Hello everybody who is reading this. Normally my chapters are longer. In fact, the second chapter is only half done and is already way longer. Why I have such short first chapters? Beat me and my silly brain...

If you see a mistake, please let me know. If you have suggestions, please let me know. It's not an excuse, but English isn't my first language and if I had plenty of good ideas I wouldn't be kidnapping characters.

Furthermore, there will be a romance between two females. If you can't handle that, please don't read it.

disclaimer: non of these characters are mine, stuff would have turned out different.

Here re we go. Please let me know your thoughts on this fic.

It's over. It is all over. We won, but what have we won? The war, yes.

Freedom, yes. But the price was high. Maybe the price was too high.

Why would somebody pay that price alone? We saved the country, yet,

all we get is some medal or a star to put on the wall. We are free but

the memories will haunt us forever. We are free but we lost so many

people we loved. Some died, like Sean and Ryan, the others couldn't

deal with the situation anymo

re and broke up with us, like Michael and

Sam.

There are some of us who found love, who found a positive side of this

war. Nerd and Sonya. Michael and his son. Owen who found Sam, a person

hidden deep inside himself.

For me and Alex? We always thought we wouldn't see the end of the war.

We always thought we would die before we won. While getting closer

towards the end, we got hope. She thought she would spent the rest of

her life with Sean. He died. I thought I would have my white fences on

a sunny island, together with Michael. He told me he didn't love me

anymore. He told me he couldn't do this anymore. He told me he

couldn't watch me destroy myself anymore.

'What are you thinking about, Sensei?'

I look up to see Alex standing in front of me. Her body in a black

dress and a lot of jewelry is not showing. She is still fighting. I am

still fighting. We are just fighting a different battle now. We fight

with words, well, Alex fights with words. I never really learned how

to fight without killing or torturing.

'I was thinking how everything turned out. I honestly don't know what

I am supposed to do now. I had two options, die during the fight or

live a happy life with Michael, neither came true.' I tell the younger

girl in front of me. Alex and I, we are on the same page. We had

really bad stuff happen to us, but we lived through it. We might not

be where we want to be, but we are alive and we can work this out.

Together, like how we started.

'I know, but we can be useful. You meant so much already to these boys

in countries ripped apart by war. I hope I meant something to all

those girls, just like me.' She sits down beside me and together we

look at the ocean.

This place is just like our beach house, but without the rest of the

team. I miss them, I really do. I miss sparring with Michael. The

computer-talk and complaining from nerd. The knowledge that there is

somebody looking out for me, helping me. The crazy conspiracy theories

on the wall. I don't miss the war, I miss the people I used to have

around to fight the war with.

'I hope we do. I really hope we do.' I tell her while standing up. 'I

am heading to bed.' I clarify my actions, it's not necessarily needed

anymore, but it is something I have gotten used to. I have gotten

comfortable with. We lived our life strict, one mistake could kill us.

One mistake could kill innocent people. I think the last option is the

worst. I never wanted people to die, only the once who couldn't be

stopped. The ones who wouldn't think twice about killing people just

for money.

'Goodnight, Niki.' is her only response.

A good night it never is. The nightmares come back. Always a new one,

but that doesn't mean they are not as bad. They are horrible. Every

night, I see somebody die because of me. Before, those nightmares

didn't lead to me screaming at night, simply because that could mean

somebody could find me and finding me would lead to an attack. Now on

the other hand, I scream. I scream until I wake up.

'It's alright, Nikita, I'm here.' Soft, yet strong, hands shake me and

abruptly, I sit up, trying to catch my breath. I look up and stare

straight into the brown eyes of Alexandra Udinov, the girl I just

killed in my dreams. The girl I was supposed to kill when she was only

thirteen years old.

The light is still on, I hardly ever sleep in the dark anymore.

Soldiers get mental care when they get back from a tour, we get

nothing. What would we say to a therapist? Tell them we killed.

Tortured. We were dead to the outside world. We were trained to kill

in every way possible. No, we couldn't tell that. Instead, the two of

us talk to each other. We wake the other when they are having a bad

dream. We have each other's back. We always had and we will always

have.

We made mistakes, but in the end we still have each other. It could

have been worse, we could have drifted apart.

She hands me a glass of water, just like she always does, and sits

down on the bed.

'Want to talk about it?' She asks. I shake my head. Not about

tonight's nightmare. I can't let her relive the night that changed her

life. I can be cruel, but not that cruel. I just want her to be here

for me. Me, the powerful Nikita, leaning on someone else. Michael

would have been proud.

I let her take my hands, the hands that have killed so many people.

Crying is something I hardly do, but tonight is one of those rare

nights. I never cry for myself, I only cry for the harm I did to other

people. I cry for the widows that exits because of me. I cry for the

orphaned children. Tonight, I cry for the innocent Alexandra Udinov.

The one who screamed for her daddy from under the bed. I cry for Sasha

who would get hurt every single night. I cry for Alex who would do

everything to get her hands on drugs. I cry for the broken girl in

front of me.

She shifts so her arms can reach me better. She pulls me in for a hug,

but doesn't ask questions. We have had enough nights like this to know

how to deal with the other. We now know how to calm the other down.

What to do, what to say.

I let her comfort me, this is our safe little bubble. Nothing can

happen now. So yes, the strong Nikita is slowly breaking down, but

only for Alex to see. I suddenly feel ashamed of myself. I should have

muffled my screams and gotten up to do some training, not wake Alex

again. She looks as tired as I am feeling, but that's what sleepless

nights will do to you.

This night is different. She does stand up when I am calmed down, but

she doesn't leave, she just closed the door. She walks towards the

other side of the bed. A spot that has been empty for the past months.

A spot Michael would have used if he was still with me. Now it's used

by Alex.

I turn around to look at the young girl and give her a watery smile.