After the Fall
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
Author's Notes: This idea seized me unexpectedly one day, and I've been compelled to get it down. This isn't supposed to be ItaSasu, but I suppose you could view it that way. I only see them together in that context (in this story) only once, as a sort of experimental thing. Itachi is very human in this, so I guess he's probably OOC.
His first memories of childhood are not of a trip to the park with his parents, or a puppy or a family vacation where everyone involved wears a smile. Itachi's first memory of childhood was the feel of cold, solid metal larger than his hand, wrought in a triangular shape most efficient in defeating an enemy. There are no trips and there are no smiles. When he enters school, adults often glance at him before disappearing behind closed doors to confer, talking about a future that was not his. When they first teach the proper method for using shuriken, he is annoyed that his first attempt is a little off-mark despite the startled gasps and cheers from the others. His second strikes true, but that did not stop the whispering. Later that day a group of hotshots ambushed him on his way home, calling him all sorts of names for showing them up in class. Itachi doesn't care. While he was continually irritated by his own imperfections, the ineptitude of others was never a cause of disquiet for him. He felt great satisfaction whenever he could be of assistance to others, and for a time everyone wanted to be his friend.
But then one day his eyes turned red, and everybody was scared.
No one asked questions of him anymore. To compensate, he tried to excel even more in every subject so that people would want to talk to him again, but it felt as if the further he progressed the further he moved away from everyone else. He once asked his teacher why no one would talk to him.
"Because you're very talented, Itachi. The other children are a little intimidated by you."
He pondered over her answer and deemed it satisfactory, so the next day he had been purposefully sloppy in his training in hopes that he might win back some people to talk to. He received nothing but laughter and scorn.
"How does it feel to fall from grace?" one of his antagonists had taunted. "Must suck to find out you're no genius after all."
That night he asked his father if it was a sin to be a genius. His sire had laughed. "Where did you hear that?"
When he explained the entire situation, his father had nodded and put a hand on his head. "People say those things because they're jealous. Not everyone can accept your ability without wanting it for themselves, Itachi. Do not let stray words injure you. If you wish to silence their whispers, silence them with your genius."
And so he did.
-----
Sometimes, all Itachi wished for was a normal childhood. He didn't think it was fair to lose all of his youth because he was competent. Although the whispers had evaporated and no one dared to confront him again, there was a deep hollowness in his heart that began to spread. It didn't affect his speedy graduation from the academy, nor did it ever affect his work. It exists only in his mind and in his dreams, where no one resided but those mournful thoughts.
Then came the day of Sasuke's birth, and Itachi's world is shifted like a kaleidoscope.
Now all the attention is on his baby brother, on this new life that they will likely try to hone into a semblance of their wants. For the first time in his life Itachi is free, free as a bird, free to fly and fail and do as he wishes because no matter what, Sasuke will still exist to carry on the family honour. His few weeks of freedom are the most precious and guilt-ridden times of his life. Sasuke was such a defenceless little thing, and who would protect him if not his big brother? From then on he is resolved. From then on, he vowed that he would do everything to the best of his ability, shatter every record so that the wrench on Sasuke's life would not be as tight as his own, so that he would always be no one and get to spend the innocence of his days as he pleased. He wants Sasuke's first memory to be one he will cherish.
But Sasuke is too young to comprehend. When Sasuke shows promise as he enters the academy, Itachi's heart panics like a caged thing. He is particularly efficient in his missions that first month and his ploy works, for their father devotes all his time to his older son while the younger is allowed to play with his friends. His brother is too young to understand and he sees this, sees the dejectedness that is painted on the face that is a younger version of his own.
"One day I'll teach you, Sasuke."
Promises were worthless, but they brought with them hope.
-----
Sasuke knows his brother is a genius, and he pesters him relentlessly to show him the trick of his skills. Every time he asks his brother's eyes will gain a distant, longing look to them, but they don't stay that way long because Itachi must be very formal in his work and it wouldn't do to be seen daydreaming.
"Some other time." A flick on his forehead, as always, and while Sasuke is willing to accept the answer at face value, he is never appeased. But Sasuke loves his brother more than anyone else in the world; Itachi's promises are enough to sustain him.
-----
By now he is part of the ANBU, and his days grew darker.
His fame spreads faster than wildfire, and soon he knows of nothing else but the way of the sword. The blood on his uniform is barely dry when someone comes running with another task, another request, another plea because please, Itachi, please, you're the best one for the job. He can never refute them, isn't allowed time to refute them, so he re-dons his mask and is once again cast outside. He would gladly have continued, but each day the tasks became more gruesome and his heart must turn to stone to bear their weight. Sasuke is trying ever-so-hard to push forward and each day he lives in terror, wondering if what he has done will be enough, wondering if somehow his brother will best it. It was only natural for the younger generations to best their elders. He could only stay ahead for so long, and the pressure was threatening to overwhelm him.
Sasuke's demands and wants and smiles are the only things keeping him sane.
A piggyback ride was never an option for Itachi, but Sasuke is adamant and he was never one to refuse his brother except for his own sake. Sasuke is growing restless with just promises, but Itachi doesn't dare teach him. The potential is there and he sees how to goad it from hiding, sees how to exploit it to its full capacity. He doesn't want Sasuke to be a disappointment, to be sure, but he knows the price of excellence and doesn't want his brother to shoulder the cost. When he returns home, deadened from his missions, only Sasuke's smile serves to bring him back to the world of the living.
-----
Some days the pain is so bad that he feels his body might tear itself apart.
In these days his need to let it all out overpowers his self-control and he staggers agonizingly to his own room, confining the sound of his own ragged breathing with a thud of the door. The mask drops away like a meteor, the katana makes a metallic clang as it hits the floor but Itachi's hands are already unbuttoning his pants and he lets out a moan of suffering as his right hand encloses firmly around his penis. He feels dizzy as his hand conducts a hurried rhythm that has him erupting in a fountain of white within eight, nine strokes. He can barely breathe, can barely move, when he hears the soft voice at the door.
"Nii-san?"
His body is paralyzed. Whether or not he was ashamed or afraid, he could not say. He hears the door slide shut and closes his eyes in both pain and relief, for Sasuke has likely found him distasteful but has at least left him alone to his releases.
What he is not expecting is to feel small fingers touch the tip of his cock and wipe the liquid that is still pooled there. Sasuke rubs the semen between his fingers gingerly, comprehending, not comprehending, wanting to know.
Itachi's voice is hoarse when he tries to speak. "Here, Sasuke. I'll show you."
He takes the child's hand and puts it on himself, covers it with his own.
"Like this," he says, guiding out a pace. Sasuke has always been a quick learner and it isn't long before Itachi lets him do the deed himself. Later, when he presses the smaller body into his mattress, he only has moments to question his own sanity before he falls and loses himself completely.
The next time Sasuke hears a choked gasp from inside Itachi's room, he feels a deep stirring in his heart but does not enter. They have taken a step back from their actions to consider the alternatives, because they have sinned by blurring the lines of brotherhood. Itachi disappears on a long mission and it is months before they see each other, even longer before they can touch each other again without any hint of desire.
-----
When Itachi returns this time, he senses that there will be no more departing. They have not spoken of the incident but his heart can no longer tolerate the strain. The next time he leaves the house he planned to take Sasuke with him, for Itachi now has a plan as to how he will perform a feat Sasuke can never duplicate. He had granted enough wishes, fulfilled enough promises, paid too many debts. Before he loses his soul he wants his little brother to see it.
Sasuke finds him sitting on the porch, still clad in his ANBU gear with his mask staring at him from the ground. Itachi is lost in thought but his loneliness resounds so clearly to Sasuke that no matter how much he tells himself he shouldn't interfere, he cannot turn away.
"Itachi?" He uses his name this time, their code for seriousness. His brother turns dull eyes toward him but they light up when they meet his and he is beckoned over by the merest tilt of the head. Sasuke settles himself comfortably in Itachi's lap, and his brother settles his hands politely around Sasuke's abdomen in a desperate embrace. He feels the warmth of Itachi's cheek pressed firmly against his skull and they sigh into the presence of one another.
"Sasuke, do you think you could live with just the two of us?" He can't see them, but he knows that Itachi's eyes are downcast in that pondering look that he has, and at that moment he knows that everything will be okay so long as Itachi is alive.
"Yes."
There is a sigh against his hair. The arms about him tighten, and they sit like that until the chill of the night chases them back inside, back into their bond, back into each other.
END