Hide had finally realized his feelings for his best friend, so he confessed that he wanted to shove a banana up his butt. What he didn't expect was for Kaneki to gouge his eyeball out and start eating it. But when Hide asked him 'y u do dat' he just said it was a ghoul way of showing affection. Hide kept saying 'but I'm not a ghoul tho!111!111' yet Kaneki would have none of that. He explained that he was half ghoul, therefore their assbabies would be 1/4 ghoul, and Hide agreed, but then he realized that Kaneki thought he was stupid enough to fall for that change of subject and started crying syrup.
"But bbeh," Kaneki said, his eyes blinking to an unnatural degree and glistening in a very moe way, which made Hide want to lick his face. "I didn't mean it like that! REALLLYYY! I just felt so happy.." He looked down and his cheeks tinted with a puke green color, which probably meant he felt embarrassed, or something like that.
"IS THAT TRUE? OMG SORRY CAPS. I mean, is that true?" Hide's whole face lit up and shoujo sparkles emitted from his sweaty armpits.
"YEEEEEEEEeees!" Kaneki took his hands in his and ate them and Hide laughed happily, farting in bliss. He figured he might die from blood loss at some point if he didn't get to a hospital, but he was just too happy to care about trivialities. After they banged, Kaneki didn't care either, because he was waiting for his buttbuddy to die so he could eat his brain and sell the rest of him in the black ghoul market, including any potential offspring.
I have no excuses. I am so sorry if this scarred any readers. I just found some hilarious super short Tokyo Ghoul crackfics and I got the sudden urge to write crack as well. Rather than saying crack though, this is kind of my usual way of writing with my soulmate, just a little exaggerated. xD
WHY DID I MAKE KANEKI INTO SUCH A SADISTIC HEARTLESS PIECE OF SHIT THOUGH? I LOVE THIS ADORKABLE PAIRING SO MUCH AND NOW I'VE DESTROYED IT. XD AGAIN, I'M REALLY SORRY. D:
Wow, the ending actually got waayy darker than I expected it to.
(PS: I literally named this 'poop' in the document manager, because that's how I feel about it.)