Started: Dec. 2012
Finished: Dec. 2012
Phone call
Blaine: Hello.
Kurt: Hey, can you hear me? It's kinda loud out here.
Blaine: Um, yeah I can here you.
Kurt: Have you guys performed yet?
Blaine: Um, no not yet. Kurt I just want you to know that no matter what-
Kurt: Let me talk for a second. Look, you've said you're sorry a million times, and I believe you and I'm trying to forgive you but I'm just not there yet. But it's Thanksgiving and its sectionals and I miss you like crazy. And I can't stand not talking to you even thought I'm mad at you cause you're still my best friend.
Blaine: You're mine too.
Kurt: At Christmas we have to have a mature heart to heart, and if it's cold enough we can go ice skating on the river and get hot chocolate anywhere but the Lima bean because when I was working there I saw a mouse.
Blaine: So, uh, we're really going to see each other at Christmas?
Kurt: Yeah. Well don't let any of those hideous Warblers win, alright? Break a leg. Happy Thanksgiving.
Blaine: Happy Thanksgiving. Kurt, I love you so much.
Kurt: I love you too.
The call ended.
In all truth Kurt's tone of voice didn't sound very optimistic about their future. It almost sounded like he wasn't in love anymore, but the fact that he was allowing them to spend some time together again left him with a ray of hope. All he could be was optimistic or else he wouldn't be able to function.
Christmas
Blaine put his hand on the other boys shoulder wanting nothing more then to take him in his arms but wasn't sure if that would be appropriate. "I've missed you so much."
Kurt didn't respond. "I promised you a talk," he said.
"I felt like I was loosing you," Blaine began. "I went to this guy's house I met on face book. I was trying desperately to move on because I thought you were moving on with out me," he looked down ashamed to even think that. "I'm not blaming you. I was having doubts. I wasn't sure anymore if we where suppose to grow old together but right after I did it, I was sure."
"I still can't believe you did that. I had no idea you were that insecure. You had no reason to be. I put you up on a pedestal; you were the only one for me."
Blaine put his hand on Kurt's face. "I put you up on a pedestal too Kurt. I adore you, but I did have reasons," he said quietly.
Kurt pushed his hand away. "There was no reason."
"Like there was no reason when you emailed that guy and kept it from me."
Kurt rose to his feet. "How dare you turn this around on me?"
"No listen-"
"I can't believe you're still stuck on that."
"I'm not I-"
"I didn't cheat on you! he yelled."
"Listen," he said taking Kurt's face in his hands. "I took full responsibility for that. I was pushing you away. I was hurting and in turn I you hurt too. I made a mistake because I was insecure, like you."
"I didn't do anything," Kurt said pushing the other boy's hands away.
"You didn't do anything. Really? You don't remember? Am I really that far out of your mind?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Kurt, I looked for comfort somewhere else because you had been brushing me off! he shouted causing other boy to jump. You have ignored my phone calls. Completely brushed me off when we Skyped and I asked you your advice on what tie I should wear. You were short with me when I called you implying that you'd rather hear the latest gossip at your work place then talk to me."
Kurt recalled each one of those instances with shame and shock. "I can't believe you are being so petty," he deflected.
"It's not petty," Blaine started to cry. "It's what we have, those conversations."
"This hasn't been easy for me either. In fact I can't do it anymore," he said. "It was a mistake to come here." He turned to leave. Blaine grabbed his arm.
"I need you to understand," he said desperately.
"I understand that you are trying to put the blame on me."
"No, I wanted relief from the pain of your new life being lived with out me," he reasoned.
"It wasn't with out you. It was never with out you. Let go."
"I'm not letting go. We both made mistakes."
"I can't trust you."
"You can," he growled grabbing him by the arms and pulling him close. I came to you immediately, all the way to New York and confessed.
"Look, I agreed to this heart to heart to let you explain. I thought I owed you that. And to tell you the hardest thing I'll ever have to tell anyone, that I can't be with you anymore."
He looked into Kurt's eyes. "You can't be serious. I've gotten to know you and you are the most gracious, thoughtful and forgiving person I ever known. You don't mean that."
"I mean it."
"No you don't." Kurt roughly broke out of the other man's grip. Blaine grabbed his wrist in an iron grip. "You're my prince, my fair prince with a heart of gold. I adore you. Forgive me. Marry me."
Kurt put his hand over his mouth and tears fell from his eyes. He took few breaths. "How could you ask me that?"
"My love for you is true as true as it has ever been," he besieged.
"No, no you can't ask me that," he tried to pull away.
"You are my life. I'll die without you, he said desperately. I didn't lust after any other guy. I've never loved any other guy."
Kurt recovered, "Listen to me Blaine. You're going to be ok. You're going to go on and have an amazing life and love someone else."
"I can't breathe without you Kurt. You're my life."
"I'm sorry but separate is best for both of us. He peeled Blaine's hand from his. "I'm sorry," he said gently. He walked away and left his ex lover behind.
Letter
After 2 days of being withdrawn and secluded in his room. His mind going over and over the good times he and Kurt shared. He couldn't believe him and Kurt had not got back together. That strong but vulnerable sweet boy he met at Dalton. He remembered when they danced at their prom, the first time they kissed. When they sung Candles at regionals. When Kurt sang the song Black Bird finally making him completely and totally fall in love with the boy.
He booked the soonest flight to New York City and told no one he was leaving. It was dusk when he arrived in the city. From the top one of the skyscrapers, he typed a message on his phone. Kurt, I'm sorry for all the pain I caused you. I only wanted to hold you forever and say I love you. I love you I love you I love you. You were my life but that's gone now. I want to dedicate this song to you. It's Always by Bon Jovi.
This Romeo is bleeding but you can't see his blood
It's nothing but some feeling that this old dog kicked up
It's been raining since you left me, now I'm drowning in the flood
You see I've always been a fighter but with out you I'd give up
Now I can't sing a love song like the way it's meant to be
Well I guess I'm not that good anymore but baby that's just me
And I will always love you, baby, always
And I'll be there forever and a day, always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine till the heavens burst
Till the words don't rhyme
And I know when I die you'll be on my mind and I'll love you, always
Now your pictures that you left behind are just memoirs of a different life
Some that made us laugh some that made us cry
One that made you have to say good bye.
What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair
To touch your lips to hold you near
When you say your prayers try to understand
I've made mistakes I'm just a man
When he holds you close when he pulls you near
When he says those words you've been needing to hear
I wish I was him 'cause those words are mine to say to you till the end of time
Yeah I will always love you, baby, always
And I'll be there forever and a day, always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine till the heavens burst
Till the words don't rhyme
And I know when I die you'll be on my mind and I'll love you, always
You are my fair prince, my teenage dream. Xoxo -Blaine
Epilogue
Tears formed in his eyes getting a feeling that something was wrong. He called him back but there was no answer. He called and called and called. Then he called Mercedes. She said no one had heard from Blaine in a few days and that he was trying to get over the break up. A day later his worst fears where confirmed when he got a call from his father.
"Blaine's gone. He- he committed suicide. He jumped off a building. He was in New York City. I'm sorry I'm so, so sorry."
Kurt sobbed uncontrollably barely able to breathe. He sank to the floor not moving for hours.
All was quiet when Rachel came home. Hours passed and she noticed one of Kurt's vests draped over the couch. She took it to his room and the sight she saw scared her. He was curled up on the floor with his arms around his head. "Kurt what's wrong?" she asked.
He struggled to respond, "I let him go and now he's gone."
"Gone?"
"He killed himself because of me."
"I'm sorry," she said.
"He wanted to marry me, and I said no." he sobbed. "I loved him." She put her arms around him and he just cried harder wishing the warmth and the arms was Blaine holding him. "Leave me," he said, so she did.
Rachel was no good as usual. Her concern for herself ran deep. She had urged him to forget Blaine from the beginning and not to go back to Lima for Thanksgiving when going back and reconciling with Blaine was exactly what he should've done. Instead, he was her arm candy and she had clung to him, not wanting to be alone herself. Now she was saying the same things all over again, that she was sorry and to forget about Blaine. Time passed normally for her, but every moment in their apartment felt like burning suffocation unparalleled for him. It felt like he was dying. He wanted it to end.
Rachel called in for him at his Vogue internship and told them he was suffering a loss. They where gracious in giving him time off. He stayed home for 4 days, constantly cried, didn't eat and barely slept. Rachel asked him if he had eaten or been out of the house. He lied and said yes. Then a week passed. Rachel reminded him that if he continued to skip classes that he would be kicked out of NYADA. Her warnings were met with silence. He didn't care. He didn't care about Vogue or his apartment anymore. New York and NYADA were nothing to him now. Only a cruel reminder of the life he had wanted, the life he had wanted Blaine to be a part of. They where supposed to grow old together.
Rachel got home one day and was surprised to find Kurt wasn't there. She didn't worry until late into the night and through the next day. She phoned home to see if anyone there had heard from them. None of them had. Then the next day she got a call. She heard crying on the other end.
"Kurt's dead," Finn said. "He killed himself. He threw himself off of a buildings in New York. Rachel, where were you when all of this was going on with him?"
She dropped the phone and sunk to her knees sobbing.
The truth had been Kurt had still wanted to be with Blaine but he was being a self righteous stubborn diva about it. Not allowing anyone else to make mistakes and burying his. He thought deserved the best. He was right but what he got was Blaine's best and that realization destroyed him.
A/N: This story was inspired by their insane break up. It's me loosing faith Kurt as a character and in the writers who have written him so. Even in the darkest of times he has always been compassionate, thoughtful, forgiving and gracious.
Blaine did what he did out of sheer hurt. He had no malevolent and malicious intentions. It doesn't make his action right but it does make it understandable, forgivable and their relationship salvageable.
This new attitude Kurt has is inexcusable and NOT LIKE HIM AT ALL. The way he spoke about closing the chapter on his life that was with Blaine is inconceivable to me and I was NOT convinced. That scene didn't move me to tears because I was like WTF? Kurt has always been my favorite but if he doesn't get down off of his self righteous high horse and reconcile with his soul mate then I'm going be very, VERY disappointed.