Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Not Me!
By: AnubisFearie
*WARNING! This fic is extremely stupid and may rot some of your brain!
~*~
Audience: YAY!!!!!!! claps insanley
Soun: Okay, you can stop applauding now...
Audience: Continues clapping
Soun: What are you still clapping about?
Genma: Looks up The "APPLAUSE" sign is still flashing.
Soun: EVERYBODY IGNORE IT!
Audience: Shuts up
Soun: *Ahem* Welcome to "Who Wants to be a Millionaire"... Nerima-style! I'm your host, Regis Fi-- uhm, I mean Soun Tendo! Let's meet our contestants, shall we? Pulls out cards, reads Our first is Chinese Amazon bath product.... SHAMPOO!
Shampoo: Bounds onto stage AIYAA! Shampoo win already?
Soun: No, you didn't win! How did this ditz get on the show?
Shampoo: Grabs Soun by the shirt collar Shampoo no is ditz... you want take back that now?
Soun: I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Now, please just take your seat.
Shampoo: Sits down and grins
Soun: Our next contestant is a half-pig directionally challenged hopeless romantic... RYOGA HIBIKI!
Ryoga: Crosses arms, looks slightly nervous I'm not sure if I approve of being called that.
Soun: Don't look at me, Ranma wrote that one.
Ryoga: Figures. Sits down and looks pissed
Soun: Next up is my violent tomboyish daughter... AKANE TENDO!
Akane: Runs up to Soun and hits him with a frying pan Who are you calling a violent tomboy, dad?!?!
Soun: Passes out
Genma: You killed him! Oh the humanity!
Ryoga: She did not... look he's getting up now.
Soun: Takes his seat, has a giant lump on his head Owww... okay. Next contestent. Myopic Shampoo-obsessed dumb-as-a-rock Chinese Amazon... MOUSSE!
Mousse: Doesn't have glasses on, begins hitting Ryoga How dare you call me such names, Tendo?!
Ryoga: Punches Mousse in the gut Put your glasses on, you dumb jerk!
Mousse: Puts on glasses, looks embarressed Oh. Quietly takes his seat, blushing
Soun: Uh.....huh. Well, let's see, this contestant is a sex obsessed panty stealing decreped old lecher... HAPPOSAI!
Happi: WOOOHOOO! Grabs Akane's chest Hey baby! Want to limbo?
Akane: PERVERT! Slaps Happi away
Soun: Yeah, whatever. Our final contestant is a crossdressing okonomiyaki chef... UKYO KUONJI!
Ukyo: Sits down and crosses arms I am not a crossdresser, you jackass.
Soun: Yes you are.
Ukyo: Am not.
Soun: Are!
Ukyo: Not!
Ranma: Hold it! Runs onto stage, audience mumble to each other How the hell could I not be a contestant?! I'm the star of the show!
Shampoo: Shampoo love Ranma! Let Ranma be on show, Tendo!
Ukyo: Yeah! Let my Ranma Honey be on!
Akane: Why do you always have to be the center of attention, Ranma?
Ranma: Shoves face into camera I do not.
Ryoga: Slaps Ranma Get lost!
Mousse: Yeah, you aren't wanted here!
Ranma: Puppy dog eyes
Audience: Aaaaaaawwwwwwwwww!!!
Happi: Plays with a bra
Soun: Son, just scram before I kick your ass.
Ranma: I shall plot a truly devious revenge and come back to put it in action. Good day! Storms off
Soun: All right. Now for our fastest finger question to decide who gets up here first...
Put the following people in whatever order you fell like.
A.) Akane B.) Ranma C.) Bob D.) Mousse
Soun: Times up!
Ryoga: That was a really stupid question.
Akane: Who's Bob?
Bob: Me.
Soun: Bite me. And the answer is... A, B, C! Shampoo wins!
Shampoo: AIYAA! Shampoo win!
Mousse: What a second! First of all, there is no correct answer. And second, why aren't I on there?!
Soun: I can make the answer be whatever I want. Nobody likes you and besides, I said PEOPLE not myopic orangeatangs.
Mousse: You will pay for that remark once I finish eating my banana.
Shampoo: Where Shampoo prize money?
Soun: You don't get it yet, bimbo. You have to answer more questions.
Shampoo: Damn.
Soun: Okay, Shampoo, here's your question...
Which of the following is not Ranma's fiancee`?
A.) Shampoo B.) Ukyo C.) Akane D.) Ryoga
Shampoo: Thinks That is hard one... Shampoo want use lifeline.
Soun: You have to be the dumbest person on earth. Which lifeline do you want?
Shampoo: Shampoo phone-a-friend, Ranma.
Soun: Okay, let me just call him on his cell phone...
*Brrring Brrring*
Ranma: Picks up phone What?
Soun: Answer Shampoo's question. You have 30 seconds, got it?
Ranma: No.
Shampoo: Who is not you fiancee`? Shampoo, Ukyo, Akane, Ryoga.
(25)Ranma: That's easy. Akane.
Soun: What?!
Akane: What?!
(20)Shampoo: Okay, thank Ranma. Bye-bye! Hangs up
Akane: Turns to Ryoga Is there something you aren't telling us?!
Ryoga: Blushes I, uh, I mean... um, I... you don't... ehehehe...
Soun: You loose. Go away, Shampoo.
Shampoo: But Shampoo no answer question!
Soun: Your annoying. Next fastest finger question is...
Put the following things in the order they made the sky blue.
A.) Fairies B.) Penguins C.) Cheese D.) Bob
Ryoga: WHAT?!?!
Soun: Times up! And the answer is... B,A,C,D!
Bob: Damn straight!
Soun: Wow! The only one who got it right is Happosai.
Happi: Yes! Jumps into chair Ask away, Soun!
Soun: Ah... yes master. Your first question is...
Ranma: Bursts in with a giant sack of live chickens and a can of beans HA! Now I have a really evil plan that will kill you all and get me on the show!
Ukyo: But, Ran-Chan, if we're all dead there wouldn't be a show.
Ranma: But... I worked so hard on this scheme and it was really hard to get these chickens on such short notice...
Audience: Aaaaaaawwwwwww.
Ranma: Ah, shaddup! Lets chickens loose, leaves
Akane: I wonder what his plan was.
Chicken: Bwoook!
Happi: What's my question?!?!
Soun: Er, uh, yes. It is...
Where is the North Pole?
A.) North B.) East C.) South D.) Bob
Happi: That's easy! It's D!
Soun: Is that your final answer?
Happi: Yes.
Soun: Is that your final answer?
Happi: Yes. nods
Soun: Is that your final answer?
Happi: Yes. looks annoyed
Soun: Is that your final answer?
Happi: Yes. looks pissed
Soun: Is that your final answer?
Happi: Yes. balls fists
Soun: Is that your final answer?
Happi: YES GODDAMNIT!!!!!!!
Soun: Cries Don't yell at me!
Happi: Am I right?
Soun: *Sniffle sniffle* Uhhmmm... Checks cards Yes, actually.
Akane: What?!
Mousse: You've gotta be kidding me!
Bob: Points to pole on the top of his head Damn straight!
Ukyo: This is madness...
Ranma: Bursts in again Okay, okay. I've got it now. Pulls out large vaccuum and a pair of socks Now I'll get you all!
Soun: Nooooo!!!!! Cries
Audience: Gasps
Ukyo: Ranma Honey, don't do it!
Akane: You jerk! Cries
Ryoga: Darling, don't do it!
Mousse: HA! So it IS true!
Soun: If you don't do it, you can be on, okay?
Ranma: YAY! Pushes Happosai out of chair, sits down
Happi: HEY! I was on!
Soun: And you win... Digs behind his back Genma's collection of porno magazines!
Happi: YAY! Runs off with them
Genma: Nooo!!!
Ranma: Hey, that one was mine!
Soun: Okay, son. Your question is...
What is the ratio of a two foot tall wall is traveling at a speed of 9.1 miles per nanosecond while eating a 4 foot 5 inch big cookie dough gob?
A.) 1528.809 B.) 2 C.) 67.89 D.) Bob
Ranma: I'll go with A.
Soun: You loose. Go away now.
Ranma: Grabs Soun by shirt collar Care to rephrase that, old man?
Soun: Ahhh... uhhh.. ummm.... that is correct!
Ranma: YAY!
Audience: Applauds
Akane: This is nuts!
Ukyo: Picks her toenails
Soun: Next question.
How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?
A.) a lot B.) a little C.) a pound D.) Bob
Ranma: I give up. Give me a prize, now.
Soun: Okay. Gives Ranma a boat paddle
Audience: Applauds
Ryoga: All right! Now Ranma can use that on me in bed! All stare Uhhhhh..... ehehe...
Ranma: Knocks Ryoga out with paddle
Ukyo: Asleep
Mousse: Passed out
Soun: Well, the only conscious contestant now is Akane.
Akane: About time! Sits down
Soun: Okay, hun, your question is...
What is 2+2?
A.)3 B.) 4 C.) 6 D.) Bob
Akane: Thinks That's a hard one... I'm going to have to use a lifeline. Ask the Audience.
Ranma: Ditz...
Soun: 2% say it's A, 6% say B, 3% say C, and a surprising 89% think it's D.
Akane: Okay, then I'll go with C.
Ukyo: Wakes up
Soun: You loose. Go away.
Akane: I CANNOT LOOSE! I'm the most wonderful thing on earth. I'm on crack, do you hear me? Hits Soun and runs away
Soun: YOU ARE GROUNDED, LITTLE MISSY!
Ukyo: Sits in chair
Audience: Silent
Soun: Blinks
Ukyo: Smiles
Soun: Hello.
Ukyo: Hello.
Soun: You are the weakest link, goodbye!
Ukyo: What...?
Soun: You loose! Get lost!
Ukyo: How could I loose without answering a question?!
Soun: Because I hate you.
Ukyo: Damn.
Audience: Watches as Ranma and Ryoga make out
Kodachi: Makes out with her brother, Tatewaki, in their seats
Soun: GA!
Mousse: Can I play now?
Soun: No.
Mousse: Okay.... Makes out with Genma
Soun: Dies
Shampoo: Walks in, keels over, and dies
Ranma: Nooooooo!!!!!!! My bimbo!
Ryoga: You'll move on, man.
Ranma: Oh yeah. I forgot.
Mousse: Falls out of a tree, breaks his neck, and dies
Ukyo: Why was there a tree there?
Bob: Damn straight.
Genma: Nooo! My husband! Cries, dehydrates, and dies
Ukyo: What the?
Happi: Will you marry me, Ukyo?
Ukyo: Of course! Dies
Happi: Plays with corpse's boobs Heehee... Sufficates between them, dies
Ryoga: That was sad. Dies
Ranma: Noooo!!!!!!!
Akane: Walks in smoking weed Heeheehee... hellp little penguin.
Ranma: I'm not a penguin.
Akane: Will you marry me?
Ranma: Well, everyone else is dead, so why not? Kisses Akane
Akane: Passes out
Ranma: Throws up on Akane Heeheehee....
Akane: mumbles
Ranma: Steals the million dollars, kills Akane, and runs out laughing followed by his chickens
Audience Guy: So... are we the audience or witnesses?
Audience Girl: I want a boogar.
Guy: Picks his nose, hands boogar to Girl
Girl: YAY!!! *munch munch munch*
Guy: Agar agar?
Ranma: Runs in The End! Runs out, trips over a rock, and dies
~*~
Author's Notes: Please don't hate me... Ducks for cover and runs away
By: AnubisFearie
*WARNING! This fic is extremely stupid and may rot some of your brain!
~*~
Audience: YAY!!!!!!! claps insanley
Soun: Okay, you can stop applauding now...
Audience: Continues clapping
Soun: What are you still clapping about?
Genma: Looks up The "APPLAUSE" sign is still flashing.
Soun: EVERYBODY IGNORE IT!
Audience: Shuts up
Soun: *Ahem* Welcome to "Who Wants to be a Millionaire"... Nerima-style! I'm your host, Regis Fi-- uhm, I mean Soun Tendo! Let's meet our contestants, shall we? Pulls out cards, reads Our first is Chinese Amazon bath product.... SHAMPOO!
Shampoo: Bounds onto stage AIYAA! Shampoo win already?
Soun: No, you didn't win! How did this ditz get on the show?
Shampoo: Grabs Soun by the shirt collar Shampoo no is ditz... you want take back that now?
Soun: I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Now, please just take your seat.
Shampoo: Sits down and grins
Soun: Our next contestant is a half-pig directionally challenged hopeless romantic... RYOGA HIBIKI!
Ryoga: Crosses arms, looks slightly nervous I'm not sure if I approve of being called that.
Soun: Don't look at me, Ranma wrote that one.
Ryoga: Figures. Sits down and looks pissed
Soun: Next up is my violent tomboyish daughter... AKANE TENDO!
Akane: Runs up to Soun and hits him with a frying pan Who are you calling a violent tomboy, dad?!?!
Soun: Passes out
Genma: You killed him! Oh the humanity!
Ryoga: She did not... look he's getting up now.
Soun: Takes his seat, has a giant lump on his head Owww... okay. Next contestent. Myopic Shampoo-obsessed dumb-as-a-rock Chinese Amazon... MOUSSE!
Mousse: Doesn't have glasses on, begins hitting Ryoga How dare you call me such names, Tendo?!
Ryoga: Punches Mousse in the gut Put your glasses on, you dumb jerk!
Mousse: Puts on glasses, looks embarressed Oh. Quietly takes his seat, blushing
Soun: Uh.....huh. Well, let's see, this contestant is a sex obsessed panty stealing decreped old lecher... HAPPOSAI!
Happi: WOOOHOOO! Grabs Akane's chest Hey baby! Want to limbo?
Akane: PERVERT! Slaps Happi away
Soun: Yeah, whatever. Our final contestant is a crossdressing okonomiyaki chef... UKYO KUONJI!
Ukyo: Sits down and crosses arms I am not a crossdresser, you jackass.
Soun: Yes you are.
Ukyo: Am not.
Soun: Are!
Ukyo: Not!
Ranma: Hold it! Runs onto stage, audience mumble to each other How the hell could I not be a contestant?! I'm the star of the show!
Shampoo: Shampoo love Ranma! Let Ranma be on show, Tendo!
Ukyo: Yeah! Let my Ranma Honey be on!
Akane: Why do you always have to be the center of attention, Ranma?
Ranma: Shoves face into camera I do not.
Ryoga: Slaps Ranma Get lost!
Mousse: Yeah, you aren't wanted here!
Ranma: Puppy dog eyes
Audience: Aaaaaaawwwwwwwwww!!!
Happi: Plays with a bra
Soun: Son, just scram before I kick your ass.
Ranma: I shall plot a truly devious revenge and come back to put it in action. Good day! Storms off
Soun: All right. Now for our fastest finger question to decide who gets up here first...
Put the following people in whatever order you fell like.
A.) Akane B.) Ranma C.) Bob D.) Mousse
Soun: Times up!
Ryoga: That was a really stupid question.
Akane: Who's Bob?
Bob: Me.
Soun: Bite me. And the answer is... A, B, C! Shampoo wins!
Shampoo: AIYAA! Shampoo win!
Mousse: What a second! First of all, there is no correct answer. And second, why aren't I on there?!
Soun: I can make the answer be whatever I want. Nobody likes you and besides, I said PEOPLE not myopic orangeatangs.
Mousse: You will pay for that remark once I finish eating my banana.
Shampoo: Where Shampoo prize money?
Soun: You don't get it yet, bimbo. You have to answer more questions.
Shampoo: Damn.
Soun: Okay, Shampoo, here's your question...
Which of the following is not Ranma's fiancee`?
A.) Shampoo B.) Ukyo C.) Akane D.) Ryoga
Shampoo: Thinks That is hard one... Shampoo want use lifeline.
Soun: You have to be the dumbest person on earth. Which lifeline do you want?
Shampoo: Shampoo phone-a-friend, Ranma.
Soun: Okay, let me just call him on his cell phone...
*Brrring Brrring*
Ranma: Picks up phone What?
Soun: Answer Shampoo's question. You have 30 seconds, got it?
Ranma: No.
Shampoo: Who is not you fiancee`? Shampoo, Ukyo, Akane, Ryoga.
(25)Ranma: That's easy. Akane.
Soun: What?!
Akane: What?!
(20)Shampoo: Okay, thank Ranma. Bye-bye! Hangs up
Akane: Turns to Ryoga Is there something you aren't telling us?!
Ryoga: Blushes I, uh, I mean... um, I... you don't... ehehehe...
Soun: You loose. Go away, Shampoo.
Shampoo: But Shampoo no answer question!
Soun: Your annoying. Next fastest finger question is...
Put the following things in the order they made the sky blue.
A.) Fairies B.) Penguins C.) Cheese D.) Bob
Ryoga: WHAT?!?!
Soun: Times up! And the answer is... B,A,C,D!
Bob: Damn straight!
Soun: Wow! The only one who got it right is Happosai.
Happi: Yes! Jumps into chair Ask away, Soun!
Soun: Ah... yes master. Your first question is...
Ranma: Bursts in with a giant sack of live chickens and a can of beans HA! Now I have a really evil plan that will kill you all and get me on the show!
Ukyo: But, Ran-Chan, if we're all dead there wouldn't be a show.
Ranma: But... I worked so hard on this scheme and it was really hard to get these chickens on such short notice...
Audience: Aaaaaaawwwwwww.
Ranma: Ah, shaddup! Lets chickens loose, leaves
Akane: I wonder what his plan was.
Chicken: Bwoook!
Happi: What's my question?!?!
Soun: Er, uh, yes. It is...
Where is the North Pole?
A.) North B.) East C.) South D.) Bob
Happi: That's easy! It's D!
Soun: Is that your final answer?
Happi: Yes.
Soun: Is that your final answer?
Happi: Yes. nods
Soun: Is that your final answer?
Happi: Yes. looks annoyed
Soun: Is that your final answer?
Happi: Yes. looks pissed
Soun: Is that your final answer?
Happi: Yes. balls fists
Soun: Is that your final answer?
Happi: YES GODDAMNIT!!!!!!!
Soun: Cries Don't yell at me!
Happi: Am I right?
Soun: *Sniffle sniffle* Uhhmmm... Checks cards Yes, actually.
Akane: What?!
Mousse: You've gotta be kidding me!
Bob: Points to pole on the top of his head Damn straight!
Ukyo: This is madness...
Ranma: Bursts in again Okay, okay. I've got it now. Pulls out large vaccuum and a pair of socks Now I'll get you all!
Soun: Nooooo!!!!! Cries
Audience: Gasps
Ukyo: Ranma Honey, don't do it!
Akane: You jerk! Cries
Ryoga: Darling, don't do it!
Mousse: HA! So it IS true!
Soun: If you don't do it, you can be on, okay?
Ranma: YAY! Pushes Happosai out of chair, sits down
Happi: HEY! I was on!
Soun: And you win... Digs behind his back Genma's collection of porno magazines!
Happi: YAY! Runs off with them
Genma: Nooo!!!
Ranma: Hey, that one was mine!
Soun: Okay, son. Your question is...
What is the ratio of a two foot tall wall is traveling at a speed of 9.1 miles per nanosecond while eating a 4 foot 5 inch big cookie dough gob?
A.) 1528.809 B.) 2 C.) 67.89 D.) Bob
Ranma: I'll go with A.
Soun: You loose. Go away now.
Ranma: Grabs Soun by shirt collar Care to rephrase that, old man?
Soun: Ahhh... uhhh.. ummm.... that is correct!
Ranma: YAY!
Audience: Applauds
Akane: This is nuts!
Ukyo: Picks her toenails
Soun: Next question.
How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?
A.) a lot B.) a little C.) a pound D.) Bob
Ranma: I give up. Give me a prize, now.
Soun: Okay. Gives Ranma a boat paddle
Audience: Applauds
Ryoga: All right! Now Ranma can use that on me in bed! All stare Uhhhhh..... ehehe...
Ranma: Knocks Ryoga out with paddle
Ukyo: Asleep
Mousse: Passed out
Soun: Well, the only conscious contestant now is Akane.
Akane: About time! Sits down
Soun: Okay, hun, your question is...
What is 2+2?
A.)3 B.) 4 C.) 6 D.) Bob
Akane: Thinks That's a hard one... I'm going to have to use a lifeline. Ask the Audience.
Ranma: Ditz...
Soun: 2% say it's A, 6% say B, 3% say C, and a surprising 89% think it's D.
Akane: Okay, then I'll go with C.
Ukyo: Wakes up
Soun: You loose. Go away.
Akane: I CANNOT LOOSE! I'm the most wonderful thing on earth. I'm on crack, do you hear me? Hits Soun and runs away
Soun: YOU ARE GROUNDED, LITTLE MISSY!
Ukyo: Sits in chair
Audience: Silent
Soun: Blinks
Ukyo: Smiles
Soun: Hello.
Ukyo: Hello.
Soun: You are the weakest link, goodbye!
Ukyo: What...?
Soun: You loose! Get lost!
Ukyo: How could I loose without answering a question?!
Soun: Because I hate you.
Ukyo: Damn.
Audience: Watches as Ranma and Ryoga make out
Kodachi: Makes out with her brother, Tatewaki, in their seats
Soun: GA!
Mousse: Can I play now?
Soun: No.
Mousse: Okay.... Makes out with Genma
Soun: Dies
Shampoo: Walks in, keels over, and dies
Ranma: Nooooooo!!!!!!! My bimbo!
Ryoga: You'll move on, man.
Ranma: Oh yeah. I forgot.
Mousse: Falls out of a tree, breaks his neck, and dies
Ukyo: Why was there a tree there?
Bob: Damn straight.
Genma: Nooo! My husband! Cries, dehydrates, and dies
Ukyo: What the?
Happi: Will you marry me, Ukyo?
Ukyo: Of course! Dies
Happi: Plays with corpse's boobs Heehee... Sufficates between them, dies
Ryoga: That was sad. Dies
Ranma: Noooo!!!!!!!
Akane: Walks in smoking weed Heeheehee... hellp little penguin.
Ranma: I'm not a penguin.
Akane: Will you marry me?
Ranma: Well, everyone else is dead, so why not? Kisses Akane
Akane: Passes out
Ranma: Throws up on Akane Heeheehee....
Akane: mumbles
Ranma: Steals the million dollars, kills Akane, and runs out laughing followed by his chickens
Audience Guy: So... are we the audience or witnesses?
Audience Girl: I want a boogar.
Guy: Picks his nose, hands boogar to Girl
Girl: YAY!!! *munch munch munch*
Guy: Agar agar?
Ranma: Runs in The End! Runs out, trips over a rock, and dies
~*~
Author's Notes: Please don't hate me... Ducks for cover and runs away