Shit.
Etta pulls her trench coat tighter around her as she stand at the steps of the New England Conservatory, looking at the rain steadily falling all around her. The downfall is heavy, blurring her vision of the rain washed streets.
She shivers slightly as a chilly gust of wind blows in her face, suddenly feeling even more miserable than she already did in that moment.
She chews on her lip, thinking about her options, trying not to grimace as the wind keeps depositing cold water droplets on her face. The kids who lived close to her home had already left, so she had no one to catch a ride with. She could call one of her parents to pick her up, but she quickly decides against it, knowing she shouldn't bother them for just a little bit of rain. Over the past year, her parents had slowly started to trust her to get around on her own using public transportation. It didn't come easily to them, having the kind of jobs that they did, but they wanted her to be independent and Etta knew that they couldn't always guarantee that they would be around to drive her around from place to place.
It was going to have to be the subway, she thinks glumly, clutching her violin case, as she steps out from under the ledge of the building, instantly getting bombarded by the rain fall.
And she didn't even have an umbrella. She pouts unhappily, making her way to the crosswalk, when she catches sight of her dad's car pulling up next to her.
He quickly opens the door for her, signaling her to get in. She smiles at him gratefully, unable to hide her relief at being spared the trip. It was really pouring down and her trench coat would have been little protection in the weather.
"You didn't have to come get me you know." She tells him then, trying to sound nonchalant. "I was going to take the subway home."
"Who says I came to get you." Her dad smirks, his attention already back on the increasingly invisible street in front of them, "I was worried about your violin getting ruined. That thing is really expensive."
"Yeah right." She snorts, fastening her seat belt. "Let me guess, mom made you pick me up, even though you were probably in the middle of super important work, because she didn't want me to walk home in the rain."
"Well… there's that too." He nods reluctantly. "But she didn't make me do anything. I offered."
"Sure, I'll buy that." She rolls her eyes. "Is that hot cocoa?" She asks then hopefully, her eyes already spotting the coffee cup holder which held a travel cup from one of her favorite cafes.
"Best in all of Boston." He smiles, as she takes a sip, sighing appreciatively. "I thought you'd like something to warm you up."
"Mom's is the best." She counters.
"Most kids just say thanks you know." He chuckles.
"But this is great too. Just what I need. Thanks dad." She says, her voice sincere now, directing her gaze to the window then, watching the rain fall outside, the way it made the streets gleam.
"What's wrong kiddo?"
"Nothing."
"Come on. Something's bothering you."
"No its not."
"You do that thing with your mouth when you get upset. Liv does it all the time."
She sighs heavily, knowing it was pointless to try and fool her dad. He read people with too much ease, and she was pretty much an open book to him.
"You know my friend Lacey. We take a music theory class together."
"Yeah…" He nods vaguely, trying to jog his memory. "Plays the cello right?"
"That's her."
"What about her?"
"Her parents split up." She says flatly.
"Oh…"
"Yeah, her dad moved out yesterday. He just left without even telling her. I found her after practice today in the girls' restroom. She was crying really hard."
"I am sorry about your friend. It must be rough on her."
Etta shakes her head. "It's completely devastated her. She was just so… her parents have been together since high school." She exclaims then, giving him an incredulous look. "It's so sad to see her like that. Her mom's too much of a mess right now to be there for her. I just… I am worried that she's going through it all alone and I can't do much."
He reaches out giving her shoulder a soft squeeze.
"Well you're a real good friend to worry about her. She's lucky to have you, even if it doesn't seem like there's much you can do at the time. Talk to her when she feels like it…if she feels like it."
She nods absently, biting her lip, looking away again.
"Is that all that's on you mind?" He asks then, after a brief moment of silence.
Etta sighs audibly, shaking her head, trying to quell the awful feeling that had settled into the pit of her stomach. "It's strange to think your family is there one day and it's gone the next. It's scary how easily marriages can just fall apart."
"Yeah… marriages are funny that way." He says his voice somewhat distant, eyes on the hazy street in front of him.
She looks at him thoughtfully then not saying anything for several seconds. Etta has done the math. She knows her parents were far from married when she was conceived. In fact, they didn't get married till a long year and a half after. She's seen their wedding pictures, ones in which she was quite prominently featured and not in-utero.
"Why did you guys get married?" She asks then.
He smirks at that, lips crinkling into an amused smile, one she returns half-heartedly and shrugs then.
"We had an open weekend and were looking for something to do. This was easier than paintball. "
"Did you marry mom because you felt like you had to?"
Peter looks at her with a mildly shocked, though mostly entertained expression.
"What?"
"Was it because of me? Did you marry her because you got her pregnant? "
"Kiddo… have you even met your mom?" He chuckles, trying hard to hide his amusement at her stern expression and visibly failing. "Do you really think she'd need me or anyone to marry her just because she was pregnant?"
"No…but its why you did didn't you?"
"Well you're right." He shrugs. "We got married mostly because of you, but I didn't marry her because of you."
"It's the same thing." She scoffs.
"No it's not. " He shakes his head. "I loved your mom long before you were even in the picture. We were going to spend our lives together whether or not there was a marriage. And then we had you and it seemed like a good decision to make it official, to make sure that we did everything at our end to give you a stable life. So we got married. That was all there was to it."
"And you've never regretted that decision?" She verifies, looking at him for confirmation.
"Regret sharing my life with the woman I love and raising a family with her?" He raises a quizzical eyebrow at her. "Yeah…I don't think so."
"Lacey's dad did. He told them that this was never the life he'd wanted. That he only married her mom because of Lacey. Because apparently it was the right thing to do" She says pointedly her hands doing air quotes, her lips turning into an unhappy pout. "And they've been together since they were like twelve."
Peter shrugs, apparently unperturbed. "Well I am not Lacey's dad, am I?"
"That's exactly the point." She almost shouts then, the uneasy anger that she'd been trying to keep at bay bubbling over.
That gets his attention alright.
"Okay... honey, what's really going on with you?" He asks her then gently, giving her an encouraging smile. "Why are you suddenly so interested in my commitment towards my marriage?"
Etta shakes her head, letting out a deep breath. "It's just…" She says in a low voice. "You weren't exactly the marrying type were you…before mom?"
He laughs then, nodding. "I don't think anybody would dispute that."
"And yet… you settled down, largely for my sake?" She persists. "But you never thought about all that before me…did you?"
"Well we talked about it. Liv always wanted children."
"And you didn't?" Etta asks, the weight in her stomach almost sinking in that instant with anxiety.
"I never said that." He clarifies, giving her a reassuring smile. "But to be honest I'd never thought about it. Leading the kind of life that I did… a kid never really figured in my plans."
"What happened?"
"Your mom happened." He smiles, his eyes lighting up with fondness. "She came into my life and my priorities changed, and I wanted things that I didn't realize I wanted before. That included you." He looks at her then, an odd expression of comprehension setting in his eyes.
"Is that what's bothering you honey? The possibility that I wasn't entirely psyched about your arrival into my life?"
"It was unexpected and its not like you'd been dating all that long… so it wouldn't be unreasonable to assume…and I wouldn't blame you..." She tries to articulate her fears, trying to sound more adult than she felt in that moment but Peter interrupts her.
"Okay let me stop you right there." He says flatly, looking at her then with a piercing intensity, his eyes mirroring her own.
"Henrietta…" He takes her full name then, a rare occurrence if there ever was. His voice is serious, devoid of all of the earlier amusement. "There has never been a moment in my life when I've been anything but ecstatically happy and thankful about your presence in my life. I don't want you to ever question that again okay?"
Etta simply looks at him, taken aback slightly at his stern expression and not reassured in the way he'd hoped his words would be. His expression softens considerably then. "Kiddo, the day Olivia told me she was pregnant was the best day of my life up until then."
"Really?" She asks in a small voice.
He looks at her reminded yet again of the walking, breathing miracle she is, thinking if she knew exactly what kind of day that had been, how she'd truly then understand what it meant for him to say that.
He'd almost lost everything that day. ..
"Believe me sweetheart." He gives her a smile. "Everything good and worthwhile…you brought into my life. That's the truth. I didn't stick around for your sake or marry your mom because it was the right thing to do. It's because being part of your lives and having you be part of mine is what matters to me more than anything else in the world. There's literally no other life I can imagine wanting that's better than this."
She nods at that, smiling wider than before. Reaching to take his hand, she squeezes tightly.
"Even if for some reason… some day you do want a different life," She says softly, the last of her fear, the biggest one of them, still needing to be assuaged. "You wouldn't… you wouldn't just leave like Lacey's father would you? You won't leave me… right dad?"
He looks at the questioning look in her eyes, pained to see an insecurity he'd never wanted to see in his child's face. But it's just a passing doubt, not the gnawing feeling that he'd grown up with for the better part of his childhood, learning to reconcile with the absence of his father in the worst ways possible, letting that fear grow into bitter, acrid resentment.
Not again…
"I could never leave you." He smiles, bringing the hand that was clasping his to his lips, kissing it reverently.
" I belong with you."