The Case Of Kakashi Whatshisface

This is one of the chronicles of the world of T.I.F.U (This Is Fucked Up), where all we know lives in peace, love, and harmony. Of course, when you put a bunch of super powered freaks in one world, they're bound to fight, which leads to the inevitable apocalypse (Ask the Saiyans). This is the story of those fights bitches.

ONE

This is Judge Judith Hokage the Third's courtroom, where justice is final and if you don't like it, he'll slap the fire out of you. Today is the case of Kakashi Whatshisface, who is accused of child molestation.

We start with the defense of the blond haired bitch-ass faggot who started the case's lawyer, Snitsky's prosecution of Kakashi.

"Kakashi Whatshisface, you stand accused of molesting every child in this village with a name I can't pronounce. How do you plead?"

"Innocent and my name's Kakashi Hatake!"

"And my name's Abusar Tu Madre you one-eyed faggot now shut your bitch-ass the fuck up!"

"But I got 2 eyes!"

"I said shut up! Don't make me take this out on your mom!"

"What kind of lawyer are you!?!"

"The most this retarded mother-fucker can afford, mother fucker. Now call Naruto the whiny faggot to the stand. Believe it!"

"Naruto Uuzumaki, is it true that…"

"That's Uzumaki with one U! Believe it!"

"How would you know?! You can't fucking read! Anyway, as I was saying, did this sick perverted sexy man touch you?"

"I was touched in bad places by him. Believe it, Believe it, BELIEVE IT!"

"Stop saying believe it before I kill your mom!"

"But she's already dead"

"Yeah……dead. Not tied up in my basement where I rape her and kill our babies. She's dead. Now Naruto, specifically, what did he do to you?"

"He shoved his finger in my ass. BELIEVE IT!"

"What did I say about saying Believe It!"

"Your mom. BELIEVE IT!!!!"

"You're not paying me enough to not tear out your throat you ADD retard!" As he started to attack Naruto, he disappeared under a sea of male shinobi. Sadly, he enjoyed it.

"Now Sakura, did this man touch you?"

"Yeah he did and it felt soooooo good."

"Miss, are you high?"

"No, just horny. Kakashi, why don't you come over here and give them a demonstration of what you did? Please? I'll only cost $2 this time."

"Um….uh. I had a whole set of questions but I'm a bit distracted. Now the defenses rests temporary and I speak for everyone in the courtroom when is say this. I'm fucking horny."

Then she took her shirt off. "So am I. anyone who wants a ride, step up now, just do me hard. Whoever's doing a jutsu, I can feel it now. Oh god! Oh god! HARDER! HARDER!" Everyone in the world of T.I.F.U stepped up.

90,862 hours later (I was hours 1002-1056 cause I'm just that good)

"Sasuke Uchiha, I would just like to say HA! I did it 1 minute longer then you, you little bitch."

Yet he only did it for minute and 7 seconds. It's sad about both of them. Pathetic really. Especially Sasuke. He cried when fucking Sakura. During all 7 seconds of it. That and he's now rolled up in a ball, crying like a little bitch. It's been 90,682 hours already. It's making me depressed and after what I did to Sakura, I should be like Smiling Bob from the Enzyte commercials.

"So Sasuke, you pussy-ass little bitch, did this man shove his…..big sword in your ass?"

"yes sir. He did it for 2 weeks straight, without stopping for a second."

"2 weeks. Damn! I wouldn't mind getting some and am I saying this out loud?"

"Yep you sick faggot."

"That from the guy who's crying like a little bitch and masturbates to Power Rangers."

"Wait, how do you know about that?"

"This isn't about me. Anyway, what did Kakashi do to you?"

"Unspeakable things. He put things in holes I didn't even know I had. Sometimes at night, I have dreams of him doing it. Again and again and again."

Kakashi looked up at the little bitch and said "Sure…..dreams. just keep believing that. Believe it!"

TWO

"Garra, is it true that Kakashi fucked you out of the closet?"

"Yes and he was so fabulous. I mean, he fucked so hard, I still feel it. It's been the best 3 months like ever. He managed to make it through my sand armor in one thrust. I think I was in heaven."

At that point everyone in the courtroom screamed "Object!" took out a gun and shot the fucker.

"And now my last witness. You all know him. You all love him. Now I give you the one, the only……GOD!" (Yes I know I'm burning in hell for this.)

Then a lightning bolt struck the bench with the shrapnel killing 4 people. "Watch out bitches, God is here!"

Snitsky said coldly "Just shut up and sit down you hairy ass hippy."

"How dare you speak to me like that. I am…….GOD!"

"I'm a fucking atheist you fucker. Anyway, is it true that you are all knowing?"

"That is……right."

"So do you know if Kakashi molested all of these children?"

"Yes I…….do."

"So did he?"

"Yes he…….did…….bitch."

"What did I say about shutting up!"

"Go fuck……YOURSELF! I bet you think you're a…….APE! That your granddaddy was a……..ANIMAL!"

"I'm only an animal when I'm fucking your mom, your sister, your aunt, and the rest of the females in your family. Well besides you."

"You……shall……DIE…….a…….HORRIBLE…….DEATH!!!" Suddenly, a lightning bolt struck, killing Snitsky scattering his remains onto the people in the room in a new wave of blood and scattered body parts.

After the death of Snitsky, Naruto's backup lawyer came.

"Listen up. I'm this little bitch's lawyer because Stone Cold Steve Austin says so and that's the bottom line. So God, do you have any proof that Kakashi had done these things."
"Yes I do. Dig up that kid his body is not……THERE!"

"Are you saying that he fucked a dead kid?"

"Yes I……AM! He is fucking Garra's body right...NOW!"

"Damn, he is. Now that ain't right." It wasn't so he went to Kakashi and Stunnered his sorry ass and that's the bottom line bitch. "I'm horny and want some pink-haired chalupas so the defense rests."

And now the finale. The sick demented finale.

"We the jury, find the defendant Kakashi Whatshisface…"

"It's Hatake!"

"Tu Madre! We were gonna say innocent but fuck this. GUILTY!!!"

Then Naruto jumped up, screaming "I is won. BELIEVE IT!

Suddenly, God took a chainsaw out and split Naruto into 2 bloody halves. The courtroom erupted into chaos. Shikamaru used his shadow to reap Sakura, as Kakashi rode Garra's body. Many other things happened but I'm lazy and out of paper so fuck you (Of course I'm typing it this type around so it's just I'm lazy and still fuck you). Most importantly, Judge Judith the Third Hokage was sniped in the face. 15 times. BELIEVE IT FUCKERS!

To be continued unfortunately…..