Disclaimer: I own nothing the characters are Joss's the poem is by Rash Kash and is called Forever and a Day.

Buffy left Sunnydale in the school bus silent. No one was talking; no one knew what to say. Anya was dead, Spike was dead. Willow sat beside Xander who was doing his best not to cry. Robin drove them all in silence as Faith looked at the injured and wondered how so many had actually made it out when she had expected them all to die. Dawn sat in the back softly crying over the fallen vampire. But what caught them all was Buffy's silence no tears, no commands nothing she just sat on the seat craning her neck to look back at the crater that had once been her town.

'Forever and a day, I will keep telling myself; if only
If only, I had not let pride carry me away
If only, I had not let my ego get in the way
If only, I had overcome the fear of giving too much of myself in
If only, I had stopped the self doubts within,'

He was dead, she had to face that. She had finally after holding it in so long told him how she felt and he hadn't believed her. He hadn't believed her; why would he she had more times then often told him she hated him, that he was 'beneath her'. Every nasty thing she had said to him haunted her. She hated herself; he had proved himself more times then she could count. He had protected Dawn's identity from Glory, for that he earned his first real kiss from her; he had minded the child while she had been 'gone' he never asked for thanks when she came back all he asked for was love and respect. But she didn't even give him respect.

'If only, I was able to

I would have told you, how much I need you
I would have told you how much I love you
I would have said to me the world is you'

She remembered him when he had been evil; so cocky and smart, he had been a great fighter; great dancer. Maybe they only ever really did dance, she had never staked him even though she had more then a hundred chances. Maybe a part of her loved him then? She remembered how he would hold her so gently those few times she had let him, she remembered how his eyes had been the colour of the sky he had lost all those decades before. She remembered everything about him from the smell of cheap scotch and cigarettes to the way he scowled with anger. Now he was gone and he hadn't even believed her when she had told him; but she had never given him reason to believe that she had cared anything about him even when he had a soul.

'If only, I was able to have done all this, then

I'd be with you, today and everyday
I'd hear your laugh, today and everyday
I'd see the smile in your eyes, today and everyday
I'd hold you in my arms, today and everyday

If only, I was able to.'

"Giles, we have to bring him back. We can't leave him where he is now." She said. The sound of her voice shaking everyone into the moment.

"Oh Buffy, I don't think we can." The old watcher said looking older then his fifty three years. Life on the hellmouth had aged them all. She turned away and looked out the window again. She would hold him again, she was sure of it, even if she went to hell to get him. He wasn't going to stay in hell.

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