It was early evening as Buffy approached Spike's crypt, fighting with
herself like she had every other time. Desire was at odds with logic. And
like all the other times, desire won. Lost in her silent struggle she was
startled by the sound of crashing and breaking furniture. Pulse quickening,
she pulled Mr. Pointy out of his resting-place and rushed up to the crypt
and through the door. It took a second for her eyes to adjust from the
darkness to light, a second that was almost more than could be afforded. A
figure, it's back turned to Buffy, was holding an upraised stake in it's
hand, standing over a prone but conscious Spike.
"Calm down Mate! I am sure we can work something out!" Spike desperately told his attacker.
Buffy lunged across the room, grabbing the figure's arm and shoved the attacker hard up against the wall, where he let out a loud "oomph" of air being forced out of his lungs before sliding down to the floor. The hood of his jacket fell back, revealing a young man. Buffy was shocked to recognize him as one of her high-school classmates. He gasped for breath, glaring at Buffy with betrayal in his eyes. "That Monster and his girlfriend killed my mother and sister four years ago! Why did you stop me Slayer? You should be helping me." The last sentence almost sounded like a plea.
Buffy bent down beside him and put a hand on his shoulder. "Look, I understand how you feel, but he can't fight back." She reasoned with him. "He's been made so that he can't hurt humans anymore. He can't defend himself."
"Well neither could they. He didn't care when he took my family from me. They were helpless too. Why should I care?" Tears flowed unheeded down his face, his voice was full of pain.
"Because you don't want to be like him." She gave Spike a long level look even as she spoke. "Do you want to do the same thing he did?"
Spike interrupted, missing Buffy's warning look, and attempted to calm the young man. "Look, if it's any consolation to you, I'm sure they didn't suffer. I didn't get off on prolonging it. Not like other vamps I know."
The man leveled himself off the floor and out of Buffy's grasp. He stepped toward Spike while firmly grasping the stake that still was in his hand. Buffy could see that his whole body was trembling.
"You are a monster! Do you have any idea what it is like to have the people you love the most taken from you, and you are powerless to do anything about it?" Raw pain laced his voice. Spike looked over at Buffy, his own eyes filled with memories and anguish.
"Yeah. I can say I have had some experience with that." He took a deep breath, let it out and dropped his shoulders, "And I wouldn't blame you for staking me right now." Buffy noticed that Spike's hard swallow and realized against her better judgment that Spike meant what he said.
Buffy noticed that she was holding her breath. The scene that played out before her held her spellbound. She didn't want to think about what she might have do if the young man tried to carry out his threat. Would she actually harm another human to defend a vampire? She watched man's face contort as he struggled to control his emotions.
"I won't do it." The sound of the stake hitting the floor was loud in the silence following his pronouncement. "I won't lower myself to doing what you did, even if it is justice." Tears streamed down his face as he turned and ran out into the night. Silence hung thickly between Buffy and Spike as Buffy let out a silent breath in relief that she hadn't had to take action. At least not this time.
"Spike..." Buffy began, then trailed off as confusion and conflicting emotions chased across her face.
"Get out." Spike replied. His voice was dead calm.
"Look, I know this is hard..." Buffy began again, sympathy coloring her voice.
Spike interrupted her, no longer calm "Just bloody get out! I don't need your fluttering pity." In a more subdued tone he continued, "That bloody wanker was right. I am a monster, and the only thing that's kept you from dusting me already is this bleedin' chip in my head!"
He broke off and took a deep breath. "Look, I can't prove to you that I've changed as long as I have it, but you've got no excuse to keep me around if I don't." He turned away from her. "You don't want this, and you don't want me. Just go home Buffy."
Buffy leveled a long look at him, then turned quietly and walked to the door. She paused for a moment before opening it and walking out. She didn't look back. The door closed with a solid thud behind her.
Spike stood alone for a moment, his head is bent. He was barely moving. Suddenly he let out a ferocious roar. He raised his head in full game face and began to storm through his crypt, sweeping vases and ornaments from shelves and tables. He came to his liquor supply, ripped the top from a bottle of bourbon and drank deeply, then flung the bottle against the wall. More bottles followed. He continued to tear through the room overturning tables and throwing everything he encountered. He came to his television set. He picked it up over his head and began to launch it onto the concrete floor. He stopped and looked up. His face calmed. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, then, "Oh, bugger it!"
The television crashed at his feet. Shards of glass cut into his legs and the backs of his hands. He walked a few feet away, his rage spent. He sank down to the floor in a heap, his black duster billowing out around him. He brought his hands to his now human face. Shoulders shaking, he wept.
*****
Buffy walked listlessly into her house and turned into the living room. Xander was there with Dawn helping her with her math homework.
Dawn was talking to Xander, sounding amused, "Since when are you a math whiz Xander? Last I heard you got to graduate just because Snyder couldn't wait to get rid of you."
"Hey now," He replied "I spend a lot of hours listening to Anya with her number crunching. Stuff sinks in now and then. I am Xanderini, the great osmosis machine."
"Did you just say 'osmosis'?" Dawn was impressed.
"Yes, and I think I even used it correctly! See, if there's hope for me kiddo, there's hope for you. Now, back to memorizing your theory's and pustules."
Dawn rolled her eyes and didn't bother to correct him.
Buffy stepped into the room "Hey guys. What's up?"
"Just Geometry. I don't understand how I'm ever going to use this stuff." Dawn whined.
"Doesn't matter, Dawn. You've gotta do it anyway. It's just like everything else." Buffy sighed, thinking about her own responsibilities.
"Hey, What is it Buff?" Xander asked, "You seem down. at least more down than usual these days. Something happen at the Doublemeat today? Did you run out of deep-fried compressed pseudo-chicken meatbits?"
"No. Work was fine. I'm just." She thought for a minute. "Hey Xan, will you do a favor for me?"
"Sure, whatever. I'm not due to pick up Anya at the shop until 9:00. She and Halfrek are going over more wedding stuff. Gewww! Any errand would be deeply appreciated."
"Would you mind stopping by Spike's crypt and checking on him? He.um. I saw him earlier and he seemed. kind of. upset." She tried to make the request sound casual.
Xander was a bit mystified, "Ohhhh Kaaayy. You want me to look in on Spike. Hmmm." An expression of confusion crosses his face. He was having trouble with the whole idea of Buffy even caring whether Spike was upset.
"Please Xander." Buffy pled quietly.
Xander still looked confused, but nodded his head anyway. "All right Buff. I'll look in on him and call you later. OK?"
"Sure. Thanks." She responded gratefully. "And thank you for picking up Dawn this afternoon. You're great."
"You're welcome. Well, on my way. Later Buffy, later kiddo."
Dawn and Buffy both waved goodbye as Xander let himself out. Buffy turned to look at her sister, "So, you wanna give me a shot a quizzing you on math facts?"
Dawn was a bit skeptical, "Sure, but aren't you going to patrol tonight?"
"Nah." Buffy shook her head with a little twitch of her lips. "Tonight I want to stay in with my favorite sister. I say popcorn and movies. Sound good to you?"
"Sounds great!" Dawn smiled. "Dibs on the couch!"
*****
Xander approached Spike's crypt and banged on the door. When there was no response he pushed it ajar and stuck his head in to look around. "Spike? You in here?"
There was no answer. Xander walked in and took in the mess.
"Déjà vu all over again." He thought for a minute about the last time he entered uninvited and found the place in a mess. He shuddered at the memory. "Ew. I don't even want to think about what he is doing down there this time!"
After a few minutes of standing there in the deserted room he yelled, "Spike! SPIKE!" There was still no answer. Xander slowly looked around. There was something different this time. The last time things were haphazardly thrown around. This time the place was demolished. Broken glass was everywhere. He saw blood on the floor. Blood! He called more urgently, "SPIKE!!!"
He rushed to the lower level, but there was no sign of the vampire. Everything looked undisturbed down there. He went back upstairs, took one last look around, and then hurried out.
"Calm down Mate! I am sure we can work something out!" Spike desperately told his attacker.
Buffy lunged across the room, grabbing the figure's arm and shoved the attacker hard up against the wall, where he let out a loud "oomph" of air being forced out of his lungs before sliding down to the floor. The hood of his jacket fell back, revealing a young man. Buffy was shocked to recognize him as one of her high-school classmates. He gasped for breath, glaring at Buffy with betrayal in his eyes. "That Monster and his girlfriend killed my mother and sister four years ago! Why did you stop me Slayer? You should be helping me." The last sentence almost sounded like a plea.
Buffy bent down beside him and put a hand on his shoulder. "Look, I understand how you feel, but he can't fight back." She reasoned with him. "He's been made so that he can't hurt humans anymore. He can't defend himself."
"Well neither could they. He didn't care when he took my family from me. They were helpless too. Why should I care?" Tears flowed unheeded down his face, his voice was full of pain.
"Because you don't want to be like him." She gave Spike a long level look even as she spoke. "Do you want to do the same thing he did?"
Spike interrupted, missing Buffy's warning look, and attempted to calm the young man. "Look, if it's any consolation to you, I'm sure they didn't suffer. I didn't get off on prolonging it. Not like other vamps I know."
The man leveled himself off the floor and out of Buffy's grasp. He stepped toward Spike while firmly grasping the stake that still was in his hand. Buffy could see that his whole body was trembling.
"You are a monster! Do you have any idea what it is like to have the people you love the most taken from you, and you are powerless to do anything about it?" Raw pain laced his voice. Spike looked over at Buffy, his own eyes filled with memories and anguish.
"Yeah. I can say I have had some experience with that." He took a deep breath, let it out and dropped his shoulders, "And I wouldn't blame you for staking me right now." Buffy noticed that Spike's hard swallow and realized against her better judgment that Spike meant what he said.
Buffy noticed that she was holding her breath. The scene that played out before her held her spellbound. She didn't want to think about what she might have do if the young man tried to carry out his threat. Would she actually harm another human to defend a vampire? She watched man's face contort as he struggled to control his emotions.
"I won't do it." The sound of the stake hitting the floor was loud in the silence following his pronouncement. "I won't lower myself to doing what you did, even if it is justice." Tears streamed down his face as he turned and ran out into the night. Silence hung thickly between Buffy and Spike as Buffy let out a silent breath in relief that she hadn't had to take action. At least not this time.
"Spike..." Buffy began, then trailed off as confusion and conflicting emotions chased across her face.
"Get out." Spike replied. His voice was dead calm.
"Look, I know this is hard..." Buffy began again, sympathy coloring her voice.
Spike interrupted her, no longer calm "Just bloody get out! I don't need your fluttering pity." In a more subdued tone he continued, "That bloody wanker was right. I am a monster, and the only thing that's kept you from dusting me already is this bleedin' chip in my head!"
He broke off and took a deep breath. "Look, I can't prove to you that I've changed as long as I have it, but you've got no excuse to keep me around if I don't." He turned away from her. "You don't want this, and you don't want me. Just go home Buffy."
Buffy leveled a long look at him, then turned quietly and walked to the door. She paused for a moment before opening it and walking out. She didn't look back. The door closed with a solid thud behind her.
Spike stood alone for a moment, his head is bent. He was barely moving. Suddenly he let out a ferocious roar. He raised his head in full game face and began to storm through his crypt, sweeping vases and ornaments from shelves and tables. He came to his liquor supply, ripped the top from a bottle of bourbon and drank deeply, then flung the bottle against the wall. More bottles followed. He continued to tear through the room overturning tables and throwing everything he encountered. He came to his television set. He picked it up over his head and began to launch it onto the concrete floor. He stopped and looked up. His face calmed. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, then, "Oh, bugger it!"
The television crashed at his feet. Shards of glass cut into his legs and the backs of his hands. He walked a few feet away, his rage spent. He sank down to the floor in a heap, his black duster billowing out around him. He brought his hands to his now human face. Shoulders shaking, he wept.
*****
Buffy walked listlessly into her house and turned into the living room. Xander was there with Dawn helping her with her math homework.
Dawn was talking to Xander, sounding amused, "Since when are you a math whiz Xander? Last I heard you got to graduate just because Snyder couldn't wait to get rid of you."
"Hey now," He replied "I spend a lot of hours listening to Anya with her number crunching. Stuff sinks in now and then. I am Xanderini, the great osmosis machine."
"Did you just say 'osmosis'?" Dawn was impressed.
"Yes, and I think I even used it correctly! See, if there's hope for me kiddo, there's hope for you. Now, back to memorizing your theory's and pustules."
Dawn rolled her eyes and didn't bother to correct him.
Buffy stepped into the room "Hey guys. What's up?"
"Just Geometry. I don't understand how I'm ever going to use this stuff." Dawn whined.
"Doesn't matter, Dawn. You've gotta do it anyway. It's just like everything else." Buffy sighed, thinking about her own responsibilities.
"Hey, What is it Buff?" Xander asked, "You seem down. at least more down than usual these days. Something happen at the Doublemeat today? Did you run out of deep-fried compressed pseudo-chicken meatbits?"
"No. Work was fine. I'm just." She thought for a minute. "Hey Xan, will you do a favor for me?"
"Sure, whatever. I'm not due to pick up Anya at the shop until 9:00. She and Halfrek are going over more wedding stuff. Gewww! Any errand would be deeply appreciated."
"Would you mind stopping by Spike's crypt and checking on him? He.um. I saw him earlier and he seemed. kind of. upset." She tried to make the request sound casual.
Xander was a bit mystified, "Ohhhh Kaaayy. You want me to look in on Spike. Hmmm." An expression of confusion crosses his face. He was having trouble with the whole idea of Buffy even caring whether Spike was upset.
"Please Xander." Buffy pled quietly.
Xander still looked confused, but nodded his head anyway. "All right Buff. I'll look in on him and call you later. OK?"
"Sure. Thanks." She responded gratefully. "And thank you for picking up Dawn this afternoon. You're great."
"You're welcome. Well, on my way. Later Buffy, later kiddo."
Dawn and Buffy both waved goodbye as Xander let himself out. Buffy turned to look at her sister, "So, you wanna give me a shot a quizzing you on math facts?"
Dawn was a bit skeptical, "Sure, but aren't you going to patrol tonight?"
"Nah." Buffy shook her head with a little twitch of her lips. "Tonight I want to stay in with my favorite sister. I say popcorn and movies. Sound good to you?"
"Sounds great!" Dawn smiled. "Dibs on the couch!"
*****
Xander approached Spike's crypt and banged on the door. When there was no response he pushed it ajar and stuck his head in to look around. "Spike? You in here?"
There was no answer. Xander walked in and took in the mess.
"Déjà vu all over again." He thought for a minute about the last time he entered uninvited and found the place in a mess. He shuddered at the memory. "Ew. I don't even want to think about what he is doing down there this time!"
After a few minutes of standing there in the deserted room he yelled, "Spike! SPIKE!" There was still no answer. Xander slowly looked around. There was something different this time. The last time things were haphazardly thrown around. This time the place was demolished. Broken glass was everywhere. He saw blood on the floor. Blood! He called more urgently, "SPIKE!!!"
He rushed to the lower level, but there was no sign of the vampire. Everything looked undisturbed down there. He went back upstairs, took one last look around, and then hurried out.