Cheesy
By: CrystallicSky
Disclaimer: I don't own Xiaolin Showdown, nor do I own any of these pick-up lines; they're all ones I found over the internet.
Warning(s): VERY cheesy pick-up lines, in addition to the innuendos of said pick-up lines. Mild language and sexual themes.
"I'm sorry, were you talking to me?"
Chase looked at the goth speaking to him and blandly answered, "No."
Jack smiled brightly, encouraging, "Well then, by all means, start!"
The warlord scowled, stating, "I've nothing to say to you, Spicer." He then teleported home from the Showdown.
...
"Hey, Chase?"
"What?" the man demanded, frowning as the teen's red eyes went soft and cutesy.
"Let's make like a fabric softener and snuggle…"
"I've never before used fabric softener, and I don't intend to start now."
...
"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put B and J together," Jack smirked, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.
"And I, Spicer," Chase snorted, "would put U as far away from I as possible."
...
"You've been a bad boy," the young genius frowned at the warlord, "go to my room."
"I'd much rather be put to death as punishment," the dragon scoffed.
...
"Did it hurt?"
Chase rolled his eyes, drolly questioning, "Did what hurt?"
Jack grinned at him seductively as he replied, "When you fell from heaven."
"No," the man assured, already walking away, "I had a net."
...
"Would you be my love buffet, Chase? So I can lay you out on the table and take what I want?"
"You may not," the warlord frowned, "if I recall correctly, you're on a hunger-strike to protest the mistreatment of mental defects like yourself."
...
Jack Spicer approached his idol, licking his finger before wiping it on the man's sleeve. "Let's get you out of those wet clothes," he decided.
"No, thank you," the man huffed in response, "I'd been planning to get wet today anyways; I'll simply have to take my shower earlier than usual now that your saliva is on me."
...
"Excuse me, do you have any raisins?"
"No."
"Well, then, how about a date?"
Chase scowled at him. "I'm sorry, but I'm generally not in the habit of keeping fruits of any sort around me, so I suggest you leave, Spicer."
...
"Your lips look so lonely," the goth commented, proposing, "would they like to meet mine?"
"My lips are rather anti-social at the moment," the warlord returned, "they're not looking for any friends."
...
"If I bit my lip," Jack inquired cutely, "would you kiss it better?"
"Kisses are no better remedy than placebos," Chase informed, "I suggest trying one of those instead."
...
"You be the Dairy Queen and I'll be your Burger King: you treat me right, and I'll do it your way…"
"Perhaps you should aspire to be more like Papa John's Pizza."
"Huh?" the albino intelligently wondered.
"Better ingredients."
...
"Well, here I am," Jack smirked, sidling up beside his evil hero, "what were your other two wishes?"
Chase shoved the youth away, answering, "That would be an immunity to leprosy, and then that you had it."
...
"If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?"
"No, I would simply ignore you. Its along the same lines as the concept, 'don't feed the animals'."
...
"Hey, I'm an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus…"
"Really?" Chase queried, feigning interest, "May you get lost in a black hole on your way there."
...
"Hey, baby, I'm like a rubix cube. The more you play with me, the harder I get…" Jack grinned.
"I've never been good with rubix cubes," the warlord admitted, "I always just peeled off the stickers and threw it away."
And with that, he tore off the goth's jacket and kicked him off his mountain, the youth only barely saving himself by activating his helipack.
...
"I wish I were a derivative," Jack purred, "so I could lie tangent to your curves."
"Get real, Sqaure Root of Negative One."
...
"Gee, that's a nice set of legs," the genius commented, watching Chase absolutely demolish a block of stone with a kick, "what time do they open?"
"My apologies, Spicer," the warlord smirked, "but the guest list is very exclusive, and your name doesn't appear to be on it."
...
"Want to come see my hard drive? I swear it isn't 3.5 inches and floppy."
"Mm, tempting," the martial arts master commented, "but I doubt an itty-bitty flash-drive can handle my files."
...
"My lips are skittles, wanna taste the rainbow, baby?"
Beginning to get annoyed beyond all reason at the near-constant barrage of idiocy, Chase growled raising a fist threateningly, "How about a jaw-breaker instead?"
...
"Aw, jeez, can you pull this heart-shaped arrow out of my ass?" Jack grumbled, entirely unconvinced to just leave the warlord be, "Some damn little kid with wings shot me."
"A shame he missed your head," Chase commented.
...
"I believe that it was Socrates who opined, 'Know thyself'."
The warlord's ears perked at the actually intelligent sentence being spoken to him by Jack Spicer.
"Well, I already know myself, how about I get to know you?"
Realizing it was nothing more than another infantile pick-up line, he scowled, "And I believe it was Confucius who said, 'honeyed words and flattering looks seldom speak of love'. I would appreciate you leave me be."
Wide, red eyes watched him go, for once stunned speechless at the man's comeback.
...
"Oh, Spicer," Chase huffed in aggravation, once more spying the goth lurking about his home, "come to try another pathetic attempt at winning me?"
Jack shuffled awkwardly, having been more deeply affected by the man's last refusal than he'd like to admit, before timidly inquiring, "Will you go out with me?"
The warlord inspected the young man with considering eyes.
"Yes."
"What?!" the goth gasped, "But-but-but-but…! If you'd go out with me now, why'd you turn me down all the other times I asked?!"
Chase smirked, hooking an arm around the red-head's waist as he informed, "I have never been the type to be won by cheesy pick-up lines, Spicer. I much more strongly favor straightforward requests. But, since you seemed so set upon them until now…"
"Do you know what winks and fucks like a tiger?"
Red eyes blinked, baffled. "Uh…no…"
The warlord's grin broadened and he winked once.
Needless to say, the rest of the day was spent proving that the warlord hadn't simply been bluffing.
A/N: So, I've been thinking about bad pick-up lines, lately, and I decided, "Hey, I should write a story about that! :D"
Hope you enjoy the corniness! XD