Father, Don't Leave

"What are you thinking of, nadad?"

Fili pulled out of his stupor, looking up to see his younger brother, Kili, approaching. He smiled softly at the brunette, before replying, "It's nothing."

"I know that look," Kili replied, not buying his brother's answer for a moment. He took a seat in the grass, facing the blonde, whom was leaned against a large oak tree. "Something is troubling you."

As always, Kili was right. Today marked the anniversary of their father's death. It had been just over twenty-four years since his passing, and Fili could still remember it like it was yesterday.

"Da?" Fili all but wined, gripping his father's warm hand in a desperate plea. "Why can't I come with you?"

The older man smiled down at his begging child, tossing his own golden blonde hair back when it fell into his face. "You're too young, my Fili. A hunt in the forest is no place for a seven year-old. It's too dangerous."

Fili pushed his bottom lip out in a pout, hoping it would sway his father, to no avail. He hated it when his father left him at home for weeks, alone with his mother and toddler brother; it only resulted in more chores and time spent trying to entertain a two year-old. Fili loved his little brother, but so far he hadn't proved to be a very interesting play mate.

"It won't work, Fili," his father smiled affectionately, pulling his hand free to give the little boy's face a soft caress. "I'm going with your Uncle Thorin, and he never likes to stay away from the forge for too long. You know how he's not much of a hunter – we'll be back before you know it."

"When?" Fili pushed, demanding an exact date.

"A week at most."

Letting out a huff, the child finally gave in and wrapped his tiny arms around his father's waist, trying as always not to cry. He had to be strong and act like a big boy, or else he'd never be able to go on a hunt. "I'll miss you, Da."

"I'll miss you too, my golden one. Ma will keep you busy, and you won't even realize I'm gone."

Fili tried to suppress the roll of his eyes, knowing it was true. Then he heard someone else enter the room behind them and turned to see the brunette lass they were speaking of. His mother, Dis, was known as one of the fairest in Ered Luin. She very much resembled her brother, Thorin, between her thick, dark hair and piercing blue eyes. Fili's younger brother also resembled their uncle and mother, aside from his chocolate brown eyes, which were their father's.

"Come back to us as soon as you can," she smiled, striding forward to give her husband the best hug she could muster, all while trying to balance a wriggling Kili on her hip. She then gave him a light peck on the cheek and moved back, laying a hand across her older son's shoulders.

They waved their final goodbye at their father as he shouldered his way out of their front door, hunting gear slung over his shoulder and bright smile consuming his kind face. Fili itched to run out the door after him, craving the closeness of his father that every boy wants.

When the door slammed shut, Fili's shoulders slumped in defeat, and his mother, noticing, rubbed at a knot in his tiny shoulder. The blonde was still really young, but due to the amount of time he spent outdoors with his uncle and father, he had begun to develop small muscles in his shoulders and arms, and his mother was always the one to work out his kinks. He sighed and leaned into the touch.

Kili let out a frustrated wail, and Dis leaned down to set him on the floor. Fili watched as his little brother ran around the living room, giggling over his freedom, stopping only to pull at their cat's tail and shove his own sticky fingers in his mouth, gurgling happily. The blonde couldn't help but smile, wishing he still found entertainment in such simple things.

"Why don't you go hang the laundry to dry?" Dis said, giving Fili one last rub before following Kili, who had decided to venture down the hallway. "I left the clean clothes out back in the washing bin."

Fili sighed and went to do his mother's bidding.

...

Four days later, Fili found himself sitting at the window nearest to their front door. There was a bench underneath it, perfect for him to sit on and lean his elbows on the window sill. On this particular day he had his chin perched on his palm and was gazing longingly towards the tree line, where he knew his father and Uncle Thorin would appear when they returned from their trip. The young blonde knew he was pushing his luck, considering it had only been four days, and his father had told him they could be gone an entire week. He didn't care, though. He'd done all his chores and Kili was down for a nap. There was literally nothing else to do.

A while later, Fili's chin slipped from his hand, head smacking the window sill and jolting him from his sleep-like state. For a moment he blinked, disoriented, and then noticed a dark-haired figure moving towards the house. Jumping from his seat, the boy called for his mother.

"Ma! Uncle Thorin! He's coming towards the house!"

Dis came from the kitchen, wiping her hands on a worn hand-towel, and gave her son a concerned look. "So soon? Are you sure it's him."

Fili nodded enthusiastically, pointing a tiny finger at the window. "Look!"

His mother moved to stand behind him, glancing in the direction he was pointing. For a moment she looked confused, and the little boy tipped his head back to look at his mother's face, waiting for her to realize that he was right and it was her brother heading their way. After a moment her eyebrows knit together, and a shallow sob escaped her throat.

"Fili," she gasped, placing a soft hand over her son's eyes. "Don't look."

The blonde reached up to pry at his mother's hand, but she was too strong for him. Fili could feel his mother's body shaking violently behind him, and he was suddenly overcome by an all-consuming fear unlike anything he'd ever experienced.

"Ma?" he whispered, chin trembling.

"Come," she said in a thick voice before grabbing his arm to drag him away from the window and towards his bedroom.

Dis' hand finally slipped from his face and his vision returned, but all he saw was the hallway as they approached. Digging his feet as best as he could into the hard, wooden floor, Fili resisted his mother's tugs, intent on figuring out what was wrong.

"Fili, you must go to your brother. Stay with him until I tell you to come back out."

Fili gave one more hard tug, and his small wrist slipped from his mother's grip. "No. Tell me what is going on."

"You need to go to Kili-"

"Kili is asleep," he huffed, crossing his arms defiantly. "Tell me what has upset you so, Mama. Is it Uncle? Is he hurt?"

He tried to dart past his mother and back towards the small entryway to their cottage, but she managed to stop him.

It hardly mattered, though, for moments later Thorin stumbled through their door, a look like death upon his usually handsome face.

"Dis," was his low grumble, but Fili didn't hear him.

All of Fili's senses were narrowed until the only thing he could see was his father – or what used to be his father, but was now only a tattered and torn body, lying limp over one of Thorin's broad shoulders. The once strong blonde was now a lifeless shell, covered in blood and deep gashes from head to toe and unmistakable bite-marks littering his right arm. Fili could hardly recognize him.

As if he hadn't noticed him before, Thorin's eyes grew wide and he breathed Fili's name in a harsh burst of air, moving to turn away to try to block most of the boy's father from his view. Instead, Fili turned on his heel and ran to his room to bury himself in his bed and pretend that he was only having a nightmare and would soon wake.

...

"Fili? Fili, darling, wake up."

The child reached small fists up to rub at the sleepy, tear-stained skin around his eyes, before blinking his lids open to look at his mother. She looked worse than he had ever seen her, and suddenly all of his memories came rushing back.

"Ma? Mama, it can't be true. Da, he's not…" he trailed off, unable to say the word dead out loud.

Fat tears leaked from Dis' eyes and rolled down her fair cheeks as she held her arms open to her son. Fili crawled into her lap, snuggling into his mother's warmth as they cried. He couldn't believe that his brave, strong father – his role model – was gone, but due to the immense sadness radiating from his mother, he knew it must be true.

Heavy footsteps entered the room, and Fili looked up to see his uncle gazing down sadly at the two of them. He had cleaned up and now was back to looking like his usual self, minus his dark expression. He reached down and ran a feather-light hand over his nephew's golden hair.

"It's time to say goodbye," the older man murmured, mostly for his sister's ears, but Fili understood perfectly well.

"No!" he cried, shaking his head violently, tears falling faster. "No, no, no!"

"Fili," Thorin's voice was firm but not at all cold. "You've no choice. He can't be brought back. Would you rather not say goodbye at all and remember your father as a bloodied shell of a dwarf?"

At Thorin's harsh words the boy curled further into his mother, embarrassed by the strong sobs wracking his tiny body.

Dis shot her brother a heated glare. "Thorin!" she scolded, "he's just a boy. He has just lost his father!"

"I understand that, but his life must continue on. In a few short years he will be the man in this house. He's going to have to mature at a young age, and babying him isn't a good place to start."

"He's seven years old!"

"Ma," Fili grumbled, leaning back to gaze into his mother's stricken face. "He's right. I can't act like a baby anymore."

"Oh, my Fili. I don't want you to grow up so fast. I didn't want any of this." She cupped his full cheeks in her hands, looking deep into his large, watery, azure eyes.

"I know, Mama," he replied, reaching out to also cup his mother's face.

"You're so strong," she smiled. "I love you."

"I love you, too." He smiled back before sliding off of her lap and onto the floor, clutching one of her hands in his own. "Come on, Ma. Let's go say bye."

The three left Fili's room and Thorin went to scoop a sniffling Kili out of his crib. Then they went outside to the backyard.

While Fili had been napping, Thorin and Dis had prepared everything for the farewell. Dis had tended to her husband's body, cleaning and patching him up the best she could, before changing him into his finest clothing. Meanwhile, Thorin had dug a deep grave next to the creek that ran behind their cottage – one of Fili's favorite places to spend time with his father. The body was laid out on a stone platform, next to the creek, and if Fili didn't know better, he'd think he was asleep.

At the sight of their father, Kili stopped squirming in Thorin's arms and let out a squeal of joy, breaking Fili's heart. It was at that moment that a sense of responsibility far beyond his years, descended upon him. From there on out he would have to watch over and protect his little brother. He'd have to help his mother as often as he could, begin working for his uncle in the forge at a young age, and make sure that no harm would fall upon his family ever again.

They came to a stop next to the body, and Fili leaned up on his toes to look at his father's peaceful face. The boy hoped his father was in a happier place, watching over them with his kind and loving smile.

The family stood over him for a long time, unable to speak, until Dis finally leaned over, kissed her husband on the lips, and muttered a soft goodbye.

By this point Kili looked upset and confused, and their uncle began to mumble soft, soothing words into the toddler's ear. Once the child had calmed down again, Thorin also leaned over his brother-in-law's body, placing a kiss to his forehead, Fili following closely behind with a peck to his father's cheek.

"Goodbye, Da," he whispered in the man's ear, cupping a scruffy, pale cheek. It was cold under his touch, so unlike the warmth he was used to. "We will miss you, but I promise to be good and not give Mama any trouble. I'll look after Kili, too, whenever I can."

He pecked the older man's cheek one more time and then stepped back, willing the fresh tears pooling in his eyes not to fall.

After everyone was finished saying their last goodbyes, Thorin lifted the blonde and gently laid him in the ground. Dis was now holding Kili, who had confused tears tracking down his face and his fist in his mouth. Fili watched the whole thing, feeling slightly detached and empty. Everything felt surreal, and it wasn't until his uncle laid a hand on his shoulder that he came back to reality.

"About what I said before," Thorin began, rubbing small circles over the youth's upper-back, "you don't really need to grow up so quickly. I was upset and overreacting. It hurts me deeply to see you lose your father at such a young age.

Fili wrapped his arms around Thorin's middle, smiling up at his uncle. "It's okay. I understand, and I do need to grow up a little. I must stop complaining about chores and spend more time with Kee."

"But you also must embrace your youth and enjoy your childhood while you still have it," Thorin replied fondly. "Leave the tougher things up to me until you're older."

"But, Uncle, you don't have time. You have to keep things in Ered Luin running smoothly, and see to it that nothing goes wrong in the forges."

Thorin's eyes grew a little wider and he chuckled at the boy. "You say things that are years ahead of your age; you're too smart, my boy."

Fili murmured something into Thorin's heavy coat, but Thorin hadn't understood him, and had an inkling that the child hadn't wanted him to, so he continued on.

"When your father was dying, he made me promise to watch over you, your mother and your brother – not that he had to ask, because of course I would have. You're my family. I'm your father now, Fili, and I want you to know that you can come to me for anything. I know I can't replace him, but I'm going to do the best I can to take care of you three."

The child broke down into renewed sobs, curling his fists tightly into his uncle's coat, feeling the situation finally settle on his shoulders. His father was gone. He'd never see Fili age, or help him train and hunt.

"What happened?" he finally asked, shocked that he was just now wondering. His sobs had calmed to wet hiccups, and he was dragging in deep breaths of air.

"A warg attack," Thorin answered. "I knew we had ventured too far into the forest, but you know you're father. He loved hunting and never cared much about delving too deep, as long as there was good game involved. This time we pushed a little too far. He was so unsuspecting, which was what killed him in the end."

Thorin hadn't sugar-coated the story. He didn't glorify it or make Fili's father sound like a hero, and the young boy appreciated that. His uncle had told him the absolute truth, just as he always did.

"Did you kill any of them?" Fili chirped, his tone hopeful.

Thorin couldn't suppress a light smile. "Every one of them and now Ered Luin is a tiny bit safer, because of it. Your father event took down a couple, until his wounds became too much to bear. I tried to bind them at first, to stop the blood flow, but we both knew it was a lost cause, so instead I sat with his head in my lap until he died, speaking to him of our family and the more beautiful things in life."

At that, Fili finally cracked a full, bright smile. He rarely saw this side of Thorin. "I'm glad you were with him, Uncle. You're so strong and calm – like a rock."

"I try my hardest," Thorin sighed, "but I'm not always that way."

"Did you cry?" Fili questioned with youthful curiosity.

"For a long time," Thorin answered truthfully. "I didn't want to return. I felt as if I'd failed and could hardly bear the shame, but I also knew I had to bring him home. It was the right thing to do."

"It wasn't your fault, Uncle."

"I know that, Fili, but the mind works in strange ways. Come, let's finish laying you father to rest."

Fili helped Thorin fill his father's grave with soft dirt while Dis stood off to the side with Kili and watched. All was quiet while they worked, until the hole was filled and a small mound of dirt was in its place.

"Goodbye, father," Fili whispered for the last time, a hand lain upon the slightly-risen mound of earth. "I will never forget you."

Then he let Thorin hoist him up in his arms, as if he were the same age as his little brother, and carry him towards the house, Dis and Kili at their side and the sun kissing the horizon in a burst of orange behind them.

"Fee?"

"You know me too well, Nadadith," he finally responded to his younger brother. He turned his gaze to focus on the small hill by the creek, which was now dotted with small, white daisies and covered in rich, green grass. "I was just thinking about father."

Kili huffed. "I wish I could remember something about him… anything at all."

Fili turned to eye his little brother's crest-fallen face. Even though he was twenty six now, the brunette still had child-like features: full cheeks, big, puppy-dog eyes, and a constant air of mischief about him. His face had a light tan from all the time they spent outside, and his nose even had a pink tint to it, where it was burnt. "He loved you," the blonde responded. "And you would've loved him. You are so much like him."

Kili grinned at his brother and tugged at the grass. "He must've been really witty, then. And handsome."

"Don't get too cocky," Fili laughed. "I was speaking about your personality. Aside from your eyes, you don't resemble him at all."

"And I suppose you do?" Kili retorted.

"Of course I do."

"So he was short, stocky and blonde?"

Fili hesitated for a moment before nodding. "He was… although I'm not sure whether to take that as a compliment or not. I'm going to pretend it was."

Kili smiled warmly and then leaned back, sprawling out across the ground, closing his eyes and basking in the sun like a cat. Fili soon rolled to join his brother at his side.

"Love you, Kee."

"Love you too, Fee."

"I won't let anything happen to you, Kili. You know that, right? Not until the day I die will I stop protecting you and Ma."

Kili rolled to his side, perching himself up on one arm to look down at his brother. "I know, Fili. I trust you. You've always been there for me, even when I acted like a total prick."

The blonde snorted and blinked his blue eyes open to lock with Kili's brown ones. "You're always a prick."

"Yeah, whatever." The brunette rolled his eyes and laid back down, clasping one of Fili's callused hands in his own.

Fili smiled contentedly, wondering if their father was looking down on them now with an expression to match his son's.