Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist belongs to Hiromu Akarawa, not me.
A/N:This is dedicated to my uber-awesome sister who beta read this for me. :D
"So you're the new guy?" a burly middle aged man asked.
"Uh, yeah. John Ward, sir. I was told by Nurse Ford to wait here for someone," answered a lanky young man with short black hair and glasses.
"I'm Mark Simmons, Head Nurse. I trust she got you acquainted with this place and its procedures?"
"Yes," John said.
"Here's one last thing you should know that Shelly probably forgot to go over," Mark said as he handed John an unassuming sheet of paper titled 'Unofficial Elric Procedure', "commit it to memory."
John quickly scanned its contents and raised a skeptical eyebrow.
"Isn't this a bit extreme?" he inquired, setting the sheet down on a nearby table.
"Well you're definitely new!" Mark gave a deep belly laugh fitting of his appearance.
"It can't be this bad." John insisted still unconvinced. Mark looked amused and answered in a tone typically reserved for parents with children that didn't understand something.
"We'll see. Come on, let's get you started on your rounds," said Mark.
John followed the nurse out of the room, completely forgetting the paper and its contents. The abandoned piece of paper was understandably offended at John's quick dismissal of it and dearly hoped that the procedure written on it would not be followed so the black haired human would learn its lesson, for a closer look revealed its true importance:
Unofficial Elric Procedure
If you are unfortunate enough to have Edward Elric as your patient, and must administer shots or needles of any kind please do the following as he is deathly afraid of needles and has been known to take drastic actions to get away from them:
-Do NOT let him see the needle at any costs, if you do, the situation will quickly deteriorate past the point of return.
-Contact his brother beforehand so he has time to prepare a suitable way to distract Edward, and if worst comes to worst, restrain him.
-Have backup ready
-Don't beat around the bush, if you see an opening take it, and take it fast
Failure to follow procedure will result in personal injury including but not limited to: being kicked, punched, bitten (good thing he doesn't have rabies at least), and scratched. Despite this do NOT let him get away from you as he has been known to: kick down doors, assault commanding officers attempting to aid you, lead medical personnel on wild goose chases, destroy property, and once accused a male doctor of being a pedophile in a crowd resulting in mob mentality assault comparable to hazing.
John would, in fact, come to greatly regret this during what would come to be known as the 'Great Vaccine Disaster'. Though this incident was kept mostly under wraps, it is known that it involved small scale explosives, vanishing doors, giant rubber duckies, and spoons.
Duckies indeed.
A/N: I hope it was to your liking and that it wasn't too horrible, but considering that this is my first story, I just hope I didn't make your eyes bleed :D