Title: Mental Thing Or Something
Rating: PG-13
Originally published: Aug. 5, 2006
Notes: This is actually part of a much longer piece that I wrote with a friend of mine called "Cures For Insomnia". It's a little unusual. We wrote the first part of the fic together (which is why I feel uncomfortable posting it here, it's not completely my work) and ended it with a sort of Choose-Your-Own-Adventure" decision that would either take you to the Part 2 that I wrote or the one that she did. For anyone that's interested, you can find the first part (and links to both endings) over at my LJ at [http:// quaggy-mire. livejournal. com/ 8498. html] (just remove the spaces). However, I don't think you need to have read "Cures For Insomnia" to follow this conversation between Leo and Josh. While most of the ending that I wrote is pretty dependent on part 1, this bit seems to be able to stand on its own quite nicely.
.
It had been a relatively quiet morning. Nothing too unusual had developed and Leo was starting to believe that they could actually make it though a day without someone doing something that would make him want to drag out a baseball bat. But then Josh appeared at his door with a look on his face that dispelled that delusion.
"Leo? You got a minute?"
"Yeah. What do you want?"
Josh didn't answer, but carefully shut the door behind him. Then he crossed over to Margaret's door... and after a moment's hesitation, locked it.
"Josh...?" Leo questioned, his eyebrows raised high on his forehead.
Josh, wandering around the room, didn't respond right away.
"Okay... Either something is wrong with me or... well... something's just wrong!"
"Josh, we all know that something's wrong with you."
"No. I mean, I may be having hallucinations... which could mean a mental... thing or something."
"Josh, could you please get to the point like a normal person?"
"Ok, so last night Donna went out on a date with Jack Reece..."
"Josh, is this is going to be one of those idiotic conversations than make me wish for an international crisis just so I can get away?"
"Probably."
Josh stopped pacing and looked directly at his boss. With a sigh, Leo waved his hand and Josh resumed prowling around his office.
"So, she goes out on this date and everything is normal, right? See... the thing is... I could have sworn that Donna showed up at my place wearing cow pajamas at a ridiculously early hour this morning! I mean... I know she did... At least I think, she did... Except she's acting totally normal... She didn't even flinch when I mentioned dancing cows in passing! Do you know how hard it was to find a casual way to mention dancing cows?!
"Wait... Please tell me you did not just say that Donna was wearing cow pajamas. I could have lived a happy life not knowing that."
"I think... Leo... Could this all be in my head?"
"Quite probably."
"Have I finally snapped?"
"Again, quite probably. You haven't been drinking, have you?"
"No! There was nothing remotely mind altering in my body... as far as I know. I don't even think I was asleep yet! Well, I guess I could have been... I could have dreamed all that. But I'm sure I wasn't asleep. I think."
"Josh, let me see if I can recap, in an attempt to bring a speedy end to this very painful conversation. Donna showed up at your place at an ungodly hour wearing cow pajamas. Right?"
"Yes. They had little tutus on and everything."
"Oh, for the love of God... spare me the details. Please. So, she showed up, you went to bed together and now she's acting like nothing happened."
"Right. Wait! No! We didn't... No!!!"
"So nothing happened other than Donna showing up at your apartment?"
"Umm..."
"Josh... just tell me what happened, okay?"
"Well... she... I mean, I.... we kissed. I think."
"You think? You don't know?"
"Yes. I mean, no. I mean, yes, we did. Unless, it's all one big hallucination because I'm having a brain... thing."
"Keep this up, Josh, and I'm going to be the one with the brain thing! Okay... Let's just assume that you're not troubled by some sort of mental impairment. Though the jury's still out on that one. What's the problem?"
"I mean... she's not acting like she remembers any of this at all!"
"And I take it you don't think that's a good thing?"
Josh collapsed into a chair beside Leo's desk.
"I just figured that if we ever kissed it would be something worth remembering."
"Finally!" Leo shouted as he threw hands into the air.
"Wh-what?"
"Do you know how long I've been waiting for you to admit that?!"
"Admit what? I haven't..."
"Do you like Donna... yes or no?"
"Should I be passing you a note in class?" Josh smirked.
"Do not test my already severely strained patience."
"Yeah..." he replied, slumping down in his chair. "I like her. A lot."
"Well then. Good." And incredibly, a grin spread across Leo's face.
"Good?"
"Josh, you and Donna have a relationship built on trust and mutual respect. There is no greater foundation for a marriage. And she lives and breathes politics! Can't say either the President or I were as lucky in that regard. And understand that I'm not saying Abbey Barrington was anything less than the best thing that ever happened to Jed Bartlet!"
"Ummm... Don't you think it's a little early to be talking marriage considering I haven't even asked her out yet?" Josh asked, a little stunned... but surprisingly calm.
"No, it's not. Because I know you and I knew Noah Lyman. Once you've given your heart, that's it. And you gave her your heart a long time ago, didn't you, son?"
Josh paused and ran his hand over his face. "Yeah... but, Leo..."
"Yeah?"
"She's - umm... I mean.... She's my assistant."
"Yeah, we're gonna have to do something about that. Would she agree to be transferred?"
"I have no idea. I mean, I don't know if she... well, if she... likes me. You think I should ask her?"
"Oh, for God's sake, Josh, do I look like the camp counselor? Look... she showed up at your apartment wearing cow pajamas!"
"Allegedly! I still say I might be having a nervous break down."
"Josh, did she show up at you apartment or not?"
"Yeah.... but that was to yell at me!"
"You think she'd yell at you like that if she didn't like you?
"She yells at me all the time!"
Leo was looking at him with that pissed off "how did you even figure out how to breathe?" look he usually reserved for when someone was being particularly boneheaded.
"Wait...you're saying she does it because she likes me?"
"Isn't it nice that you found someone who has the same emotional maturity that you do? Just have her stop by before you leave for the day. I'll have the papers she'll need to sign ready to go."
Josh really had no response for that and Leo decided the novelty of seeing Josh Lyman at a loss for words was almost enough to make up for that particularly mind numbing conversation.
"Are you still here?" Leo barked.
"No... I mean, I'll just be going," Josh said as he sprang to his feet and turned to leave.
"Josh!"
"Yeah?"
"Unlock Margaret's door!"
"Right."
It was only after Josh finally disappeared that Leo allowed himself to laugh.