So Gill is bisexual and Julie is gay and all is right with the world. I've got too many feelings about the series finale and only a few of them are in here. This is for all of you in the Season 4 Support Group x
You know you said you'd stop drinking once you'd retired, but this was your retirement party and what better time was there to have a few shots? It's not like other times recently when you've downed alcohol. This time, you're not sorrowful. This time, you're happy, crazy, free.
Julie has had a lot to drink as well, but she knows when she is reaching her limit. She's swaying as she comes over to meet you on the dance floor and you reach out a hand to grab her as she falls into your arms. She's looking a little dishevelled, with a few strands of hair sticking out at a strange angle.
You are both dancing much more enthusiastically than you would without the alcohol and Julie decides that you aren't close enough so she puts her arms around you and does that thing, something you've only seen lesbians do, where she puts one of her thighs in between yours and it feels like nothing could ever come between you.
There's that look in her eyes, and it's probably in yours too. The look that lets you know tonight is going to be one of those nights. You've had them before. Nights when the sexual tension is too obvious to ignore.
You throw caution to the wind. You're never going to have to see any of these people again if you don't want to. They can't complain that their boss is inappropriate because you're no longer their boss. You know Julie won't give a damn. She doesn't care what people think and she's rather drunk anyway.
Your lips meet hers in a very lazy kiss as you dance slightly less manically. Julie's mouth is familiar and her hands are safe. It's something you don't really talk about even though if happens so often. You normally think it's better that way, but tonight you are free. Tonight is the night you will tell Julie how you really feel.
You pull back and look into her eyes and you see her expression change a little. She might be drunk, but she's always in tune to your feelings. You feel her link your fingers together and she smiles at you. The smile she saves for you only. The smile that makes you feel like nothing else matters. She tugs at your hand and you find yourself being led to the toilets.
When the door to the end cubicle is firmly closed behind you, she pulls you unimaginably close and you tangle your fingers in her hair, trying to merge yourself with her. Her hands roam all over your body, feeling every inch of you.
You have to stop after a while in order to breathe, very heavily. She looks beautiful, and you can tell from her face that she's thinking the same thing. You hear yourself asking her to take you home once the party's over and see a crazed nod in response.
Back in the party, you take every chance you can to look at her, dance with her, steal a kiss. You know that everyone can see, but you don't care. You love her and you want the world to know. Janet comes over to you and has to shout in your ear to be heard over the music. You know you should listen to what she's saying but you're too lost in Julie's eyes across the room to take anything on board.
People finally start to leave and soon enough, it's just you, Julie, Janet and Rachel. Your hand is stuck to Julie's and there's no way you're letting go any time soon. Rachel's crying, too drunk to realise that it's not actually the last time she's going to see you. You stroke her arm with your free hand and kiss her on the cheek, telling her that she'll be better than you one day. That only makes her cry more.
You turn to Janet and see that she is looking at Rachel with tears in her eyes. Even though you've been friends for over 20 years, you know that Janet is now much closer to Rachel than you, but you don't mind. You've got Julie. You kiss Janet, too, and she and Rachel look at your hand, interlinked with Julie's, and smirk at each other, then you. You shoo them into a taxi and they're crying and hugging and telling you that they'd always known you were bisexual.
At long last, you and Julie are alone. It's been a long night, but you wouldn't change it for the world. Julie squeezes your hand and kisses you gently. She tells you that you're the bravest person she's ever known and you feel yourself falling apart in her arms for what feels like the millionth time since you were abducted. Julie has been your rock. She knows how to just hold you and let you release all of your built-up emotions.
Her embrace is warm and comforting and you know that you won't be alone tonight. She rubs your back and you're both surprisingly sober. You lift your head up and whisper a thank you before taking her face in your hands and kissing her passionately.
The drive back to Julie's in the back of the taxi is silent, except for the occasional sniff from you and the odd comforting word from Julie. You're sitting side by side with your legs over hers and your head on her chest. You feel so small in her arms. It's the only time you feel small, when she envelops you in a hug.
When you get to her house, you don't rip each others' clothes off as you'd planned earlier. You both get changed out of your party clothes and snuggle up in bed together, legs entwined. You have to say it. You know it will change everything, but you can't keep it in any longer.
'I love you, Julie.'
She smiles at you as she strokes your cheek and you realise that it doesn't change anything. That it's always been true, just never been said.
'I love you, too, Gill.'
Your heart feels warm. You know what it truly means to be completely in love with someone and it's the best feeling in the world.