What's a girl to do when your boyfriend cheats and your Private eye business is about to be shut down? Well, for me,I would run away and squeal like a piggy,But for Sammy Snape she takes it all in strides and gets to the bottom of the it,and with an annoying sidekick a smexy mysterious boy and a jock stupider than rocks you've got the makings of a super mystery,thiller story with a deadly overdose of comedy!

Warnings!!:there's beaucoup of slash and loads of stupidity!like..stupid!jock and Horny!men and mysterious!hot boy!wait...I already said that in the summary!ha ha i love my self!!

Disclaimer: I don't own harry potter or anything pertaining to the books only my peoples are my and even now i'm starting to think...

Chapter 1, Rents due and mystery meat monday mania!!

"Today's lunch is Mystery Meat Mania!"a hyper perky voice exclaimed over the static from an old P.A system,"hee hee hee!It's monday and today's lunch is mystery meat mania!mystery meat mania monday! yay!!"

I look up from my cluttered desk covered in beige folders and old Mountain Dew cans muttering,"wow you thank she was the offspring of a two year old!"

Well,starting the day off with mystery meat mania isn't a good thing in my frickin' book or,in that case anyones' books for the matter.let's face it when you get that slice of mixed meats pump with whatever drugs they use and it crawls off your plate,it's worse than bad, it's evil!Well, at least I sell my lunch.I'm Sammy Snape 17 year olds and a current Junior.I'm pretty short 5'2 and about 102lbs. long black hair and bright amber eyes. I get my eyes from my mother and my hair from my father.My father for the past two years has been acting really cheap and said I had to get a job for extra cash.I'm pretty damn good at sloving crap,so I started a school dective agency.I make about 300$ a month,enough for a 79' ford mustang convertable and this cool labtop and i play youtube all the time! I should you know look up important shit for my career but, let's face it internet is not for research,it's for funny movies!I should tell you about my school it self. Hogwarts Acadmey school is older than Shit from a T-Rex m'kay. I mean my great great grand pops went to this joint and that was like 300 years back.the head master is older than dirt and his sanity makes me wonder...alot. most of the teachers here are old and the young ones have like sand in their vaginas.they're so up tight.It looks like they ain't gettin some long time suki suki. The building is werid you got like seven floors and it's almost manor like,with the gothic theme exterior designs.though, the weid part is the thrid floor is always locked and no one is allowed in there.the headmaster said it's because of busted pipes and what not but, pops said that floors been locked up for years.Mom said the headmaster keeps pot in there,I ain't gonna peep around,yet...

Now i'm sitting in a hard wooden chair shuffling papers and tossing cans into a trash bag when the door to my tiny office brusted opened and in came the devil himself Mrs.Pince,school librarian, Just Llama F-ing shit!

"you lazy bum!!"the haggered lady hissed causing me to glare at her,Me? a lazy bum she looks like a bag lady!"your rent is due!"

"What! you crazy lady!I paid it last week,"I excalimed slamming my files down,"did you forget?"

"you owe me 50 bucks or else your gone!"Bag lady excalimed causing me to ground my teeth in pure anger,"and i want it at the end of the next week!"

Bag lady then stormed out the office and i threw an old can half full of mountain dew at door in frustation.The Fucking Hag!guess she needs the money for some more pot.I then sat down kicking the desk as hard as I could getting a stub toe and starting a new dance craze. Now I have to find a case or find a bathroom stall for my office sigh...just FUCKING great!Again with a bad monday.Mystery Meat Mania Monday!Damn you!!!!!

A/N:Well,My first Chapter!!More to come soon!No flames or I'll roundhouse kick you instead of leaving cookies!(and they're Sinckerdoodles!!)