A/N: prepare yourselves

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Uzuki climbed the stairs two steps at a time, almost tripping over herself; her muscles complained, but her mind was an unresponsive mass of yellows and reds. She stumbled up to the grey door, expecting for it to be locked when she tried the handle. It gave under her with a click and she fell into the room, gasping, "Kariya, guess what—"

Her words died in her throat as she took in his apartment.

For a brief moment, she believed that she had run into some other place. At first glance, it looked like some rich man's flat that came with a daily cleaning lady. As she took it all in, however, there were things that were definitively his. There was a whole, short bookcase with dozens of CD's nestled on the shelves. The far wall had the black and white landscape panorama spanning across it. His pine green couch was exactly where it always was. Down the hall, she could see the color-splattered black walls of his bedroom.

The difference was that it was spotlessly neat – almost empty it was so clean. She had never known the color of his wood floors, precisely, or that his carpet was so nice. The quality of his apartment had been a complete mystery to her. In the two years she had known him and from the first time she had followed him into his apartment, it had always looked like it had been struck by a tornado. It still smelled like coffee, but it was a shyer layer under the bright and thick scents of fresh linen and lemon wood polish.

This was more of a shock than anything else she had encountered, but her eyes eventually focused on the owner and reason for such a transformation. He had not even seemed to move when she had jolted in.

Kariya had his face hidden in his arms, knees pulled up to his chest. He looked small up against the wall before his kitchenette.

"Kariya," she prodded, and approached slowly, sliding to a sit next to him. He shifted, unfurling so one leg was out and his head was tipped against the wall. His eyes were closed. "You cleaned without me," she said, somewhat insulted. Her eyes searched the room for anything significant, but knowing that Kariya was hardly sentimental. If he were to keep something, it would be important. He did have shelves lined with more CD's than she had ever known he owned.

"All week," he murmured, voice faint and exhausted. He hadn't sounded like that earlier. She recognized, then, that she hadn't set one foot inside his apartment since the before the game had started.

"Guess I won't be snooping, then." She lowered her voice to match his.

When he didn't respond, she felt herself getting upset – not just because he was ignoring her, either.

"Are you okay?"

"Not really," he croaked. Finally, he moved, lifting his hands to press them to his eyes. "Oh, God," he groaned, and his breath hitched.

Her heart sank and her fingers pulsed barely in an instinct to pull his hands away. "What's wrong?"

"I don't..." There was a pause before he scrambled to his feet and reached up onto the kitchen counter. When he dropped back down next to her, he held a small ink drawing that looked so old it must have been from his original time. There was a woman posed in it, light-haired, petite, but sharp in the area around her eyes. "I don't remember who this is, anymore," he said, sounding detached and dull as if he were suppressing a tight line of distress down his vocal cords.

"She can't be that important, if you can't remember her," Uzuki reasoned, taking the picture gently from his hands and looking closer.

A small, vulnerable sound broke out from his throat. He forced a deep breath before saying, "No. If I forgot her, she's important."

Uzuki shook her head, now trying to conceal a smile, because if a picture was all it was, then she needn't worry. "Don't be so dramatic, Kariya. You've lived for a long time. Forgetting stuff is natural."

He was very quiet, and it took her longer than just a few seconds to look at him. He had taken his eyes off the picture and was wearing a face that she had never seen to its full extent before. She had seen a bit of something like it when she had asked about his family. He looked hurt, but not in a personal way. He looked far more like someone had stabbed him. Or had mortally injured a friend and he was reminiscing in how it had shattered his soul. Good God, it was heartbreaking.

Uzuki grimaced. "I'm sorry, Kariya," she finally said, because clearly what she had already said was exactly what she shouldn't have. With her words, he took a deep breath and it brought back some of the life in his eyes.

"Don't be," he said and smiled. He still looked fragile. "What did you come in for?"

She couldn't resist the pride that rose up within her. Whatever he was dealing with flew out of her brain. "I've been promoted to Officer!"

He really did smile, this time, pushing all of his pain to the side to make room for her. "You don't say!"

"I do say," she replied cheekily, practically glowing. "They called me in soon after you left."

He nodded, like that seemed right to him, then stopped himself. "What did they say?"

"Well it wasn't so much of a 'they'," she said, twiddling her thumbs. "Just a he, and he said he'd heard I was aspiring to be an officer."

"From whom?"

Uzuki shrugged and he sat back, stretching both his legs out. He continued with, "That wasn't the only reason, was it? Your score was good enough?"

Her smile grew bigger and she occupied herself a moment with taking off her sandals and wriggling her toes. She had painted them turquoise to go against her theme of purple and white. "Apparently!" she quipped, and caught him smiling a real smile. He seemed genuinely happy for her.

"Probably means they've assigned me a new rookie, then, if we even have one," he said after he looked away and something within her stuttered a little. Her grin wavered, but she attempted to pick it back up again weakly.

"You're still a Harrier," she clarified, and tried to look like that wasn't a kick to the stomach. She watched steadily, however, when he snapped his fingers a few times and gave a heavy sigh. That had to mean something.

"Probably will be until the end of time," he said.

"Probably?"

His eyes focused on hers. "If I get erased, that won't exactly be an option."

She winced at the idea, then joked, "Maybe I should be worried about leaving you, if you're talking about erasure."

He pulled at his hair, then raked it back, and for the first time, she could see it was lighter at the roots. She couldn't tell much, but it seemed like a nice color. With the combination of his brown eyes, it could even come off as striking in a softer way. "You don't need to. I can erase myself without your help." He smiled with humor and she rolled her eyes as her back settled farther against the wall. She hadn't meant for them to touch, but there she was with her arm against his. Once again, she was subjected to a first-hand experience of knowing how warm he could be. This time, upon noticing, she voiced her observation.

"I just noticed," she said, even if it was a lie, "that you are really warm all the time."

A funny noise came from between his lips as he thought about it. "I've noticed, myself," he agreed, nodding. "Just try me with a fever, though."

Her laugh was cut short when he reached across her suddenly, picking up the photo she had set aside. He placed it on his thigh and pursed his lips. With another sigh that felt like it could reach the very core of him, he pulled out his wallet and slipped it in there neatly. Just the thought he was doing anything neatly of all things registered badly in her mind, and she found herself asking, "So why all this?" She gestured to his apartment and for once, saw that he had a spectacular view. "And did you get the AC fixed? It's actually a decent temperature in here."

Hesitating more than she had thought he would, he said, "I didn't have a lot to do around here." Then he nodded, though, and was a lot more quick to respond to the second question. "Yeah. AC's fixed. It was mostly just that I hadn't changed the filter. Now I know though, so..." He smiled and slouched down the wall. "...all is well." Neglecting to change the filter was also expensive- he was an idiot.

"Except you have what looks like a sleep deficit of sixty months," she said, taking in his tired face.

"Sixty, huh?" His soft grin was drifting. "I can work with that."

She sniffed and moved to get up, telling him, "Well I'll leave you to have that affair with your bed, then." Her sandals slipped back on, she finally smiled back at him. "We've got a few days before the new week starts, so that'll give you plenty of time."

He flicked a wave at her. "Don't stress out too much." She managed a laugh and said, "See you later."

As soon as the door closed, his face fell. He curled back into himself and let the parts he had pushed away go through his system. He could have used her a little bit longer, sitting there. She always shoved his issues onto the backburner whether he wanted to make himself miserable over them or not. Knowing that, he focused on her, and not some other lady in a dead photo.

So he forced himself to smile, and breathe, and forget the Conductor. He could get over this. He could, and he always had.

Getting to his feet, he finally catered to his physical needs. Even if he was mortally dead, eating wasn't something he could ignore. Knowing this, he took out a bowl and spooned some leftovers into it, tossing it into the microwave. He bit his spoon, leaning against the counter and telling himself to some effect that there was nothing wrong with him. Denial occasionally worked. His bowl turned in slow circles, the microwave buzzing like an overheating computer. There was a subtle knock on his door just as he was taking his stew out. He didn't know who he was expecting, but it was anyone but who was actually standing there.

"Er, hellaow?" he managed awkwardly around the spoon still in his mouth. "Dyew you—" Kariya took away the spoon. "—need something?"

"I was just told to come see you to – uh – train."

"Tough luck," Kariya said blandly. "It's between the weeks. I don't work overtime. Especially for punks like you."

"Hey, look," said Spud, putting his hands up. "I'm not here to force myself upon you. I want to know what the heck I'm doing, though."

"The Conductor didn't explain anything?"

"Not really."

Kariya laughed and muttered, "Prat." before saying, "Alright. Come in."

Also, the last thing he was ever expecting was the big grin he received from Spud in response. Completely caught off guard, he cracked back a smile and wondered faintly what hell he was being put through this time.