"You know what," Mark said pacing around the dressing room. "I'm actually nervous about this gig." I stopped playing around on my bass and looked at him completely bewildered.
"Dude, why?" I asked, furrowing my brow and staring at the tall man intently. "You're never nervous before gigs… what's so different about this one?"
"It's Derby, Alan!" he exclaimed, as if I was meant to know what he was talking about. "It's the home town gig and Steven's fretting as usual, trying to make everything perfect. What if I mess up?" I put my bass down and stood up, standing to face Mark.
"Mark, you never mess up so don't even fret. You're being ridiculous, okay?" There was the sudden sound of applause that marked the end of Bury The Ladybird's set and Mark jumped… he actually jumped – I couldn't help but laugh a little.
"It's not funny, Alan! I have to go set up my drum kit now and then it's show time… we've only got about half an hour Alan! Oh my god…" I tutted and put my arm around his waist.
"Don't worry about it. You'll do just fine."
At that moment Steven walked in, doing his vocal warm ups and stretching his arms.
"Mark, Bury The Ladybird said that they've nearly finished packing away, so you can go out there now." Mark just silently removed himself from my grasp and walked out of the room. "What's up with him?" Steven asked, turning to face me.
"He's nervous… but he's got no reason to be."
"And how are you feeling?" he asked, raising his eyebrows a little.
"Extremely excited. I love playing in Derby – it just feels, you know, like home and it makes me feel really proud to stand up and play here." I could see that Steven wasn't really listening to me so I just decided to shut up.
"That's cool. Look, I'm going to keep warming up so I'll say now – it's going to be an amazing gig, I've got a really good feeling about this.
I could hear our intro playing as we stood by the stage door, waiting to enter the tiny venue with the tiny stage. I could see Mark jittering in front of me so I put an arm on his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him a little; he seems to relax a little under my touch. I reached up on my tiptoes and whispered in his ear 'good luck' before the doors were opened and we were ushered through, taking a mere few steps before reaching the stage. I picked up my bass and turned around to face Mark, studying his face to make sure that he was okay. He gave me the impression that he was fine and the minute he picked up his drumsticks and started to play I could see all of the tension melt away and the regular Mark was back. I smiled to myself and began strumming the bass line to Obey The Rules You Lose, turning to face the audience again.
About half way through Vesuvius, I turned around and saw the frustration was back on Mark's face, and he didn't look like he was enjoying the performance at all. I walked over and grabbed his attention to mouth 'are you okay?' at him – he pulled a face and then lowered his head, continuing to play. I made a spontaneous decision and put my bass guitar back on it's stand, ignoring the look I got from Steven who immediately turned back to the audience and continued to sing and play. I climbed over the bass drum and dropped into Mark's lap, forcing him to stop playing and look at me.
"Are you okay?"
"Not now you've made me stop playing and everyone's staring… Steven is going to kill us for disrupting this gig," Mark shouted over Steven's vocals.
"Well let's give them something to stare at," I mumbled into his ear before crashing my lips into his. Mark leaned backward in shock, but I just moved with him, keeping our lips attached.
Eventually, Mark reacted and placed his hands delicately on my waist before opening his mouth a little and deepening the kiss. I knew I had to pull away because it was nearing the end of the son and Paradox on Earth was next… and if I didn't play that, Steven would literally kill me. I leaned back and grinned at him stupidly, brushing my hand against his blushing red cheek before awkwardly climbing off him and running back to my bass. When I turned round, the entire crowd was staring at me, and the four girls in the front row looked like they were about to pass out. I smiled to myself a little and completely avoided Steven's gaze whilst waiting to start my bass line again.
Steven got down into the crowd with his acoustic guitar to play Orchestra of Breathing and Mark got out from behind his drum kit immediately coming over to me.
"What was that?" he asked, bending down a little to whisper in my ear.
"I was trying to put you a little more at ease," I replied, grabbing his hand and dragging him off the stage and out of the view of the crowd. "Did it work?"
"Not really – did you hear how many times I messed up because I was shaking so much?"
"But did you enjoy it?"
"Yes… a hell of a lot," he breathed, smiling at me; I smiled back before embracing him in a hug.
"Good. Do you want… I mean…" I was struggling for my words but this time I didn't have to do anything as Mark made a move on me. He cupped my face in his hands and leaned forward to kiss me delicately. It was only brief but it was enough to show me that he cared about me in the same way that I cared about him. I felt stupid that I had concealed my feelings for all of these years for a fear messing up the band dynamics and making a fool of myself… but now everything seems okay.
"Can we try and go home early tonight?" Mark asked, a gleam in his eye. I grinned at him.
"We have to meet everyone first, but I'm sure that won't take too long."
"I've waited years anyway, I think I can wait a bit longer," he said, taking my hand as we watched the rest of Orchestra of Breathing from the stage.