Hmm... I'm not too sure I like this too much. Any constructive critisicm welcomed very gladly :)
A Green By Any Other Name
Eighteen years since I met you. Those years have wrought changes on us; no longer do we resemble the people we once were. You are different, older, yet you are still the same man. No longer newly raised to the shawl, I appear more an Aes Sedai than I ever imagined, but I still think in the same way as I always have.
It has been a long time. In all my time as an Aes Sedai, I have had no time for men or love. I have barely had time for friends; once I had many, but over the years their numbers have dwindled until now I have only you. I don't regret that, but sometimes it gets lonely.
I put away my need for gossip years ago; I thought I had steeled myself against the lack of sisters to enjoy a careless chat with. Now something troubles me that I cannot talk to you about, and without release it burns inside me.
I must look ridiculous, sitting here in front of the mirror talking to my reflection. But who else can I turn to, when I cannot confide my troubles to you. You know that something is wrong, but you have never asked what; you respect my privacy, as you have done since you became my Warder.
You were not always carved out of stone, Gaidin. Once you pushed me into a pond, and even though you hid your anger at my retaliation, I could once feel it through our bond when the subject came up. Now though, nothing seems to move you; you have become as hard as your face and I can barely feel your emotions. Do you still feel at all?
Maybe you are hiding something from me. I cannot blame you; you must know that I am holding something back, and maybe that has made you angry. I wish I could explain – I wish I were free to. But Lan, I have a task to complete, the one which has driven me for all these years, and I cannot let anything get in its way. All I can do is hope that one day I will be free from these constraints, free to love or live or die as I wish.
I shouldn't say this, not even to myself with the room warded against all intruders, but maybe if I admit it I can push it aside, as if it had never been. I will never tell you, and maybe one day you will find happiness with another. I am not a Green and have no desire to behave like one, marrying and bonding Warders left, right and centre. But maybe I will indulge myself in this one little bit of Green-ish behaviour.
I love you.