Yusei wiped the sweat from his brow, entering the kitchen in a daze. He had spent hours riding his duel runner playing card games on motorcycles with Jack. He rode that duel runner. He rode it hard, and he rode it allll daaaay loooong. His heavily lashed deep blue eyes swept the room. He had to be sure no one would be intruding on him and his…paramour. Luckily enough, Crow and Jack were busy riding their girlfriends.

"Helen, I came," He said seductively, continuing with, "To this kitchen."

There was nothing but silence. For a brief moment—a brief and terrifying moment—Yusei thought she wasn't there, that perhaps she'd left him for that wretched Mr. Butter. But then he heard a sexy voice beckoning softly from the fridge.

"Hey there, Yusei-chan," whispered that siren-like voice, from deep within the Frigidaire. Yusei caught his breath. He was secretly thrilled whenever she called him that. It was just…so…HAWT. Step by agonizing step he made his way to the food storage device. He gripped the cool metallic handle with a gloved hand, stroking it, savoring the suspenseful moment. He could almost taste her now. With one movement, the same movement that he made when drawing a new duel monster's card, he opened the door.

There she was: His dairy princess, his milky temptress. Whether her carton said "Prairie Farms" or "Pure Silk", he thought she looked so…drinkable…in anything. (Authors' note: Ellipses are essential to writing a deeply romantic and very sexy fanfiction.) Right now, she wasn't wearing either. She was in something special. His girl was scantily clad in a nearly-clear, Skim Milk container. He could feel his heart beat faster.

Slowly, he reached towards her thin casing. He could sense his pants growing tighter and tighter with each passing millisecond. Oh stardust dragon was she tasty looking today. He could see…everything really.

"Hey, baby," he whispered. "You might as well ditch that casing and go….unpasteurized."

"Oh," she moaned back. "I love it when you talk dirty."

"You'd look even better in my mouth, bebey," his eyelids narrowed in a way that might have been considered sultry if anyone could actually see him.

"Ohhhh, Yuseiiii. You're so good to me!"

"Mind if I have a sip?" He murmured, grasping her plastic handle.

"Ho-how did you know my handle was my sweet spot?" She started to breath heavily.

He grinned. "I used to get around."

"Oooh, tell me mooore." Helen had a penchant for the bad boys. "Tell me all about your time in….prison."

"Not now, sugarcakes, but maybe someday."

He swept her off of the shelf and pulled her out of the icebox. "Let's take this to the bedroom," he murmured seductively. He began to strut sexily to the door when Helen cried out.

"No, Yusei-chan," she said, making him blush. "Let's stay in the kitchen. We have the countertop and I'm feeling…" she whispered in his ear. "….adventurous."

Yusei removed the lovely enchantress's cap, running his finger around the opening. Helen gasped in delight. Her Yusei-chans grew louder and louder.

"Shhhh," he hummed, licking his dry lips. "You'll alert the others."

At this point his mouth was touching the magnificent edge of her opening, already beaded with milk.

"Thirsty, Yusei-chan?" she moaned. He was almost to his limit. His zipper was nearly at its rupturing point. He was nearly at his rupturing point.

"Why don't you let me satisfy that thirst of yours," she said softly, caressingly. She knew the words that set him off.

Yusei took both of his callused, yet gloved, hands and gripped her firmly about the waist. He tipped her back, stroking her small body and allowing her sweetly scented liquid to flow into his mouth.

The zipper burst on his pants.

"Oh, YUSEI-Chan!" Helen had reached a point of ecstacy herself. She closed her eyes and cried out involuntarily. "Don't stop! Don't stop, Mr. Butter!"

Yusei stopped.

He froze. He was immobilized. He felt numb and his cerebral cortex was unable to send the proper signals to his limbs, and it seemed unable to tell them to do things that limbs normally did, like moving. He set the bitch down.

"Helen," he said. "Tell me right now. Why the hell were you screaming for Mr. Butters?"

"I-I've been sooo lonely all day while you were riding that—that—little slut of a motorbike!"

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK THIS INSTANT!" He coughed, retaining his composure. "You know what I do to cheating milks like you?"

She paled, if that was possible, and whispered fearfully, "What?"

"I pour them all over my hot, glistening body," he said. His shirt was already halfway off his body. Tanned abs were glistening hotly just as he said they would. It was time. Yusei laid down on the cool black countertop, using the 'sexy' pose he usually kept for the cameras. He tipped Helen at a 67 degree angle, ignoring her pleas for forgiveness, and, as his raging boner grew harder, poured the white nectar out onto his bodacious, steaming torso. He was enjoying this. He never liked Helen that much anyway. Because Helen was a slut. But a hot slut. A very, very hot slut. And right now, he was just happy to have that hot slut all over him, in a manner of speaking.

All of a sudden, a wild Jack appeared in the doorway with his fake Australian accent. At least he thought it was fake. It seemed fake. If it was real, it was an insult to Australians everywhere. In Australia.

And then there was that hair.

"Yuuuuuseeeeeiiiii," He said in that horrible, horrible voice. "What are you doing on the counter?"

"Jack," He said plainly.

"What?"

"I came."

"…What?"

"Yep."