower and hitting his funny bone.
Chandler: Monica!
Joey: Shower? Dude that is like one of the sexiest places you can have sex, how'd you screwed that up?
Chandler: It's a small shower!
Monica: Look Chandler, I love you but I need sex. The twins have been keeping us busy ever since they started losing their teeth, and now they're in school.
Chandler: They've only been in school for two weeks now, how much sex do you need!
Monica: A lot!
Joey: Say no more, you go wait in the bedroom and I'll be up there in a minute.
Chandler: Joey!
Joey: What! I don't see you giving it to her.
Chandler: Look Monica, I know you've been stressed lately and so have I. But I just don't know how we're going to get intimate again.
Joey: I have an idea. How about you two go out for dinner and then to a hotel?
Monica: Joey! That sounds like a great idea! What do you say honey?
Chandler: It sounds great. But who's going to take care of the twins?
Joey: I'll do it.
Monica: You?
Joey: Yeah why not? They haven't seen their Uncle Joey for years.
Chandler: Yeah but Joey, they're children. They yell, they cry, they fight, they fart and they poop. It will be like you babysitting yourself.
Joey: Look, you two have done so much for me. You're even letting me stay at your house for the week. It's the least I can do.
Chandler: Ok, Joey you can babysit the kids for us.
Monica: This is so exciting…Oh and I know just the perfect restaurant. I'll go make the reservations. (Leaves room.)
Joey: You excited man?
Chandler: Definitely. It's been so long. We really need this. Thanks Joe.
Joey: No problem. If you get nervous, you can call me up and I'll perform your duties for you.
(End of Scene)
Scene 2:
(At Central Perk, the next morning. Phoebe is sitting alone on the couch. Rachel enters.)
Rachel: Oh good Phoebe, you're just the person I wanted to talk to. (Sits down next to Phoebe.) I have something to tell you.
Phoebe: Ok, I have something to tell you too.
Rachel: Well what do you have to tell me?
Phoebe: No you go first, mine is kind of important.
Rachel: Actually mine is pretty important. So why don't you go first?
Phoebe: Rachel, what I have to tell you is huge, you wouldn't believe it. So you go first.
Rachel: No, Phoebe, just say yours first so I can tell you mine!
Phoebe: Why don't you go first? Mine is just as important if not more! It is going to blow your mind out…
Rachel: (Interrupts Phoebe.) I think I might be pregnant!
Phoebe: Oh. Wow, yours really is important.
Rachel: I know, and it's been killing me for a few days now!
Phoebe: Rachel how? What happened?
Rachel: Well I haven't gotten my period yet, and it's been two weeks already. I'm just afraid that I might be pregnant again.
Phoebe: Well Rachel you might not be pregnant. How about we go buy a pregnancy test and see if you are.
Rachael: Yeah, okay. But what am I going to tell Ross if I am pregnant?
Phoebe: Well we shouldn't worry about that now.
Rachel: Yeah, you're right. What were you going to tell me?
Phoebe: Oh right…um yeah last night I had a dream that I was working as a maid for Anderson Cooper and he asked me to marry him…yeah it wasn't that important.
(End of Scene)
Scene 3:
(It is night time. Monica and Chandler are preparing to leave the house. The twins are saying goodbye to their parents, while Joey brings out a bowl of popcorn.)
Monica: Bye Jack. Bye Erica. You two be good for your Uncle Joey.
Erica: I will, but I'm not sure if Jack will.
Jack: Yes I will! You're the one who picks your nose!
Erica: You're the one who eats what I pick!
Chandler: Stop fighting you two. You have to be on your best behavior. We don't want to hear anything but good news about you two from Uncle Joey.
Joey: I'm sure they'll be fine.
Monica: Is there anything I forgot to tell you?
Joey: Yeah what do I do if one of them needs a diaper change?
Monica: Joey, they're five.
Chandler: Ok we're going to go now. Call us if anything goes wrong.
Joey: Will do. Bye now!
Jack: Bye!
Erica: Bye!
(Monica and Chandler leave. Joey, Jack and Erica sit down on the couch.)
Jack: What are we going to do?
Joey: We're going to watch some television.
Erica: Can we watch SpongeBob Square Pants?
Joey: What? Are you crazy? I want to watch some por-um…pork!
Erica: Pork?
Joey: Yeah…on the cooking channel.
(End of Scene)
Scene 4:
(Rachel and Phoebe enter Ross and Rachel's apartment.)
Rachel: Can you believe we got the last pregnancy test in the whole drug store? Is all of New York thinking they might be pregnant?
Phoebe: Where's Emma?
Rachel: She's with Ross buying some school supplies for this project she has to do.
Phoebe: Ross is such a good father. You know having another baby wouldn't be so bad, and Emma would get a brother or sister to play with.
Rachel: Yeah, but we already have so many responsibilities raising Emma. I don't think we're ready for another kid.
Phoebe: Well how about you go take the test now before Ross and Emma get home.
Rachel: Ok. But Phoebe what if it's positive? How am I going to tell Ross?
Phoebe: Ok…how about we do some role-playing?
Rachel: What? Like you be a Saber-tooth tiger and I be a cave woman?
Phoebe: What?
Rachel: Sorry, just something Ross got me to do in bed a few weeks ago…maybe that's how I got pregnant?
Phoebe: Ok, well I'm glad you two are being kinky. But yeah, I'll be Ross and you be you. You tell me the news and I'll try to react like how he'll react.
Rachel: Ok, ok sounds good. Um…Ross.
Phoebe: Yes, Rachel my sexy cave woman wife, what's up?
Rachel: I don't know how to tell you this. But I think I might be pregnant again.
Phoebe: What? Again? No, no, this cannot be! Who's fault is this?
Rachel: Who's fault? Ross it's 50-50! What do you mean who's fault?
Phoebe: You mean whom's fault.
(End of Scene)
Scene 5:
(Monica and Chandler are at a restaurant having dinner and drinking wine.)
Chandler: Honey this chicken is amazing. It's like I'm eating everything that's good in the world and it all taste like chicken.
Monica: I'm just so excited for tonight. We are going to both get it good! Maybe there will be a shower in the hotel room, and you can try having sex with me in there!
Chandler: Monica, keep it down. I think that old couple in the back heard you.
Monica: Chandler it's ok. We deserve to have sex, it's been 4 months!
Chandler: Yeah, but do you have to announce it to the whole world?
Monica: I'm sorry. Just talking about sex in public makes me feel…well it makes me feel like one of those women on Sex and the City. You know how they sit in restaurants and talk about sex to their girlfriends.
Chandler: Well I hope you don't think of me as one of your girlfriends tonight…unless…actually if I was one of your girlfriends who would I be? Phoebe or Rachael?
Monica: Chandler!
Chandler: What you brought it up.
(Waiter comes over)
Waiter: Hello. I couldn't help but overhear your conversation about not having sex for 4 months now.
Chandler: You were listening? Monica, talk quieter!
Waiter: I would like to help you out by ordering some chocolate cover strawberries.
Chandler: No thanks "Mister I want to ruin my chances for a bigger tip".
Monica: Chandler! Chocolate covered strawberries! We'll take a dozen please.
(Waiter walks away.)
Chandler: That was embarrassing.
Monica: Chandler I'm sorry, but we need all the help we can get. Who knows how long we'll have to wait to have sex again?
Chandler: I just don't want the whole world to know, it's embarrassing.
Monica: Chandler, I'll go tell Barack Obama about our sex problems if we don't do it tonight!
(End of Scene)
Scene 6:
(At Monica and Chandler's house. Joey is watching the cooking channel. Jack and Erica are sitting on the couch looking bored.)
Erica: Uncle Joey we're bored.
Joey: Well, we could play a game.
Jack: What kind of a game?
Joey: How about hide and seek?
Erica: Mommy says we're not allowed to play hide and seek in the house.
Joey: What? Your mom is just evil. Oh, but don't tell her I said that she'll kill me.
Jack: How about you tell us a story?
Joey: Ok. What kind of a story do you want to hear?
Erica: One with a princess.
Jack: No! One with a robot!
Joey: Ok, ok. How about one with a robot princess?
Jack: Ok.
Joey: Um…once upon a time there was a princess who was also a robot. She lived in a castle that was shaped as a giant toaster. One day a witch came and kidnapped her and trapped her in a cave. The cave was full of beetles, and maggots and bears that will tear you to pieces and eat you!
(Erica screams.)
Joey: Shhhhhhh! Erica, it's just a story, it's not true. If you want to hear a true story I should tell you about the man in the hockey mask who kills you with his chain saw.
(Erica and Jack both scream.)
(End of Scene)
Scene 7:
(In Ross and Rachael's apartment in the bathroom. Rachel and Phoebe are waiting for the results of the pregnancy test.)
Rachael: How many more minutes?
Phoebe: About one minute.
Rachael: Oh, I'm so nervous. It's just killing me inside.
Phoebe: Rachael, no matter what the results are I'm going to be here for you.
Rachael: Yes, thank you. I'm just nervous to tell Ross. He's been divorce three times and now he's going to have three children.
Phoebe: You mean two.
Rachael: No, I mean three. Ross has Emma and Ben.
Phoebe: Oh, right, I forgot about Emma.
Rachael: What? You forgot about Emma? Phoebe!
Phoebe: What, I don't see her as much as I see Ben.
Rachael: When was the last time you saw Ben?
Phoebe: About three weeks ago.
Rachael: Yeah well that's a pretty long time.
Phoebe: Well when was the last time I saw Emma?
Rachael: Two days ago! You came over in the morning, you said hi to her and you insulted her hair.
Phoebe: Well her hair looked weird. You got to tell Ross to stop trying to do her hair for her.
Rachael: I was the one who did her hair!
(Phoebe looks at her watch.)
Phoebe: Oh look two minutes is up. Let's see if you got another bun in the oven.
Rachael: This is not over! (Rachael picks up the pregnancy test and reads it.)
Phoebe: So what does it say?
Rachael: Negative. It says negative.
Phoebe: Wow. Well lucky for you right?
Rachael: Yeah. Wow. I'm just so happy.
(Ross calls from the other side of the locked bathroom door.)
Ross: Rachael, are you in there?
Phoebe: Yes.
Rachael: Phoebe, he said Rachael.
Phoebe: But his heart said Phoebe.
Ross: Phoebe, are you in there two?
Phoebe: Yes.
Ross: What are you two doing in the bathroom together?
Phoebe: Um…we're comparing our breast!
Rachael: Phoebe!
Phoebe: What? We could be! Take off your top.
(Rachael throws the pregnancy test in the trash and opens the bathroom door. Rachael and Phoebe walk out together.)
Ross: You were comparing breasts?
Phoebe: Yes. Rachael's are very smooth and plump. You're a very lucky man.
Rachael: Um…where's Emma?
Ross: She's in the front. I picked up some takeout for us to eat.
Rachael: Ok good.
(Ross, Rachael and Phoebe walk into the living room. Emma is sitting at the coffee table looking at her crayons. Phoebe grabs her stuff and heads for the door.)
Phoebe: Well Rachael it was fun. Bye Ross. Bye Emma.
Emma: Bye Aunt Phoebe. (Phoebe leaves.)
Rachael: Um...Emma can you please go to your room. I need to talk to Daddy for a while.
Emma: Ok. (Emma picks up her stuff and walks to her room.)
Ross: Rachael, what's wrong?
Rachael: Um…Ross…I took a pregnancy test.
Ross: What? Why? Are you pregnant?
Rachael: No, it came up negative. I just didn't get my period yet, so I wanted to make sure. But I'm sure my period is just coming in late.
Ross: Oh good. Good. Wow, another baby. I'm glad we're not having another baby…but you know it would have been great if we did have another one.
Rachael: It would?
Ross: Yeah. Emma is my prized treasure. And she's our child. If we had another child I would love it just as much as I love Emma and Ben. And I'll probably be in love with you more.
Rachael: Ross. You are a wonderful father. It would have been nice if we did have another child.
(Emma walks into the room covering her nose.)
Emma: Mom!
Rachael: What is it dear?
Emma: I stuck a crayon up my nose.
Rachael: What?
Emma: It's stuck.
(Ross and Rachael runs to help Emma.)
Ross: But then again one kid is good enough.
Rachael: Yeah really.
(End of Scene)
Scene 8:
(In a hotel room. Monica and Chandler enter the room.)
Monica: It's so nice here!
Chandler: Ok, now let's do it.
(Monica and Chandler hop onto the bed.)
Monica: Lay it on me big guy.
Chandler: Ok, here I go.
(Chandler leans over to kiss Monica. He pauses and makes a weird face.)
Monica: What's wrong?
Chandler: I don't know.
(Chandler tries kissing Monica again but pauses before his lips touch hers.)
Monica: Chandler?
Chandler: I'm getting there.
Monica: Well get there faster.
Chandler: Don't rush me!
Monica: Chandler! Kiss me you freaking girl! (Monica passionately kisses Chandler. The two kiss for a few seconds until Monica stops and looks at the window.)
Chandler: What?
Monica: Those curtains are so nice. How come we don't have curtains like those?
Chandler: Is this your idea of sexy talk? Because I don't get.
Monica: Sorry. Chandler, what is wrong with us?
Chandler: There's nothing wrong with us honey.
Monica: Yes there is. We were so excited to have one night of sex, and now I just don't feel the excitement anymore.
Chandler: Yeah. I think we lost our spark.
Monica: I was afraid that would happen.
Chandler: Well we still got to try. Maybe not tonight, but we still have to try.
Monica: You're right. How about we go home?
Chandler: Sounds good. Joey probably fell asleep and the twins probably drew on his face.
Monica: I'm going to use the bathroom for a second.
(Monica enters the bathroom.)
Monica: (Yelling.) Hey, there's a shower in here!
Chandler: Whatever, I'll probably would of tripped and hit my funny bone again.
(End of Scene)
Scene 9:
(At Monica and Chandler's house. Joey is still watching the cooking channel. Jack is playing a Nintendo DS, while Erica has fallen asleep.)
Joey: Hey, Jack is your sister sleeping?
Jack: Yes.
Joey: Ok, well I'm going to bring your sister up to bed, you stay here.
Jack: Ok.
(Joey picks up Erica and carries her up the stairs. Jack puts down his game and changes the channel with the remote. He stumbles on a channel showing a scary movie. An image of something scary is on screen and Jack begins to scream. Joey rushes downstairs.)
Joey: What! Jack what's wrong?
Jack: Something scary is on TV!
(Erica begins to cry because of all the screaming.)
Joey: Erica, don't cry! I'll be right there.
Jack: Uncle Joey, don't leave me!
Joey: Just change the channel!
Jack: I'm too scared!
Joey: I have to get your sister!
Erica: Uncle Joey!
Joey: I'll be right there! (Joey walks down the stairs, turns off the TV, and runs upstairs. Jack follows quickly follows behind.)
Scene 10:
(In Monica and Chandler's car. They are driving into the garage. The garage door is closing.)
Monica: You're not mad about not having sex tonight are you?
Chandler: No. I'm just glad I can still be with the woman I love.
Monica: You're sweet. (Begins to kiss Chandler. The two end up passionately kissing.)
Chandler: You know…we don't have to go in right away. We can stay in here and do stuff.
Monica: In the car? Honey, that's a great idea! (Starts to kiss Chandler.) Wait. We called Joey already and said we were coming home.
Chandler: We'll just tell him we got stuck in traffic for 20 minutes.
Monica: You mean 25 minutes.
Chandler: I can give it a shot.
(End of Scene)
Closing Scene:
(At Central Perk. All six friends are sitting at the couch drinking coffee and talking.)
Phoebe: You told them scary stories?
Chandler: Yes he did, my children are officially scarred for life.
Joey: I didn't mess them up that bad.
Chandler: They think an evil robot princess is going to murder them with a chainsaw!
Monica: So Joey, just a few more days before you go back to L.A. Who are you going to miss the most?
Phoebe: Yeah, Joey. It's me right? If not, I will assassinate you. You know, after I get in bed with you.
Monica: Um, Pheebs. Wrong universe again.
Phoebe: That's what you think.
Joey: Don't put me on the spot like this you guys.
Chandler: Yeah, leave Joey alone. He doesn't want to tell you guys it's me.
Phoebe: You wish.
Chandler: Hey, I am his best friend.
Phoebe: So is Ross.
Ross: Yeah, so am I.
Chandler: Yeah but come on Ross, you know I'm his best friend.
Ross: What? Just because you say you're his best friend doesn't make you his best friend.
Chandler: It so does.
Ross: No. I want to hear it from Joey. Joey, which one of us will you miss the most?
Rachael: Oh who cares? It's not like Joey is even that popular. You babies are giving me a headache.
Monica: Rachael what's wrong?
Rachael: Time of the freaking month, Monica!
Joey: Ok. I know who'd I wouldn't miss that much!
(End of Episode)
Friends: 5 Years Later
"The One with the Egging"
Plot:
Chandler, Ross and Joey all hang out at Chandler's house for one last guy's night. Ross leaves early however to try to win a bid against Gunther for a painting of a dinosaur that was being taken down from the coffee shop. When Chandler asks Joey about his life in L.A, Joey ends up revealing a life changing secret. Meanwhile, Phoebe convinces Monica to play a prank on an annoying neighbour. The three girls decide to egg the neighbor's house, but the prank backfires and Monica gets into deep trouble.
Opening Scene:
(At Central Perk. Ross and Phoebe are sitting on the couch drinking coffee.)
Ross: …and as long as the power is always continuous one can live in their own virtual dreams for the rest of their life.
Phoebe: Mm hmm…and in this virtual dream would there be a virtual Ross who's going to be there to bore me to death?
(Ross notices Gunther and a man taking down a big painting of a dinosaur off the wall of the store.)
Ross: Hey look at that painting. It looks nice.
Phoebe: What is it? A dragon?
Ross: It's a dinosaur.
Phoebe: Potato, potato.
(Ross gets up and walks toward Gunther and the man.)
Ross: Wow, nice painting.
Ted (The man): Thanks, I painted it.
Ross: What's your name?
Ted: Ted. Ted Ruther. I'm a local artist.
Gunther: I'm buying his painting.
Ross: You're buying it? If I seen it sooner, I would of offered to buy it too.
Ted: Well how much would you pay for it?
Gunther: Hey! I offered to buy it first.
Ted: Yeah, but I'm an artist. I need all the money I can get.
Ross: Well I'll pay you $50 for it.
Ted: Gunther is offering me $80.
Gunther: Too bad, Ross.
Ross: I'll give you $85!
Gunther: Hey! I'll give you $100!
Ross: Damn it.
Ted: Ok, you guys. How about I keep the painting for another day. I'll give you my number, and you two can call me with your offers and why you should get my painting. I'll come back here tomorrow night, and tell you which one of you gets my painting.
Ross: Ok, sounds good to me.
Gunther: Fine with me.
(Ted leaves with the painting.)
Ross: I'm going to win that painting.
Gunther: Oh, sit back down and drink your spit coffee.
(End of Scene)
Scene 1:
(At Monica and Chandler's house. Phoebe, Joey, Monica and Chandler are sitting in the living room talking.)
Chandler: So, Joey you're leaving in two days. How about tonight, you, me and Ross rent Die Hard and drink some beers.
Joey: Yeah, ok. Guy's night out. I really miss those days.
Chandler: Yeah remember how we would talk about hot supermodels we would like to sleep with. (Chandler looks over at Monica, who is giving him a displeased look.) But of course, I actually ended up marrying a supermodel. She is sitting in this room with me right now.
Phoebe: Chandler please, we're not married.
(Doorbell rings. Monica gets up and opens the door. Monica's annoying neighbour, Debra is standing at the door.)
Monica: Oh, hi Debra.
Debra: Hello Monica. I just wanted to tell you that a branch on your tree is looking at bit droopy. Now, it's very unnoticeable, but you know it makes your front yard look a bit sloppy.
Monica: Oh, thank you for informing me. I'll go check on it later.
Debra: Well while you go check on it, you should also check on your grass, it's looking a bit brown.
Monica: Well it's autumn.
Debra: Well that's no excuse. My lawn is just as green as it was in the summer.
Monica: That's nice. (Closes door.)
Debra: (From outside) Your door closes sloppily!
Joey: Who was that?
Monica: That was Debra. She lives across the street, and she is just so annoying. (Sits back down.) Last week she handed out flyers to the whole neighbourhood.
Chandler: Oh yeah that was really weird.
Joey: What did the flyers say?
Monica: They read "Stop handing out flyers, you're killing the trees."
Joey: Wow. Irony.
Monica: Yeah, and she's always trying to talk to me about how my windows shouldn't be open or how my kids drawing on the sidewalk with chalk makes my house look sloppy. I swear, "Sloppy" is her favorite word.
(Chandler gets up.)
Chandler: Joe, let's go to the store and buy some snacks for tonight.
Joey: What's the hurry Chandler? We got a few hours.
Chandler: Do you want to go to the store with me? Or do you want to stay here and listen to Monica complain about some woman?
Joey: Yeah I'm coming.
(Joey and Chandler leave the house.)
Monica: So yeah, that Debra woman is just really getting on my nerves.
Phoebe: Why don't you play a prank on her? Teach her a lesson.
Monica: What did you have in mind?
Phoebe: We could dress like we're from the 1800s, and pretend to be ghosts haunting her house. It will be so much fun!
Monica: That sounds complicated.
Phoebe: Ok then…how about we egg her house?
Monica: Egg her house? That's not a bad idea. Yeah we should egg her house. We can even write her a message that says "Sloppy". We can write it with the eggs!
Phoebe: Yeah we can even write her a letter saying the eggs are from the 1800s and that the spirits of the egg farmers are going to haunt her!
Monica: Too complicated. Let's just egg her house and leave it at that.
Phoebe: Ok, stomp on my creative ideas why don't you? (Phoebe takes out her cell phone, which is an Apple iPhone.) I'll call Rachael and ask her to join us. (Dials on phone and waits.) Hey, Rachael. I'm at Monica's right now. Yeah, has Monica bitch about that annoying neighbour of hers to you yet? Uh huh. Yeah, well we're going egg her house tonight. Want to come? Ok, see you then.
Monica: I bitch?
Phoebe: No, iPhone. This is an iPhone. Not I bitch. That probably wouldn't sell well.
(End of Scene)
Scene 2:
(At Ross and Rachael's apartment. Ross is on the phone with Ted. Rachael enters the living room.)
Rachael: My mom will be picking Emma up in about an hour.
Ross: Shhh. So tonight at 9, right? Ok, thanks again Ted. And remember, I study dinosaurs for a living. I deserve the painting. Bye. (Hangs up.)
Rachael: Who was that?
Ross: Ted Ruther. I'm trying to buy this painting from him but Gunther wants the painting too.
Rachael: What is the painting of?
Ross: It's a painting of a dinosaur. It's really nice.
Rachael: Where you are you going to hang this painting?
Ross: I don't know, maybe above our bed.
Rachael: Yeah, Ross I don't really like to sleep with dinosaurs. Um, no offense to you.
Ross: I don't sleep with dinosaurs.
Rachael: Yeah, whatever.
Ross: So what are you doing tonight?
Rachael: I'm going to go egg Monica's neighbour's house.
Ross: Sounds wild. Wild like a beast!
Rachael: Ross! Stop making me into your dinosaur sex slave!
(End of Scene)
Scene 3:
(At Chandler and Monica's house. Joey, Chandler and Ross are sitting in the living room, finishing up Die Hard and drinking their beers.)
Chandler: That was a good movie. It just keeps getting better and better.
Joey: Want to watch it again?
Chandler: We already watched it twice.
Joey: So?
Chandler: Yeah, lets!
Ross: Sorry guys but I got to go down to Central Perk to win a painting.
Joey: A painting?
Ross: Yeah, it's of a dinosaur.
Joey: Right, you have that weird fetish for dinosaurs.
Ross: It's not a fetish!
Chandler: So, Ross in your fantasies, do you pretend to be a dinosaur having sex with other dinosaurs or are you still a human who has sex with dinosaurs?
Ross: (Gets up and yells) I do not have sex with dinosaurs!
(Monica and Rachael come into the living room.)
Monica: What is with all the yelling in here?
Chandler: Ross is just screaming about how much he loves to have sex with dinosaurs.
Ross: I was not!
Joey: You're the one who wants some pornographic painting of a dinosaur.
Rachael: It's true. Earlier today, he tried making me his dinosaur sex slave.
Ross: Stop picking on me!
Monica: Ross, Rachael, let's leave now if we want to make it in time to get Ross to Central Perk so he can win his painting.
Ross: Thank you, Monica. At least you don't think I'm some dinosaur sex addict.
Monica: What you do with the painting is your own business. (Opens front door.)
Ross: You are all so mean to me! Monica, if you were a dinosaur you would be the fattest one of all!
Monica: Oh, I am going to beat you up! (Ross runs out the door, Monica follows.)
Rachael: Bye Chandler, bye Joey. (Walks out the door.)
Joey: (Laughing) I just love Ross and his dinosaur fetish.
Chandler: You're really going to miss it here aren't you? But at least you can always visit again.
Joey: Yeah about that…umm…do you mind if I stay longer?
Chandler: Not at all buddy. Did something come up?
Joey: Ok, look, I wanted to keep this a secret but I guess I'll just come out and say it.
Chandler: Oh my god! You have a dinosaur fetish too!
Joey: Yeah, no. Chandler, I don't have a job anymore.
Chandler: What? Joey, what are you talking about?
Joey: I lost it all Chandler. My agent quit on me because she thought I wasn't taking my job seriously.
Chandler: What about that movie you were going to do?
Joey: I lost the role. Chandler, I didn't come back to New York just to visit. I came back because I miss it here. I miss you, and the rest of the gang.
Chandler: Well, Joe it's your choice. If you want to move back to New York then you can. What about your sister and nephew?
Joey: They're going to send my stuff over when I find a place to live…it's going to be difficult but I really need to come back.
Chandler: I'm here for you, Joe.
Joey: Thanks man. Let's watch Die Hard again!
Chandler: Yeah! Die Hard! Die Hard! Die Hard!
Joey: Why'd you say it three times?
Chandler: Well it will be our third time watching it.
Joey: See you were always so smart. Not like Ross, who wants to have sex with dinosaurs.
(End of Scene)
Scene 4:
(At Central Perk. Monica, Ross and Rachael enter. Ross heads straight to Gunther who is standing behind the counter. Monica and Rachael sit down at a table since the orange couch has already been taken.)
Ross: Gunther, is Ted here yet?
Gunther: He should be here in a few minutes.
Ross: Look, Gunther I know you want the painting just as much as I do but look I am willing to pay you $100 bucks to not buy the painting.
Gunther: Yeah, but I could just use that $100 dollars to buy the painting.
Ross: Or you just don't buy the painting and call it a day. Look Gunther, I study dinosaurs for a living. This painting is just so me. It is my life.
Gunther: Ross, I don't know why you find dinosaurs sexually attractive, but I like the painting because of Ted's use of brush strokes and colours. I actually appreciate the art.
Ross: Hey, I like the art too! You are not doing this just because you like art. You're doing this just to spite me!
Gunther: Well it's true.
Ross: What have I ever done to you?
Gunther: You stole Rachael from me!
Ross: You think someone like you can actually get a girl like Rachael!
Gunther: What?
Ross: I mean, someone like you can get a girl like Rachael. But Rachael picked me, so there's nothing I can really do about that.
Gunther: You can divorce her.
Ross: Shut up!
(Phoebe enters and finds Monica and Rachael.)
Phoebe: Hey you guys.
Monica: Hey! Did you bring the eggs?
Phoebe: Yeah, Mike bought them for me. I couldn't find any ostrich eggs though.
Rachael: Why would we need ostrich eggs?
Phoebe: Well ostrich eggs are huge. It will be like throwing a brick at her house. You know a brick that squirts out yolk
Monica: Ok, let's go you guys! (Gets up.) I'm just so excited. Debra is going to freak when she sees the mess of eggs all over her house.
Rachael: I got to go say goodbye to Ross. (Gets up and walks over to Ross. Phoebe and Monica leave the store.)
Ross: You going?
Rachael: Yeah, good luck with the painting. (Kisses Ross and leaves the store.)
Gunther: What's it like to kiss Rachael?
Ross: Totally amazing.
Gunther: I hope you and your lips burn in hell.
(End of Scene)
Scene 5:
(At Monica and Chandler's House. Joey and Chandler are still watching Die Hard. Chandler pauses the movie and turns to Joey to talk.)
Chandler: Look Joe, I know you're going through a rough time but I still have a few questions for you.
Joey: Well if you want to be a nosey girl about it, then ask away.
Chandler: I'm finding it really hard to believe that you could lose it all. You were pretty big in Hollywood, something must of happened.
Joey: Ok. If you really want to know. I had this one night stand with this woman, who turned out to be the girlfriend of a paparazzi.
Chandler: Of a paparazzo.
Joey: No, it's pronounce paparazzi.
Chandler: Ok, whatever then. So what happened after the guy found out?
Joey: Well he told me he was going to ruin my life. He was going to take pictures of me everywhere, and start rumors that I sleep with women and never call them ever again.
Chandler: But you do, do that.
Joey: Yeah, but he was going to make it seem like a bad thing! So that's one of the reasons why I want to come back. Plus, my family really misses me too.
Chandler: Well I'm glad you're back.
Joey: Me too.
(End of Scene)
Scene 6:
(Phoebe, Monica and Rachael run into Monica's car. Phoebe gets into the driver's seat, Monica gets into the passenger seat, and Rachael sits at the back.)
Monica: Oh my god, I can't believe we just did that!
Rachael: I totally felt the rush! We should totally do this again! Oh, I know where Elliot Robertson lives.
Monica: Elliot from high school? The guy you slept with?
Rachael: Yeah, let's totally egg his house next time. Get him back for all those years he made me sleep with him!
Monica: Rachael, you wanted to sleep with him.
Rachael: Yeah, but still. He could have shaved his beard before we had sex.
Phoebe: Oh, Rachael, you do not know what a beard can do in bed. (Phoebe pulls out an egg from her pocket.)
Monica: Why am I sitting here? Phoebe it's my car, I should drive.
Phoebe: Monica, this is the last egg. You're sitting there, because when I drive off, you're going to throw the egg right at the front door.
Monica: Ok. (Grabs the egg.) Let's see who's sloppy now!
(Phoebe begins to drive off. Monica rolls down the window and throws the egg. Rachael gives out a gasp and Phoebe stops the car.)
Rachael: Oh my god! You just hit Debra in the face!
Monica: Why did she have to open the freaking door? (Monica turns to Phoebe.) Phoebe! Why did you stop? Drive!
Phoebe: I can't Monica! I almost hit that man.
Monica: There's no one there!
Phoebe: What? Oh wow, then what did I see?
(Debra comes up to the car window and all three girls scream.)
Debra: Monica!
Monica: Hi, Debra. Nice evening we're having…
(End of Scene)
Scene 7:
(At Central Perks. Ross and Gunther are waiting for Ted. Ted walks into the store. Ross and Gunther run up to Ted.)
Ross: Hey, Ted what's up? So who'd you pick?
Ted: Well, I thought about it. Gunther you really appreciate my art. You actually know the effort and technique I put into all my paintings. But, Ross you study dinosaurs and fossils. This painting is just the thing for you. So…I'm going to give the painting to Gunther.
Ross: No!
Gunther: Yes! Take that you greasy hair nerd!
Ted: What?
Gunther: Not you, Ross.
(Ross pulls Gunther over to the side.)
Ross: Look, Gunther I know you don't like me very much but please, please give up the painting.
Gunther: No way!
Ross: Look, how about you give me the painting and I…tip you 50% for the next month.
Gunther: No.
Ross: How about I…
Gunther: No, Ross. I won the painting. It's mine!
Ross: Rachael! How about Rachael!
Gunther: What about Rachael?
(Ross whispers in Gunther's ear. Gunther smiles.)
Gunther: Do you promise?
Ross: I promise.
Gunther: Ok then. (Turns to Ted.) Ted, I don't want the painting anymore.
Ted: Why?
Gunther: No reason. (Walks away.)
Ted: Oh well. I guess you get the painting.
Ross: Yes! Thank you so much. You won't regret it. I am going to hang the painting up in my bedroom.
Ted: Do dinosaurs turn you on or something?
(End of Scene.)
Scene 8:
(At Monica and Chandler's house. Rachael, Phoebe, Monica and Debra enter the backdoor of the house that leads into the kitchen. Monica grabs a towel for Debra, who still has egg all over her face.)
Monica: Debra, I am so sorry.
Debra: Why, Monica? Why did you do it?
Monica: Well, it's because you annoy me. You are always criticizing my home, and doing stuff that just gets on my nerves.
Debra: Wow. I did not know that. Well, Monica I am so sorry. I never meant to annoy you. I'm going to go now. I'll make sure I'll try to be less annoying the next time I see you.
Monica: It's ok. Tomorrow, I'll help clean the outside of your house.
Debra: Why? What happened on the outside?
Monica: Oh, um nothing…
(Debra leaves.)
Phoebe: Hey you guys I think I know what I saw that made me stop the car.
Rachael: What?
Phoebe: A man from the 1800s. Maybe a farmer. Oh, yeah an egg farmer! It was the spirit of the egg farmer.
(Chandler and Joey enter the kitchen.)
Chandler: You're back already? How did the egging go?
Monica: Horribly wrong.
Chandler: Well Joey has some good news.
Joey: Yeah, I'm moving back to New York. (The girls react happily.)
Rachael: Joey, what about your life in L.A?
Joey: Yeah it was fun in L.A, but I just miss you guys and the city.
Phoebe: Well this is just great. The five of us together again.
Chandler: Um, Pheebs. There are six of us.
Phoebe: There is?
Rachael: Ross.
Phoebe: Oh yeah. Well he's not here right now, so whatever.
(End of Scene)
Closing Scene:
(At Central Perks. Ross and Rachael enter the shop. Ross is pushing Rachael towards the counter to talk to Gunther.)
Ross: Come on.
Rachael: No Ross. I don't want to.
Ross: I promised him you would.
Rachael: Ross, you already have the painting, so why do I have to?
Ross: Because I don't want to be drinking spit coffee for the rest of my life!
Rachael: Fine!
(Rachael walks over to the counter where Gunther is standing behind.)
Gunther: Hi Rachael.
Rachael: Hi Gunther. I came here to tell you…that…I am you're dinosaur sex slave.
Gunther: I love you.
(End of Episode)
Friends: 5 Years Later
"The One with Krunk F.C."
Plot:
Phoebe meets up with her biological mother and finds out her mother has a new boyfriend who she plans to move to Canada with. Phoebe however disapproves of her mother's decisions. Joey goes looking for a new apartment, and decides to visit his old apartment for the memories. Ross and Rachael decide they should look for a bigger apartment too, and go along with Joey. Chandler and Monica bring the twins to Monica's parent's home for dinner. However, the twins do not behave as they should, causing a lot of embarrassment.
Opening Scene:
(At Central Perks. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch drinking coffee and talking. Ross and Rachael come in bickering with each other.)
Rachael: You know I didn't knock down the painting on purpose!
Ross: Oh, so it just happened to fall off the wall?
Rachael: Well maybe if your big butt didn't push me into the corner! (Sits down in chair)
Ross: I do not have a big butt! (Sits down on couch)
Joey: Whoa, whoa! What is going on with you two?
Ross: Rachael knocked down the painting of the dinosaur I recently bought.
Rachael: It was an accident! There is not enough room for the two of us in that bedroom!
Ross: Well maybe if you didn't pile it up with all the make-up and expensive clothes you buy.
Joey: You guys, you guys. If you don't think there's enough room for you two, then why don't you find a new apartment?
Ross: What? Joey we're not going to go looking for a new apartment.
Rachael: Wait, wait. Yes we are.
Ross: We are?
Rachael: Yes, Ross we have to! We are going crazy in that apartment. Emma is growing bigger. There's too much of her stuff around. We need to get a bigger apartment.
Ross: Ok. You're right. We'll get a bigger apartment.
Joey: Great, you two can come with me. I'm apartment hunting this afternoon.
Ross: Sounds good to me.
Rachael: Yeah, I can pick up Emma from school and can we go right away.
Phoebe: Oh, how exciting for you two. Oh but for future reference, Rachael, I don't think Ross has a big butt. I think it's perfectly fit and cute.
(End of Scene)
Scene 1:
(At Monica and Chandler's house. Monica and Chandler are getting the twins ready to go out.)
Jack: Mommy, where are we going?
Monica: To Grandma and Grandpa's house, dear.
Jack: Oh yeah. I forgot.
Chandler: Now, Jack and Erica you know the rules at Grandma and Grandpa's house right?
Erica: Don't touch anything that looks like it can break.
Jack: No, don't touch anything that is already broken! You can cut yourself if you do!
Erica: No you can't!
Jack: Yes you can!
Erica: No you can't!
Jack: Yes you can!
Chandler: Hey! Be quiet you two. I don't want to hear you two fighting! No more arguing, you hear?
Erica: Jack started it!
Jack: No I didn't!
Erica: Yes you did!
Jack: No I didn't!
Erica: Yes you did!
Chandler: What did I just say?
Jack: You said you didn't want to hear us fight.
Erica: No, he said he didn't want to hear us argue!
Jack: No he didn't!
Erica: Yes he did!
Monica: (To Chandler) Honey, can we go before my brain explodes?
(Chandler pushes the family out of the door.)
(End of Scene)
Scene 2:
(At Phoebe's apartment. Mike is in the kitchen making a sandwich. Phoebe walks out of the bedroom and talks to Mike.)
Phoebe: Guess what.
Mike: What?
Phoebe: I just got off the phone with my mom.
Mike: Wow, I didn't know you can connect up in heaven.
Phoebe: No, not my dead mom. My living mom.
Mike: What?
Phoebe: My biological mom. You know the one that lives in the beach house.
Mike: Oh, yeah. I haven't met her yet. She didn't even come to the wedding.
Phoebe: Well she was busy around that time, she witnessed a murder at the beach it was really bad. But yeah, she just called me to tell me she wanted to meet me for dinner. She said she had something very important to tell me.
Mike: Do you have any idea what it is?
Phoebe: I don't know. I remember the last important thing my dead mom told me.
Mike: What was it?
Phoebe: It was Christmas. She said "Phoebe, you and Ursula leave the kitchen for 15 minutes and then come back." And when we went into the kitchen, her head was in the oven and she was dead.
Mike: Phoebe, that's horrible.
Phoebe: Oh, it's ok we already ate the turkey and pie in the oven.
(End of Scene)
Scene 3:
(At an apartment. Joey, Ross, Rachael and Emma are looking around the apartment.)
Ross: This place is nice.
Rachael: The walls are vomit colour, but whatever you say Ross.
Joey: It's too small for you guys.
Ross: Well it's perfect for you, Joe.
Joey: I know, but it doesn't have that certain quality I'm looking for.
Rachael: Joey, it's like the perfect apartment. It has a nice kitchen, and a big bathroom. The bedroom is just perfect for you to take women and-
Ross: Rachael, Emma's behind you.
Rachael: -show them the view and then say goodbye to them…
Joey: Yeah it's nice, but it's just not what I'm looking for.
Ross: Well, Joey do you think you should be picky. You are starting over in New York.
Joey: Yeah, but when I was thinking about coming home I was thinking about coming home to you know…my old apartment.
Rachael: Joey, it's been five years. Your apartment is probably rented out to someone else by now.
Joey: Yeah, but I miss that place.
Ross: Well if you want we could go back to your old apartment. Maybe there will be another apartment available.
Joey: Yeah that can bring me some good memories back. Remember the time when I took your bra Rachael and used it to see if an apple or an orange weighed more.
Rachael: Yeah, Joey I remember. I also remember my left breast smelling like orange because you thought it would be easier to compare the two fruits if you removed the peel.
Joey: Yeah good times.
(End of Scene)
Scene 4:
(At the Geller's House. Judy Geller opens the door. Monica, Chandler and the twins enter. They all say hello to each other and hug and each other. Jack Geller comes down the stairs.)
Jack: My favorite family is here!
Chandler: The Huxtables are here?
Jack Geller: Funny, funny. (Turns to the twins.) Do you kids want to see the new porch swing we got?
Jack and Erica: Yeah!
(Jack Geller takes Jack and Erica out to the backyard.)
Monica: You got a new porch swing?
Judy Geller: Yes. We figured it would be a nice thing to have when it's a nice day outside. Plus, it's quite quiet so the neighbors don't hear us outside at night.
Chandler: What are you two doing at night on the porch swing?
(Judy Geller gives Chandler and Monica a strange look)
Monica: Ew, ew, ew! Mom! You and Dad go out on the porch swing at night to have sex?
Judy Geller: Well the hot tub wasn't doing it for us anymore!
Chandler: Please, please stop!
Jack Geller: (From outside) No! Don't jump on it!
(All of a sudden a loud crash is heard. Monica, Chandler and Judy Geller run outside to see what had happened.)
(End of Scene)
Scene 5:
(At a restaurant. Phoebe is at a table waiting for her mother to come. Phoebe Abbott comes into the restaurant with an African- American man dressed very stereotypical with baggy jeans and big jewelry.)
Phoebe Abbot: Hi!
Phoebe: Hi! (Hugs her mother.) Who's this?
Phoebe Abbot: This is my boyfriend, Fredric Carlson.
Krunk F.C: But you can call me Krunk F.C!
Phoebe: Boyfriend?
(End of Scene)
Scene 6:
(At the Geller's house. We now see Jack, Judy, Monica, Chandler and the twins sitting at the dinner table.)
Chandler: I think you two owe Grandma and Grandpa another apology.
Jack Geller: No it's fine; they don't have to apologize anymore. We can get a new porch swing.
Judy Geller: I don't think I can wait that long for another org-
Monica: Mom!
Judy Geller: -ganic! Organic porch swing…
Jack: I'm sorry Grandma, I'm sorry Grandpa.
Erica: I'm sorry too!
Jack: No you're not!
Erica: Yes I am!
Jack: No you're not!
Erica: Yes I am!
Chandler: Stop it you two!
Erica: Sorry Daddy.
Jack: Sorry.
Monica: How much was the porch swing?
Jack Geller: No, no, no. I do not want you to give us any money.
Monica: But Dad-
Jack Geller: I'm serious Monica! There is no need to pay us back.
(Erica begins to laugh.)
Chandler: What's so funny, Erica?
Erica: A little bit of food fell out of Grandpa's mouth when he was talking!
(Jack begins to laugh.)
Jack: That's funny! But not as funny as Grandma's face looking like a plastic bag when she chews!
(The twins begin to laugh hysterically. Monica and Chandler are completely embarrassed.)
(End of Scene)
Scene 7:
(At the restaurant. Phoebe, Phoebe Abbott and Krunk F.C are eating.)
Phoebe: So how did you two meet?
Phoebe Abbott: Well Fredric washed up on the beach near my house, and I gave him some C.P.R…
Krunk F.C: Her C.P.R made me A.L.V!
Phoebe: What's A.L.V?
Krunk F.C: It spells "alive".
Phoebe: That doesn't spell alive? It spells Alv.
Krunk F.C: Well it don't matter what I spell, as long as I have my lady here with me spelling L.O.V.E.
Phoebe Abbott: That spells love.
Phoebe: Yeah, I got that. This is…this is just so unexpected…but I am happy for you two.
Phoebe Abbott: Good. I was really worried you would disapprove. I actually wanted to tell your sister first, since she probably wouldn't care as much.
Phoebe: Yeah. Last I saw her she was fighting with an Asian man because he gave her a fortune cookie that didn't have a fortune in it.
Krunk F.C: Yo, listen to this. I made a rap just for this moment. (Rapping) Yo, Phoebe my girlfriend's daughter. My lady told me everything about you. I know you sing, play guitar, and you eat veggies because you don't slaughter. Krunk, Krunk, Krunk!
Phoebe: Wow…you are really good!
Krunk F.C: You think so? I'm going to be big. I already got a deal to record some demo tracks up in Toronto.
Phoebe: Oh, so you're going to go to Toronto?
Phoebe Abbott: Actually…we're both going to go.
Phoebe: What?
Krunk F.C: Yeah me and your momma here are going to go live in Toronto.
Phoebe: What…what? I…I can't accept this.
Phoebe Abbott: What…why not?
Phoebe: …Because. Because I can't! You two…are…too…I…No! You cannot leave. Toronto is not where you want to be!
Phoebe Abbott: Actually it is.
Phoebe: No it isn't…and this man is not right for you! He rhymed daughter with slaughter! You said slaughter! Shame on you!
(End of Scene)
Scene 8:
(At the old Monica and Joey's apartment building. Joey, Ross, Rachael and Emma walk into the old hallway. They see Trigger getting out of Joey's old apartment.)
Joey: Hey, Trigger!
Trigger: Hey it's you kids! What are you doing here?
Joey: Well I'm moving back to New York and I wanted to check my old place out.
Trigger: Well if you want you can rent the place out again.
Joey: Really? It's vacant.
Ross: Here's your chance Joey. You can get back all the good memories you wanted.
Trigger: Yeah, I've been having trouble with renting the place out. People always keep complaining about a weird smell.
Joey: (Enters the apartment) Weird smell? (Sniffs the air.) What are they talking about? It's the smell of pizza and man sweat! My smells are still here! (Joey goes to look around.)
Ross: (To Rachael) Do you want me to ask?
Rachael: It wouldn't hurt.
Ross: Hey Trigger. Is there another apartment available for rent?
Trigger: There sure is. The one right across the hall.
Rachael: Monica's old apartment is available?
Trigger: Well a little old lady and her husband lives there, but they want to move back to Connecticut, so the apartment is going to be available.
Ross: (To Rachael) Isn't this perfect?
Rachael: It so is…do you think we can afford it?
Ross: I think we can.
Rachael: (To Emma) Hey Emma. Do you want to live here?
Emma: Alone?
Rachael: No honey, not alone. Mommy and Daddy would be living with you two.
Emma: Ok.
Ross: (To Trigger) Ok. I think we want it.
Trigger: Great. You can come by tomorrow to check out the apartment. Now, please excuse me. I'm going to go fix three toilets, and only two of them were my fault. (Trigger exits)
(Joey comes out of his old bedroom and smiles.)
Joey: It's all here. It's my old home.
Rachael: I'm moving back to my old home too.
Joey: You're moving back to Long Island? (Angrily) Ross, what did you do? Do you want 4 divorces?
Rachael: No, Joey next door. Monica's old apartment. We want it.
Joey: Oh…oh! Now we're going to be apartment buddies!
Emma: Am I your buddy, Uncle Joey?
Joey: Yes you are!
Ross: This is just great. We should all go celebrate. Emma where do you want to go?
Emma: A pony farm!
Ross: Yeah…how about the coffee shop?
Rachael: Sounds great.
Emma: No it doesn't. We always go there.
(End of Scene)
Scene 9:
(At the Geller's House. Monica, Chandler, Jack Geller and Judy Geller are sitting at the dinner table eating pie and having coffee.)
Chandler: Look, I'm so sorry for our children's behavior. I am just really, really embarrassed.
Jack Geller: No, don't be. Look, Monica and Chandler you have to understand kids will be kids. You can try all you want to control them but there are some things you just can't control.
Judy Geller: Like you Monica. I couldn't control your weight gain. When you asked for another slice of cake or more ketchup on your French fries, I just didn't want to say no.
Monica: Maybe you should of…I wouldn't have broken the porch swing.
Chandler: That's right…when you were young; you broke the porch swing too. I guess we can't control everything that happens.
Judy Geller: That's right. You just have to keep your head in the game.
Jack Geller: And don't forget to have sex after the children fall asleep.
Chandler: Ok that's enough advice.
(End of Scene)
Scene 10:
(At the restaurant. Phoebe, Phoebe Abbott and Krunk F.C are having a very uncomfortable dinner together.)
Phoebe Abbott: Please, Phoebe. Say something.
Phoebe: Ok, fine. What was the all so important news you had to tell me that you couldn't tell me over the phone?
Phoebe Abbott: Um…dear…this is the important news.
Phoebe: Oh…well I was thinking it could be about you know…starving children, but I guess that's not important to you or anything.
Phoebe Abbott: Look, I can understand how hard this could be for you. I wasn't a very important part of your life, and now I'm moving away but Phoebe, I still love you. I'm not doing this to hurt you. I'm doing this because I'm in love.
Phoebe: You're right. I'm sorry. I didn't actually mean anything. Krunk F.C, I really don't have anything against you. You two do look really happy together.
Krunk F.C: We are.
Phoebe: I guess I was just being selfish. I'm sorry. I hope you have a happy life in Toronto. And mom, you were always and will always be an important part of my life.
Phoebe Abbott: You too.
Krunk F.C: Aw! This is a very, very sweet moment we are having here. Phoebe, you and I should do a duet.
Phoebe: Really? Well Krunk, I would be very happy to jam it with you.
Krunk F.C: It's Krunk F.C.
Phoebe: Oh I'm sorry. Hey Krunk F.C, KFC!
(End of Scene)
Closing Scene:
(At Central Perks. Ross, Rachael, Joey, Chandler, Monica, Mike and Phoebe Abbott are sitting down. Phoebe and Krunk F.C are up on stage performing.)
Phoebe: (Singing) Smelly cat! Smelly cat, what are they feeding you?
Krunk F.C: (Rapping) Yo, smelly, smelly cat what the hell are you eating? You smell so bad, but I still love you, you're my smelly, smelly cat, always going to be my pet!
Chandler: That didn't even rhyme.
Mike: But they are pretty good.
Phoebe and Krunk F.C: (Yelling) Krunk, Krunk, Krunk!
Friends: 5 Years Later
"The One with the Unpacking"
Plot:
It's Thanksgiving! Ross, Rachael and Joey are moving into their new apartments. Unfortunately, Joey has to wait for Trigger to bring him a copy of the apartment key, because he forgot to pick it up earlier. Monica and Chandler come to help but everybody gets annoyed with Monica's bossiness. Ross and Chandler get into an argument that was started by Emma and Erica. Phoebe and Mike come to help out too, but Phoebe is distracted by a phone call she is waiting for from her biological mother who has moved to Toronto.
Opening Scene:
(At Central Perks. Joey, Ross and Rachael are sitting at the orange couch drinking coffee. Monica comes into the coffee shop with a few groceries in her hands.)
Monica: Hey guys.
Rachael: Hey Monica.
Joey: Where's Chandler?
Monica: He's at home with the twins. I just came to the city so I can buy some ingredients for Thanksgiving dinner tonight.
Joey: They don't have supermarkets in West Chester?
Monica: They do, but a lot of them don't carry what I want.
Rachael: What did you want?
Monica: Bloomingdales.
Ross: Do we have to go to your place for Thanksgiving this year?
Monica: Yes you do! I'm not going to make Thanksgiving for no one!
Rachael: Mon, what about your family?
Monica: Oh yeah…well why wouldn't you guys come this year?
Ross: Well we're moving tomorrow. I don't think we're going to have enough time to stop by your place.
Monica: Oh…well maybe I can come and help and then cook Thanksgiving dinner there!
Joey: Yeah do that! I haven't had Thanksgiving dinner with you guys for so long. It will be nice to have dinner at the apartments like we use to.
Rachael: Yeah that does sound nice.
Monica: Did you guys get the keys to the apartments yet?
Ross: Yeah we did.
Joey: Oh crap! I forgot to get mine from Trigger. (Joey stands up and walks over to the counter.) Hey can I get another blueberry muffin.
Rachael: Um…Joey, shouldn't you go get the key now?
Joey: Did you not hear me order another muffin?
(End of Scene)
Scene 1:
(At the apartments, out in the hallway. Ross and Joey come in carrying boxes. They place the boxes on the ground. Rachael and Emma follow behind them.)
Rachael: Ross be careful with that box, it has some of my jewelry in it.
Ross: Actually this one has my paleontology stuff in it.
Rachael: Oh, ok then I don't really care if you break it or not.
Ross: You know you could help carry some boxes too.
Emma: No, Mommy just got her nails done.
Rachael: That's right Emma! You get to have a cookie before dinner!
Ross: Joey you have less stuff than us, how about we get your stuff into your apartment first?
Joey: Uh…yeah…how about we unpack in your apartment first?
Rachael: What's wrong Joey?
Joey: I forgot to get the key to my apartment!
Ross: Joey! I reminded you a million times!
Joey: Yeah and that was getting really annoying! You're just like Monica! You're Rossica!
Rachael: Well why don't you go get the key from Trigger now?
Joey: I can't. He's with family for Thanksgiving. He won't be back until midnight.
Ross: Well I guess you can put some stuff in our apartment so you don't crowd the hallway.
Joey: Crowd the hallway? Dude who cares? You are Rossica!
(Chandler, Monica and the twins walk into the hallway. Monica is holding a bag full of food.)
Chandler: (Jokingly) Wow, your new place looks nice…I feel like I've been here before.
Monica: Why are all the boxes out in the hallway?
Joey: I forgot to get my key from Trigger.
Monica: (To Ross) Did you forget too?
Ross: No.
Monica: Then why are we still out here?
Ross: (To Joey) I am not as bad as her!
Joey: Whatever you say Rossica.
Chandler: (Laughing and giving Joey five) Rossica? Good one!
(Ross unlocks the apartment door. Everybody enters looking around the empty apartment.)
Rachael: Wow. It really brings back memories.
Monica: Yeah it really does. Ok no more nostalgia! Ross, Chandler and Joey, bring all the boxes up. Rachael, take the kids and settle them down so they're not in the way. I'm going to put the food in the fridge. We have to finish unpacking in two hours. If we don't, then no food.
Chandler: Honey isn't that a bit too-
Monica: Go! Go! Go!
(Rachael grabs the kids and takes them into one of the bedrooms. Ross and Joey run out of the apartment.)
Chandler: Monica. Remember what you promised? You weren't going to be bossy today.
Monica: Please, I crossed my fingers when I made that stupid promise. Now go or no food!
Chandler: I don't eat Thanksgiving dinner.
Monica: Then no sex.
Chandler: I'm going! (Chandler runs out of the apartment.)
(End of Scene)
Scene 2:
(In one of the bedrooms. Rachael is settling the kids down.)
Rachael: Ok, you three are going to stay in here for a while. You got your toys; you got your crayons, which means you got your fun. Call us if you need us.
Erica: Aunt Rachael.
Rachael: Yes dear?
Erica: How come Emma has pretty red shoes and I don't?
Rachael: Um…well Uncle Ross bought Emma those shoes. So if you want them too, I guess you can ask your Daddy to buy them for you.
Emma: My daddy buys me shoes because he loves me.
Erica: My daddy loves me too.
Jack: Not as much as my daddy!
Rachael: Um Jack, your dad and Erica's dad are the same dad.
Jack: Yeah but he still loves me more.
Erica: Just because my dad didn't buy me red shoes doesn't mean he doesn't love me.
Emma: Yes it does!
Rachael: Emma! Stop it. That is a very mean thing to say. Erica, your dad does love you. If you want, I'll ask him to buy you red shoes.
Erica: Ok. Thank you Aunt Rachael.
Rachael: You're welcome dear. Now does anybody need anything else?
Jack: Can I have a soda?
Emma: Me too.
Erica: Me too.
Rachael: Ok, yeah I'm not a servant.
Monica: (Her voice from outside) Rachael get out here and help me unpack!
Rachael: Yes Monica! (Turns to the children.) That is not the same.
(Rachael walks out of the bedroom.)
(End of Scene)
Scene 3:
(Phoebe and Mike enter the apartment. Phoebe is carrying a lamp and Mike is carrying a box. They both place the objects on the ground.)
Phoebe: Hey Monica!
Monica: Hey Phoebe. Wow you got Mike carrying a box. Good whipping.
Mike: Wow, I guess I'm whipped. I'm going to go down and bring more boxes up and see if I lost my balls on the way. (Mike exits the apartment.)
Phoebe: Hey Monica, don't get mad at me for answering my cell phone ok.
Monica: Well who's going to call you?
Phoebe: My mom. She's moving to Toronto today and she promised to call me the minute she lands.
Monica: Ok fine, but if the call exceeds 2 minutes, I'm not accepting it as an excuse.
(Joey enters the apartment)
Joey: Trigger isn't picking up his cell phone so I guess I'm going to have to wait 'til he gets back.
Phoebe: What did you want from him?
Joey: I forgot to pick up my key.
Monica: Joey, less chit chat more unpacking. (Notices the box Joey is carrying is labeled "porn".) Um, actually Joey you don't have to unpack that box. Just make sure the kids don't get anywhere near that box.
Joey: Well I'll try but I have about ten more boxes full of porn. (Joey places the box down and exits the apartment)
(Rachael comes out of the bathroom and opens a box. Phoebe walks over to a box and opens it.)
Phoebe: (Picking up a dinosaur bone) Wow Ross has some very weird sex toys.
Rachael: Those aren't sex toys. That's a dinosaur bone.
Phoebe: Yeah I'm sure that's all it is.
(Ross and Chandler enter the apartment and place the boxes they have over towards Phoebe and Rachael.)
Rachael: Oh hey you guys, want to hear something funny? Erica got jealous of Emma for having red shoes. Then Emma said Erica doesn't have red shoes because her dad doesn't love her as much.
Chandler: How is that funny?
Rachael: Well I told Emma to stop, but it is a little bit funny.
Ross: Yeah it is.
Chandler: No it isn't. Are you saying I don't love my daughter because I don't buy her red shoes?
Ross: No. It's just funny what Emma said.
Chandler: Yeah well she's wrong of course. I love my daughter a lot more.
Rachael: Ok you guys don't do this.
Ross: A lot more? A lot more than me, is that what you're saying?
Chandler: Well no, but I do think I'm a better father.
Ross: What? You think you're a better father than me? Are you kidding me?
Chandler: Well I am better. You only have one child to look after, I have two.
Ross: I have two too.
Chandler: Oh yes, Ben. (Sarcastically) Where are you Ben? Oh right, he's at home with his lesbian mothers!
Ross: Hey! I have more experience than you ok. I have been a father way before you have.
Chandler: Whatever, experience means nothing.
Ross: I'll show you who the better father is. I'm going to get Emma another pair of red shoes! (Ross walks towards the bedroom the kids are in)
Chandler: I'm going to buy Erica a pair of shoes in every colour of the rainbow! (Chandler quickly follows Ross.)
(Monica gets in the way of the bedroom door and pushes Ross and Chandler back.)
Monica: You babies need to stop fighting. Ross, go help Joey and Mike with the boxes. Chandler help Rachael and Phoebe unpack. No more bickering you two or you won't get any food!
Phoebe: Wow. I think Monica is the better father.
(Ross exits the apartment and Chandler starts unpacking some boxes. Mike enters the apartment with a few boxes in his hands.)
Phoebe: Hey Mike do you think it's weird that my mother hasn't called yet?
Mike: Well she only left about 30 minutes ago. I'm sure she hasn't landed yet.
Rachael: Yeah Phoebe don't sweat it. I'm sure she will call you soon.
Monica: Hey ladies. I hear blabbering but I don't hear unpacking!
Phoebe: Maybe we should all move to Toronto to get away from Monica.
(End of Scene)
Scene 4:
(In the apartment. All the boxes have been brought up. Monica is in the kitchen preparing the dinner. Rachael is deciding where some furniture may go. Ross, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe and Mike are unpacking some boxes. Erica and Emma come out of the bedroom together.)
Emma: Daddy is the food ready yet?
Ross: Almost dear. Are you hungry?
Emma: Yes. Erica is hungry too.
Chandler: Well Erica you can have a snack if you want.
Ross: You can have a snack too.
Chandler: You can have a snack and juice.
Ross: You can have a snack, juice and another pair of shoes!
Chandler: You can have a new doll!
Ross: You can have 10 new dolls!
Chandler: You can have a puppy!
Ross: You can have a pony!
Rachael: Stop it! We're going end up living on the streets if you keep promising her stuff we can't afford! Emma and Erica please go back into the room ok. I'll bring you two and Jack a snack in a minute.
Erica: Ok. Thank you Aunt Rachael.
Emma: Thank you Mommy.
(Emma and Erica walk back into the bedroom.)
Chandler: I could have bought Erica a pony too you know?
Ross: You wouldn't have even bought her a puppy, you're afraid of them!
Monica: Did anyone unpack the microwave yet? I need to heat something up.
Rachael: Oh yes I think it's in that box.
Monica: You think? Why don't you know?
Rachael: Well Monica I'm busy trying to-
Monica: Trying to do nothing! Now someone unpack the microwave, or no food!
Joey: You heard the angry woman! Get that microwave out and plug it in!
(End of Scene)
Scene 5:
(In the other bedroom the kids aren't in. Phoebe and Rachael are unpacking some boxes.)
Phoebe: It's six o'clock already, and she still hasn't called.
Rachael: Phoebe don't worry, she will call.
Phoebe: Are you sure? Are you there with her? Will you take full responsibility for her actions if she doesn't call in the next hour?
Rachael: Um…no.
Phoebe: I'm sorry. I'm just going through a lot right now. I feel like-I feel like I'm losing a mother you know? The mom that raised me killed herself, and the mom that gave birth to me is moving half way around the world.
Rachael: Um actually Phoebe, Toronto is in Canada.
Phoebe: Oh, ok then she's going to Europe. That's not so bad now that I think about it. But she's still far away.
Rachael: Canada is up north. She's closer than you think.
Phoebe: That actually sounds a lot better. Thank you Rachael.
Rachael: You're welcome. Remind me to buy you a globe or a map of the world for your birthday.
(Monica enters the bedroom.)
Monica: Rachael I'm almost done dinner, but the dinner table isn't put together yet.
Rachael: Well then get one of the boys to put it together.
Monica: And stop them from cleaning up the mess you left? No way!
Rachael: Well I'm still in here unpacking some of my stuff ok?
Monica: Fine we'll eat on the floor like slobs!
(Monica exits the bedroom. Rachael follows.)
(End of Scene)
Scene 6:
(Monica walks over to the kitchen. Joey, Ross, Chandler and Mike are cleaning up the living room. Rachael comes out from the bedroom angry at Monica.)
Rachael: Hey! You know what Monica? I don't care if we eat on the floor! I don't care about cleaning up. I don't care about the microwave! I don't care about the food!
Joey: Hey? I care!
Monica: Fine if you don't care about the food; don't eat it!
Rachael: Fine I won't! I'll order a pizza!
Joey: Yeah!
Monica: Rachael! I'm just trying to help!
Rachael: No Monica! You are just being bossy. You are being mean and totally anal!
Monica: Well your just being very loud!
Rachael: (Yells louder than Monica.) I'm being loud!
Monica: (Yells louder than Rachael.) Yeah, you are!
Chandler: Ok you guys how about we just-
Monica: Shut up Chandler! You should be on my side. Show Rachael you are the better father.
Ross: Monica!
Monica: Sorry!
Mike: Can we just stop fighting?
Rachael: Mike stay out of this!
Joey: Yeah don't try to stop them; we could probably see a cat fight soon.
Rachael: Monica, I am tired of you treating us like this. We're humans Monica! We're people. We're you're friends! You can't treat us like this.
Monica: Well if I don't treat you like this, none of you would be doing anything!
Rachael: Yes we can! You act as if we don't have any ability to do anything!
Monica: Fine if no one needs my help, I won't give it. (Monica goes out on the balcony.)
Joey: Damn it! How are we going to get them to have a cat fight if Monica is out there?
(End of Scene)
Scene 7:
(In the apartment. Ross, Joey, Chandler and Mike are unpacking and cleaning the last of the boxes.)
Ross: Hey, Joe. Who do you think is the better dad?
Chandler: Don't make him choose. Joey does not know who the better dad could be because he's not a father or a mother.
Joey: Hey, hey! I can still decide who the better dad is. Pretend I'm your child. Let's say I needed advice about a girl who doesn't like me. What advice would you give me?
Ross: That's easy. Be yourself and the girl will eventually come around liking you.
Chandler: Actually you should try to impress her and spend more time with her so she can get to know you.
Mike: I say you should date other girls and eventually you'll become popular with all the girls. Then the girl you like would get jealous. Plus you got to date a lot of other girls.
Joey: I like that! Mike you are the best father!
(End of Scene)
Scene 8:
(Outside in the balcony. Monica is looking over the balcony. Rachael comes out onto the balcony to talk to her.)
Rachael: Monica?
Monica: Don't talk to me, I'm mad at you!
Rachael: I know. I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything I said.
Monica: You didn't?
Rachael: Well I did. But that's not the point. Monica I may not like it when you're all mean and bossy. But I have to admit, we do get stuff done. I was just hoping today would be a good moving day. Ross and I never expected to move into your old apartment. I just hoped today was going to be a fun day for all of us.
Monica: Yeah I did kind of ruin it. I just sort of miss bossing you around. I mean not just you but the others too. I never get to boss at home.
Rachael: You mean you don't boss Chandler at home?
Monica: Well I do, but it's not as fun bossing only one adult and two kids.
Rachael: Aw, Honey. I understand.
Monica: You do?
Rachael: Well no. But I am sorry. And you know Chandler is kind of like a child. Really you're bossing three kids.
Monica: That is true. Let's go back inside so I can finish making Thanksgiving dinner.
Rachael: Ok do you need me to help?
Monica: And ruin Thanksgiving dinner? Hell no.
(End of Scene)
Scene 9:
(Monica is setting up the plates and food on a blanket on the floor. Chandler is getting all the kids into the kitchen to eat. Ross and Rachael are putting some stuff away. Joey is moving some of his boxes out of the way. Mike is getting out of the bathroom. Phoebe is staring at her cell phone.)
Jack: Wow. It looks like a picnic.
Chandler: Yes it does. We're going to have dinner on the floor tonight.
Jack: Can we eat on the floor when we get home?
Chandler: No Jack. If you do, Mommy would make you sleep outside.
Monica: Ok everybody! Dinner's ready!
Joey: Everything smells great.
Mike: Come on Honey, let's get some food.
Phoebe: Mike I'm worried. She hasn't called yet. What if something happened?
Mike: Phoebe, relax. Your mom is safe. Nothing happened.
Phoebe: But what if the plane hit a flock of birds or squirrels?
Ross: Um Phoebe…squirrels can't fly.
Phoebe: What about the flying squirrel?
Rachael: Honey. Just stay cool. There's nothing wrong. Your mother is fine.
Chandler: Yeah come sit down and eat with us.
Monica: Yeah. I'm sorry I bossed you around a bit. But you can have food now. And when she calls you can exceed two minutes.
Phoebe: Yeah. You guys are right. I should just relax.
(Phoebe sits down on the floor. Every one sits down on the floor as well. Phoebe's cell phone begins to ring. Phoebe doesn't pick it up.)
Phoebe: Can someone pass me a plate please?
Joey: Um Pheebs?
Phoebe: What?
Joey: Your cell phone is ringing.
Phoebe: Relax Joey, you're being paranoid.
Mike: What if it's your mom?
Phoebe: Oh yeah my mom! I almost forgot.
(Phoebe gets up and answers the phone.)
Phoebe: Hello…hi mom! How was your flight? Really…that's good…I'm doing fine…ok hope you have fun. I'll miss you! Come back to visit anytime…me visit? Yeah right, like I'm allowed to leave the country. Bye.
(End of Scene)
Closing Scene:
(It is midnight. Joey is sitting outside in the hallway in front of his apartment door. Trigger enters the hall. Joey wakes up.)
Joey: Trigger!
Trigger: Hey Chandler.
Joey: I'm Joey.
Trigger: Oh. Whatever. (Hands Joey the key to his apartment.) Here's your key.
Joey: Thanks. How was your Thanksgiving?
Trigger: It was good. I had a lot of Turkey.
Joey: That's great. Monica and Rachael almost got into a cat fight.
Trigger: The two blondes?
Joey: No only one is blonde.
Trigger: Oh. Whatever. (Exits the hallway)
(End of Scene)