Don't Forget to Breath
Summary: A love, a promise, a final goodbye. Feliciano hopes there will be something more than this horrible cycle. (In which promises are kept and life is a cycle of love, meet and die.) [Oneshot] (GerIta)
Feliciano sat on top of a grassy hill, overlooking a field of flowers and allowing one to have a view of the clear blue sky. He has many memories here, both sweet and sour. He closed his eyes, feeling the breeze on his cool skin. The person he's waiting for should arrive at any moment now…
His eyes fluttered open, looking around for the man he's waiting for.
He's not yet here.
Ah well… Feliciano thought, falling onto his back and gazing up at the blue sky. Now seems like a good time to think about what led him here in the first place.
Yes, he is feeling nostalgic today. This hill, this hill that holds so many memories wasn't from this life's child hood.
No, it was from his original one. One before Germany and cars and trains and bombs, yes, the time of the Holy Roman Empire, Feliciano hummed.
He remembers living with an Austrian lord who composed music and a kind Hungarian woman. He remembers a boy named Ludwig and playing on this hill. They painted and played, drew and fought but always, always they were seen together. He remembers waving the boy goodbye, never to return again yet still promising to meet up on this hill like they always do. He remembers waiting, waiting on this hill every day without fail.
He remembers a man coming back with a letter and a grim face.
He stopped waiting after that.
Then a man came along many years later with hope in his eyes and hurried words, speaking of past lives and a promise he would keep.
Feliciano remembers burning in a house fire, promising to meet him again at the hill.
The next time he woke up, he was a teenager who was part of the Italian Revolutionary war.
He remembered being stationed at that hill, staying there with a grim familiarity, clutching a gun to his chest. He remembers the feeling of looking over the hills, waiting, like before, but for a different reason. Then a familiar looking man walked onto the hills and Feliciano wasted no time running towards him, hoping to save him from being shot by the other Italian beside him.
He was too late.
Feliciano could remember that moment when he realized the true extent of death as he clutched onto Ludwig. He remembers listening to whispered promises to meet up again, pale faced and smiling up at him without any hint of hate.
(They are always Ludwig and Feliciano and Feliciano and Ludwig because no matter how their names may be derivations or entirely different names, they are always Feliciano and Ludwig and Ludwig and Feliciano.)
He scolded the person who shot him, scaring the rest of their troop who knew him as easy-going and friendly. He gripped and growled and snapped, his hands still crusted with Ludwig's blood. (and wasn't that something? To know the name of the person who's blood is on your hands, to know them, to have loved them, only to see them dead and staining it a horrifying red?)
Soon after that, he died saving the very person who shot Ludwig.
This became a cycle.
He and Ludwig were always reborn, meeting up on that hill, and then, one of them would die and promise to come back until they could get their happy ending. It may seem like a sad fate but Feliciano knew it was because they were both too stubborn to give up on that happy ending they both desired.
He woke up in another war for independence, this time as a spy where he waited for his contact on the hill.
It was Ludwig and that was that. The two of them knew they can't allow each other to be killed, not at this moment, not when Feliciano can still remember the feeling of warm blood that came from Ludwig or could still see the spot where Ludwig had died, flowers and grass being especially green atop of Ludwig's previous body.
They hugged and kissed and held each other's hands but that was it. Things were too dangerous to truly let loose.
They continued working, aiding Italy towards freedom and independence but someone must have been tipped off about their meeting point, because as Feliciano waited like always, he was shot dead before he knew it with Ludwig sprinting towards him, his voice screaming out his name.
(Feliciano later learned that Ludwig had yelled at the person who shot at him, making it seem like he was the one giving information and not Ludwig. Ludwig had ordered for that man to be executed with cold eyes and clenched fists.)
Why is it always a war? Feliciano had thought when he woke up as a spotter in what would later be called the 'Austro-Prussian War'. Next time, he hoped to wake up a painter or a chef or something. That would be wonderful. That way he could bring fresh pasta inside of clutching a cold gun to the hill.
Instead of opposite sides, he and Ludwig were a power team. Ludwig worked as the silent and efficient sniper with him acting as the sharp eyed spotter. The two of them worked well, balancing each other, like day and night. They worked so well that in the end the war was won and the two of them received medals.
Sadly, not everyone was happy because the next day Ludwig was assassinated and Feliciano died of injuries sustained from the explosion, his mind looping the promise to meet again at their hill.
Apparently, his wish was granted because the life after that had him as a painter, who came upon that hill to paint the view of the sky.
Ludwig was a scientist this time, collecting samples and incredible at identifying them.
The two of them sat together, catching up and taking breaks. They were finally able to have some peace of mind from all the guns and war.
That had been his favourite because his death wasn't as bad out of them all. It was a simple poison that made it seem like he had a heart attack, all because he was related to a scientist with many enemies.
He woke up as a chef. Ludwig woke up as a football player.
They met, they loved, they promised, they died. He doesn't want to remember this life. It hurts to much to even think about it.
World War I passed by in a blink of an eye for Feliciano the two of them betraying the Central Powers without any sort of hesitation. In the end, Ludwig was found out and executed for treason, Feliciano soldiering through the war with even more resolve. He worked with another person then, Lovino, who despite his angry demeanour is actually a calm minded person with a good head on his shoulders.
He died giving information to Lovino.
World War II was no luckier for the two of them, Ludwig turned traitor even before they met on the hill, with Feliciano and Lovino's reincarnation being brothers (isn't it strange that the people he's come to care about get reincarnated? Lovino doesn't remember anything at all but he knows it's him) working on the part of the Italian Resistance.
He died in the arms of Ludwig, urging the man to leave him be and give the needed information to the Resistance.
(Ludwig told him that Lovino had blamed him for the death of Feliciano, but passed him flowers and a paper with the coordinates to a grave without a body.)
Then it became America, Ludwig had decided to work at the trade center in the iconic twin towers, having gotten his first day on the job to land on September 11, 2001.
Feliciano had been working as a novelist, writing about one of his lives making each and every one a beautifully written tragedy. He was working on his final one in the Cycle of Life Series where the main character met up on the hill to live in heaven with the person he had fought to see again once more.
When he heard about why Ludwig wasn't ever coming home, he stopped writing on that and began writing a long and tiring love letter that he placed with their photo albums in a time capsule, setting it on a singular tree on their hill that had L and F with a heart in between them.
Closing his eyes, Feliciano can't help but think about how funny it is that every time they're reborn, they have the same face and the same name. Almost as if whoever is giving them these chances want them to be instantly recognizable, a set avatar and incarnation with a set name in order to make their lives easier out of pity.
Luckily, people never seem to connect him or Ludwig to their previous incarnations.
Ha, how tiring. Feliciano thought. Ludwig sure is taking his time in getting here hmm?
Well, it's always been like that. None of them die until they're able to meet up.
Yes, like that time when Ludwig woke up as a man paralyzed on the legs. It was a miracle that he was alive, apparently, the sickness that took his legs was supposed to take his life but he made a miraculous recovery and is now only paralyzed from the waist down. They met together but three years after they met, Ludwig had a relapse and was unable to recover this time.
Then he woke up as a soldier about to be deployed to Afghanistan, an Italian-American who thrived on his sharp eyes and seemingly innocent disposition. He had met up on the hill with Ludwig and shared a good bye kiss, promising to come back, to this hill and live happy.
He was gunned down trying to protect Lovino's current reincarnation, who acted just like him, even if the man held no memories from the past.
(Imagine how happy Feliciano is that Lovino will not have to live through the knowledge of Feliciano dying. Meanwhile Lovino couldn't help the itching in the back of his mind that urged him to call him fratello or berate him for his mistakes like an older brother. The other soldiers always thought the two were brothers with their common last name Vargas. Feliciano never bothered to correct them.)
Then he woke up as a student holding hands with Ludwig on the hill.
The next day, there was a school shooting.
And here he is now, praying and hoping for a happy ending. An end to this cycle of death and promises with the hopes they'll live together peacefully and happily.
This life, he woke up as a child playing football with Lovino and living with his grandfather.
He accessed the internet and looked for Ludwig, managing to find him and learning that the Prussian (Gilbert, Ludwig's older brother back when Prussia was still around, a nice man that often patted him on the head.) is now his older brother. He had been in college at that time, his eyes set on being in Broadway. Lovino aimed to be a martial artist and was perfectly fine training with Feliciano, Feliciano training in order to be prepared to dance and sing at the same time. They talked, verified it was each other and kept a long distance relationship almost immediately. They didn't use any video calls, wanting to see each other's face for the first time in years on the hill.
They talked about everything, about the complicated relationship between Gilbert, Elizabeta and Roderich, Ludwig aiming to have a business, Feliciano's hot headed older brother and the strange coincidence that is life. He found out that Elizabeta and Roderich are reincarnations of the people of his first life. Ludwig was surprised that Lovino would be a martial artist instead of perhaps, an author or some such but he wasn't complaining. They had then reached the topic of meeting up and the two agreed.
So here he stood, on the hill that held memories and moments, tears and blood that seemed to stain the ground for a long as time shall prevail. Come to think of it, his eyes fell on the time capsule that has yet to be uncovered, plants and other vegetation having grown on the ground above it.
Yes, it's about time he gave it to Ludwig.
He got up to get the time capsule, digging it up with a rusting trowel he found nearby. How lucky of him, Feliciano thought as the time capsule was dug up, nothing had been damaged.
He placed back the dirt, patting it gently before sitting on his usual spot.
It was at that moment that Feliciano saw Ludwig heading towards him, a bouquet of flowers in hand.
They met and kissed sweetly, needy, wanting, two halves of a whole that had been torn away from each other far too many times. They stood there after breaking the kiss, simply holding each other, Feliciano listened to the beat of Ludwig's heart.
"I swear, we'll live happily ever after Ludwig," He mumbled.
"I'd have it no other way."
Ludwig bent down to kiss him again but Feliciano looked him in the eyes with hope tainted with desperation.
"Promise? Promise this will be our last, that we'll live happily ever after?"
"I promise."
Feliciano relaxed and the two kissed once more to solidify that promise.
Soon Feliciano received the bouquet and Ludwig took the time capsule, reading the letter with teary eyes before leaping to kiss him and reassure him that he won't be alone.
Their promise still hung at the back of Feliciano's mind but he knew that with that promise, it would be true. This would be the last time they would ever have to keep their promise to meet on this hill again.
Many years have gone by with Lovino becoming the youngest martial artist to ever win in a nation wide tournament, Feliciano is now a well-known actor in Broadway and Ludwig having become the most successful business man ever, CEO of the leading car company Beilschmidt.
And now, they stand on this hill for an entirely different reason.
They were getting married. Feliciano held his bouquet, the same flowers that Ludwig had given him when they met face to face with Lovino acting as Ring Bearer. Elizabeta had designed the dress and Roderich was in charge of music. Gilbert was the best man.
It was a beautiful day on the hill where they made a different promise, so different than the ones they were used to promising, to meet, to live, and now to love.
Feliciano knew they would keep this promise easily.
Ludwig merely smiled at him. Then, he leaned forward and took his breath away. With that kiss, came away the final doubts he had of never getting their happy ending.
This was their happy ending, and it all started with a single promise from a young boy on the hill.
I hope you enjoyed that one shot! I had been working on this for a while now but thanks to school coming in and the chaos that comes with the first few weeks of school, I hadn't had much time to work on this. (Plus, I've been switching between this and the next chapter of Fallen but hey, that's life!) Thank you for reading this!