I stared at the screen on my laptop, wondering how to respond to the email I'd just read. It was from Jill, and it was completely different from the straight the point, businesslike correspondences she usually sent me. The days when she had looked up to me were long gone, probably erased forever because of her bond with Adrian. His feelings bled through, affecting her, and now… well, she didn't think too highly of me anymore, to say the least.

In all honesty, I think the only reason she bothered emailing me at all was because Lissa demanded she keep me updated about how things were going in Palm Springs. Jill dutifully followed her sisters orders, but it was obvious that she wasn't happy with the arrangement. That was what made this last message so damn… strange.

I read back over it, knowing that I was stalling, but I just couldn't bring myself to answer her questions just yet. I understood what had sparked them—Sydney and Eddie had both submitted a detailed report of the incident with Lee Donahue. Both reports had mentioned that a relationship of sorts had formed between the two, so I knew that Jill was suffering and had to be feeling confused.

Rose,

I need to ask you a couple of things, and I'm sorry because I know they are really hard questions to answer. I just… I really need some answers, and I think you're probably the only person who can help me. Also… I want to try and understand why you… did the things you did. Why you hurt Adrian. He's still suffering so much, Rose. Whenever he thinks of you, I get hit with it, and it's killing me. So much anger, and hurt and betrayal… and worse yet, there's still love in there too, so it just makes everything that much more confusing. Please, please, please answer me honestly, because I really need to know these things, and it's taken me a long time to get up the courage to even send this email.

How did you feel when you lost Dimitri in the Battle of Saint Vlad's? How long did it take for the hurting to stop? Did it help when you dated someone else, and if so, how long until the hurt went away? Why weren't you just honest with Adrian? Did you ever love him at all? How did you feel when you got back with Dimitri? Did you even think about how it would hurt Adrian?

Thanks ,

JM

She wasn't kidding—the questions were hard… more than that, they were emotional land mines just waiting to detonate. Answering most of them was going to leave me a shaking, drained, tearstained wreck. They required me to face memories that I'd been trying desperately to forget.

Not to mention, how much truth could she handle? I knew from experience that fifteen year olds are a lot stronger than most people give them credit for—hell, at fifteen I'd broken Lissa out of school and we were living on our own. But Jill wasn't me. Up until recently, she'd had a relatively normal life. Within an extremely short period of time she'd discovered she had a sister—who was now the queen—and had become bonded to a twenty one year old spirit using addict who was constantly on the verge of drifting into lala land. She'd already admitted in her email that the onslaught of emotions were slowly eating away at her. She'd just found out her… sort of boyfriend was a serial killing Strigoi wannabe, intent on changing her, and she'd seen him die in front of her.

I could read between the lines and see she needed comfort; she needed to hear that the pain would eventually go away, and that she'd forget about what she'd felt for him, but I couldn't give her that. All I could tell her was how I'd felt, and for me, nothing had eased the ache inside. Could she handle hearing that I'd felt half dead when Dimitri was taken from me and that the pain had never gone away until he was finally back in my arms? Did I tell her that no, dating Adrian hadn't dulled the pain in the slightest, it had only masked the grief by forcing me to focus on something other than the agonizing hole in my soul that only Dimitri could fill?

Her other questions were just as difficult, because as much as she pleaded with me to be truthful, I knew the answers would hurt her. After all, she was tied to Adrian's emotions, so what I said would indirectly affect her. I had a feeling that pointing out that her bond mate had been able to see my aura and should have accepted my true feelings wouldn't win me any points with her. Neither would stating that I'd been honest with Adrian—well, had been up until the end. From the very beginning he knew how I felt about Dimitri; he'd seen the way we felt for each other the first time he saw us together but had determinedly ignored it, convinced he could change my mind and replace him in my heart.

Did I tell Jill that I'd tried to have a relationship with Adrian only because he'd demanded it in exchange for loaning me the money I'd so desperately needed? Should I say that I felt guilty for trying to lessen my overwhelming pain by pretending I could move on even though I knew that it was impossible? My feelings for Dimitri had never wavered, not for a single, solitary minute. Even when he was Strigoi I'd loved him, and in all honesty, if he'd said the same to me—that he loved me—that night on the bridge, as opposed to just saying he wanted me… well, our lives might have had a very different ending, because I never would have staked him. I would have remained in Russia by his side; I would have let him awaken me, and poor Adrian's heart would never have been broken. But how do you say that to a fifteen year old girl who's just lost someone she cared about in the way she had?

Would she understand that yes, I had loved Adrian—and still did—but it wasn't the kind of love he'd wanted. I'd loved him as a dear friend, and that was something entirely different than the all consuming passion I felt for Dimitri. And if I told her that—in all honesty—Adrian had never really loved me , but only the thought of me, that in a weird, twisted way I was just another one of his many addictions, would she believe it?

Could she grasp why it was that Adrian was the last thing on my mind when Dimitri and I had finally gotten back together at the motel, after so many trials and tribulations? How would she react to hearing that I hadn't even thought about him until afterwards—when the guilt struck—and even then it was centered around the fact that I never should have dated Adrian in the first place? No matter what I'd promised before heading off to Russia, I knew I'd always belonged to Dimitri. I shouldn't have promised Adrian a chance at my heart, because it was no longer mine to offer; I had given it to Dimitri long before Adrian ever entered my life.

Sighing, I pulled my laptop closer, wanting to get the answer to at least one question out of the way. I knew I'd need a day or two to formulate an acceptable response to most of the questions, and I said as much, hoping she'd understand the reasoning behind it.

Jill,

You're right. Those are some hard questions, and I'm not sure if you're really prepared for my answers. I promise I'll get to them, but give me a day or two to really think them over. For right now, I can answer one question with ease.

When I got back with Dimitri—really got him back, not just as a dhampir but as my significant other, I felt alive for the first time in months. I felt like I could finally breathe again. In that moment I finally woke up from the most terrifying nightmare imaginable. It was the most wonderful feeling imaginable.

I'll get back to you soon with the rest, just please remember, you asked me to be honest, and try not to judge me too harshly when I give my answers.

Rose

As soon as the message was sent I closed my laptop and tiptoed into the bedroom where my Russian god was napping. Curling up beside him, I rested my head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat. Even deeply asleep, he sensed my presence, rolling on his side and sliding a strong, muscled leg over mine while his arms surrounded me, pulling me close. I felt him press a kiss to the top of my head, and listened to him mumble my name in his sleep and it filled me with happiness.

Nestling my head under his chin I let myself drift off to the soft, even sound of his breathing, realizing that I had all the answers Jill needed, I just needed to figure out how to make her understand. It's funny how sometimes the easiest things in life are the hardest to explain.

All her questions had one thing in common. They all—in one way or another—hinged on this moment and a thousand others like it. The love Dimitri and I shared was the basis of all my actions, and I didn't regret a single one of the decisions I'd made. I would do the same things again in a heartbeat.

Being with the man I loved was worth every tear I'd cried and every battle I'd fought. It was worth every single argument and every ounce of pain. Dimitri's love was the fuel that stoked the fire within me, giving me the strength to face each day and whatever challenges I might have to face. It molded me and reshaped me into a better version of myself, and I knew that if I'd never met him, I wouldn't be half the woman I'd turned out to be. And even though I knew Lissa should come first, in the end, she didn't.

He did.

The love I shared with Dimitri was the most important thing in the world to me. It always had been, and it always would be. Someday when Jill found her other half, she'd understand. She'd realize that some things are more important than rules or creeds or even breathing. Until then… well, I guess she'd just have to hate me. I didn't like it, but I could live with it.

As long as I had Dimitri, I could handle anything.

A/N: I keep getting requests and prompts for one shots, and I really didn't want to post them all individually. I couldn't post them with the drabbles, because they're not. This new collection will not not affect the drabbles collection or the AB One Shots collection, this is simply going to be where I put any other one shots I write.

Hope you enjoyed it, and if anyone wants to submit a prompt or request, just shoot me a pm or look me up on tumblr.

tumblr:

samwysesr (personal)

guardianrozahathaway, guardianrosemazurhathaway or guardianrosemhathaway (RP accounts)

This one was requested by Aimee Ivashkov on tumblr. Thanks Aimee, you always know how to kick start my muse.

:o)