Rating: PG-13 Warnings: Mild sexual references, violence, language.
Setting: Season Eight, pre-Reckoning. AU. Spoilers for everything beforehand, most likely. Everything was fair game, including Grace, Gemini and New Order.
Pairings: Thor/Technology, Sam/Pete, Sam/Jack, Daniel/Coffee, Teal'c/Silence.
Labels: Gen, ship, action, adventure, humor, angst, drama, violence, explosions, mild romance, cats and dogs living together, lions, tigers, and bears, OH MY.
The authors would like to thank: The cast of SG-1, the wackos on LJ who aided and abetted, Brad Wright, Jonathan Glassner, Thor's adorableness... and Robert C. Cooper, the biggest shipper of them all. Oh, and the JSU English Dept.
And now, without further ado:
The Continuing Misadventures of SG-1 or 101 Things A Girl Can Do.
by ALC Punk! and Ryuu
Chapter One: In Which Drunkeness Leads To Duty
It had all started as a team-building night at the General's that the four former teammates had decided to hold more out of nostalgia, boredom, and a subconscious desire for some form of normalcy than any other reason. If Sam was managing to keep pace with Daniel on drinking, no one said anything. They just sat back, reminisced, and made snarky comments about the airing of Logan's Run that was currently on.
As the evening progressed, a slightly tipsy Sam started telling Daniel about how annoying he'd been while she was concussed on the Prometheus. Daniel was fascinated at the psychological implications of each of their appearances in her hallucinations, although increasingly pouty each time she made fun of his enthusiasm over the "space-born alien entity."
So, he retaliated by asking for details of what she and her hallucination of Jack had discussed. She immediately closed down.
"That's not important, Daniel."
"But I'm sure it's an absolutely fascinating glimpse into your psyche, Sam," Daniel said, trying not to snicker.
"And it's none of your business," she snapped.
"Oh, come on, Sam," Daniel gestured with his empty beer bottle. Careful not to slur, because if he did, that would be enough to let Jack know he was drunk, and then there would be no more beer in his future. And Daniel was somewhat partial to beer. "You're just upset because he didn't kiss you when you came back."
This triumphant statement made the Lieutenant Colonel stiffen, and she glared at him, "Dr. Jackson, I'm going to pretend you didn't say that."
"Are you saying it's not true, Colonel Carter?" Teal'c's voice was mild. "If so, then I have been wrong on many occasions when I have noticed certain feelings pass between yourself and O'Neill."
Daniel snickered. "Right. Feelings." He smirked triumphantly at Sam.
"You're both on KP for the next ten off world missions," their team leader announced, her tone icy.
Daniel blinked. "Uh, Sam...are you okay?"
"I'm fine," she snapped.
"But-"
"We have an early briefing tomorrow," she announced. "We should probably cut this short."
The General coughed from his armchair, "Uh, Carter-"
Ignoring him, she rose. Daniel watched her stalk across the room towards the table where Jack's phone was. Interestingly enough, Daniel wasn't sure, but he thought there were two Sams. Maybe he should stop drinking. "But, Saaaam."
"Stop whining, Daniel."
"Jack."
"AH! Don't drag me into this, Daniel."
"Not a peacemaker, is Jack O'Neill," Daniel muttered, his tone sulky.
"No, I leave that to you," Jack replied dryly. "Carter-"
"I'm calling a cab and going home," she said firmly.
"I believe it would be wise for you to apologize, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said impassively.
"What'd I say?" Daniel protested.
"Oh, nothing, Daniel," her voice taut with an emotion that seemed to be fury, Sam whirled away from the phone. "Just that you're so wonderfully good at pointing out how every single relationship I have crashes and burns spectacularly."
"What?" Feeling completely confused, Daniel stared at the woman who was as much a sister as a friend, "Sam, what's the matter?"
"Nothing." Her shoulders slumped, though, and all the energy drained from her. She sat on the arm of the couch and tried to smile. "Pete and I broke up."
"Sam, I-"
"Don't worry about it," she said, waving her hand dismissively.
"But, Sam-"
"It's okay. I shouldn't have snapped at you."
There were definitely two Sams, Daniel decided. "Yeah, but I shouldn't have goaded you about Jack."
"Ah, Danny, I definitely think that's enough beer for you." The man in question announced, his voice firm. "In fact, it might be time for Teal'c to put you to bed in the guest room."
"Indeed, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c rose fluidly and held out two left hands towards Daniel. "If you will allow me to assist you?"
"I can walk, dammit." Except that the room was trying to go up and down like a roller coaster. Teal'c's hand on his arm kept him up-right. "Thanks. And, Sam, I'm really -"
"Go sleep, Daniel," she was half-smiling. "I'll expect to see you at the briefing tomorrow."
He very carefully reached out and managed to pat her arm after only a couple of tries. "Night, Sam."
"Night, Daniel." She sounded amused. "Make sure to keep some water by your bed."
The inebriated archeologist nodded and made his way for Jack's guest room, assisted by Teal'c.
"You'd think he'd've learned his limit by now," Jack remarked.
"I think he does know his limits."
Jack looked at her, silent, waiting for the elaboration.
Finally allowing the sigh to escape, Sam slid down onto the couch, curling in the corner and facing the General. "The transition of not having you on SG-1 has been hard on all of us. Of course, Teal'c takes it in stride and is just good at supporting me. But... Daniel misses you, sir." She looked at her knees for a moment, then met his gaze. "He misses the way it was before."
And he isn't the only one. But she left the words unspoken. He didn't need to hear her insecurities at midnight.
"Running a base takes a lot of work."
"Yes, sir. It does."
Their eyes held.
Sam broke the moment first. "Um...I should get home-"
"Carter-"
"Gotta face a grumpy commanding officer in the morning and all," she said, smiling weakly.
The honking of a horn came from outside, and she jumped up before he could say anything else, gathering her purse and jacket. "Good night, sir."
"Carter."
She stopped at the doorway. "Sir?"
"I miss it, too."
The cab honked again. And there were too many thoughts in her head to spill out anything more than an incoherent, "Night, Jack." And then she fled.
Jack stared after the cab long after the taillights were gone from sight. "Night, Sam..."
Daniel was on his fifth cup of coffee by the time he settled in his seat at the briefing-room table. Next to him, Teal'c appeared perfectly composed and none the worse for wear. Across from them sat Sam Carter looking as if she hadn't slept at all, if the dark circles under her eyes meant anything.
"All right, kids. Nice of you to arrive on time." The General flopped into his seat at the head of the table.
"Jack, you drove us in." Really, Daniel wasn't meaning to be contrary, but he was beginning to feel the coffee. And this would be like every other briefing. He and Sam would explain things, Jack would zone out two seconds in, and Teal'c would be quietly meditating by the seventh sentence. Really, he should suggest to Sam that they just hold briefings with the two of them. Or better yet, send email. He was sure he'd get a lot more done if he didn't have to spend hours preparing his reports and then talking about them to an inattentive audience.
"Right, Daniel, I did." Jack turned to Sam, "Colonel?"
"Well, sir, the MALP indicates P3X-333 to be uninhabited, with what appears to be soil rich in minerals. The UAV shows there to be ruins about five miles from the gate. I recommend SG-1 go on a three-day mission."
"Back by Sunday, Carter?"
"Yes, sir."
Jack nodded. "Good enough. Anything you want to add, Daniel, Teal'c?"
Daniel coughed. "Well, the ruins seem to bear a slight resemblence to those found at Olmec sites, but I won't know anything definate until I can get a closer look at them-" Daniel continued talking, ignoring the slightly glazed-over look on Jack's face.
Eventually, it became too much, and the General interrupted, "Right, Daniel. I'll read your report on it. SG-1, you are a go. Just let me check with Walter when the next-"
"That would be 0800 tomorrow morning, General."
Scowling at the suddenly-appeared secretary-assistant-slave who followed his every move, Jack nodded. "Right. 0800 tomorrow."
"And SG-7 will be free to go with them, too, General."
The unspoken comment made Daniel stiffen. He couldn't look at Sam, not to see her looking stiff and less than confident in her abilities as a commander. Irrationally, he wondered if dropping a thirty-pound report on Jack would make him realize how stupid his mother-henning was. And how much it was undermining one of his best people.
"No, that's all right, Walter. This planet looks boring. I'm sure Carter won't have any trouble. Right, Carter?"
"No, sir," She stood and saluted. "I need to get my gear ready, General. Daniel, Teal'c, if you want to organize your own things, we'll meet for embarkation at 0745."
"Dismissed, SG-1." He nodded and stood. "I've got all this fun paperwork to do, so-"
"Uh, the President also wanted to talk to you, sir," Walter piped up.
Jack sighed. "See you later, kids." He walked out, squaring his shoulders against the piles of paperwork that were about to decend on him.
"This seat taken?"
Sam looked up from the extremely boring report she was currently wading her way through and managed a small smile. "Sir. Managed to escape for lunch?"
He nodded and dropped into the seat across from her with a relieved sigh. "I've got paper cuts on my paper cuts, Carter."
"I'm sure Dr. Brightman has an ointment for that, sir." She picked up her fork and eyed the limp lettuce on the end with a sigh of her own.
"Don't even start, Carter. Do you KNOW how hard it is to keep leaf lettuce in sufficient quantities without it going bad? Or worse, molding? The cafeteria staff didn't let me hear the end of it for two weeks. I couldn't even get coffee without one of them making the sign of the cross at me."
Stifling a chuckle, Sam quickly ate the mouthful of salad rather than answer him.
"And they want different salad dressing now. Five forms, Carter. In triplicate. With authentication and notarization."
"You have my sympathies, sir." She tried not to smile.
He made a face. "I should retire and make them appoint you to run this place. Serve you right, Carter."
"I-" She got an odd look on her face and then became intently absorbed in her coffee.
"Carter?"
"Did you actually listen to Daniel this morning, sir?"
Jack waggled a french fry at her, "Carter, you know I never listen to Daniel. Now, what's up?"
Reaching out, Sam snagged one of the fries and stared at it before dipping it in her small tub of salad dressing (always on the side-less calories that way). "Well, sir..."
"C'mon, Carter, you know you can tell me anything."
"Can I, sir?" She challenged, "When every mission you continue to undermine and underestimate me? Take P3X-333, for example. The only reason you're not sending another SG team with us is that it looks peaceful."
"Huh? Carter, I just want you guys to be safe."
"So do I, sir, but it isn't your job to baby us every damn step of the way just because you aren't there to see it all through!" She was breathing hard, shocked at how much anger had lurked beneath the surface at his actions. She knew he was only trying to keep them safe. She really did, but it wasn't helping her command if at every turn he was second-guessing her, as if he didn't trust her.
Jack stared at her for a long moment. "Carter-"
She took a deep breath, fighting not to apologize and take her words back. "Sir."
"You think I don't trust you?" His voice was controlled and emotionless.
"Depends on what you mean by trust, sir," she replied, quietly.
"Colonel," his tone was completely formal, lunch forgotten on his plate, the french fries growing colder as he spoke. "As this is a matter for formal complaint, I believe I have an opening this afternoon. Probably around three, if you would like to come by my office to discuss this matter further." He stood, still careful, still controlled, and set his napkin down. "Now if you will excuse me, I have paperwork to sign. You know, in my office, where I don't go through the gate and watch your back."
"Sir," she half-stood, but he was already striding away. And she'd already embarrassed herself enough. She refused to chase after her commanding officer. With care, she sat back down.
For a moment, her eyes registered nothing, then she focused on the reports she'd been reading when he interrupted.
The words didn't register.
Giving up, she dropped her head into her hands and sighed. What the hell had she just done?
"Sam?" A worried voice broke through her haze of self-loathing. "You okay?"
"I'm great, Daniel," she replied, not looking up. "Never better."
A hand patted her shoulder. "Yeah. I always sit like that when I'm in a good mood too."
She looked up to snap something back at him and bit it back at the sympathetic look on his face. "I'm...I'm fine. Really."
He squeezed her shoulder. "Sure you are." He smiled. "But, uh, if you wanted to talk to me about any last-minute mission stuff..."
She nodded. "I'll keep that in mind. Thanks."
"Mhmm. So," he sat down across from her and poked a finger into Jack's ketchup, "I saw Jack leaving. Looked like someone had told him the Tok'ra were back, Apophis was alive, and Teal'c was leaving to join the rebel jaffa on a suicide mission all at once. Know anything about that?"
"Daniel."
"Sam."
A weak smile touched her lips, but she shook her head. "I can't talk about it right now."
"Okay. But, remember..."
"I know." She reached out and touched his hand. "And thank you." She gathered up her papers. "I need to get back to my lab. Things to write up, experiements to check on."
"Archeologists to avoid."
"That too." She shot him a half-smile. "We'll talk later, all right?"
"Even if I have to corner you in your lab?" Daniel grinned.
"Don't force me into recommending you for a whole new battery of tests with Dr. Brightman," she threatened mildly.
He shuddered. "You're evil."
"Dr. Brightman thinks you're a fascinating subject, Dr. Jackson."
"For sticking needles in, yeah."
"Yeah." Sam didn't mention that Brightman seemed to have a crush on Daniel. Standing, she hefted her stack. "Eat something besides coffee today, Daniel."
"Yes, mom. You, too!"
"I had toast. And salad."
"Looks like most if it is still here." Daniel eyed her, "I'll bring you a late lunch."
"Fine, fine." Escaping him, she headed for the door.
"Last minute mission briefing!" he called out. She waved and ducked out the door. Daniel shook his head and returned to his coffee. A plate with a bagel on it slid in front of him and he looked up to find Teal'c regarding him.
"Colonel Carter has explained to me the dangers of coffee on an empty stomach," the former First Prime commented.
Daniel rolled his eyes. "Has it not occurred to all of you that I'm an adult? I can look after myself, you know."
"Indeed." Teal'c eyed the bagel and gave him a stern look.
Daniel sighed and picked it up, giving in to the inevitable. "Thanks."
"You are welcome, Daniel Jackson." Teal'c stood there for a moment, then said, "Was Colonel Carter upset?"
"I don't know. She wouldn't say, but, yeah. I think she was."
"Have you ascertained the cause?"
Daniel took another bite of his bagel and chewed slowly in revenge, knowing that Teal'c might appear to be perfectly calm, but on some level, he was dying of curiosity. Finally, he took a sip of Sam's abandoned water. "I think she and Jack had an argument."
"Pertaining to what?"
"That, I don't have a clue about." Daniel made a face, "If I'd gotten here five minutes earlier, though."
"It would have done no good to eavesdrop, Daniel Jackson."
"Yeah, but... I guess it's water under the bridge."
Teal'c raised an eyebrow. "I believe I will speak with Colonel Carter on the subject of our mission tomorrow."
Frowning, Daniel eyed his friend. "You think she'll talk to you?"
"Perhaps."
Daniel sighed. "Well, good luck, then."
"A jaffa does not require luck unless going into battle, Daniel Jackson."
"Exactly."
Teal'c inclined his head, silently agreeing with Daniel's assessment. "Have you finished preparing for the misson tomorrow?"
Daniel nodded. "Everything's packed. And hopefully we're prepared for anything that'll happen offworld."
Teal'c quirked an eyebrow. "The planet appears peaceful, Daniel Jackson."
Daniel made a face. "Famous last words."
"'Go ahead, make my day.'"
It took Daniel a minute, and by then, the crafty jaffa was gone, heading for Sam's lab. But Teal'c, the man everyone thought had no sense of humor, had just cracked a joke. A very silly one. Letting himself chuckle, Daniel settled down to pick at Jack's abandoned french fries. If nothing else, they weren't completely soggy.
Yet.
Teal'c stood outside Sam's lab, steeling himself to go in. He had become very familar with Samantha Carter's moods over the past eight years and knew that when she was angry, even the worst System Lords would be no match for her. But he had sensed the tension growing between she and O'Neill for a while, and thought he understood at least part of the cause. No warrior liked being coddled, even by those with the best intentions.
He peeked inside. "Colonel Carter?"
"Teal'c!" She looked up, forcing a smile. "Can I help you?"
"Perhaps it is I who can help you."
She simply looked at him for a moment, then shrugged, "How?"
"You are upset with O'Neill for, as you Tau'ri would put it 'babying' SG-1, is this not correct?"
For a moment, her eyes met his, then she shrugged, "Yes."
"And do you not believe that O'Neill merely has our best interests at heart?"
"Teal'c, I don't..." Carefully, Sam set down the small device SG-15 had brought back from P4X-983. "As the team leader, I feel undermined. I'm one of the few Lieutenant Colonels on the base, and despite my ranking as leader of SG-1, quite a few of the Colonels don't seem to enjoy deferring to me."
Having noticed this himself, Teal'c merely nodded, waiting for her to continue.
Sam took a breath, then let it out slowly. "What good is a promotion or having a team of my own if I'm not actually allowed to lead? I don't just want to be a...a token female officer."
"I have never seen you in such a way, Colonel Carter," Teal'c replied calmly. "Nor, I believe, has O'Neill."
Sam rolled her eyes. "Maybe he doesn't see me that way, but he sure seems to treat me like it!" She pounded a fist on the counter in sudden frustration. "I thought I'd proven plenty of times that I can take care of myself!"
"As indeed you have."
"Then why doesn't he seem to see that?"
Feeling her frustration, Teal'c considered his response, "I had a chance to converse with Ishta regarding her method of revenge against Moloc. She believed that he was the greatest evil she would ever face, never noticing the larger evils set to take over in his stead."
She stared at him for a moment, then looked down, "Are you saying I'm not seeing the big picture, Teal'c?"
"O'Neill no longer goes through the gate with us, Colonel Carter."
"Yes, I..." And she stopped, blinking. "Oh."
"Indeed. It is extremely difficult to allow the comrades of his heart to go into danger without seeking every precaution."
Sam swallowed. "Then... Then I think we have a problem, Teal'c. Because he can't keep doing this. And I don't think he'll stop."