This is just a little something that popped into my head for absolutely no reason at all while I was working on another story. It's silly, with a tiny bit of OOC-ness, but very short. So...
Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto, so...
Orochimaru held Rock Lee in his grasp. Lee squirmed and struggled but couldn't free himself.
"Now," began Orochimaru in his deep raspy voice. "I finally have what I've always longed for..."
"B-but wasn't having Sasuke what you wanted?" Lee asked frightened, ceasing for the moment to struggle. "I mean, he has the sharigan that would help you copy any other ninja's moves. He even copied some of mine! S-so what do you want from me? What have I got that he doesn't?"
Orochimaru chuckled a bit before answering. "My boy, who wouldn't want..."
Lee trembled in Orochimaru's grasp as he waited to hear the answer...
"such..."
Lee squeezed his eyes tightly shut...
"A soft, glossy head of hair!"
Lee's eyes popped open wide as he slipped out of Orochimaru's arms and crashed to the ground, feet in the air, typical anime style.
"You see, no matter what I do to mine it doesn't have your level of shine. Give me yours, I'll take good care of it."
Lee quickly jumped up. "NEVER! Konoha SENPUU!"
Orochimaru went flying from the force of the kick, and Lee burned rubber and everything else in his path as he hightailed it out of Orochimaru's domain.
Orochimaru sighed heavily from face-first on the ground. "Oh well, at least I still have a few more Pantene samples..."
FIN
About the title: According to my limited knowledge of Japanese, I believe this would translate to, "Why me?" in everyday, casual, non-textbook Japanese.