How To....
Cook a Microwave Pizza
By Skye Rocket
Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter characters or anything else, except Aberdeen, Skye and THE STUDIO.
A/N: Weird, I guess. But I just wrote a depressing fic, so I'll snap myself out of a depressing state I'm in right now. Also, there are Italics in this fic, but they might not show up, so I put them in brackets, too.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
[Harry, Draco, Hermione, Ron, and Snape and all of a sudden on a large stage. There is a video camera on a stand about fifty feet away, and a girl in a tie-dyed Old Navy flag shirt and teddy bear pajama pants sits on a green and silver directors chair behind the camera. She's got a megaphone and there's a green and yellow parakeet sitting on her shoulder. She's happily babbling to the bird in a baby voice.]
Harry: Um, excuse me, who are you?
Skye: {to the bird} Good bird, Aberdeen! Have a cherry puff treat! *Feeds bird treat that looks suspiciously like a cheese puff. She notices the characters standing in front of her* Oh, good, you're here! *She claps her hands, not affecting the bird at all* And you look great!
Hermione: Where are we? And who are you?
Skye: I'm Skye! That's all you need to know. And you're in THE STUDIO!
All Characters: *give Skye blanks stares*
Draco: {muttering} Looks like someone escaped from St. Mungo's. *Snickers*
Skye: What was that?
Draco: Nothing.
Skye: Anywho, THE STUDIO is your new home for a while. And you are going to be filming announcements for the Public Service channel!
[Characters groan]
Ron: Why do these insane fanfic authors find it funny to torment us?
Snape: You're telling me. Why do I always get stuck here with these *scoffs* children?
Skye: *giggles* Ron, it's fun, and Snape, well, because you're an easy character to write for!
Draco: So anyway, can we just get this over with, Skye?
Skye: Oh, ok. *Pouts* I better get the cue cards. *Snaps fingers, making a stack of cards appear in her lap* Great! Now we can begin.
Ron: {whispering to Harry} Is it just me or is this Muggle one of the creepy ones?
Harry: Yep.
Skye: Places! *snaps fingers again, refrigerator, microwave and table appear* OK, Draco and Harry by the microwave, Hermione and Ron, directly behind the table and Snape, you're in front of the fridge.
[Characters take places. Malfoy kicks Harry so no one will see.]
Harry: Ow! Malfoy! Stop it!
Draco: But I didn't do it!
Skye: *getting unpleasant* Shut up! Let's proceed!
[Skye holds up the cue card. The first line is for Ron.]
Ron: *reading from card* Have you ever wanted to make a lovely, nice, microwaveable pizza? *Jumps forward*
Skye: *stops filming and picks up megaphone* CUT! What was that little jumping thing, Ron?
Ron: Well, I thought it'd be more dramatic and-
Skye: Well, DON'T!
[Draco cackles.]
Skye: *shoots death glare* Is something funny?
Draco: No, sir, I mean ma'am.
[Skye growls and hold up cue card again]
Skye: Remember, no funny business, Weasley!
*FILMING*
Ron: Have you ever wanted to make a lovely, nice, microwaveable pizza?
Harry: Now, you can!
Snape: *unenthusiastically* With these simple steps.
Draco: Just get a small pizza that is safe for microwaving.
[Snape opens fridge door and hits himself in the head with it accidentally]
Skye: *infuriated* CUT! What did you do, Snape?
Snape: It was an accident!
Skye: TWENTY points from Slytherin!
Draco: *yelling* You can't do that! You don't even go to Hogwarts!
Skye: I'm a fanfic writer! I can do ANYTHING I want! Wah ha ha ha ha!
[Everyone is creeped out. But they decide to keep filming.]
Draco: Just get a pizza that is safe for microwaving!
[Snape opens fridge door (successfully this time, I might add) and gets out a frozen pizza and gives it to Harry.]
Harry: So now, we unwrap it and throw away the wrapper, because we don't want the little youngsters in the home to choke on it.
Hermione: And we get a plastic plate that is safe for microwaves out of the cupboard.
[Hermione opens cupboard and pulls out Skye's old Cookie Monster doll.]
Skye: Holy- I mean CUT! I've been looking for that! *Aberdeen the parakeet flies into his cage across the room as Skye leaps out of her chair to get the doll* Wow! Thanks!
[Skye receives weird looks as she runs back to her chair, cuddling the doll.]
Skye: Okay, anyway, back to work!
*FILMING*
Hermione: Now get a plate that's safe for the microwave!
[Hands the plate to Draco]
Draco: Now put it on the plate and place it in the microwave for *squints at cue cards* twenty-five minutes for a lovely treat.
*FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER*
[Smoke is pouring out of the microwave. Skye is reading out of her math book to learn more about algebraic inequalities, Harry and Malfoy are comparing achievements, Hermione and Ron are arguing and Snape is sitting on the table, swinging his feet back and forth. Skye smells the smoke and looks up.]
Skye: Oh my god! *throws book across the room* Oh my god! *Sits Cookie Monster in the chair as she runs to open the microwave without noticing camera is still on*
Draco: Oh my-*faints*
Ron: *laughs at Draco*
Hermione: I think twenty minutes was too long, Skye!
Skye: Snape, get the fire extinguisher! *Douses flames with the extinguisher*
Harry: Wow, cool!
Skye: *notices camera is on* No, that was not cool. Kids, microwaving is dangerous. Always have an adult present, and your pizza won't look like this. *Holds up burnt, melted and scorched pizza* Always read the box. This pizza was put in for too long. *Looks at box* It needs to be in for about SEVEN minutes. Be careful.
Ron: Good advice.
[The makeshift kitchen is a huge mess. The trashcan is kicked over by Skye scrambling around, revealing pictures of Draco with hearts around them, smoke is all over, the smoke alarm in THE STUDIO is beeping like crazy, Draco is laying on the floor, out cold, and the pizza has started oozing onto the table.]
Harry: This has been a public service announcement.
[The whole cast watches as Aberdeen flies out of his cage and over to the camera, landing on the "off" button. Skye grins broadly.]
Skye: Yeah! Good job, you pretty, pretty birdy! *Jumping up and down*
All the Characters: *look at each other oddly*
Skye: Anyway, clean this up, and relax. *snaps fingers, making a bunch of bookshelves and a huge box of trading cards (mainly Pokemon) appear.* Be ready to shoot again tomorrow. {Talking to readers} Okay, that was odd. Please leave a review, and be ready for a new chapter too!
Cook a Microwave Pizza
By Skye Rocket
Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter characters or anything else, except Aberdeen, Skye and THE STUDIO.
A/N: Weird, I guess. But I just wrote a depressing fic, so I'll snap myself out of a depressing state I'm in right now. Also, there are Italics in this fic, but they might not show up, so I put them in brackets, too.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
[Harry, Draco, Hermione, Ron, and Snape and all of a sudden on a large stage. There is a video camera on a stand about fifty feet away, and a girl in a tie-dyed Old Navy flag shirt and teddy bear pajama pants sits on a green and silver directors chair behind the camera. She's got a megaphone and there's a green and yellow parakeet sitting on her shoulder. She's happily babbling to the bird in a baby voice.]
Harry: Um, excuse me, who are you?
Skye: {to the bird} Good bird, Aberdeen! Have a cherry puff treat! *Feeds bird treat that looks suspiciously like a cheese puff. She notices the characters standing in front of her* Oh, good, you're here! *She claps her hands, not affecting the bird at all* And you look great!
Hermione: Where are we? And who are you?
Skye: I'm Skye! That's all you need to know. And you're in THE STUDIO!
All Characters: *give Skye blanks stares*
Draco: {muttering} Looks like someone escaped from St. Mungo's. *Snickers*
Skye: What was that?
Draco: Nothing.
Skye: Anywho, THE STUDIO is your new home for a while. And you are going to be filming announcements for the Public Service channel!
[Characters groan]
Ron: Why do these insane fanfic authors find it funny to torment us?
Snape: You're telling me. Why do I always get stuck here with these *scoffs* children?
Skye: *giggles* Ron, it's fun, and Snape, well, because you're an easy character to write for!
Draco: So anyway, can we just get this over with, Skye?
Skye: Oh, ok. *Pouts* I better get the cue cards. *Snaps fingers, making a stack of cards appear in her lap* Great! Now we can begin.
Ron: {whispering to Harry} Is it just me or is this Muggle one of the creepy ones?
Harry: Yep.
Skye: Places! *snaps fingers again, refrigerator, microwave and table appear* OK, Draco and Harry by the microwave, Hermione and Ron, directly behind the table and Snape, you're in front of the fridge.
[Characters take places. Malfoy kicks Harry so no one will see.]
Harry: Ow! Malfoy! Stop it!
Draco: But I didn't do it!
Skye: *getting unpleasant* Shut up! Let's proceed!
[Skye holds up the cue card. The first line is for Ron.]
Ron: *reading from card* Have you ever wanted to make a lovely, nice, microwaveable pizza? *Jumps forward*
Skye: *stops filming and picks up megaphone* CUT! What was that little jumping thing, Ron?
Ron: Well, I thought it'd be more dramatic and-
Skye: Well, DON'T!
[Draco cackles.]
Skye: *shoots death glare* Is something funny?
Draco: No, sir, I mean ma'am.
[Skye growls and hold up cue card again]
Skye: Remember, no funny business, Weasley!
*FILMING*
Ron: Have you ever wanted to make a lovely, nice, microwaveable pizza?
Harry: Now, you can!
Snape: *unenthusiastically* With these simple steps.
Draco: Just get a small pizza that is safe for microwaving.
[Snape opens fridge door and hits himself in the head with it accidentally]
Skye: *infuriated* CUT! What did you do, Snape?
Snape: It was an accident!
Skye: TWENTY points from Slytherin!
Draco: *yelling* You can't do that! You don't even go to Hogwarts!
Skye: I'm a fanfic writer! I can do ANYTHING I want! Wah ha ha ha ha!
[Everyone is creeped out. But they decide to keep filming.]
Draco: Just get a pizza that is safe for microwaving!
[Snape opens fridge door (successfully this time, I might add) and gets out a frozen pizza and gives it to Harry.]
Harry: So now, we unwrap it and throw away the wrapper, because we don't want the little youngsters in the home to choke on it.
Hermione: And we get a plastic plate that is safe for microwaves out of the cupboard.
[Hermione opens cupboard and pulls out Skye's old Cookie Monster doll.]
Skye: Holy- I mean CUT! I've been looking for that! *Aberdeen the parakeet flies into his cage across the room as Skye leaps out of her chair to get the doll* Wow! Thanks!
[Skye receives weird looks as she runs back to her chair, cuddling the doll.]
Skye: Okay, anyway, back to work!
*FILMING*
Hermione: Now get a plate that's safe for the microwave!
[Hands the plate to Draco]
Draco: Now put it on the plate and place it in the microwave for *squints at cue cards* twenty-five minutes for a lovely treat.
*FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER*
[Smoke is pouring out of the microwave. Skye is reading out of her math book to learn more about algebraic inequalities, Harry and Malfoy are comparing achievements, Hermione and Ron are arguing and Snape is sitting on the table, swinging his feet back and forth. Skye smells the smoke and looks up.]
Skye: Oh my god! *throws book across the room* Oh my god! *Sits Cookie Monster in the chair as she runs to open the microwave without noticing camera is still on*
Draco: Oh my-*faints*
Ron: *laughs at Draco*
Hermione: I think twenty minutes was too long, Skye!
Skye: Snape, get the fire extinguisher! *Douses flames with the extinguisher*
Harry: Wow, cool!
Skye: *notices camera is on* No, that was not cool. Kids, microwaving is dangerous. Always have an adult present, and your pizza won't look like this. *Holds up burnt, melted and scorched pizza* Always read the box. This pizza was put in for too long. *Looks at box* It needs to be in for about SEVEN minutes. Be careful.
Ron: Good advice.
[The makeshift kitchen is a huge mess. The trashcan is kicked over by Skye scrambling around, revealing pictures of Draco with hearts around them, smoke is all over, the smoke alarm in THE STUDIO is beeping like crazy, Draco is laying on the floor, out cold, and the pizza has started oozing onto the table.]
Harry: This has been a public service announcement.
[The whole cast watches as Aberdeen flies out of his cage and over to the camera, landing on the "off" button. Skye grins broadly.]
Skye: Yeah! Good job, you pretty, pretty birdy! *Jumping up and down*
All the Characters: *look at each other oddly*
Skye: Anyway, clean this up, and relax. *snaps fingers, making a bunch of bookshelves and a huge box of trading cards (mainly Pokemon) appear.* Be ready to shoot again tomorrow. {Talking to readers} Okay, that was odd. Please leave a review, and be ready for a new chapter too!