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Diablo 2 and Diablo 2: Lord of Destruction is NOT mine. They all belong to Blizzard. Survivor isn't mine either..
This writing is not recommended for the weak of heart, stomach, or for the incredibly horny, or easily offended. That said, read away!
=====
The screen remains black for a second after the opening scene of the game. The words, "Diablo 2: Survivor" flash across the screen and a huge grin is seen. The camera zooms out, revealing scaly red skin, sinister horns, and malicious eyes. "Greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetings! The figure says as the name, "Big D" pops up on the lower right corner. "I'm your host, Diablo! Today on Survivor, we'll introduce our contestants who will be put on the island closest to Hell and see how they do!"
The demon looks to the side and spots a delapitated ship. "Looks like they're here!"
He watches in glee as the contestants jump off the ship and into the chilling waters swimming with hungry barracudas. Diablo jumps back and forth, clapping happily as the survivors swim their butts over to shore, leaving their supplies behind. "Welcome, survivors!" he roared as the last of them pulled onto shore, "And now..a commercial break!"
The screen blacks out once more and a few commercials about beer and cell phones whiz by. Diablo's evil face is once against dominating the TV, as he picks a hero flesh between his teeth. A small whisper from behind is heard, "You're on..."
"What?! Oh..OH!" the Lord of Terror steps back and moves to the side as the 10 survivors sit on shore.
And old, scraggly man talks with another one, just as scraggly. One has white hair, the other, ebony skin and locks. Both discuss unknown things as a woman jumps out from the bushes, carrying a palm branch as a staff. Focusing on the mane with the silver hair, "Necromancer" appears on the screen. "Sorcerer" shows up for the younger but just as frail-looking man. The young woman swings the make shfit staff around, accidentally smacking the camera as the screen once again goes blank, but the letters, "Sorceress" appear in white. The camera regains stables itself and zooms in on a burly-looking man sprawled across the sand, water still dripping from his beard. The name "Warrior" zips past the top as the camera moves across to a blonde lying on her stomach in the sand. Slowly, the lens zooms in on her buttocks, which are clearly exposed to the sun. Suddenly, the camera wobbles as the cameraman is hit with a large branch, "Idiot, I'm up here!"
Slowly and seemingly reluctantly, the view is switched to a smiling face and the word "Amazon" fades into view and fades out as the camera moves to a long dark-haired woman, basking in the sun. She turns and waves slowly and looks back over the waves. "Rogue" zips past and a large muscular, but nearly bald man is seen resting against a tree. Yellow letters spell out "Barbarian" and then fade away once again. A black man is seen, armed heavily with a huge cross on his breast plate. He says something, looks up at the sun, then kneels down to pray. A name, "Paladin" moves across the center. Once more, the view switches to a medium-sized woman dressed in black. The wind blows through her short hair and "Assasin" pops up in the upper left corner in black. The camera goes over to a tall, lanky man with reddish hair, dressed in furs. Mumbling is heard in the background, "How can he wear that...?" The word "Druid" comes into view. Finally, the view settles back on Diablo, who is obviously indulging himself on the women contestants. "Big D..."
"Huh, oh! Uh...our contestants first task is to build a shelter!" the red demon exclaimed, his attention drifting back to the females.
"Hey, don't we have teams or something?" the warrior asked.
Diablo blinked and then thought for a moment, "Well, no. You see, there weren't enough people to make a full Survivor team. So we just put y'all together. Now sit down, Warrior."
"I have a name you know it's Reg--" the warrior is cut off by Diablo's booming voice.
"WE DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR NAME. NOW SIT DOWN."
"Ok ok, yeesh," the warrior hissed as he sat down on the sand once again.
Straightening himself up once more, Diablo let out a hearty laugh and yelled, "All right survivors, you may now go and retrieve your things and build your shelters! GO!"
The survivors looked into the water...then back at Diablo for a moment. The barbarian was first to attempt wrestling his things away from the barracuda-infested waters. Following him were the rest of the contestants. While the mortals were having a makeshift WWF match, Diablo was on shore, laughing his horned head off.
Finally, battered and beaten, the survivors washed onto shore, clinging onto their possessions they managed to wrestle away from the monsters in the sea. "No time to lose, mortals, get those shelters built!"
Letting out a small groan of distress the survivors went off to build a shelter for the night's rest. Once again, Diablo's toothy grin fills the screen, "Join us next time on: Diablo 2: Survivor! G'night everybody!"
With that, theme music plays (Harrogoth background music to be precise), Diablo waves his hand, hitting the camera on accident. The view shakes a bit, the music goes off and on a bit, and static slowly fills the screen. Obscenities are said and screaming is heard as bodies burst into flames. The minature light show ends in black.
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Luxury Items
Amazon.............Size D Bra (they didn't come any bigger!)
Assasin............A Book of Shadows (literally speaking..)
Barbarian..........A spare loin cloth (He soon found that it wouldn't be considered a luxury item, but just regular laundry)
Druid..............Megaphone (to summon up all those pets)
Paladin............A cross
Rogue..............A bow (the weapon)
Necromancer........A stick (he claims it's a yew wand)
Sorcer.............A big stick
Sorceress..........A bigger stick (she claims it's a magical staff)
Warrior............His sanity
Diablo 2 and Diablo 2: Lord of Destruction is NOT mine. They all belong to Blizzard. Survivor isn't mine either..
This writing is not recommended for the weak of heart, stomach, or for the incredibly horny, or easily offended. That said, read away!
=====
The screen remains black for a second after the opening scene of the game. The words, "Diablo 2: Survivor" flash across the screen and a huge grin is seen. The camera zooms out, revealing scaly red skin, sinister horns, and malicious eyes. "Greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetings! The figure says as the name, "Big D" pops up on the lower right corner. "I'm your host, Diablo! Today on Survivor, we'll introduce our contestants who will be put on the island closest to Hell and see how they do!"
The demon looks to the side and spots a delapitated ship. "Looks like they're here!"
He watches in glee as the contestants jump off the ship and into the chilling waters swimming with hungry barracudas. Diablo jumps back and forth, clapping happily as the survivors swim their butts over to shore, leaving their supplies behind. "Welcome, survivors!" he roared as the last of them pulled onto shore, "And now..a commercial break!"
The screen blacks out once more and a few commercials about beer and cell phones whiz by. Diablo's evil face is once against dominating the TV, as he picks a hero flesh between his teeth. A small whisper from behind is heard, "You're on..."
"What?! Oh..OH!" the Lord of Terror steps back and moves to the side as the 10 survivors sit on shore.
And old, scraggly man talks with another one, just as scraggly. One has white hair, the other, ebony skin and locks. Both discuss unknown things as a woman jumps out from the bushes, carrying a palm branch as a staff. Focusing on the mane with the silver hair, "Necromancer" appears on the screen. "Sorcerer" shows up for the younger but just as frail-looking man. The young woman swings the make shfit staff around, accidentally smacking the camera as the screen once again goes blank, but the letters, "Sorceress" appear in white. The camera regains stables itself and zooms in on a burly-looking man sprawled across the sand, water still dripping from his beard. The name "Warrior" zips past the top as the camera moves across to a blonde lying on her stomach in the sand. Slowly, the lens zooms in on her buttocks, which are clearly exposed to the sun. Suddenly, the camera wobbles as the cameraman is hit with a large branch, "Idiot, I'm up here!"
Slowly and seemingly reluctantly, the view is switched to a smiling face and the word "Amazon" fades into view and fades out as the camera moves to a long dark-haired woman, basking in the sun. She turns and waves slowly and looks back over the waves. "Rogue" zips past and a large muscular, but nearly bald man is seen resting against a tree. Yellow letters spell out "Barbarian" and then fade away once again. A black man is seen, armed heavily with a huge cross on his breast plate. He says something, looks up at the sun, then kneels down to pray. A name, "Paladin" moves across the center. Once more, the view switches to a medium-sized woman dressed in black. The wind blows through her short hair and "Assasin" pops up in the upper left corner in black. The camera goes over to a tall, lanky man with reddish hair, dressed in furs. Mumbling is heard in the background, "How can he wear that...?" The word "Druid" comes into view. Finally, the view settles back on Diablo, who is obviously indulging himself on the women contestants. "Big D..."
"Huh, oh! Uh...our contestants first task is to build a shelter!" the red demon exclaimed, his attention drifting back to the females.
"Hey, don't we have teams or something?" the warrior asked.
Diablo blinked and then thought for a moment, "Well, no. You see, there weren't enough people to make a full Survivor team. So we just put y'all together. Now sit down, Warrior."
"I have a name you know it's Reg--" the warrior is cut off by Diablo's booming voice.
"WE DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR NAME. NOW SIT DOWN."
"Ok ok, yeesh," the warrior hissed as he sat down on the sand once again.
Straightening himself up once more, Diablo let out a hearty laugh and yelled, "All right survivors, you may now go and retrieve your things and build your shelters! GO!"
The survivors looked into the water...then back at Diablo for a moment. The barbarian was first to attempt wrestling his things away from the barracuda-infested waters. Following him were the rest of the contestants. While the mortals were having a makeshift WWF match, Diablo was on shore, laughing his horned head off.
Finally, battered and beaten, the survivors washed onto shore, clinging onto their possessions they managed to wrestle away from the monsters in the sea. "No time to lose, mortals, get those shelters built!"
Letting out a small groan of distress the survivors went off to build a shelter for the night's rest. Once again, Diablo's toothy grin fills the screen, "Join us next time on: Diablo 2: Survivor! G'night everybody!"
With that, theme music plays (Harrogoth background music to be precise), Diablo waves his hand, hitting the camera on accident. The view shakes a bit, the music goes off and on a bit, and static slowly fills the screen. Obscenities are said and screaming is heard as bodies burst into flames. The minature light show ends in black.
--------
Luxury Items
Amazon.............Size D Bra (they didn't come any bigger!)
Assasin............A Book of Shadows (literally speaking..)
Barbarian..........A spare loin cloth (He soon found that it wouldn't be considered a luxury item, but just regular laundry)
Druid..............Megaphone (to summon up all those pets)
Paladin............A cross
Rogue..............A bow (the weapon)
Necromancer........A stick (he claims it's a yew wand)
Sorcer.............A big stick
Sorceress..........A bigger stick (she claims it's a magical staff)
Warrior............His sanity