'Twas Christmas Day by Ness Ayton
This is the worst piece of doggerel I've ever done (well it was a fairly early piece) but it was great fun to do. It appeared in a newsletter I used to produce a long time ago. Usual layout problems...
'Twas Christmas Day on the starship,
Ten Forward was bedecked
With holly and garlands and ivy;
The tables were all draped in red.
The Holodeck's programme was punched in
And a snowy landscape did appear,
With soft white snowflakes falling, drifting
On Santa and eight brown reindeer.
They had quite a number of problems
With the sleigh on the polished deck floors;
Also with finding the way round
The ship's long and bright corridors.
The bridge was lit only by candles,
With stockings hung up here and there.
A Christmas tree stood in the corner,
The consoles were lonely and bare.
Picard's present was easy;
A wig wasn't quite the right thing,
But the bottle of cheap hair restorer
Leaked all over his French silk stocking.
Riker at last got his own ship;
Sleek, strong-hulled and fast.
There was only one tiny problem,
It could only be sailed in the bath!
Worf, he posed quite a problem;
Santa's ingenuity was stretched,
After all what does one give a Klingon
Who thinks Christmas customs are far-fetched?
Doctor Beverley Crusher
Stayed up in the sick bay quite late
Wrapping up presents and trinkets;
Putting candies out on the plates.
Sitting alone in his cabin
Data's heart was a void in the main,
Until some mischievous ensigns
Introduced him to mead and champagne.
The kitchens were bustling and busy
And Wesley found his way there;
He ate so much pud, pie and turkey
He fell out of his command chair.
It was Geordi who led all the carols
Seeing harmonies pleasing and sweet;
The choir followed every movement;
Even combing their hair, which was neat!
The N D Crewmember or extra
Named Guy was doing fine;
Paramount had paid two thousand dollars
So that he could request a glass of wine.
The Enterprise loved all the bustling;
It made her feel all warm inside,
For she knew that the good folks aboard her
Cared for her, and each other, with pride.