Author: Kevin Rooney
Summary: Mark's preparation for death brings about realizations for many, and is surrounded by a drastic change in the life of a couple.
Author's Notes: Written in the summer after season 7, so only spoilers up to that point. I've been influenced by the cast changes that are coming up in season 8, also.
Disclaimer: Don't sue me, I give all the ER writers credit for the characters, but this storyline is MINE!
Feedback: This is my first fanfiction EVER, so I really want to hear what you think as far as my writing style, if you were kept interested and where you would like to see me go with dangling storylines if this turns into a series. Mail me at jediwing@hotmail.com.
Elizabeth. Mark was about to go into his extreme sorrow for what his wife was going to have to face. She would have to raise Ella alone. He only hoped that Ella would turn out okay. That was his major concern. Elizabeth was a mature adult, she'd get on with her life surely after a period of grieving...a long one, but Ella would grow up without her real father. Mark felt a twinge of guilt. You did it with Rachel, now you're doing it with Ella. But this time, it wasn't Mark's career that was going to keep him away from his little girl, it was death.
"Elizabeth," he said, "Remarry. I want Ella to have a dad."
Elizabeth bit her lower lip and started to cry, "Oh Mark, please don't. Don't talk like that."
Mark held back on the urge to ask why. It would only make his wife cry again. She would have plenty of time to do that after he was gone. For now, he just said, "I'm sorry," and placed her hand on his face closing his eyes. "I'll just live for this. Right now."
He let the room fall to silent sobbing as the two wiped away each others tears, Mark preparing for his own death at the hand of the resurgent brain tumor. So much for revolutionary new treatments. At least he'd gotten to see his daughter. Mark looked into the corner of the room where his beautiful little girl sat sleeping in her stroller. He almost asked if Elizabeth would wake her up for him, but decided against it. The poor baby needed her rest.
* * *
John Carter would often look into Mark's room and hold back tears of his own. He had a job to do after all, and crying wouldn't make patients feel exactly at ease with him. Carter couldn't help it, though. Mark was dying, and here he was, completely powerless. The same Mark who had been practically a father to him at County now waited in his deathbed. How would the hospital ever run without Mark Greene?
The sounds of ambulance bay doors crashing open stirred Carter from his morbid thoughts. He couldn't afford to fill his mind with worries for Mark, not when a trauma was coming in. He looked up to the ceiling, blinked back his tears and ran alongside the gurney. "What do we got?"
"Auto vs. cyclist," the paramedic said, "Hit and run. Cyclist got hit from the side. The joker in the car was running a red light. Probably stolen. Cops are still looking for him."
Carter looked at the man and ran through a mental checklist of what could be wrong with him. Doubtlessly broken bones, but he quickly pinpointed what was the most pressing need; the paramedic quickly confirmed his suspicion. Chen was quick to join him as the patient passed by. The paramedic filled her in on the patient. Carter remembered that for some strange reason someone had taken the rib spreaders out of the trauma rooms. Weaver had said something about routine maintanance. As they passed by Abby, Carter shouted at her to get one of them before he even remembered how happy he was to see her. She looked in a daze, but nodded an affirmative to that command.
Finally, the patient was loaded into trauma one. Carter tubed him, Deb took over the paramedic's chest compressions, and the doctors and nurses worked frantically to save the man's life. They needed that rib spreader. "Damn it Abby where are you," Carter mumbled as Chen once again expressed the desperate need for it.
* * *
Abby simply couldn't believe the test she'd taken at home. There was no possible way it could have been right, the drug store must have stored them wrong, and they were simply tainted. The hospital's tests would give her the right results. And the right results it gave, except, well, it they were the same as the home test's. Utterly stunned, she wondered how she had let it happen again. Lightning never struck twice in the same place, it just didn't happen.
Completely dazed, she found her way back to the first floor's hall where a trauma was coming in. Carter barked an order for some kind of device, which she nodded to. John. It was him, right? Of course it was, she hadn't been with Luka in... well, long enough to be sure it wasn't his. But it was only that one time with Carter; they had just really started going out. She really had to sit down. Maybe she could get away without telling anyone again, just get rid of it.
No. She had to tell him, she felt too strongly about John, even after such a short time. She had to let him know, and soon, before she convinced herself not to. She smacked her forehead. She'd have to break the news after she fetched him what he needed for his trauma. She nearly ran over poor Dr. Lewis as she walked into Mark's room rushing to the get what she needed.
* * *
Susan stumbled slightly as Abby sped past, almost tripping over the nurse's foot. She just wrote it off rushing for the trauma, though, and walked into Mark's room. The silence and calm struck her immediately, starkly contrasting with the panic of the ER. She put on her nicest smile, "Hey Mark, we've got a trauma coming in, want to help out?"
Mark grinned at her joke, "No thanks, I'm on break."
"Come on, I bet Weaver you could save him. I've got ten bucks riding on you."
Everybody smiled, Mark let out a short laugh, "I always knew she bet against me."
Susan took a seat, dragging a chair to Mark's bedside with more noise than was appropriate for such a sober atmosphere. Ella stirred in her stroller, waking with a moan and a confused whine. "Oh I'm so sorry," Susan said sincerely apologetic.
"That's alright," Elizabeth said, "I think she wants to see her daddy anyway, don't you Ella?"
"Dah-day," she said reaching out for her father. The two year old had no idea what was going on. Elizabeth had given her a speech on how daddy was very sick and soon he had to go away forever on a trip to heaven. Ella clearly understood the part about Daddy going away, because she wailed and wailed. Exactly what Elizabeth had felt like doing when the tumor returned, but she hadn't dared. She had to show Mark that she was strong enough to go on, to raise their child. At least she felt that way for a while. Then Mark had told her that he already knew how strong a woman she was, and that he'd much rather share her company with her true emotions and not a show. That's why Elizabeth loved Mark, and always would. That's why she didn't even want to think about moving on. She wanted to draw out those last lovely moments with her husband.
Susan's thoughts wandered just as Elizabeth's had. Ella conjured up memories lingering in Susan's mind. "Oh she reminds me of Susie, so little, so cute." Susan looked at Mark, "You make beautiful little girls Mark."
"Yeah it's all in the genes," he mused, "too bad the genes don't make bald men look as pretty."
Elizabeth smiled, her eyes puffing up with tears, "Oh, but I think they make you just perfect," she said lovingly, as she put her hand on his.
Susan agreed saying, "absolutely," and hugged her arms around herself, careful not to intrude on Elizabeth's moment with her husband. Suddenly Susan felt a twinge of jealousy and regret all rolled in to one. If only she hadn't left those years ago. Maybe she and Mark could have…but no use thinking that, developing a jealousy for the woman for who very soon would need all the friends she could get.
Mark blushed very slightly, "just a little self-deprecating humor," he said, "I promise, that'll be my last one of those."
The room fell back into silence as Mark played with his daughter, soaking up every moment to its fullest.
* * *
"Kerry, where in God's name is Susan Lewis?" Robert Romano barked at Weaver.
Kerry checked the charts, "Well she's supposed to be in exam room three, but I'm sure you can read the boards, can't you Robert?"
"Oh I can read them alright, and she was also supposed to have checked out the man complaining of chest pains in exam one, but she hasn't done that either." Kerry knew what he was getting at, "I don't suppose you know what could be keeping her from patients?"
"Robert, stop it, it's not like we need her for a trauma, the last one we had is well attended to." Kerry thought it odd that she was defending Susan all of the sudden. Their dislike for each other was incredibly strong, but had mitigated in the months since her return. Susan seemed to have more focus on her work. Yet another irony occurred to her. Kerry was defending Susan for putting her personal life ahead of work. "She wants to spend some time with him before…"
Romano rolled his eyes, "Actually, we do have a trauma coming in. Mercy couldn't handle any more patients on top of that massive car accident earlier. We also have a whole slew of patients with non-emergency needs today. We're shorthanded Dr. Weaver, and the last thing I need is for all our doctors crying for poor Mark Greene."
Weaver gritted her teeth, "What next Robert, are you going to make Elizabeth scrub in for an appendectomy?"
"Funny. You know, even though we do keep dead bodies here, this is a hospital, not a funeral home. I don't need my staff paying their last respects here. I'm sure there'll be a nice ceremony for that later." As Romano walked away, Kerry decided against saying anything else. She had already won this battle, and didn't need to fight it again at admit.
"Randi," Kerry yelled, "do we really have another trauma coming in?"
"Yeah, GSW, cops caught him with a stolen car, he kept resisting. Bang bang."
"I'll go get Susan," Weaver said resigning to the fact that Romano was right in at least that respect. You do need doctors for a trauma. Weaver hobbled on over to Mark's room, a bit guilty for possibly interrupting a tender moment. Slowly opening the door, Kerry smiled to Mark and Elizabeth, and put on a dutiful face when she looked at Susan. "We have a GSW coming in, Susan, unfortunately we're going to need your help on this one."
Susan got up quickly. "Duty calls," she said to the family, "I'll see you later." She squeezed Mark's hand before walking away.
"Goodbye, Susan, " Mark said, hoping it wouldn't be the last time he'd see his dear friend.
No sooner had Susan stepped out of the room did she spot the incoming trauma and join the escort to trauma two. The patient was moaning horribly, mumbling something about the gun being fake. On arriving at the trauma room, they managed to shut him up via intubation. The doctors, Susan, Luka, and Weaver rotating back and forth between the GSW and now crashing cyclist, frantically worked to bring his crits back to normal levels. Isolating each wound, they slowly brought him back to a more healthy state, despite his almost failing minutes in. Just as Susan, Weaver and Luka were able to sustain a regular heartbeat with the GSW victim, Carter realized the futility of his poor hit cyclist.
"Alright, he's done, it's been forty minutes since he's crashed. Time of death 13:32." Carter noticed the more successful emergency work in the next trauma room. He walked in and inquired about the situation.
"We've got him back, just needs to recover, then we'll hand him over to the police for carjacking," said Weaver, clearly satisfied with the work.
"Carjacking? Hey, our guy just died, hit and run car accident, said they think the car was stolen. May be a vehicular homicide."
Weaver stared at Carter. "You think it's the same guy?"
"Sure, it makes sense I guess. I don't know, I guess just mention it to the police."
"Thanks for the catch Carter, I'm sure they would have caught that too, though. Want to follow up on him? I know Susan and Luka are already going to be backed up after this.
Carter shrugged, "Why not, I've got nothing better to do. Call me when you move him to a room."
Weaver nodded an affirmative. Carter stripped himself of his bloody plastic coverings and threw them into the wastebasket. When he walked into the hallways he immediately bumped into Abby, although he had the strangest feeling she had been trying to find him. She never said as much though. "What took you so long with the trauma equipment? You seemed to catch what I said in the hall," Carter inquired trying hard not to sound too harsh.
"I dunno, my mind is all over the place today, I guess it just sort of slipped through the cracks."
"Alright, it didn't matter much. We got it from Chuney soon enough. Plus the guy was pretty hopeless from the get-go. But what's got you so frazzled today?"
Abby hesitated, "I, uh, I don't know. It's just a bunch of things, I'll tell you on break. Two right?"
"Actually I've got this guy to deal with first, a follow-up. Shouldn't take very long, push it back a half an hour."
"Okay, I'll see you then." They parted with a kiss, and as they walked away, Abby cursed at herself for not having told him. Oh well. It was probably better to wait for break anyway.
v * * *
Carter finished up telling the Hispanic man in his early 20s, Manuel, what meds they had put him on, how he was faring, and basically that he would survive. "They'll stick you in jail though," Carter finished up, "and we can't do anything about that."
Manuel's eyes affixed on Carter. "It ain't like you think," he said, "I wasn't on a joy ride, I just needed the cash."
Carter's righteous side kicked in. "Oh, well if you needed the cash it's alright then. All is forgiven. You're free to go Manuel."
"Nah, nah, I know it was stupid now, it just that, well my girl ya know…" He paused, as if wanting to say something, but his mouth wouldn't let him. He was almost ashamed.
"Dr. Carter," Manuel said at last, "did I kill that dude?"
"So you were the same guy," Carter said, his suspicions confirmed, "Yes unfortunately you did."
"I didn't mean to do that. I really didn't. Is it true with the cops, you tell them and they'll go easier on you?"
"Yes it is, they'll go a whole lot easier if you fess up to everything," Carter said, really not caring about the entire case anymore, letting his thoughts drift back to Mark.
"You a father doc?"
Carter frowned. This kid was starting to get annoying. "No, I'm not."
"What'd you do if your girl just told you, ya know, your going to be one?"
"Oh so that's what you just found out."
Manuel nodded, slightly embarrassed.
The police came in for questioning just as he responded, "I certainly wouldn't steal a car."
* * *
When Carter reached Doc Magoo's, Abby was already sitting patiently in the booth. He kissed her on the top of her head and sat across from her. Abby was the first to speak. "Are you going to eat anything? Sandwich or something?"
"Nah I'm not too hungry. What about you?"
"Ordered some ham and cheese," she said. She tried to think of a way to spark up some regular conversation before the big bang. "How was that follow-up?"
"Ah, the crazy kid stole a car, sped through a red light, wound up killing a guy and getting shot all because he needed some money. His girlfriend just got pregnant." Abby's eyebrows rose. Carter went on, "It's amazing to me how many people get pregnant by accident like that. I mean it hasn't happened to me, so it can't be that hard." John slightly chuckled at himself, "you've got to love egocentrical logic like that."
Abby was sure she now looked utterly ridiculous with her jaw on the floor and eyes bulging out of her sockets. "John," she said, "I thought you weren't going to eat anything."
Carter looked over his shoulder. Was there a hobgoblin on his shoulder ordering for him or something? "What?"
"You're going to eat your words," she said, starting to shake.
"Oh I get it," he said kind of lightheartedly, "someone we know is pregnant. Oh, jeez I'm sorry. You know it happens even through precautions a lot of times."
"Yeah, I know," Abby responded emphatically.
"So who is it? Cleo? No, no they're still apart she and Peter, or at least just got back together. Is it…"
"John," she said, now with elbows on the table hands folded, eyes closed with her index fingers over her mouth, now completely shivering, "Me. I'm pregnant."
Carter still looked like he didn't get it, eyeballs darting left to right, "Wait, wait, have I played any jokes on you lately? That's this right? I mean, once Abby what are the odds of…"
Abby reached her arms to put her hand's in Carter's, "No jokes. I'm pregnant."
Carter just sat there for a while until he realized Abby was about to completely break down. He rushed to her side of the booth and held her. She wept into his shoulder as he sat still, not believing it. The waitress stopped in front of their booth and with an odd look inquired, "Ham and Cheese?" Carter nodded, and she put the dish down.
Carter didn't know what to say. Absolutely nothing seemed like it would fit; nothing could possibly make her feel better. Pity and fear coalesced into one giant ball of nausea that rested in the pit of his stomach. Since Abby's tears showed no sign of ceasing, he decided he had to say something. He held up her head to make eye contact. Looking into that terrified face, those tear-filled eyes, suddenly the words didn't seem so hard to come by. "I'll be there. The entire time. I'm with you all the way on this."
Abby's lower lip quivered, in between sobs, she uttered, "So, we're going through with this? You don't want to…"
Carter held her hand. Working at an inner-city hospital, he had come to terms with the fact that many people could see no other way out of a pregnancy. Their situations for having an abortion sounded like the only logical way to survive really. He had just always felt that it was just essentially wrong to take away a harmless little life. "I won't kill my child."
Suddenly Abby felt a jolt of fear, and she almost froze. What if she told him about her other pregnancy? Would he resent her? Would he leave her? Would he take her child once it was born and run, for fear that she might kill it? The jolt was only part of a thunderstorm of terror rolling about her brain. Sorting the fears out into independent thoughts made her body tremble less and gave her back some of her articulation. "John, I know…I see what you mean but," it was time for her to share all of her fears. "I'm so afraid I won't be ready for a baby. Not financially, not emotionally, not mentally. And what if the baby's, well, like my mother. She could be bipolar. That would be a nightmare, John."
Carter hadn't considered the mental illness that could be passed down genetically, but brushed that fear away for the time being. "Abby, there's a good chance the baby might not be bipolar too. And I'll tell you right now; you don't have to worry financially about anything. Ever." He hesitated before reassuring Abby on her own ability to be a mother. He himself immediately had begun worrying if he would be any good as a father. The God's honest truth was that he'd never considered such a thing. Now was time to start considering it. "I know we haven't been strong in the past. We both have our personal demons, but we've also helped each other conquer them. I'm not sure either. I'm terrified that I'll be a horrible father. We have nine months to get used to the idea though. And to prepare."
Abby still had her fears. Nothing could alleviate them. What she was sure of now, though, was that Carter was going to be extremely dedicated to helping her. Never had she felt so reassured by words before, not after broken promises from a psychotic mother were the closest things she had to trust. Now John Carter's words made her feel like she wasn't alone in the entire thing. Maybe it was just because she needed to think she could trust somebody. Her feelings had betrayed her before. Abby just felt so incredibly lucky to have John, and felt so very in love with him.
Without another word, they kissed. "Thank you," she said, "I needed to hear that. That someone would…" She trailed off, tired of hearing herself trying to explain her own feelings. "John, I love you."
That did it for Carter. He suddenly felt like his life had meaning. Ever since the stabbing, and falling into the seemingly endless hole of drug abuse, he'd doubted his purpose. Up until just then, he felt like his being a doctor was all that could fill that void of insignificance. Now he realized that being a father, and being loved could sustain him even more. "I love you too, Abby." A bizarre thought occurred to him. Maybe they both needed this right now, to grow stronger, closer, and more mature.
He put his forehead on the top of her head, and put his arm around her shoulder. "Now you'd better have that sandwich. You're eating for two."
* * *
Mark was glad that he'd been able to say goodbye to his oldest daughter in person. Rachel had a hard time pulling herself together. She was able to say her goodbyes, but insisted, in so many words, that she wanted to have the last memory of her father one that didn't involve him seizing.
Thinking about it, Mark realized that he would like a little bit of time alone with a few people. He wanted to be able to express himself before he lost all communications skills. His speech was already starting to slur, and the doctor had said the progression would be fairly rapid. After Elizabeth expressed her complete understanding, he took in Susan first to tell her a few things. With her, it was really just one, though.
"So what do you think of her?"
"Elizabeth? Oh, she's great. Wonderful. She's been nothing but nice to me since I've met her." Susan shrugged, "But I haven't been talking to her much. Just the way it's worked out. Your lucky Mark."
He smiled. "Good. I never really asked what you thought of her. I'm not sure if I would have made it this far without her." Mark took on a more serious mood. "When we first started going out, I told her after we missed a party boat, that I didn't want to miss another boat. One of my cutesy Mark lines. I'm happy that I didn't, really I am. But I want you to know…I think about what might have happened if I hadn't missed the train."
Susan nodded, avoiding eye contact. "Yeah, I do that too."
"And even though I love Elizabeth, and I would never think of abandoning her, I, uh, have to say, that I still, sort of feel the same way. I would have been hard pressed to choose between the two of you. My decision was made a lot easier, I guess and I…stop me now before I say something stupid."
"I understand. And I won't say anything to her if you don't want me to. I know what you mean."
"Yeah, I'd rather you not say anything on that." He continued, "I, uh, well now that…what I really want you to know is that I want you to be friends with Elizabeth, help her. Extend our friendship to her. I hope that won't be a difficult situation for you. I don't want her to be alone."
Susan let out tense laughter; "I can try and do that for you, Mark."
"That's it. Unless you want to say anything else. I know things have been awkward, I wish they weren't."
Susan was crying, just a little. "No, just, I'm going to miss you."
Mark hesitated, "I will too. Presuming that I'm actually going to exist in some way to miss you."
She walked towards the door and stopped at Mark's side. She had been sitting across the room. She kissed him on the lips. Not a lover's kiss, just their lips meeting. That was that. "I'll go tell Elizabeth we're done." she said.
* * *
Carter spent the rest of his day almost absentmindedly, thoughts of his future rushing through his mind. He still had troubles though. One was of course Mark. He still hadn't figured out what he wanted to say to him. Another nagging concern was Manuel. Had he been too harsh? Now that he thought about it, he knew the absolute shock that his patient had just experienced. Granted, it wasn't an excuse for his crimes, but maybe he could have helped in some way. Maybe it wasn't too late.
Carter stepped into Manuel's room. The man was staring at the ceiling, a forlorn look on his face. "Manuel? How did you do with the police?"
"They said I had to sign a sheet to confess. Putting it in writing, that just scared me." He propped himself up a little to look at Carter. "If I go to jail, my girl ain't gonna survive all by herself. She doesn't have cash to raise a kid, not even for an abortion, she just doesn't have that kind of money. Maybe I could just try to get off, an insanity plea or something ya know?" Manuel shifted in his bed, "What did you come in here for? Another test?"
"Actually," Carter said, "I wanted to apologize. Believe it or not, when I talked to you I had no idea what you were going through. Now I have a handle on it. I can understand what your state of mind must have been. Anything to help the woman you love, help her raise your child. It doesn't excuse what you did, but you deserve to be there to see her through it."
Manuel had a curious inquisitive look on his face.
"I'm going to see if I can put you in touch with a good lawyer. I'll pay for it. He may be able to get you a pretty light sentence for what you did. I want you to try to convince your girlfriend not to abort the child, though. I could help you find a place to help put her up for adoption, or I may even be able to find some funds to help people in your case."
Manuel had a look of utter disbelief on his face. "Why are you doing this? You seemed pretty pissed that I killed Keith."
"Keith?"
"Yeah, you know the guy on the bike. Keith Gebens. Thirty-six years old. He had a wife and two kids, and they all hate me. He was an accountant, just bought a new house, pretty nice neighborhood, almost no crime. Go figure, I steal one of the nice cars in the area and kill him."
"You found this out all on your own?"
Manuel nodded.
"That's why I'm helping you. You deserve better than to be thrown in jail for being shocked."
Manuel looked solemn, "Thank you, Dr. Carter."
"Your welcome, Manuel"
"And congratulations, doc. You just found out you were going to be a dad?"
"You guessed it. On my break a few minutes after I met you. Go figure." Carter turned as he opened the door. "Congratulations to you too."
* * *
Luka sat alone in the lounge drinking black coffee. He had worked late last night as he was going to tonight. He'd been working extra hours for quite a while. The nights extended his workday so that he basically had only time to go home and sleep, but that didn't matter to him anymore. Besides, it was only temporary, until he felt like he could face having his own life again. Hospital policy advised against his long hours, but Kerry hadn't complained to him yet. He usually hadn't depended on caffeine much in the past. He was motivated to go through his day. He had always had some optimism that he could help. He wasn't a pessimist now, just more apathetic, and his motivation was gone. Luka knew that it wouldn't last much longer. Soon he would get over it.
When Susan came in, she was irate and made no notice of Luka's presence. She opened the refrigerator and stared into its glow for a few seconds before yelling, "Damn it, who ate my tuna!" and stomping her foot.
"What the hell am I supposed to eat now?" Luka, whose interest was piqued by her anger, now looked up from his coffee.
Just as she was about to leave, he joked, "You won't find any tuna out there." She turned around, surprised that the doctor even spoke, really. She had always thought him a quiet man, at least around her. She'd barely even noticed his presence. Jest was what she least expected at that moment.
"I'm sorry," she said, "Dr. Kovac, right?"
"Please, call me Luka."
She plopped herself down, realizing that what she really needed was someone to bitch to. Luka didn't seem like he was too busy. "Susan Lewis, in case you never caught my name. Nice save on that GSW today. Too bad we could save the offender and not the victim."
"The man whose car was stolen came in?"
"No, no. Apparently, the guy killed the cyclist who Carter and Chen were working on. Vehicular homicide case now. He'll just be back on the streets soon, too. Oh well, what can you do?"
"Not much," Luka said. Silence fell over the room, and Luka went back to gloomily staring at his own reflection in the coffee mug. Susan, meanwhile, closed her eyes rubbing her temples.
"Is Romano human?" , she asked, "Because I wasn't here when he was hired, and I suspect he's a robot built specifically to be an insufferable bastard."
Luka chuckled, "You're not the first to think so."
"Sorry, you must think I'm a horrible person, coming in here yelling, screaming, and cursing."
"You're a good friend of Dr. Greene's aren't you?"
"Yeah."
"Then all is forgiven."
"Thanks. Romano just gave me a little speech about spending so much time stopping in to visit with Mark. I wish I were gutsy enough to just say 'screw you' and walk away, but I'm not. The man needs to grow a heart. He wouldn't feel the same if it were his friend dying in the hospital…if he even has any."
Luka made an attempt at commiserating. "I know how you feel, losing Mark right now, feeling helpless. I watched my family die in Croatia. There just wasn't any way I could help them, get them to a hospital, I had no medical equipment." Luka shut up before he started to relive the moment he'd been trying to push to the back of his head.
Susan felt sorry for him, but was sure he'd heard it a million times. So instead, she offered, "Thank you. I guess I need someone who can relate."
They talked for a few more minutes, relating stories about their respective losses, until Susan decided she'd better go before Romano decided to reprimand her again.
* * *
Dr. Romano sat at his desk with some budget paperwork sprawled in front of him. He was amazed at how much money he was throwing away in so many areas. He could always try to make cutbacks, but then one department or another would come complaining to him, and he just didn't feel like putting up with that this month. Maybe in a few more months. After all, he did enjoy seeing the department heads coming at him with complaints and being able to manipulate them into thinking they were getting a good deal when he showed some mercy. Power was Robert's own reward for his years of hard work, in his opinion.
Just then, his intercom buzzed. He slammed down the button and said annoyed, "What?"
"Elizabeth Corday is here to see you."
"Tell her I'm…"
He was interrupted by the sound of his door's hinges nearly being knocked off. "Elizabeth, what brings you from your husband's bedside. He hasn't…"
Elizabeth once again interrupted. "You know damn well he hasn't. You've been called five times. Mark wants to speak with you in what little time he has left, and I'm appalled that you can't find the time in your schedule to listen to your best doctor's dying words."
Romano put on his best puzzled face. "I don't know what you me..."
"Don't play dumb with me, you've gotten the messages."
Romano pushed his chair from his desk. "Elizabeth, you know me too well. Now don't get me wrong, I do have the utmost sympathy for you, and all of Mark's friends. I've even been generous enough to let him die in the hospital. The truth is, I don't need to hear how much that man hates me one more time before he dies."
Elizabeth scrunched her face up, almost sickened by Romano's lack of understanding. "Honestly, do you think he's so cruel that he would waste his precious remaining breaths on hating you? My husband is not petty!" She nearly broke down, "just go and see him damn it!"
Robert stood still. There was just something about Elizabeth that always struck a cord with him. She knew how to draw the humanity out of him for some reason. "Fine, I'll be down after I get this mess straightened up," he motioned at his desk. "Just go...go cry elsewhere."
She sniffled and walked out of the room with a word of thanks.
Robert didn't want to admit it, but he was afraid of the brutal truths a dying man could speak.
* * *
Carter had finally straightened out what he was going to say to Mark. Really, his news gave him a perfect opportunity to give Mark a bit of happiness in his last hours. Elizabeth went to fetch Romano, not responding to Mark's calls, while the two men talked.
Mark began the talk. "Another fond memory of this hospital for you, huh, Carter?"
Carter smiled a bit, "Yeah, this place is great, isn't it?"
"I'm dying here aren't I?" Mark then shifted gears to somber again. "I just want to make sure that I don't drive you to drugs again. Don't be stupid."
"That won't happen, no there's no way that will happen. I'm past that. I've got a lot of responsibility around the corner, there's not a chance I'd relapse, not now."
Mark looked puzzled, "Weaver's giving you responsibility?"
Carter laughed aloud. "Nothing to do with Weaver at all. Nothing about my career." Seeing that, Mark was still confused, he explained further, "On break, Abby just told me that she's pregnant. I'm going to be a father, Mark."
Mark's jaw dropped, "Wow, Carter that's...wow! So you're...wow!"
"My sentiments exactly."
"Well I'd give you some pointers, but I haven't been able to raise my girls too far into life myself."
Carter looked down, put his hands in his pockets and rocked himself from his tiptoes to his heels a few times. "You've done a pretty good job with me."
Mark was flabbergasted, he was shocked, he was...touched. "I've hardly been a father to you, Carter."
"Deny it if you want, but you have. You're the best thing this hospital's ever had. You're the finest doctor, the finest person to ever set foot into this building." Carter's eyes started to get misty. "And I don't know how we'll go on without you."
Mark considered it. Through all his time worrying about his family's future and how he was abandoning them, it had never occurred to him how many people he had touched in his career. He was rendered speechless. Here was John Carter starting to cry on his account. It didn't compute. Mark didn't know how it happened, but suddenly the two men were hugging. "You're going to be a great father, John." Mark said, reassuring Carter. The door knocked and Carter composed himself to go get it. There stood Romano.
"Carter, why don't you go get Abby, and we can all talk about it as soon as I've talked to Robert."
Carter nodded and left to find Abby. Romano and Mark were alone. He pulled up a chair and lay back, trying far too hard to look comfortable. "So Mark, what did you want to speak with me about?"
"Robert, I'll get to the point. You've made a lot of people go through hell since you've worked here. You've shown absolutely no signs of sympathy to anyone. I don't know how I managed not to be fired or quit in all this time. I want you to know that nobody holds you in high regard, Robert. I think you already knew it, you just don't want to face it. Maybe you like people hating you, but for your own sake, stop it. I've realized how lucky I am to have friends at my side right now. If you were suddenly put in my situation, I don't know if you could say the same. People aren't going to put up with you much longer, and I don't know if you'll be able to live with yourself after a time."
There was a long pause. Obviously Mark was done. Robert swallowed hard. Still he didn't speak. He ran the words through in his head, what Mark had just said. "I do know that not many people think I'm a good man. Maybe I'm not. Maybe some people aren't meant to be good men, Dr. Greene. Maybe I am one of those men and you are not."
"I don't buy that."
Romano shrugged, "I don't know if I do either. I thank you for your candor. I thank you for your services, and...I guess this is goodbye Mark."
Romano headed for the door.
"Robert, don't live and die a hated man." Romano blinked, looked down at the ground and left. Carter, Abby and Elizabeth all stood there. He could have made a snide comment about getting back to work, but something compelled him not to. Robert was disappointed that he'd let Mark get to him.
* * *
Abby opened the door to her apartment, "Be prepared this place should really be a mess. I haven't had any reason to keep it clean lately."
Carter smiled, "I won't mind, I always keep a mess. Makes the place seem more real." The apartment wasn't that bad actually, and Carter was happy just to be with Abby. He could have been in the town dump for all he cared. She took his coat and hung it up.
Abby had invited Carter to stay at her apartment that night, but they both kind of knew that it wasn't for the typical reason that a woman invites a man to her room. They had been talking with Mark and Elizabeth about a whole lot of things, but mostly about the future. It was a little awkward, Abby had to admit, talking to a man who was on his deathbed about the future.
Marriage was a topic that crept in there too. Abby really didn't know what was going to happen in that department. She loved John, but wasn't sure if the love was true or only fleeting. She didn't want another debacle like her marriage to Richard. Caution was a good thing to have in this situation, though.
In the meantime both parts of the couple had agreed on how much they wanted to be together. While it seemed like it was a bit early to move in together, Abby had felt like the relationship began much earlier than it had. They had a foundation of talking, and of sharing their emotions with each other. That helped her immensely with John and made her closer to him. Now they both sat on Abby's couch because they couldn't stand to be away from each other, and Abby knew she liked it this way.
When Abby had come to her senses again, she found Carter's arm around her shoulder, while his hand was on her belly. She put on a goofy grin. "You know, you're not going to feel anything just yet," she said with wry sarcasm.
Carter put on a false frown, "I'm not?"
"Now, now Johnny," she said resting her head on her shoulder, "fret not, your little baby's going to be just fine."
Carter lifted his hand from Abby's stomach, "Well then I guess I'd better find a better use for this hand awhile."
In an utterly giddy state, Carter started to tickle Abby. She tried to hold in her laughter at first, but she quickly was becoming hysterical. She scrunched up and tried to escape John's playful fingers, but soon gave up on that and tried retaliation.
Unfortunately for her, John Carter wasn't all that ticklish, and he laughed only at the futility of her attempts, not because of them. Throwing her hands up, laughing she yelled, "Truce! Truce!"
Carter smiled, "You expect me to stop because you told me to?"
"No, I expect you to stop because I'm going to give you this." She planted a nice, long kiss on Carter's lips.
"If that's your idea of a fair truce I can't wait to see what your idea of unconditional surrender is."
Abby shoved him playfully, "You're bad." She returned her head to his shoulder. "John, I know it's really, quick but..we're having a baby so why not. I think we should live together. I really can't even comprehend being away from you right now." She looked up at him hopefully.
"I'm all for it," he said, "as long as you don't make me clean up your mess."
She laughed, "I think we all know that men are a whole lot messier than women."
Carter wiggled his fingers in her face, "Don't make me start again."
They both sat holding each other, teasing and talking about everything for a long time.
* * *
Robert Romano sat up in his office pretending to look at the paperwork and be in a pissy mood. He wasn't very angry, just depressed. It was late in the night, about eleven o'clock. He usually never stayed that late. He halfway wanted to stay in the building until Mark went. Rocket was growing a conscious. He didn't know how those words had changed him; he only knew that he really didn't want to die hated. He'd always imagined that people would suddenly start to love him when he died. That wasn't going to happen though. Robert decided he'd had enough pretending. He was going to see Mark right now, and thank him for his words. It was the least he could do.
When he got down there, though, he discovered he was too late. There sat Elizabeth, weeping at her husband's side. Quietly, he put his hand on her shoulder. She was too caught up in the terror of the moment to wave him away, to spout an insult at him. Mark Greene was dead, and Romano also found himself shedding a tear.
* * *
The call came late, nearly 2 AM, but Carter was able to awake from his bed shared with Abby to answer the phone. Elizabeth was the voice on the other end. Oh no. She knew where Carter was staying, and she was supposed to call with any developments on Mark. Carter's stomach flipped.
"John? It took me a while to compose myself, and I don't know how to tell you because I don't quite want to believe it myself. John, Mark left us at 11:07 tonight. I...I..." Elizabeth broke into whimpering sobs.
Carter wasn't exactly able to hold himself together much better. "Al...alright, I uh, I'll tell Abby. You don't have to...stay on the line, you can just, ah, compose yourself for the next call. I'll be here if you need to...to talk too."
Elizabeth managed a goodbye and hung up the phone. Carter rested his head on Abby's belly. She stirred, and realized that he was crying. "What's wrong," she said, pretty much knowing the answer.
"He's gone," he said simply.
"Oh, honey," she said, running her fingers through his hair, trying her best to comfort him.
His ear still to her belly, he turned around to face her. "If we have a boy, can we name him Mark?"