Ok. So this is the sailor moon fic i've been working on for a little while. It's an AU fic and for the first part is focused on comedy in the hopes you will be rolling on the floor laughing. Will be posting the first 3 chaps just now then hopefully a chap a week. Let me know what you think ok?

Disclaimer for all chapters: I don't own anything. Why do I still feel like a parrot?

Chapter 1

She sat there.

Her eyes were vacant.

Her mind however, was not. She was currently plotting her escape. It was the first floor, so the window was a dead end. The path to the door was blocked, so a distraction would be required. This was going to prove difficult, seen as the air-headed prince was utterly absorbed in talking about himself.

If Luna's lessons were boring, this boy's monologue was beyond painful. That and his girl's haircut put her over the edge into desperate to escape.

What didn't help was the condescending way he was talking to her. She was five, not two. Why couldn't the trade discussion have been arranged for when I was visiting Mina? She thought on the verge of tears, wishing she was in the company of her cousin. Right stop it! She scolded herself. I need to focus if I want to get out of here!

With that she went back to plotting her escape, annoyed at the lack of availability of props.

( )( )

(^.^)

At that very moment, a rescue mission was on the way, in the form of an almost identical blue-eyed, blonde, five-year-old. The girl had arrived in a carriage with her parents, who were trying to stifle their giggles at their daughter's attempt of a heroic rescue of her beloved cousin. The golden princess raced inside the castle determined to learn the location of Serena's almost certain imprisonment.

*Flashback*

Mina was eating her breakfast, but paused with the spoon halfway to her mouth as she did a double take at her mother.

"You can't be serious!" She exclaimed when her mouth finally started working again, as the woman had just informed her that a certain Prince, with badly bobbed hair, was visiting her cousin's Kingdom to enter trade discussions. Memories flashed in her mind of the stuck up boy. Then she froze. Serena was cunning enough to escape Diamond's company, but had too kind a heart to do it as bluntly as the situation, more often than not, required.

"Now I know that Prince Diamond is a bit full of himself, but he can't be that bad. Can he?" her mother questioned.

"There's a reason he left here with no eyebrows, dear." Mina's father pointed out.

"How did that happen?" she queried, looking towards the man of her heart.

Her husband smiled and looked towards their daughter. Following his gaze, she turned her questioning eyes to Mina.

"I simply said that it was impossible to re-light a used match." She said with her angelic face the picture of innocence.

"While hiding a can of hairspray behind her back." Her father put in with a smirk and twinkling eyes that matched his daughter's.

Her mother remained silent, which caused them both to look at her with baited breath, and wait for her reaction. She sat there like a statue for seemed like hours before a single tear fell down her cheek. "And I missed it?" she asked, earning surprised stares from the father and child, before she demanded "Next time I want a front row seat!"

This took all of three seconds to sink in before Mina and her father burst out laughing.

"Chrysanthia dear, I knew there was a reason why I loved you."

"I love you too, Apollon darling, but we still have the problem of our niece being stuck with a pompous prince."

"We have to help her!" Mina demanded.

"We will." Chrysanthia reassured her. "Darling, you fancy visiting your sister-in-law?"

"Always a pleasure." He agreed, always happy to have the entertainment his daughter and niece would bring when unwanted guests were concerned. Suddenly excited about the day to come, he quickly shovelled the rest of his food into his mouth and rung the bell for one of the servants. An elderly servant with laughing eyes entered the room and bowed. "Please have the carriage prepared as soon as possible. We are going to visit Queen Serenity and perform a rescue."

"Will you be staying the night, your Majesty?" the servant asked.

"Yes." He replied. It was never easy to separate the two girls without spending at least 24 hours in each other's company.

*End Flashback*

"Have fun!" Apollon called after her laughing, before he turned back to help his heavily pregnant wife step down from the carriage.

"I bet you 30 gold pieces that she goes for the hair." She challenged while rearranging her own violet hair that fell straight passed her hips to the middle of her thighs.

"You're on!" he said, eagerly taking up her bet. "You didn't hear her rant about a boy getting a French manicure." He said under his breath.

"Did you say something?" she questioned with narrowed golden eyes.

"Nothing!" Apollon answered a bit too quickly with a shake of his blonde head.

By this point Mina had taken off through the halls and corridors of the castle searching for Serena, running so fast that objects and people became blurs. That is, until her searching gaze locked onto a sandy blonde head. Though not the golden blonde she was looking for, it was close enough. "Andrew!" she called.

His head swilled at his name and zeroed in on his bubbly cousin. His face spilt into a wide grin. Where there was Mina; there was some form of hilarity. "Hey!" he greeted. "What brings you here?"

"I heard about the visit from the Prince of Doom." She replied, but quickly returned to her initial objective. "Where's Serena?" she enquired.

"She's in the Oak Room with Prince Pompous." He told her with a disgusted look on his face and shuddered, causing something cream-coloured to fall to the ground.

Mina was distracted by the movement and quirked her eyebrow at him.

He gave her a boyish grin and produced the box of popcorn he had hidden behind his back.

"What's with the popcorn?"

"I was just heading over to the Oak Room."

Mina grinned with a mischievous look in her eyes. "Care to help me with preparations for the show?"

"I am at your service Milady." He bowed.

"Excellent." She concluded with a voice seeped in evil as she rubbed her hands together.

( )( )

(^.^)

Almost all hope of escape was gone. She had tried to distract him with dropping things, pointing to imaginary objects of interest outside the window and even tried to get herself excused to the ladies room, but nothing had worked. Trying to get him to at least change the topic of discussion to something interesting was as impossible as getting a paper cut off a wet sponge. Serena was now staring into her half empty tea cup, vaguely wondering if she could drown herself in it. Just when she was ready to resign herself to the fate of an eternity with the dull Prince, there was a very slight tapping on the window. Cautiously, she glanced to her side and saw a small portion of Andrew's hair and a single eye in the corner of the window.

Rats! She thought infuriated at herself. I forgot the stupid ivy trellis! She grumbled inside her head before turning her attention back to her darling elder brother, who had pretended to be at a friend's to get out of Diamond's company, and slyly raised an eyebrow, encouraging him to proceed with any explanation he had for his hidden presence.

He showed her his full grinning face before pulling back and lifting up Artemis.

Hope shined in her eyes.

Andrew quickly pointed to the closed window.

Serena winked her understanding when Diamond was not looking.

Andrew ducked out of view as Serena asked the Royal Pain in the Ass "Would you mind if I opened the window? The heat is making it stuffy in here."

"Of course not." Diamond replied too smooth for his years. He constantly failed to realise that his charms, if he had any at this point, would be completely lost on a five-year-old.

Using everything she had to neither grin, nor approach the window too eagerly, Serena opened the window and returned to her seat, wishing she had some way in which to capture the next few minutes in order to relive it over and over again.

Andrew crept towards the open window with the cat, but had to dive for cover when Diamond turned to the window.

Panic set in and Serena's mind raced as she tried to think of ways to get him away from the window. She briefly remembered him talking about his love for the sea and her eyes darted towards the pearl-like sea shell on the far table.

"I forgot to ask." She started. "I also love the sea, so I was wondering if you had seen a shell like this one before."

His interest perked, he looked away from the window and headed towards the object she now stood beside. When he past her and was busy looking at the shell, Serena gave Andrew an enthusiastic thumbs up and he returned to reaching towards the window, Artemis held in his outstretched hand. Serena held her breath and hoped her brother would finish his task before Diamond turned round and caught him, but they were in luck, as Diamond had not seen such a shell before and was one to quietly ponder this in his mind for a while before asking any questions – in the hope to come out looking like he knew all the answers from the beginning.

As soon as Artemis was on the window ledge, he jumped down to the floor and made his way over to the youths. "I'm just getting more tea." Serena told Diamond who didn't even notice her absence.

Artemis gave her a sly wink as she headed for the door. He moved to just behind Diamond, sat down with his tail curled around him and let out the cutest 'meow' Serena had ever heard from him.

Diamond froze and turned around painfully slowly until he was fully facing the cat and looked as if he was facing his worst nightmare, before he exploded into hysterics.

Waving his arms like a madman, he jumped up and down so high and at such a speed he was air-borne more than he was grounded. However, it was his high pitched scream that made her fear for her life, considering she had lost the ability to breathe due to laughing. She didn't know whether she was going to burst or suffocate. He darted for the door, but Artemis dashed and put himself between Diamond and Serena, effectively cutting Diamond off from the door, but leaving his princess a free escape route – if she and Mina, who had opened the door for her cousin, ever managed to get off the floor.

It was only when Diamond's tone got more angry than scared and his accusing eyes started to bore into Mina that the girls managed to tone it down long enough to make it out the door.

With one last 'hiss' menacing enough to send Diamond cowering behind one of the couches, Artemis quickly followed the scheming girls. As soon as he was through the doorway Mina slammed the door shut and turned the key in the lock.

"Quick!" Mina commanded. "We have to get to the 'prep' room before he gets out."

Needing little encouragement Serena took off after her clone for their current base of operations while Artemis was left to guard the now cursing prince.

( )( )

(^-^)

The girls arrived at the 'prep' room in record time. It was their current base of operations, as they kept having to move it to save being discovered by their parents and forced to work with very limited supplies.

As soon as they entered, Mina flew towards a metal bucket sitting on one of the closer tables.

"What you got in there?" Serena asked, as she peered over Mina's shoulder.

"It will be quick set glue." She replied as she poured a white powder into the water and gave it a quick stir.

"Nice." Her cousin commented. "But how about we add this?" she suggested and reached for the bright pink glitter.

"You are a genius." Mina replied, remembering Diamond's determined dislike of the colour pink.

Together they tried to lift the bucket, but found it too heavy. After their third attempt they were about to give it up as a lost cause, until Andrew came stumbling in the door, breathless and still giggling. He was trusted with the location because he was usually their willing partner in crime, as they never plotted against one of their own. Remembering the boy was five years their senior, the girls looked at each other and shared a knowing smile.

He caught the look between them, pointed at the bucket and asked "You want me to carry that?"

The girls both nodded.

"Hand it over." He told them.

They speedily obliged and gave him the bucket. Together they sped off back to the scene of the crime, Serena grabbing a roll of string and lump of sticky putty on her way past the door.

Once back to the room Serena got on Andrew's shoulders and Mina set to work attaching the string to the base of the bucket with the putty. Once done, she passed it up to Serena, who was now within easy reach, being that Andrew was a very tall ten-year-old, of the ornate carving which stuck out several inches from the door. She looped the handle over the carving, close to the door, and strung the string over the end of it. Using another piece of putty she neatly secured the string to the top of the door then dropped the rest of it down to Mina to finish the job while she got off her brother's shoulders. Mina ignored Diamond's thumping on the other side of the door and tied the string to the door handle just in case the putty came loose, even though it had gone through repeated tests for reliability. She cut off the excess string and gave her fellow pranksters a silent thumbs up to make sure their victim did not become aware of their presence and get suspicious. They returned the gesture and retreated with the grinning white cat to the end of the corridor to observe their scheme coming to fruition after subtly sliding the key under the door.

Almost as soon as they reached the safety of the corner they heard the key turning in the lock. Smiling in pride, they watch Diamond cautiously open the door bit by bit, taking a shaky step each time, until finally the bucket tipped and its contents poured down onto his head and shoulders. With some unknown strength they held in their laughter.

"Crap!" Diamond exclaimed, examining his ruined clothes and messy hair. "My hair!" he yelled in horror after noticing the pink glitter. He moved to run his fingers through his hair to try and remove the glitter/glue combo, but found his hand stuck in his hair mid-motion. "What?" he asked no one in particular in a rising panic. All this havoc was giving him a headache, so he put his free hand to his forehead in hope to ease the pain. However, this hand also remained in place when he tried to remove it. "Oh ...no..." his voice cracked and he burst into tears and fled towards the conference room to seek comfort from his parents.

With the focus of their efforts finally out of ear-shot the children and cat gave into their urges and laughed themselves senseless.

"Well at least he'll finally have an interesting story to tell people." Serena managed to choke out between laughs.

"I'm afraid the emotional scars will cause him to block it out." Her brother countered.

"We'll just have to start planning for our next encounter." Mina deduced with devilish eyes.

The others nodded their agreement and they started back to the 'prep room' to celebrate their victory with their stash of soda and brownies Andrew swiped from the kitchen that morning.