This story is NOT inspired by the BSB song, unfortunately it does have the same name.

Anyway, I write this because Until My Dying Breath, You Are My Light In Darkness and You'll Never Walk Alone – Fighting Shadows are coming to an end.

I'm gonna rate this story M for now, but it can happen that I'll change it to T or even K.

I hope you like it anyway.

Enjoy,

T73

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My name is Jane Rizzoli and I am a Detective in the Homicide Unit of the Boston Police Department, but currently I am just a woman who's sitting in her favorite bar and is drinking her favorite beer while I'm watching my best friend, Dr. Maura Isle, flirting with some tall and handsome man. It's not like this is something I'm witnessing for the first time but it actually bothers me, like it always does.

Maura and I are friends for almost ten years and to be honest, it still surprises me that we became friends in the past because we were profoundly different. She was the distant, quirky Medical Examiner who was called some insulting names behind her back and I was the one who stood up for her and threaten those people to rip them a new one if they wouldn't stop calling her names. And in the same time, I was aloof, too. Perhaps that was because I didn't know how to handle Maura in the first place. I knew that she is a wealthy and well-educated woman that I'm just a blue-collar cop who doesn't know how to act in her world. I didn't believe that two people from two different worlds could ever get along. And then Charles Hoyt happened, and Maura turned out to be my safe haven the night my brother Frankie and my mother Angela became meddling and conquered my apartment. I ditched them in my apartment and drive all the way to Beacon Hill, of course I called Maura before I showed up at her front door and asked if it'd come by that night and she didn't hesitate to agree. I think, that night changed everything, I think that night drew us as close as possible and it didn't leave us much of a choice then to become best friends. Ever since that night it was almost impossible to get us apart. We hardly had a fight. Okay, the day I shot her father, Paddy Doyle, almost made us end our friendship, but after getting both of almost killed, we were as close as we never were before. I have to admit, both of us acted like a baby that time. Because either of us had been hurt.

And three years after that, Maura and I crossed a line one night. We were sitting on her couch and had a little too much. It was a rainy night and we had been working a hard case. A triple murder. A mother who poisoned her three children so she wouldn't have to share custody with her ex-husband, who turned out to be abusive.

That night we talked about everything and anything. Our plans for the future, plans for the present. We also talked about our childhood and our teenage years. And then our love life came up. I always knew that Maura speaks boldly about her sex life, but I don't do the same and I blushed so many times … I don't think I blushed so many times in my entire life, but I didn't ask her to stop. On the contrary, I asked her things I wouldn't have asked hard-nosed. That's how I got to know that Maura likes men and women. I never hid the fact that I am into women even Maura knew it, she also tried every now and then set me up with women she thought they'd be interested in me or a night with me. In that time, I already was interested in only one woman, but didn't have the guts to tell her.

That night though, it changed everything. The next thing I remember is Maura straddling my lap and her lips on my neck. I knew very well that if we'd cross that line, I'd be lost. But I was incapable to tell her to stop and my hands had a will of their own and started to pulled her sweater over her head.

I have to close my eyes as the memory cross my mind and empty my beer bottle, ordering a new one. Things had changed that night but we pretended that nothing had happened at work and in front of my mother, and brothers. The problem was, we ended up in bed with each other frequently after that night, sober. We had sex when we needed some relief but at some point, I was tired of hiding. I could see that my family became suspicious when they saw Maura and me around each other. So, we officially started to date, we officially became a couple and after almost a year we officially broke up, but that didn't keep us from having sex with each other. Maura calls it a friendship without commitments, I called it good until someone get hurt.

And at some point, I got hurt. It hurt me when Maura left the Dirty Robber with a man or a woman. It hurts me when she tells me how much they have in common and I realize that she and I never meant to be, and in the same time I know that in the end either she or the person she is with is going to end the … relationship because they are way too different. It hurts me to see Maura being hurt. And I know that it's going to happen this time again. His name is Cory Sullivan, he's in her age. He has an olive complexion, straight brown hair cut short, and gray eyes. He's tall, fairly muscular, and is wearing a black business suit. I have absolutely no idea what he's doing for a living. I'm sure Maura told me but I went deaf on that point.

Honestly, I shouldn't be at the Dirty Robber right now and I start to pick on the label of my beer with a deep frown. I'm not meeting with Frankie and Korsak is working at the bar right now, perhaps I should text Nina, asking her if she'd like to drop by here, but I don't. I don't because I'm sure she'd rather spend the night with her boyfriend instead with me, and I won't ruin that. I'm not that kind of person. I don't even know why I'm here tonight. Maybe because I wanna make sure that Cory isn't an asshole, maybe I wanna make sure that he treats her well, maybe I wanna see him with my very own eyes to understand that we are over and done for real.

Over and done. Are Maura and I really over and done? Will we ever be?

I smile at the waitress as soon as she places a fresh beer in front of me and look back to Maura and her newest admirer. Our eyes meet and I see her smile, that is meant for Cory, drop. I take a deep breath and force myself to give her encouraging, wry smile. I swear, I mean to be happy for her, I am happy if she is. But knowing that this relationship won't last longer than three months … I know that it won't make her happy.

I watch Maura telling Cory something and then she gets up from her chair, walking towards my table.

I take a deep breath and lean back in my chair, grinning at her. I love watching her approaching me with that little extra swing of her hips. I swear, she's trying to kill me by wearing those extra tight dresses because she knows I know what's under it, or what's not under it. No, that's only in my mind, this is Maura's way to dress.

She sits down on the chair across of me and frowns, I smile at her, though. "What's bothering you?"

"The case is keeping my mind busy." I reply and want to slap myself immediately. There is no case that could keep my mind occupied. Today was a slow day, for all of us. All I had to do was paperwork, thank God. Unfortunately, she knows that, too.

Maura's frowning at me. "Jane."

I roll my eyes. "You know that this is my favorite bar, especially since Korsak owns it. And I prefer to spend it here then alone in my apartment."

She's studying me and licks her lips. The little gesture makes me looking at them and I feel the need to press mine against hers. "You're not spying on me, are you?"

I feign a laugh and take a swig from my beer, furrowing my brows. "I am not." I stop and put the bottle back down, thrusting my chin in the direction of Cory. "How's your date going?"

Maura's shifting in her seat and licks her lips once more. "He's very nice."

I know what this means. I know she's saying that he's a nice guy and that they'll gonna have some fun tonight but there won't be more than just a one-night-stand. Don't get me wrong, it might sound like she's a slut who's trying to get laid by every single male and female in Boston, but I know she isn't. I know that Maura is just trying to find someone with whom she can get happy for the rest of her life, and that she's trying to move on. I was just hoping that I'd be the one she'd spend the rest of her life with. Let's name it, I fell for her, hard. But she told me that it wouldn't work out because our … relationship would affect work.

To be fair, I am not a teetotaler after we broke up, either. I hook up with a woman ever now and then, too. But I don't take them to places where I am known by family. And Korsak is and his staff is family to me. I nod and take a deep breath. "That's good."

"Jane, why are you really here?"

"Because I wanted to have a beer before I go home." I reply with a dramatic sigh and look long at her, knowing that she's not buying it. "I didn't want to be alone tonight. I didn't mean to bother you."

She's reaching for my hand and squeezes it lightly. "You don't bother me at all, Jane."

Jane, the way she's saying my name is stirring something deep within me and I hold her hand a little tighter. It's not like she's saying my name for the first time, but the way she says it reminds me of the first night we spent together. The way she breathed it and tangled her fingers in my hair when I went down on her for the very first time. The way she still breathes it when I go down on her.

I am normally not like this, I am not that obsessive about a woman I have been with, but this is Maura. She's not like any other woman, and she got me. I am not that kind of person who's having sex with a taken woman, purposely. But Maura brings out my best … and my worst.

I know that I am looking at her the way I shouldn't during her official date with Cory, predatorily, because her breath hitch and her pupils dilate. I clench my jaw and hold her hand even tighter so she doesn't get the chance to pull it out of my grasp. "You know what I'm thinking right now?" I am sabotaging. Why on earth am I sabotaging my best friend's date? Look at what Maura Isles turned me into.

Maura's holding my gaze and a smile tugs on her lips, worrying her bottom lip and shifting in her seat. "Yes." She whispers.

I don't let go of her hand even though I know that Cory turned his attention to us and see me holding Maura's hand and maybe he sees more than he like but I don't give a fuck about it. I still hold Maura's hand while I'm thinking of being deep inside of her with my fingers, how her walls tighten around me and how her sweaty body is pressing against mine. How her body's arching when she's riding out the waves of pleasure, panting my name. Hell, how many times my back have seemed to be in a one-on-one fight with a wild cat the next morning, according to the scratches on it the day after. I take a deep breath and run my thumb over her knuckles the way he normally should do at the end of the evening. I want to run my hand up of one of her thigh of which I know would part easily. I lick my lips and take deep breath. "You should go back to your date."

Maura still looks at me and nods approvingly but she doesn't make the attempt to get up to her feet. I can tell that this Cory guy is running out of patience because he turns his head every few seconds to check if Maura's coming back to their table. I am tempted to get up from my chair and to tell him that their date is already over and that I'm the one who's screwing Maura tonight, but I don't because I am not sure if it's true. And I don't do so because I don't wanna ruin her chance to get happy.

I never did that because of the same reason. It's not my job to tell her suitor to take off. Maura wouldn't tell Cory that straight in the face, either. For that she's way too polite. I can see someone standing next to our table from the corner of my eyes and I turn my head only to look into gray eyes I haven't seen before, but I don't pull my hand away from Maura's. Neither does she and I see that he's understanding.

Cory clears his throat and shoves his hands into the pockets of his dress pants. "It's late already and I have to get to work early tomorrow. I … um … I should go."

Maura blinks a couple of times before she gets up to her feet and walks him out of the Dirty Robber. I see them talking outside and take a sip of my beer before I notice another person standing at my table. I frown and look up slowly only to meet my mother's eyes. She's staring at me and I want to squirm a little because her intense gaze makes me more than uncomfortable. "What?" I more growl and she sit down on Maura's chair.

She waits a moment before she leans forward. "Are you okay, Jane?"

I scoff and lean back in my chair. I know that she's silently asking what I'm doing and why I'm actually here. I have watched my mother talking to this Cory and noticed that he was able to make Ma smile and even laugh like he told her a joke or something. I also noticed that she got along with this guy. I didn't like that fact and maybe that made me staying here and see how everything would turn out, maybe that's why I decided to sabotage this date. I know that it's very important for Maura that Ma likes the men and women she date, too. It seems like she's hoping that Ma gives her the thumbs up before she really thinks about a serious relationship.

My mother didn't have to think twice when Maura and I broke the news that we started dating. On the contrary, I think that she was already planning our wedding back then, and grandchildren of course.

I don't know who was more heartbroken when we broke up. Ma or me. To be fair, Maura and I agreed that we wouldn't work out as a couple. Somehow, we weren't capable to part private life from work life and everything and everyone suffered of it, it went that far that Maura was thinking about a transfer. Ma and Frankie were that horrified about the news that they started to ask what was going on. I asked myself the same question, too. That's why I sat down with Maura the evening and it turned out that neither she nor I were able to keep our private life out of our work, and we decided that it would be better for all of us to end the relationship. Don't think that I was the only one who made mistakes in that time, Maura made some, too. I'm not starting to blame her for anything, that's not my style.

"Jane?"

I blink a couple of times and look back at my mother. I didn't even notice that I drifted off. "Huh?"

My mother is frowning at me. "I asked if you are okay."

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. I just -" I trail off and take a swig from my beer. "I just have a beer before I go home. It has been a long day."

Ma's nodding slowly and she looks in the direction of her so-called foster-daughter. "You are not here to watch over Maura?"

I run my left hand through my hair and don't meet her eyes. I know that Ma knows that Maura and I are still … I don't have a name for what we are. Not exactly. Yeah, sure. I have a name for it but I can't say it out loud or even really think of it. Let's just say that what we have is complicated. I know that Ma knows because Maura and I don't even try to hide the fact that we are having an affair. Sure, my mother is worried about it and about us. Every once in a while, she tells us that it might be exciting until one of us hurt the other, and that this is no healthy relationship, but apart from that she's staying out of it, which surprises both of us. Maura and me.

I squint at her and huff. "Can't I have a beer after a long working day?"

She's placing a hand on mine and looks me long in the eye. "At the same day Maura's meeting Cory?" She pulls her hand back the moment I glare at her. "You should meet him. He's a very nice man. Have a coffee and a talk."

"Not interested in that," I grumble into my bottle before I drink from it.

Ma opens her mouth to reply something but shuts it again the moment Maura walks up to my table.

Maura smiles down at me. "Are you ready to leave?"

"Yes," I say a little too enthusiastic, get up to my feet and snatch my jacket from the back of the chair. "More than ready."

Ma's huffing and gets up from her chair as well, it's a disapproving huff because she is aware of the fact that Maura won't see Cory ever again.

Maura's looking at me questioningly but I roll my eyes while I put my jacket on.

"Don't ask." I grumble and place my hand on the small of her back, knowing that this little gesture won't go unnoticed.

She's frowning a little while I lead the way out of the bar but says, "Okay."