Author's Note: I actually wrote this a few months ago when I was finishing up "You Want to Make a Memory?" So I thought I'd finally post this here. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. They are the propety of JK Rowling. I also do not own the lyrics you see here. They are the property of the band Bon Jovi, taken from their song "Walk Like a Man"
Walk like a Man
The peace of the dark night in August was shattered by a baby's cry. Almost at once, the baby's mother and father awoke, groggy and tired. It had only been a few weeks since their son had been born and they had learned one thing for sure about him – he was a crier. Harry could cry for hours and nothing they did would appease him. Harry's mother, Lily, was nearly at the end of her wits from lack of sleep and the constant worry that she was doing something wrong. Her husband, James, knew this and this was why he volunteered to go check on Harry. Lily needed sleep, a few hours where she wasn't worried.
He crossed the bedroom to where the cradle stood. Peering down he saw a miniature version of himself lying there, except for the eyes, which were wide and watery now. They were an emerald green, just like his mother. Everything else, the messy black hair, his face, they all looked like James. James chuckled to himself. He wondered if that was the only way his son would be like him. James picked up the bundle and cradled him in his arms, sitting down on Lily's rocking chair.
He said "Sit down, son, we've gotta talk"
I said "It's my life, I'm gonna do what I want
I'm not gonna crawl, I'm gonna walk
Walk right out that door."
"Little early to be awake isn't it?" he asked his son softly. Slowly rocking the chair back and forth, James added, "You're going to drive your mother crazy, you know." He laughed again to himself. "That sounds a bit like me. I used to make your mum mental, mostly because she couldn't stand me. Yeah, your mum used to think I was a prat – I mean… someone who wasn't very nice."
That was all Lily would need to hear – that he had taught their weeks old son to call someone a prat. Luckily, when James peered over at the bed, Lily was still, her chest rising and falling slowly as she slept. Thank Merlin, the woman needed to sleep.
"But you're not going to be someone like that, right?" James went on, allowing his right index finger to be snatched by Harry, who wiggled it up and down. "You're going to be a good person. You're going to make us all proud, aren't you?" James remembered his own father had always said this to him, that James would make him proud. He wondered if he did make his father proud. He had been slightly rebellious as a child, mostly at school and he had received several lectures, from both parents and professors. But James prayed that hadn't done anything to make his father think less of him.
He said, "I used to be a lot like you
There's nothing you've done that I didn't do"
I laughed and said, "Dad, I'm bulletproof
We've been through this before."
"Just so you know right now, I'll be proud of you no matter what you do." It was true. Maybe Harry was only weeks old, but James couldn't see him ever doing anything that would change what he felt now. Harry would have to do something as drastic as murder to ever lose the pride his parents had in him. James couldn't wait to see Harry grow up, become a boy and then a man. Even if it was years away, he couldn't wait to see his son off on the Hogwarts Express, of course with the promise that he would be a Gryffindor like his mum and dad. Merlin, James felt like a sentimental old fool.
But he couldn't help it. He was bloody proud of his boy and he had been in his life for less than a month.
I couldn't believe it
There was a tear in my old man's eyes
When I was leaving
He tried to say goodbye
"You're not going to remember me saying any of this," James went on, gently moving Harry's hand away from his face as he attempted to grab his glasses. It was true. Harry wouldn't remember a word of this conversation, he was simply too young to remember. But James thought it was an important one to have. Any opportunity to tell his son he was proud was an opportunity he wanted to take. He wanted Harry to know he would always be there, even when Harry thought he could be on his own. Even when he thought he didn't need is father anymore.
James would always be there for Harry, but he also knew there would be that time when Harry wouldn't need him.
He said stand tall when you stumble
Stay proud when you're humbled
All the lessons you learn
Won't be the ones that you plan
Harry needed to know that no matter what life threw at him, he should always stand proud, always keep going. James knew he shouldn't have to worry about it now, not when he was just twenty years old, but there would be a time in his life when he wouldn't be there for his son. In this war, that time could come sooner than he would like. But he wasn't going to let it happen. He was going to make it through so he could see his child grow up; create a bigger family with Lily, though he would keep that idea to himself for a while.
He doubted Lily was eager to experience childbirth again, at least not for another two years.
James slowly rocked the chair back and forth, listening as Harry made all the noises a baby made, including an unexpected burp that had James chuckling quietly. If there was any incentive to fight and stay alive in this war, it was the baby he held in his arms. He wanted to be there for every moment of Harry's life and he would do it. He was always going to be there for his son, even when Harry thought he didn't need him. That was what James's father had done for him. He had let James make his mistakes, make his decisions, but he was always there when James needed him.
And James would always be there for Harry. He loved his son more than his own life. When Harry fell asleep, James gently placed him back in the cradle. "No matter what happens, you know I'm always going to love you."
And every step up that mountain
Will be more than worth counting
And when you walk through the valley
May you walk like a man
"James, what, in Merlin's name, are you shouting about?" Harry Potter sat in Number Twelve Grimmauld Place. The house had been quiet, Ginny having taken Albus and Lily out to see their Uncle George at his store in Diagon Alley. They had invited James along, but he said he didn't want to go, which they found odd, though they didn't question it. Maybe James had just bought enough tricks to last him for a year.
When James came bounding down the steps, running into the kitchen so fast he nearly crashed into the table Harry sat at, Harry knew at once what his son was excited about. In James's hand was a parchment letter with a very familiar crest emblazoned on it. "I got in, Dad!" James shouted happily. "I'm going to Hogwarts!"
"That's brilliant, James." Harry had no doubt his oldest son would get in. James had been exhibiting magic since he was five, when he bounced down the stairs instead of toppling down them. Harry could still hear Ginny's shrieks of fright at they turned into laughter as she watched her son bounce.
And now I've seen a couple miles on a gravel road
Been taught a couple things I didn't know
And yeah, I've even got a kid of my own
Starting to sound a lot like me
"I wonder if Hogwarts is ready for another Potter," Harry mused, taking the supply list and going over what James would need. A trip to Diagon Alley was in order. After everything Harry had done while he was in school, he often wondered if the people who worked in the castle were glad when a Potter graduated. That must have been the case when his own father finished school. As smart and talented as James Potter was, he was a troublemaker above all else. Harry knew this just from the giant file drawer he had to clean when he was serving detention for Snape. Harry had a number of detentions under his own belt.
Merlin knew that James would take that path. He had always been a bit of a troublemaker, clearly taking after his grandfather. James found it all in good fun, though, as long as no one got hurt. His grandfather sometimes took things a little too far. Harry was sure his son knew the difference. The kind of trouble Harry caused, well, that was another matter entirely. He hadn't willingly done it. He had his own life and the lives of those that mattered to him to look out for. The same went for his father. Harry's father had sacrifices to make for his son and the people he loved. Harry had to do the same.
He hoped James wouldn't have to do the same, at least not in so drastic a way.
I learned a little thing called sacrifice
Givin' up on dreams, lost a couple fights
All anybody wants is a better life
And something to believe
"Dad?" James said questioningly. Harry snapped back to reality, completely missing the question his son asked him. "Can we go to Diagon Alley?"
"Well, your mum and your brother and sister are already there," Harry reasoned. He knew James would rather eat dung than have to wait to get his school supplies. There really was no reason to make him wait. "Let's go." He already knew where to find Ginny and the kids and he knew James would love a chance to see his uncle, possibly find some new pranks in the store. George had mentioned something about wands that turned into snakes if the wrong person picked it up.
Hogwarts wasn't quite ready for that one.
It took a while to find Ginny, Albus and Lily in the massive crowd that was almost always in Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes. They also managed to run into Harry's godson, Teddy Lupin, who was sporting his favorite blue hair. Teddy reminded Harry of himself. Teddy had just been a baby when his parents were killed; he had barely been two weeks old when Remus and Nymphadora Lupin were murdered in the Battle of Hogwarts. But Harry knew that Remus Lupin had been fighting for what he believed in, much the same way Harry's own father had died. They had both loved their sons and would do anything for them.
Unfortunately it cost them their lives. Yet Harry knew, and felt that Teddy knew the same, their fathers had never truly left them. Harry remembered his godfather saying the same. The ones they loved never really left, they left pieces of themselves in those they left behind. Words of advice, even the simplest thing like a parents' love – that was what they left behind.
Stand tall when you stumble
Stay proud when you're humbled
All the lessons you learn
Won't be the ones that you plan
Every step up that mountain
Will be more than worth counting
And when you walk through the valley
May you walk like a man
It wasn't long before the first of September arrived and James was set to start his first year of Hogwarts. Harry watched his son carefully over the days preceding this. James was excited, anyone was able to see that, but Harry saw the underlying anxiousness in him. James often joked about Hogwarts being nothing, that if scores of Slytherins had gotten through, he would be able to do it without a problem. But Harry wasn't so sure James felt that way. He had the confidence everyone said his grandfather had, but Harry knew he also had the nervousness he did when he first started Hogwarts.
If James was anything like his father, he would be wondering if he was good enough to be there, if he wasn't going to be sent back home.
When they arrived on Platform Nine and Three Quarters, before James would say goodbye to his mum, Harry pulled him aside. James needed to hear that he was going to be okay, that he would do brilliantly at school. "Nervous?" Harry asked carefully.
James opened his mouth, clearly about to say that he wasn't, but he shut it and nodded. "A bit," he admitted.
Harry swallowed with a bit of difficulty. He had expected that response. What he didn't expect was the lump that formed in his throat. James was his oldest son, his firstborn and he was about to go to school.
I couldn't believe it
When the tears came to my eyes
It ain't easy
Standing on the other side
"There's nothing to worry about," Harry assured his son. "Hogwarts is scary at first; you'll get lost a lot." Maybe that wasn't the best way to reassure James, but he wished someone had told him that when he'd started. Then again, Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia would never admit to there being a Hogwarts, so they wouldn't impart words of wisdom on him. They hadn't even taken him to the platform.
"I know. Dad, I'll be fine." James clearly didn't want to talk about why he was nervous, but Harry wasn't hearing it. James was his son. All his life, Harry wished he'd had someone around he could talk to and he was going to do that for James. If his son was scared, Harry wanted to know why. He didn't know why, but the advice the appeared in his mind sounded like something he had heard before, but he couldn't place where.
He only knew that it was good advice, something James needed to hear.
I said "Sit down, son, we've gotta talk
Hey, it's your life, you're gonna do what you want
I won't say crawl before you walk"
Cause I heard my old man in my mind sayin'
"It's just that I've got a lot to live up to, don't I?" James asked tentatively.
Harry knew James couldn't possibly be talking about half of what he had gotten up to while he was at school. Harry wasn't ready to tell his children the entire story about Voldemort. "What do you mean?"
"I've heard people say that you, Uncle Ron and Aunt Hermione were, I dunno, really important people. Something like that. And everyone else in the family, you've all done big things. What if I don't do anything like that?"
Harry couldn't stop his eyes from widening in surprise. That was what James was worried about? Living up to the family name? Harry stopped the chuckle from escaping his lips as he thought of his first train ride to Hogwarts when Ron had expressed the same worries – living up to the standards his older brothers had set. Ron had succeeded in that and Harry knew James would do the same.
"You don't have to worry about any of that," he told James.
"What if you're not proud of me? For not living up to everything you've done?"
Harry shook his head. There would never be a time when he wasn't proud of his son. James didn't have to do anything to try and earn it. He had it from the moment he was born. Gripping James's shoulder, Harry stared him in the eye, letting him know not to doubt him in the slightest. "I'm going to be proud of you no matter what. You're a good person, James. You'll do well in school. I don't care if you're not at the top of your class or anything like that. I'm always going to be proud of you. Just be yourself. Never doubt yourself. You're smart, James. You'll know what to do. You don't ever have to worry about making me proud."
Harry was relieved when he saw the smile sneak its way onto James's lips. "Thanks, Dad."
Harry grinned and pulled his oldest son into a hug. "Now, go say goodbye to your mum before she has a fit."
Stand tall when you stumble
Stay proud when you're humbled
All the lessons you learn
Won't be the ones that you plan
And every step up that mountain
Will be more than worth counting
And when you walk through the valley
May you walk like a man
Harry joined Ginny, Albus and Lily as James stepped onto the scarlet train. He was going to be fine, Harry knew it. No matter how nervous James was, he was going to be okay. He was going to make it through Hogwarts. Before Harry knew it, James would be out on his own. One day he would be a father going through the same thing, trying to let his son know that he would always be proud, but he would always be there for him.
James was going to be just fine. Harry knew he would be.
And when you go on without me
Walk like a man