A/N: Howdy ho readers of the world! This is Cup Ramen signing in and posting her first *gasp* Fairy Tail fanfic! Hurrah! Now we have two major works being worked on! But please mind, I do originally play the editor role so my writing level for fictional works for this fandom is a bit . . . like a rusty tin can man. Welp without further ado, I present to you, 'Shamelessly Sassy Superheroes!". *I'm throwing confetti in the air people, throwing confetti*.
Side note: A great thanks to Senbei for the inspiration and help! I don't know where I'd be without Senbei *Cries out the Nile river like a pro.*
Title: Shamelessly Sassy Superheroes!
Chapter 1: Verbal Diarrhoea is the Way to Success
It was exactly the 15th second after the 59th minute of the 20th hour on a Friday night and Lucy Heartfilia found herself in one of the most notorious criminal hotspots of New Pork - which ironically, the 'Statue of Justice' presided over. To be precise, she was sitting on a dirty set of steps on the side of the street, a scrunched up note in her clammy hand and her eyes, boring holes into her wrist watch.
To be fair, this wasn't exactly the ideal meeting place for a job interview (or what seemed to be one) and for some awkward yet understandable reason, Lucy was genuinely regretting her lack of a charged and ready-to-zap Taser or bottle of pepper spray. She shifted uncomfortably on the cracked and cold steps - her rear was in need of a cushion, and quick fast.
"So, you're here for the interview, am I correct?"
A woman's voice?
Lucy peered up (after a quick and unnerving jolt), meeting eyes with a white-haired, cerulean-eyed lady - who by the way was exceedingly pretty. And by 'pretty', it meant that if Lucy were to suddenly gender-bend for life, she'd probably hit on the girl and go into her 'hot-diggity-damn-insert-wink-wink' mode.
The girl sat down beside her, clipboard and pen in tow, and smiled after receiving a series of nods and head-bobs from a rather embarrassed and nervous blonde.
Best first impression ever Lucy.
"It's nice to meet you. I'm Mirajane, the dispatched interviewer for the agency," she spoke, gesturing for Lucy to introduce herself.
"T-the pleasure is mine. I'm Lucy, Lucy Heartfilia."
Dagnabbit, I think I just caught the stutter-bug!
And in the midst of Lucy's self-narration, Mirajane smiled and proceeded to speak.
"I'm actually quite impressed that you noticed the hidden anagrams I planted in the newspaper Lucy!"
"Oh you flatter me, Mirajane. It's all in a hard day's worth of work." Had she taken the haughtiness too far? She wasn't about to let it slip that she had found it on a whim while face-desking at her work station.
"Well matters aside Lucy, I'll get straight to the point since I don't like beating around the bush. Why do you want to be a superhero?"
Fudgeeeeee. Didn't take her to be the straightforward type. That, and why is she giving me this sparkly-sparkly expectant look? Is this supposed to be the moment I use my serious blockbuster movie voice and proclaim that I came unprepared?
Lucy silently choked on her spit before tensely giving her reply.
"B-because it's cool and the costumes are also cool?" It ended up more or less as a question rather than a statement and she inwardly cursed at her suddenly restricted vocabulary and brainpower. Which holy being's wrath had she incurred this time? If she had the chance, she would have knelt on the ground and stared at the sky with a pained and betrayed look but she knew better than to publicly humiliate herself.
Noticing Mirajane's 'yes-please-go-on' expression, Lucy continued on with her vocal and literary gymnastics of an answer while staring at the bent and flickering lamp post behind said interviewer (only because the sparks the burnt moths were giving off were pretty and not because they seemed to be a literal representation of her current situation and eventual demise).
"I like to help people. Like old grannies who need to get across the road and cats who stupidly get stuck in 10 metre tall trees . . . And well you know, I couldn't possibly have the chance to do all that with my current day job as a magazine article writer."
She paused for a moment, smiled like a Botox patient while batting her eyelashes, and glanced at Mirajane, secretly waiting for the 'okay that's fine' look to appear. It never did. So she resumed her train-wrecked reply, spouting nonsensical reasons which would probably incur more pity (for her intellectual state and mental capacity) than understanding.
" — and that was the last time I ever wanted to act as a bystander. Since then I've really been admiring superheros like Titania and uh Salamander. They're the perfect role models around for kids and everything, y'know?"
Titania aside, the Salamander? Really, Lucy, really? Declaring an abrupt and completely false admiration for the infamous 'Town Demolisher' for the sake of brownie points probably wasn't the best idea. That and Inner Lucy was violently ripping out her hair, regretting the lack of a 'mission abort' button. Deciding there was no turning back, she continued to roll out words (that she didn't even know were true) like a broken ticket machine.
". . .And I totally just saw the newspaper and job offer and that's why I'm here right now."
She made sure to end the rant with a finale-esque line. Not even trying to hide her panting after talking about a string of random events, Lucy looked over at Mirajane, prepared for the worst that life would dish out to her. For the remainder of the ten second silence, comic-like images of planet Earth judgingly shouting, "Lucy you fool! This is what you get for lying to such a schweet-as-lollipops Mirajane!", while handing her a platter of materialized failure flashed before Lucy's eyes.
In the midst of wondering if she was clinically insane, Lucy was met with a trembling voice.
"T-that was so touching Lucy," Mirajane whimpered as she wiped away a stray tear and offered a sweet smile before scribbling some neat yet indecipherable cursive onto her clip-boarded paper.
Exactly what was so touching about my speech, Mirajane? I don't even —
Stopping Lucy's train of thought, Mirajane stood up, patted down her now-dirty skirt and bent down slightly to put a reassuring hand on Lucy's shoulder.
"That was the most detailed and passionate interview I have ever had and I really do hope you land the job," she proceeded to hand a form and pen to Lucy, "Just fill out this form and you'll be notified of the results in a week's time via mail. Oh, and before I forget, the letter should have a distinctive mark on it to assure authenticity."
Needless to say, a myriad of thoughts were running through Lucy's head as she filled in the form.
I'm willing to bet that this was your first ever interview. That and aren't you the one who decides whether or not to hire me?
A short five minutes was enough for Lucy to complete the sheet and bid farewell to Mirajane.
After Mirajane excused herself, sprinting to the nearest dark (and potentially dangerous) alleyway, Lucy got up from the not-so-spick-and-span steps and dusted off the dirt from her chino coloured capri pants, groaning when she realised that her attempt to do so had failed horribly, instead, creating smudges of 50 shades of grey across the back of her pants. Wonderful. A second look back at the steps showed one fresh ass imprint, namely hers, probably from the muck her pants had wiped off.
"Wait, wait, wait — my ass isn't that big, right?" She continued to stare at the clear-as-day imprint while circling the steps for another two minutes before reasoning on closer inspection that the shadows from the lamp light exaggerated its overall size - probably as much as her day job boss exaggerated his gossip articles (and that's quite a bit, mind you).
Realizing that it probably wasn't such a good idea to dawdle in the streets at this time of the night, she decided that sprinting (like an Olympic athlete) to the nearest taxi would be her best option unless she wanted to be her co-worker's next hot topic - 'Fellow Writer Brutally Murdered in Criminal Hotspot of New Pork'.
It had only been five minutes after getting into the taxi (after a seven minute mad dash) and the silence was so awkward that Lucy felt somewhat obligated to say something or at least play it cool (like the actors and actresses in movies). She looked out the taxi window, propping her chin onto her hand and sighed (like an actress) before falling into her 15 minute thought session.
Hmmmm. . .I think I just achieved the 'epic fail' level for that interview. So long for a second job to pay the bills. No, no, no, Lucy. Think positive. At least you'll still have time to play video games, lounge around, and shit whenever you need to. . . right?
I mean, it was just an act of impulse anyway even if Levy fully supported the notion. It was a decision made in absolute haste and recklessness - like a one night stand. And one night stands always have consequences (like in those dramas where the heroine hits a small bump along the way, literally).
Plus, the whole offer was pretty dubious and for the love of God I need to pee. . . GODAMMIT I WANT THE JOB.
Realizing after a long while that she was dealing her HP bar some fatal blows Lucy decided to cast the thought of failure aside. She found herself happier than ever to flop onto her bed after a nice warm shower once she reached 'home, sweet home' as she called it. Her weariness from the day's events hit her all at once like lead weights and she soon found herself in the land of rainbows, unicorns, and all things shiny.
Meanwhile, in a house more centre of the city was a very happy and excited Mirajane on the phone.
"Master Makarov I think I've found ourselves a new superhero in the making! I'll send you a copy of the documents via pigeon! I can just picture her climbing up the superhero caste, making a name for herself, cape flapping behind her back while she stands atop a skyscraper, and someday, proud wife of a co-superhero. " Mirajane sighed dreamily, revelling in her deadly and infamous match-making hobby and completely unaware that Makarov had hung up on her.
A/N: Ohmygod please stop throwing rocks at me. I'm legit a fragile glass flower that could break any moment! *Insert queue sparkly eye moment*. (Weeping like a willow) I made a deal with Senbei whose updates are lacking that I'd post this up once she updates. I'm legit an editor, baiting the author by hanging a prize over her head. You know, like the horse and carrots. . . Please read and review and don't hesitate to give constructive criticism. Just no flaming please! Or else I'll dibby dob you into Senbei *snotty brat moment*! I've read over this chapter over ten times and now it just looks like . . .words . . . in a block. . . whyyyyyyyyy?! My heart be breaking! I will love you forever if you read and review *HINT HINT NUDGE NUDGE*.