„Mom?"

"Yes darling?"

"Where does my name come from?"

I feel like choking on the salad I was served. I look up to Olivia and can tell she feels the same. She puts the fork down slowly and wipes her mouth before I can hear her react.

"Well, what exactly do you mean? If you mean the etymology of..."

"The what?" Trey interrupts. Olivia is silent again. "I mean why am I called like uncle Coles father? Like...what's the deal? Did you fancy his name so much you felt you had to call me that?"

"Darling, don't you like your name?"

"It's not that..." he replies while playing with his food. Olivia keeps silent, as do I, hoping Trey will continue explaining his thoughts.

Damn it. We figured he'd ask one day but not so soon. He is ten. We can't possibly explain him why his name is...Armando. The third. Thank god he didn't figure that out yet.

"So uncle Coles father is French, right?"

"Partially. His father was. His mother was American, his grandmother was Italian...a mixed family." She explains.

"Well so...then I should be called something British right? Because dad is American and you are British." He seemed really interested.

"Well, darling, just because someone's parents come from another country, it doesn't mean they have to have a name coming from that country. There are a lot of different names, some even coming from the Holy Book, like...Sarah for example." Olivia tried.

"I see. So it's just because you liked it?"

"Yes." She lies and looks my way, her look begging for support.

"Your mother and I, we visited many countries when we were young, for inspiration." I say something. Anything.

"What about Caitlin and Sean?"

"Oh Sean, he is named after my uncle. He came from Ireland. It's an old Irish name and means "God is gracious"." God was gracious the day Sean was born. After Olivia's miscarriage we felt the need to express our gratitude. That and the gratitude I felt towards Olivia's family, that they gave her to me.

"And Cait?"

Olivia frowns deeply. We both know why we have chosen the name Caitlin for our daughter. Just the way we know why we have chosen Sean for our son. Both names came from Olivia's family and her Irish and Scottish roots.

"Mom?"

"I'm sorry sweetheart. Caitlin is the Gaelic form of Catherine...and means pure."

"Gaelic?"

"It was a language spoken a long, long time ago..."

"Where?" He is persistent. Usually I'd be happy he is but not today, not now.

"Scotland" I cut short in their conversation.

"So...that's both in England." He figures it out.

"No, that's in the United Kingdom. England is part of the United Kingdom." Olivia corrects.

"Like the United States?"

"Something like it, yes." She ads and continues eating.

"So why is my name Armando?"

Silence.

My phone rings and I thank God for the divine intervention.

"Trey, can you please go outside and play, your mother and I need to take this call immediately. It's very important." I say and Olivia sighs relieved.

"I guess. Sean will pick me up in a few minutes anyway. See you later." He says and runs to grab his bag pack.

I pick up the phone. It's Ben, something with the media center. I don't understand a word he is saying. All I can do is stare into Olivia's eyes and ask myself why the hell haven't we changed his name when we found out he was my son? Why the hell not? How are we ever going to make him understand that the first two years of his life he has spent as our grandson and the heir of "uncle Coles" father? The third Armando in their line of the mess they call a family. How are we to explain to him that his mother had an affair with his sisters husband? How are we going to explain to him that his mother nearly got killed by his uncle because she wanted to reveal his real paternity?

I hear Ben call my name repeatedly.

"I'm sorry Ben. I was distracted. I'll work from home today, I can't leave. No, no we're fine. Olivia's fine but I forgot that I promised to spend the day with her." I lie. What's another lie? What's this lie compared to the one we're keeping from Trey?

"I see. I'll be there tomorrow 8 o'clock sharp. Thank you Ben." I hang up. Olivia's eyes didn't let go of mine for a second. She's scared.

The past is never really gone. Never. Today was 1997 all over again.

We both sigh loudly across the table. The only thing I can do is take her hand. She squeezes mine back. The way she did when we reconciled. In 1997.

We knew it had to happen.