I'm late.
I'm running.
Thank you, God.
We have a case.
I'm so unbelievably happy.
I have a reason to stop her wedding.
I'm at the doors of a building; it's not a church.
I almost chuckle. Of course she wouldn't have her wedding in a church.
Her wedding, the one I'm going to ruin. I smile.
Thank God.
Just as I'm entering, it's seems fate is on my side.
But I still stop and stare. Take in my surroundings, like any sniper would, out of habit.
The lucky bastard is standing next to her. She's in a wedding dress.
The wedding dress I helped her find, because her best friend was sick.
So at the sight of everything I freeze.
I'm going to ruin her wedding.
Huff. Puff. Huff. Puff.
The doors close loudly behind me; everyone snaps swirls their heads around to me.
The preacher, or sailor, or whatever is saying something.
I stand, still catching my breath when I hear my cue; this is where I get lucky.
"-Let them speak now or forever hold their peace."
As soon as the guy is finished talking, I start.
"I object." Everyone is staring still craning his or her necks to get of glimpse.
I smile. She's looking at me now, too.
I have her attention for the moment.
She isn't smiling back at me, now though, like usual, she's mad.
She's beautiful when she's mad, to say the least.
"What are you doing?" She asks, furious.
"We have a case." I give her my most cocky smile, and latch my fingers on to my belt buckle, as if to show everybody, just how cocky I am.
"That can wait!" She projects. Highly annoyed. My smile grows; I know how to get her out of this. She might hate me though.
This is better then her marrying some lucky bastard, I didn't even get to check in the system yet. Right?
"Men like Howard Epps are on the loose, murdering people, and you want to get married right now? When you don't believe in marriage? Or love? Who are you?" I asked; my cocky smile just getting wider, when I notice how flustered my Bones is.
"Epps?" She asks horrified, but someone must have nudged her, "Why don't you sit down, Booth? You can talk to me in a few days, because I am currently busy."
"I'm not worth your time?" I asked. My smile was fading, because reality was sinking in.
I was at her wedding.
I'm not the groom.
She isn't running off with me.
"That's not fair! I'm getting married, I don't even know what you're doing."
"That makes two of us." I answered, honestly. What am I doing?
"Can you sit down?" She asks. No. Then she'll be married. Taken. Forever.
Unless I kill him, that lucky bastard.
I thought about her request. "No." I said, staring at her. Forgetting where I was- almost. It's hard to lose my self in her eyes, when every one else's eyes are on me.
"What?" She's confused now.
"I'm not going anywhere. I'm still objecting."
"Why?"
"Why are you getting married?"
"I found my someone."
"Really?"
"I don't lie, you know that, Booth. This is irrational, sit down, we'll talk later."
"Later is too late." I inform her, in a matter-of-fact tone.
"I promise you can talk to me, and we can't stop men like Epps in a day. Just sit down, for now." There was the purest honesty in her blue eyes.
"Not this time, baby." Did I really just say that?
I set my jaw.
"What do you want from me right now? I'm not going off with you for a case. What do you want?"
"You can't get married to him."
"What not? I love him."
"Because if you marry him it would be a horrible waste of five years."
"Waste?"
"Yes. You see, because he hasn't been the guy answering all your questions. He hasn't convinced you that love is real. He hasn't let you see how wonderful children are. He hasn't waited for five years. It's not fair. It's wrong. It's stupid. It's a waste. A plain waste of everything."
"My wedding is a waste?" She was confused, and I saw the hurt plainly revealed.
"Yes." I said, just above a whisper.
"Are you under the influence of illegal substances?" She asked, I noticed a tear stroll down her soft cheek.
"It was stupid, at least, on my end, to fall for you."
"You haven't fallen, or broken anything for months. What are you talking about?"
"I love you, Bones."
"You must still be suffering from coma side effects, or drunk. What you're saying is not true. What did you take? Did you have a gambling relapse?"
"Where'd you hear that? Sweets? That kid is wrong. Everyone is wrong. They don't know anything about us."
"There is no 'us', Booth! The only thing we share is a professional partnership. You have made that so incredibly clear after everything, even if everything else you say makes no sense."
"I know you better then everyone; anyone. I know more about you then your fiancé. I have more of you to love. And trust me, I do. Everything."
"It was a dream. Get over it. It's over; this is reality, you woke up, we have never touched in any way that is not protocol. We solve murders, that's all!"
"Oh, yeah? Just a dream, you say? You must be having the same dream, Bones, because you wrote the books! Tell me I'm not Andy Lister. Prove I'm not."
"Vanity is a sin, Booth!"
"And so is lust! I'm right, you know it. I'm finally telling you. I love you, Bones. Don't you dare say it will fade! It's been months. It's been years. Ever since we met. Everyone thinks they're experts on us! Well, they're wrong, Bones. Just wrong."
"Stop it. You've already ruined my wedding! You don't have to break my heart also! You stupid jerk. You arrogant bastard! I hate when you do this."
"I can't break you're heart, Bones, it's a vital organ, and I am not currently touching it, at all. I'm not even close."
"Trust me, you fucking clueless man, you are very close."
"So you do love me?"
"Don't you dare think you can walk in here, ruin my wedding, and then force me to say that aloud!"
"Say what?" I ask, playing dumb, trying to get her to share with me.
"Nothing. It doesn't mean anything. Everything…it's all in your head. You don't love me."
"Then why would I die for you? We both know that Howard Epps didn't slip from my fingers. I let him fall. He was going to kill you. That was before that stupid dream! That was before Sweets. So don't you dare say everything will fade! Sweets is wrong. Trust me."
"I can't."
"Just like I said, five years wasted."
"So then why are you still here? If I'm such a waste of your time?"
"Because I love you!"
"No, you don't!"
"How would you know?"
"How would I not? When you do make sense, the only time I understand what you're saying, is when you're say that you don't want me. So stop lying. You'll get over it. You're confused. So just stop." I was lost for words, when she finished her rant. "Besides you would have already made a move on me, if you did. And I'm not blonde." She added after a moment of silence.
"What does your hair color have to do with anything?"
"You react to blondes."
"What?"
"Tessa, Rebecca,"-
"Are you joking? Are you serious? Bones, you can't be serious. Is this you trying to be funny?"
"Blonde, funny, aware of pop culture, and light hearted. That's what you want. I am not blonde, not funny, as you have pointed out countless times, and I am not light hearted. I don't understand a thing you say in reference to television, or the radio, or everything else. So why don't you just leave? Leave already!" Her words shook my core.
"I'll miss you."
"You'll get over it. I mean, bickering with some one every second? You shouldn't miss me much."
"You are a mad scientist." I murmured.
"I don't know"-She started, softly, and her voice was small- vulnerable. Ashamed.
"What that means." I finished for her. I noticed how close we were, almost touching. I was smiling uncontrollably. Suddenly, my finger slipped under her chin, and her blue eyes were on mine again. Her lips parted, and I simply could not stop my self. Not for another second.
When my lips touched hers, she shivered, and her hands rested on my suit jacket. Her perfect long fingers grasped my shirt lapels. I let my hands lay over her hips.
I felt whole, like I belonged here- with her, forever and ever.
Bones must have realized what we were doing, because she pulled away. Her hand came up to my face, but I wouldn't let her slap me, again. Yes, again. It would not happen.
My hand stopped hers, and I squeezed those long white elegant fingers, in mine. Then I grasped her waist desperately and I was kissing her again. Yes, again.
Except this time, she wasn't kissing me back. Her other hand pushed me away.
There were tears in her eyes, but I knew she wouldn't let one droplet fall.
She never let the tears drop, unless we were alone.
She has to love me, too, right?
Does she have a point, about my forgetting?
Do I feel like she does?
Will it last forever?
"I'm sorry." I say, clearing my throat, and letting my eyes rest on hers. What I saw in her blue irises made me clench my jaw, against my own tears.
"For what?" She asks, and the way her voice cracks twists my chest, and I step backward.
"For leaving." I say, and she gasps, and then her tears that must have been building up for a damn while spill over. And she's still looking at me, her eyes wide with shock and horror, and I can feel, hear, her heart crack. The walls are finally tumbling down, and I didn't want them to anymore.
I don't want her.
How could I?
How dare I?
I turn around, and I force one foot after the other.
I hear her say after me, "Wait...I didn't mean it. Booth, wait!" She's vulnerable, turned inside out.
I don't wait.
Not anymore.
She's better without me.
I'm just holding her down, holding her back.
She shouldn't have to love me anymore.
She deserves more then my patched up brain.
More then my already broken heart.
What if I don't love her?
Walking away is better then the haunting of my feelings fading.
It's better for both of us.
"Booth, please." She says, a little louder. And I can still almost grasp her pain, in my rough hands.
I keep walking away.
I have betrayed her.
I have left her, just when the walls fall down, just like her father and her brother.
Except I'm not coming back, like they did.
No, I can't. I'll be like her mother, gone forever.
She has to get over me.
I close my eyes, and suddenly I bump into someone.
I open my eyes wearily, and try to look indifferent, but I feel the burning in my eyes.
I feel the burning in my chest. I feel the ache in my heart.
It's Dr. Sweets.
"I have my gun." I inform him, simply, so that he keeps his thoughts to himself.
My threat doesn't even faze the Dr. This time.
"I lied." He says. "The cat scans were fakes."
"Sweets"-I hear the venom, taste it, in my mouth.
"You're feelings aren't going anywhere." He clarifies.
"They're already gone." I lie.
I don't believe him.
"I know you think you're doing the right thing. But you are wrong. I lied. I'm sorry, but I thought Dr. Brennan was still clueless. I'm sorry. This is the wrong choice!" He almost screams.
I pulled my gun out. "I'm giving you 3 seconds, before I blow your head off." But I don't aim it at Sweets. Or anyone. It's just out there, in my hand.
"So you're going to make me 50 what? 55?"
"What are you talking about?" I ask; my voice is scratchy.
"The people you've killed. Hurt. People you've left. What's the number?"
The tears fall.
No matter how hard I close my eyes, they keep coming.
Dripping down my cheeks.
"That's none of your business, you damn kid. I hate you, and your probing. You son of a bitch."
"You are exactly your father."
I look at the floor, trying to get a grip.
I clenched my jaw, dab my eyes, and then the anger is coming back.
"No! I am not. No. Stop…take it back." I stammer; my voice cracks. It wavers.
"Okay. You're exactly her father."
"No."
"You're leaving." Sweets pointed out, at me. I know that. I know.
"I'm worse. He came back. I'm not. I won't dare. I'm…I don't- Take it back." My voice is still weak, and my gun is lowered, pointing at my foot. "I'm not going to break her heart."
"You're doing that right now. I just want to stop you. Why are you leaving?"
"The…it's going to fade. I feel it. It's weak. I'm…fading. I'm different. She deserves better."
"Better?"
"Not broken. Not…used, beaten. Broken." I look at Sweets, ashamed.
"She's broken too." He says.
"No. No. Damaged. She hasn't killed…that many people. She hasn't…I don't want it to fade, but it will." I whisper.
"Booth, this is a wedding, you've just wrecked it. And now you're walking away?"
"Yes." The word sounds out of place. "I am."
"Why?" Sweets is plain confused now. He wants to understand.
"Some times you've just got to settle for second best."
"But you don't. Don't you want that dream life? Don't you miss it?"
I don't answer; I just look back at my feet.
I hear how silent the room is, "It doesn't matter what I want. She doesn't believe me."
"So, what, you're going to switch partners? You realize that Dr. Temperance Brennan is the only person who truly knows you. She's your only hoping of recovering."
"But if I recover…it's all be the same. Partners. Friends. I don't want to ever stop feeling this. If I recover it will be over."
"But those feelings are real."
"I'm not the same."